I need some advice on what to do about my daughter first grade teacher.

[Daveid]

I need some advice on what to do about my daughter first grade teacher.

This is the first time my daughter has been in a classroom setting, never attended preschool and kindergarten was done virtually last year. She just started first grade on the 19^th of August and I sent her teacher an email before school started explaining I was a bit nervous on how my daughter would cope as this is her first time stepping foot in a classroom and she re-assured me it would be okay as they would take it slow.

Since school started I have been receiving at least two phone calls every week from the teacher about bad choices my daughter is making in school. These calls are starting to trouble me as I can see some lies in some of them.

She has called me for things like

My daughter does not shut the toilet door when she goes to pee

Did not wash her hands after using the toilet

Taking her mask off

They had the NWEA MAP test a couple of weeks ago and she called me the same day to say my daughter kept laughing in class during the test and she wasn’t reading the questions just selecting random answers. I did not believe this as I know my daughter will sit there and stare at a question she doesn’t understand and not answer it wrongly. The result for the MAP teat came out and my daughter’s scores were in the gifted range in both Math and Reading. I don’t think someone would score that high on a test if they were selecting random answers.

She has also called me to say my daughter spilled water in class and I kept wondering during to call if it is a big deal for a 6 year old to spill water, I asked my daughter when she got home and she said I mistakenly spilled water during PE

Then a couple of days ago I got another call that my daughter took off her mask and spit on a classmate I was a bit shocked at this as I know my 6 year old daughter does not know how to spit, I brush her teeth every morning and when I ask her to spit she just opens her moth and let the water pour out.

When I picked her up from school the first thing I did was ask her to spit in a napkin and she pushed her lips forward and said I don’t know how to.  When I asked her what happened in school and why she took off her mask she said her classmate had pencil shavings in her hair and she went over to help her blow it off so her hair would look nice again. I was heartbroken that this teacher had just told a lie on a 6 year old child.

 

When I went to pick up my daughter the teacher walked her to the car and I told her I heard my daughter had been a naughty girl in school today and she just cut me off and said she doesn’t like to use such language in school and she would rather use good choice of bad choice and she shut the door and walked off, I was stunned.

I am thinking of complaining to the principal and demanding a change of class or withdrawing my daughter and homeschooling her. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks

[HomeAgain]

You have no facts here.  I mean, you do, but you are choosing to believe one thing without verification rather than making the choice to understand the issue more fully.  You automatically decided the teacher was lying and your daughter was not, but you aren't there and have not tried to get a perspective from anyone else to verify either stance.

So, sure, you can complain to the principal.  I'm sure a change of class might benefit both your daughter and the teacher at this point.  But I don't think you have a leg to stand on if you go in there with just what you think is how things happened.

The one thing about school is it often requires a parent to work with a teacher.  Missing from your story is how you are addressing the behavioral expectations with your daughter.  You're heartbroken that the teacher would "lie about taking her mask off" but you don't talk to your daughter about how it's important to keep it on?  When you know your daughter took her mask off to blow on another kid's head?  But you assume that the teacher is lying?

There's a lot that doesn't make sense here. 

[Lori D.]

Since this is a homeschooling forum, we probably won't be able to help much with issues arising in a classroom. I'd suggest looking at the school's website to find out what the process is for addressing issues and concerns. Good luck!

Edited September 19, 2021 by Lori D.

[Lori D.]

4 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

...There's a lot that doesn't make sense here. 

First time poster with an odd post, I usually assume a bot or a troll... 😉 

[Daveid]

5 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

You have no facts here.  I mean, you do, but you are choosing to believe one thing without verification rather than making the choice to understand the issue more fully.  You automatically decided the teacher was lying and your daughter was not, but you aren't there and have not tried to get a perspective from anyone else to verify either stance.

So, sure, you can complain to the principal.  I'm sure a change of class might benefit both your daughter and the teacher at this point.  But I don't think you have a leg to stand on if you go in there with just what you think is how things happened.

The one thing about school is it often requires a parent to work with a teacher.  Missing from your story is how you are addressing the behavioral expectations with your daughter.  You're heartbroken that the teacher would "lie about taking her mask off" but you don't talk to your daughter about how it's important to keep it on?  When you know your daughter took her mask off to blow on another kid's head?  But you assume that the teacher is lying?

There's a lot that doesn't make sense here. 

You probably did not read all i wrote or have already chosen to take the teachers side.

I will l once more list the things you failed to address in your reply.

The teacher accused my daughter of not reading the question on the Map test and just selecting random answers and when the results came out my daughters scores were in the gifted range. 95 percentile on the Math test and 97 percentile on the reading. Do you see any problem here?

We are talking about a 6 year old 1st graders here that did kindergarten virtually, taking their masks off should be expected and should not be something to call parents about. Her job is to teach and correct kids and not call me at work with such.

I never said she lied about my daughter taking off her mask, it is expected that a 6 year old would get carried away and take off her mask.

The same teacher called me sometime last week to ask why i didn't put enough food in my daughter lunch box and my daughter ate all her food and is not starving in school. When my daughter came back home i looked her lunch box and she only had one pretzel from her lunch box, caprisun untouched, chocolate drink untouched sandwich untouched. If this is not a lie i don't know what is.

 

[Daveid]

1 hour ago, Lori D. said:

Since this is a homeschooling forum, we probably won't be able to help much with issues arising in a classroom. I'd suggest looking at the school's website to find out what the process is for addressing issues and concerns. Good luck!

Thanks for the advise

[Daveid]

1 hour ago, Lori D. said:

First time poster with an odd post, I usually assume a bot or a troll... 😉 

Not a bot or troll. I haven't had peace this weekend as I'm pulling my hair out trying to figure out what my next move will be.

[HomeAgain]

25 minutes ago, Daveid said:

You probably did not read all i wrote or have already chosen to take the teachers side.

I will l once more list the things you failed to address in your reply.

The teacher accused my daughter of not reading the question on the Map test and just selecting random answers and when the results came out my daughters scores were in the gifted range. 95 percentile on the Math test and 97 percentile on the reading. Do you see any problem here?

We are talking about a 6 year old 1st graders here that did kindergarten virtually, taking their masks off should be expected and should not be something to call parents about. Her job is to teach and correct kids and not call me at work with such.

I never said she lied about my daughter taking off her mask, it is expected that a 6 year old would get carried away and take off her mask.

The same teacher called me sometime last week to ask why i didn't put enough food in my daughter lunch box and my daughter ate all her food and is not starving in school. When my daughter came back home i looked her lunch box and she only had one pretzel from her lunch box, caprisun untouched, chocolate drink untouched sandwich untouched. If this is not a lie i don't know what is.

 

No, I haven't chosen to take anyone's side.  You've chosen to use incendiary language instead of an opportunity to see both sides.  You automatically assume the teacher is lying, has it out for your daughter, etc.  You've also chosen not to address behavior with your daughter.  If the teacher's calling about a mask, you can probably bet it's not the first time it's happened or that there are more concerns.  If there's the accusation of spitting, you want to find out how that was handled with the other child.  But you don't wish to know about that, so you assume the teacher is terrible at her job.

About lunch, many teachers eat lunch at the same time as their students, and come back after the lunch break.  Regardless of what was IN the lunchbox, do you think the teacher was working with a hungry kid one afternoon who says she didn't have enough to eat?  I don't understand your stance that a child ate one pretzel and is not starving. 

You have better opportunities here to create a bridge between home and school.  It's kind of your job to do so and get all the information when you have a kid in a different learning environment than at home. 

 

[Daveid]

At this point I'm starting to think you are the teacher in question.  My daughter has been in 1st grade for just 16 days and I believe it is expected that a 6 year old will take off their mask and it is the teachers responsibility to ask them to put it back on. There is nothing behavioral about  a 6 year old having difficulty in keeping their mask on for all 6 hours of school. This happened a lot with other kids during virtual kindergarten but i saw her kindergarten teacher (a very nice woman whom i still have a very goo relationship with) tell the kids taking their mask off to put it back so they can stay healthy. 

You still haven't told me how my daughter would score very high on the test if she wasn't reading the question and just randomly selecting answers

It is obvious you have nothing constructive to offer so it is better you stop responding.  If you have kids you would understand how young a 6 year old still is. Some of them just stopped wearing diapers about 3 years ago.

[Tree Frog]

10 hours ago, Daveid said:

I need some advice on what to do about my daughter first grade teacher.

This is the first time my daughter has been in a classroom setting, never attended preschool and kindergarten was done virtually last year. She just started first grade on the 19^th of August and I sent her teacher an email before school started explaining I was a bit nervous on how my daughter would cope as this is her first time stepping foot in a classroom and she re-assured me it would be okay as they would take it slow.

Since school started I have been receiving at least two phone calls every week from the teacher about bad choices my daughter is making in school. These calls are starting to trouble me as I can see some lies in some of them.

She has called me for things like

My daughter does not shut the toilet door when she goes to pee

Did not wash her hands after using the toilet

Taking her mask off

They had the NWEA MAP test a couple of weeks ago and she called me the same day to say my daughter kept laughing in class during the test and she wasn’t reading the questions just selecting random answers. I did not believe this as I know my daughter will sit there and stare at a question she doesn’t understand and not answer it wrongly. The result for the MAP teat came out and my daughter’s scores were in the gifted range in both Math and Reading. I don’t think someone would score that high on a test if they were selecting random answers.

She has also called me to say my daughter spilled water in class and I kept wondering during to call if it is a big deal for a 6 year old to spill water, I asked my daughter when she got home and she said I mistakenly spilled water during PE

Then a couple of days ago I got another call that my daughter took off her mask and spit on a classmate I was a bit shocked at this as I know my 6 year old daughter does not know how to spit, I brush her teeth every morning and when I ask her to spit she just opens her moth and let the water pour out.

When I picked her up from school the first thing I did was ask her to spit in a napkin and she pushed her lips forward and said I don’t know how to.  When I asked her what happened in school and why she took off her mask she said her classmate had pencil shavings in her hair and she went over to help her blow it off so her hair would look nice again. I was heartbroken that this teacher had just told a lie on a 6 year old child.

 

When I went to pick up my daughter the teacher walked her to the car and I told her I heard my daughter had been a naughty girl in school today and she just cut me off and said she doesn’t like to use such language in school and she would rather use good choice of bad choice and she shut the door and walked off, I was stunned.

I am thinking of complaining to the principal and demanding a change of class or withdrawing my daughter and homeschooling her. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks

I'm a sub who was in a long term job when school began. Most of my long term jobs over the years have been pre k and 1st. We homeschooled for 6 years, beginning in my dd's 4th grade year for similar reasons. I've dealt with the teacher as parents and with parents as the teacher.

Based on what I saw during my first 3 weeks of school this year, teachers are pulling out their hair because ALL the younger students are having similar problems. They're needing to learn the difference between home behavior and school behavior. Is it possible the teacher is contacting you to ask for your assistance in helping your daughter transition to school? For example, teaching your dd to close the door when she goes to the bathroom and washing hand after is pretty standard school behavior, but not necessarily at home. Likewise, wearing a mask isn't something all families support. It's possible your dd isn't used to wearing a mask 8 hours a day. Is that something you could work with her on at home? I know it seems crazy to ask your dd to wear a mask at home, but if it will help a teacher, I would practice doing it and talk about why she's practicing. If those are things you can do to help the teacher (and class) out, I would do it.

It also sounds like the teacher is overwhelmed transitioning 20+ students at the same time. She could be a little friendlier. Some of the things she's mentioned to you sound like things that should be handled in the classroom.

Have you asked her to describe the circumstances and inconsistencies between what she's telling you and what your dd is telling you? I would ask, not in an attacking, angry mode, but in a fact finding mode. Is she observing these instances herself? It's possible another nearby student saw her blow the shavings out of her hair and felt some spray. Student may have told Teacher your dd spit on her. Tell Teacher you're confused when she says she didn't get enough lunch, but most of her lunch is still in her lunchbox at the end of the day. See what she says. Explain that you're not too concerned with how she took the test because she scored so well on it. Ask Teacher if this is cause for concern?

You both want what's best for the child. Go on a fact finding mission. Have a conversation. If the teacher won't talk to you directly, ask if admin can help. Don't take what Teacher says personally, but ask for further clarification if things aren't clear. Be professional. You don't want to be THAT DAD who can't handle hearing things about his dd's school behavior and blames everything on the school. I dealt with a dad like that this year. He was incredibly offensive the first time I met him and anytime his son fell down and got a scratch. ("You must not have enough supervision to prevent my son from getting hurt. Just tell me if you can't handle so many students and I'll send him to a different school." He was expecting the same kind of one on one supervision his nanny could provide. One example of this dad's behavior. There was always something he was unhappy about every day that I would hear about.)

If this were my situation, I would give school another month or two. I understand what your concern is. This is an abnormal year, though, and I think a little grace should be given all the way around.

[Tree Frog]

27 minutes ago, Daveid said:

At this point I'm starting to think you are the teacher in question.  My daughter has been in 1st grade for just 16 days and I believe it is expected that a 6 year old will take off their mask and it is the teachers responsibility to ask them to put it back on. There is nothing behavioral about  a 6 year old having difficulty in keeping their mask on for all 6 hours of school. This happened a lot with other kids during virtual kindergarten but i saw her kindergarten teacher (a very nice woman whom i still have a very goo relationship with) tell the kids taking their mask off to put it back so they can stay healthy. 

You still haven't told me how my daughter would score very high on the test if she wasn't reading the question and just randomly selecting answers

It is obvious you have nothing constructive to offer so it is better you stop responding.  If you have kids you would understand how young a 6 year old still is. Some of them just stopped wearing diapers about 3 years ago.

If you speak to a teacher the way you speak to a random person trying to offer a different perspective (that we all thought you asked for), you're already labeled THAT DAD at the school. You get more flies with honey than vinegar. There's no need to be rude.

We have an acronym here, JAWM, Just Agree With Me, that might be appropriate here. If you don't want to hear different opinions, that should be put in your first post. You've come to a homeschooling board to ask for information about a situation many people here aren't familiar with. 

That said, you're also going through a transition where you have to decide if you'll trust the school to take care of your dd. The school can't do the same things you can at home, just like there are things the school can do for your dd that you can't the same way at home. No, it's not unreasonable to ask a 6 yo student to put  their mask back on. However, if the teacher is asking 20 students to do put their masks back on, there can't be much teaching happening. There's also nothing wrong with the teacher asking if you can help your dd learn how to keep it on. 

[Daveid]

31 minutes ago, wilrunner said:

I'm a sub who was in a long term job when school began. Most of my long term jobs over the years have been pre k and 1st. We homeschooled for 6 years, beginning in my dd's 4th grade year for similar reasons. I've dealt with the teacher as parents and with parents as the teacher.

Based on what I saw during my first 3 weeks of school this year, teachers are pulling out their hair because ALL the younger students are having similar problems. They're needing to learn the difference between home behavior and school behavior. Is it possible the teacher is contacting you to ask for your assistance in helping your daughter transition to school? For example, teaching your dd to close the door when she goes to the bathroom and washing hand after is pretty standard school behavior, but not necessarily at home. Likewise, wearing a mask isn't something all families support. It's possible your dd isn't used to wearing a mask 8 hours a day. Is that something you could work with her on at home? I know it seems crazy to ask your dd to wear a mask at home, but if it will help a teacher, I would practice doing it and talk about why she's practicing. If those are things you can do to help the teacher (and class) out, I would do it.

It also sounds like the teacher is overwhelmed transitioning 20+ students at the same time. She could be a little friendlier. Some of the things she's mentioned to you sound like things that should be handled in the classroom.

Have you asked her to describe the circumstances and inconsistencies between what she's telling you and what your dd is telling you? I would ask, not in an attacking, angry mode, but in a fact finding mode. Is she observing these instances herself? It's possible another nearby student saw her blow the shavings out of her hair and felt some spray. Student may have told Teacher your dd spit on her. Tell Teacher you're confused when she says she didn't get enough lunch, but most of her lunch is still in her lunchbox at the end of the day. See what she says. Explain that you're not too concerned with how she took the test because she scored so well on it. Ask Teacher if this is cause for concern?

You both want what's best for the child. Go on a fact finding mission. Have a conversation. If the teacher won't talk to you directly, ask if admin can help. Don't take what Teacher says personally, but ask for further clarification if things aren't clear. Be professional. You don't want to be THAT DAD who can't handle hearing things about his dd's school behavior and blames everything on the school. I dealt with a dad like that this year. He was incredibly offensive the first time I met him and anytime his son fell down and got a scratch. ("You must not have enough supervision to prevent my son from getting hurt. Just tell me if you can't handle so many students and I'll send him to a different school." He was expecting the same kind of one on one supervision his nanny could provide. One example of this dad's behavior. There was always something he was unhappy about every day that I would hear about.)

If this were my situation, I would give school another month or two. I understand what your concern is. This is an abnormal year, though, and I think a little grace should be given all the way around.

Thank you very much for your response, I really appreciate your view, you've made me look at things from another perspective.

I have no issues with my daughter wearing a mask the whole school day, I am fully vaccinated and she isn't. 

She has had heart surgery and was in the hospital for 3 months at birth so trust me i am not fooling around one inch with mask wearing as I don't want to experience hospital trips again. 

Your message made me feel better and i would give the teacher a call tomorrow.

Thanks

[Tree Frog]

9 minutes ago, Daveid said:

Thank you very much for your response, I really appreciate your view, you've made me look at things from another perspective.

I have no issues with my daughter wearing a mask the whole school day, I am fully vaccinated and she isn't. 

She has had heart surgery and was in the hospital for 3 months at birth so trust me i am not fooling around one inch with mask wearing as I don't want to experience hospital trips again. 

Your message made me feel better and i would give the teacher a call tomorrow.

Thanks

You're welcome. I hope the meeting goes well and you and the teacher are able to work together to make this year a successful year for your daughter. 

[SKL]

I think you need to differentiate between "eyeroll moments," home teaching expectations, and serious issues.

I don't know why the teacher is calling instead of using other communication methods.  Honestly, it would bug me a lot if I got calls about all those things - unless I had previously requested that type of communication.  It makes everything feel like such a big deal.  Some of the "reports" are just not that important IMO.  I can't hear the teacher's tone, but if I received a call to inform me that my kid seemed disinterested in her standardized test, or seemed to not have food when she in fact did have food, I would roll my eyes and move on.

Some of the reports sound like requests for the parent to support certain things at home in order to make things go better at school.  Things like closing the bathroom door, hand washing, keeping the mask on, and similar.  IMO these don't require a response to the teacher, but should prompt conversations etc. with the child.

The "spitting" incident seems to require a response.  I might send an email saying something like "thank you for letting me know about my daughter's face mask incident yesterday.  I spoke to her and she said that she did remove her face mask, but that her purpose was to blow some dirt off her classmate's hair.  I have spoken to her to encourage her to keep her facemask on and not take any actions that would result in her breath or saliva touching another student."

Not really sure which category the water spilling falls into, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over that.  🙂

I had some interesting moments with my eldest when she was in 1st grade.  One thing I learned is that you really can't believe everything the teacher OR the student says.  Not because the teacher is bad.  Most likely the teacher is just unable to know exactly what's going on in each child's head and hands and vicinity.  Though sometimes teachers can be a little ridiculous too.  🙂  But I'd give the benefit of the doubt in general.

[kiwik]

On 9/20/2021 at 6:40 AM, Daveid said:

At this point I'm starting to think you are the teacher in question.  My daughter has been in 1st grade for just 16 days and I believe it is expected that a 6 year old will take off their mask and it is the teachers responsibility to ask them to put it back on. There is nothing behavioral about  a 6 year old having difficulty in keeping their mask on for all 6 hours of school. This happened a lot with other kids during virtual kindergarten but i saw her kindergarten teacher (a very nice woman whom i still have a very goo relationship with) tell the kids taking their mask off to put it back so they can stay healthy. 

You still haven't told me how my daughter would score very high on the test if she wasn't reading the question and just randomly selecting answers

It is obvious you have nothing constructive to offer so it is better you stop responding.  If you have kids you would understand how young a 6 year old still is. Some of them just stopped wearing diapers about 3 years ago.

Generally when six year olds test the teachers read the questions out loud (or the computer does).  This would actually explain a lot of staring and seemingly random behaviour as it can seem painfully slow for any child in about the top 25%.  Laughing may at the questions.  On the other hand while all the behaviours you have mentioned seem trivial the teacher may be trying to draw your attention to an underlying concern rather than being concerned about each incident.  Set up a meeting with the teacher and in the meantime talk to her about shutting doors, washing hands and keeping masks on.  Having not been in school before she may just need more explicit instructions.

ETA.  Teachers are pretty busy so the probably didn't contact you the first, second or third time they talked to your daughter about it.  Also it is possible it is the teacher that is the problem.  I homeschool one of my kids to protect him from teachers who don't understand ASD or have time to help.

Edited September 20, 2021 by kiwik