Jump to content

Menu

Gabby Petito


Scarlett
 Share

Recommended Posts

14 minutes ago, Spryte said:

I’ve been following this, too. Very sad. 
 

And that other newly wed couple, too, who encountered them. It all just feels so very sad.

Oh I had not heard that.  I really just heard about it this morning on the news. Her parents have a huge Gofund me......they are in WY searching for her.  A needle in a haystack I fear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Oh I had not heard that.  I really just heard about it this morning on the news. Her parents have a huge Gofund me......they are in WY searching for her.  A needle in a haystack I fear.

The two situations are not officially connected, but so close together that it feels weird. Here is one article that touches on both (it’s Fox, not my usual news source, but I think you can find many, it was just the first to pop up when I googled): https://news.google.com/articles/CAIiEKVuMvHY0YLk8nuyFmqjSrgqGQgEKhAIACoHCAowwL2ICzCckocDMP2lqQY?hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US%3Aen

I have had a lot of traveling couple-friends, so this story got my attention. I hope she gets home safely.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Two weeks before she disappeared, they were in Utah - and someone called the police because they were concerned.  There is video of them interviewing a VERY upset Gabby, as they're asking her why she attacked her boyfriend.  They'd been fighting, and she was angry he kept telling her to calm down. (I don't know what preceded that, triggered the upset.)

She could have left at that point -  she could hopped on a plane and gone home.  (This isn't victim blaming, this is an example of a flag/opportunity to get out of a deteriorating situation that was missed.   very sad.)

Bodycam footage shows cops asking Gabby Petito why she SLAPPED boyfriend days before she vanished | Daily Mail Online

I haven't had time to read this - as we have houseguests and we're heading out again for the day.

her boyfriend might as well start talking now - the longer he's quiet, the worse he looks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It’s funny, I often have intuition about these things.  When I heard about Mollie Tibbets my first thought was “She’s dead in a cornfield and she’ll be found before harvest.”  But with this case I’ve got nothing but a general feeling of dark dread. What makes you sure she’s dead @Scarlett?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

Two weeks before she disappeared, they were in Utah - and someone called the police because they were concerned.  There is video of them interviewing a VERY upset Gabby, as they're asking her why she attacked her boyfriend.  They'd been fighting, and she was angry he kept telling her to calm down. (I don't know what preceded that, triggered the upset.)

She could have left at that point -  she could hopped on a plane and gone home.  (This isn't victim blaming, this is an example of a flag/opportunity to get out of a deteriorating situation that was missed.   very sad.)

Bodycam footage shows cops asking Gabby Petito why she SLAPPED boyfriend days before she vanished | Daily Mail Online

I haven't had time to read this - as we have houseguests and we're heading out again for the day.

her boyfriend might as well start talking now - the longer he's quiet, the worse he looks.

"She could have left." I'm sorry, but that is victim blaming. And stomach turning. We all know it's a sad situation. 

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

47 minutes ago, Katy said:

It’s funny, I often have intuition about these things.  When I heard about Mollie Tibbets my first thought was “She’s dead in a cornfield and she’ll be found before harvest.”  But with this case I’ve got nothing but a general feeling of dark dread. What makes you sure she’s dead @Scarlett?

Well, I felt it immediately when  heard the story this morning and only feel it MORE now that I  have read up on it a bit.

1) It was her van.  

2) She was in very regular contact with her parents and other family.  And documenting on IG and other social media.  Her last Facetime with her mother was August 25th.  (I think)  That is 22 days ago.  I believe if she were alive she would have contacted her family by  now.  

3) Boyfriend's refusal to talk.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Idalou said:

"She could have left." I'm sorry, but that is victim blaming. And stomach turning. We all know it's a sad situation. 

We do a lot of teaching kids to ignore their guts.  Girls are taught to be polite.  Supposedly he took her phone so she couldn't call/text her mom.  She was probably being gaslighted.  I'd assume that's why she was so upset. But there was probably plenty before that.

 

He needs to start talking. 

We need to teach our kids to be aware, and willing to walk away.  Listen to our guts.

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

31 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

We do a lot of teaching kids to ignore their guts.  Girls are taught to be polite.  Supposedly he took her phone so she couldn't call/text her mom.  She was probably being gaslighted.  I'd assume that's why she was so upset. But there was probably plenty before that.

 

He needs to start talking. 

We need to teach our kids to be aware, and willing to walk away.  Listen to our guts.

I do also believe that our culture has been so male first/man is everything dominated for so long, women have been taught to ignore their better judgment. I have no idea if that happened in this case. There are so many things that could be at play here.

Edited out my previous comments on police, because so just red looked at the article, and I don't thinkt he source wad good. I thought I clicked on a news agency, and instead, accidentally clicked on a tabloid so it was probably nothing but stupid conjecture. Sorry everyone!

Edited by Faith-manor
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Faith-manor said:

I do also believe that our culture has been so male first/man is everything dominated for so long, women have been taught to ignore their better judgment. I have no idea if that happened in this case. There are so many things that could be at play here.

I read an article about the police report in Moab. Here is where I have some serious issues. They could CLEARLY see and clearly stated that she appeared to be having a mental health crisis. The officer stated he was VERY concerned about her. They recommended that the two of them spend the night apart, but then left , no intervention, no follow up. Well first of all, cops are not social workers, cops are not therapists, cops are not psychologists or psychiatrists. They should have taken her away from him for help. Deeming here okay to stay with him was NOT their call. Let the professionals handle that.

They could have taken her to the ER for a psych eval, they could have called the PD psychiatrist or psychologist, they could have called the emergency number of community mental health to be patched through to the on call counselor. Any number of things, and they could have driven her to a motel without him and made sure she had her phone. She told them he took her phone away from her. They did not intervene, and the situation was fraught, she was obviously in a very distressed state. So much for protect and serve. Maybe Utah has zero protective laws in place, but yikes! At least demand the phone, hand it to her, and have her make a call to her parents, a friend, the mental health hotline, something. Anything. I totally blame the responding officers for walking away and doing exactly nothing. And they knew he had the car keys. So how was she supposed to go spend a night away from him if not provided transportation or if they didn't remove him? 

Part of me wonders if he was setting this up as a defense…..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

I do also believe that our culture has been so male first/man is everything dominated for so long, women have been taught to ignore their better judgment. I have no idea if that happened in this case. There are so many things that could be at play here.

I read an article about the police report in Moab. Here is where I have some serious issues. They could CLEARLY see and clearly stated that she appeared to be having a mental health crisis. The officer stated he was VERY concerned about her. They recommended that the two of them spend the night apart, but then left , no intervention, no follow up. Well first of all, cops are not social workers, cops are not therapists, cops are not psychologists or psychiatrists. They should have taken her away from him for help. Deeming here okay to stay with him was NOT their call. Let the professionals handle that.

They could have taken her to the ER for a psych eval, they could have called the PD psychiatrist or psychologist, they could have called the emergency number of community mental health to be patched through to the on call counselor. Any number of things, and they could have driven her to a motel without him and made sure she had her phone. She told them he took her phone away from her. They did not intervene, and the situation was fraught, she was obviously in a very distressed state. So much for protect and serve. Maybe Utah has zero protective laws in place, but yikes! At least demand the phone, hand it to her, and have her make a call to her parents, a friend, the mental health hotline, something. Anything. I totally blame the responding officers for walking away and doing exactly nothing. And they knew he had the car keys. So how was she supposed to go spend a night away from him if not provided transportation or if they didn't remove him? 

She stayed in the van and he went to a hotel room.  Are you saying he took the keys to the hotel room?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

4 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I am at work and I can't hear that video......does anyone know what she was saying to the police?

She starts by saying she has really bad OCD, leading into talking about cleaning up the van and apologizing to her partner for being 'mean' about cleanliness and such when she's in a bad mood. She says that, earlier in the morning, he didn't want to let her in the van because she needed to calm down. 

Then she goes to sit in the cop car and they talk to the boyfriend. He talks about her getting 'worked up' all the time and that he tries to get some distance at those times. The cop asks about the scratches on his face and hands; he says that the marks on his face are from her hitting him with a cell phone in her hand, but the other marks are from something else. He says that going up on the curb (when the cops were pulling them over) was due to her grabbing the steering wheel. 

They talk to her again and she admits slapping him in the face.  They ask if he hit her, and she indicates that he grabbed her chin to talk to her. She says she has a lot of anxiety.

They talk to him again about the disagreement. He says he did not hit her but pushed her away as she was hitting him in the face. 

Back to her. The cop tells her to "think very carefully about this answer" and asks why she was hitting and slapping him. She says the reason was to get him to quit telling her to calm down, which . . . eek. The cop then says (to another cop?) that "it doesn't sound like she was attempting to injure him, it's your call." He is obviously going to great lengths to NOT take her in and they then show him telling her she will not be charged, he is "choosing" not to charge her (and he very clearly does not want to, even though he probably should have). He tells her they have to be separated for the night. She says she doesn't usually drive the van (although it's hers) and hopes it isn't far. 

Back to him: can't hear what he says at first, one of the cops fist bumps him, the other says let's get you a ride, and the cop tells him that she sends her love and good nights, but that they did not tell her where he would be for the night. 

That may not be perfectly in order, but that's the gist. I actually don't think she sounds very upset. She sounds "off" for sure, but she's really quite calm, isn't crying. I'd be curious to compare her usual voice and tone to this video. 

I think her anxiety was getting out of control and they should have aborted the trip. I think the cops being 'nice' by not citing her for domestic violence. may have led to far worse consequences. 

I hope the boyfriend is lining up a plea deal or something and comes forth with the truth. If nothing had happened, I don't see why he would have come home and then refused to talk to her parents. 

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Scarlett said:

She stayed in the van and he went to a hotel room.  Are you saying he took the keys to the hotel room?

That is what I read. But, I just realized that the "article" was not from the source I thought it was so it might not be accurate, and is instead conjecture. I clicked on one I thought was from a regular news agency, and just found out it was a tabloid, so I am going to go delete that.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Faith-manor said:

That is what I read. But, I just realized that the "article" was not from the source I thought it was so it might not be accurate, and is instead conjecture. I clicked on one I thought was from a regular news agency, and just found out it was a tabloid, so I am going to go delete that.

Right. She had the van keys and presumably her phone, and they gave him a ride to a hotel. 

I do agree that she seemed very off and that they should have done more than be 'nice' by not citing her (because she was definitely the one who would have been cited for dv). The cop gave her a tremendous clue about how to respond, and she still said she was hitting and slapping him because he was telling her to calm down.  Taking her in might have been the best thing they could have done for her. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Gabby slapped him, admitted to it and it was witnessed by whoever called it in.  So I assume the officer was attempting to not send her to jail by getting them to agree to spend the night apart.

I just can't wrap my head around that. Because just from a domestic violence situation, what about his safety? They can't just assume she wouldn't hurt him either. I mean maybe an arrest on an assault charge would have ended with a psychiatrist or psychologist doing an evaluation and she might have shared exactly what was going on. It just seems so wrong to say, take a break for the night and hope for the best. Sigh. I mean, it isn't like women are never violent. So many things going around in my head. Like you, Scarlett. I have this sinking feeling she is not going to be found alive. I hope I am wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, how this played out is why I really wish we spent more resources for mental health and domestic violence training for Leos, but actually maybe had fewer Leos, and more social workers and counselors. Ideally, every PD would have some so that officers could just not have to make these judgment calls, and let the pros talk to people. I think of so many mentally ill people who have been killed or beaten because the responding officers were not properly trained and didn't travel to these calls with mental health professionals. I would just really support a big change in how community policing works and provide Leos with the right people to help them do the serve part better.

Edited by Faith-manor
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You guys know how DV works, right? Psychological torture until you snap and suddenly, you're the bad one? 

Maybe cool it on the 'what about his safety?' She's the one who is missing, right? He's the one safe at home with Mom and Dad? 

 

 

Edited by Melissa Louise
Removed personal details
  • Like 14
  • Thanks 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

You guys know how DV works, right? Psychological torture until you snap and suddenly, you're the bad one? 

It was me, not my ex, who (on a single occasion, slapped) in an incident so painful I literally can't recall it. That slap was held over me for a loooong time and was used to coerce me to stay. 

Maybe cool it on the 'what about his safety?' She's the one who is missing, right? He's the one safe at home with Mom and Dad? 

 

 

Domestic violence works in many ways, not just the one way you experienced.

Faith-manor brought up his safety in more of a general way. If the police see visible injuries on one person, and there is a witness plus a confession by her that did not involve self-defense, then they should indeed be concerned for his safety. The point is that bringing her in for it, as protocol almost certainly called for, might have actually been the best choice for her. The police did not know the past or the future.   

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, katilac said:

She's young, blonde, and pretty. The boyfriend probably said he was okay with not charging her. 

I think I read that they both said they were in love, engaged to be married and did not want to see any one go to jail or be charged.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

25 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

The overwhelmingly common context in which an anxious, confused woman will retaliate, for those interested:

https://speakoutloud.net/helping-victims-survivors/crazymaking-gaslighting/coping-strategies

Scroll down to 'victims may become angry/abusive'. 

I hope Gabby is found alive. 

Yes, I don't think any of us are arguing against this point.......I think we are just surprised that they didn't take her in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

39 minutes ago, katilac said:

Domestic violence works in many ways, not just the one way you experienced.

Faith-manor brought up his safety in more of a general way. If the police see visible injuries on one person, and there is a witness plus a confession by her that did not involve self-defense, then they should indeed be concerned for his safety. The point is that bringing her in for it, as protocol almost certainly called for, might have actually been the best choice for her. The police did not know the past or the future.   

Yes, I was mentioning this from the simple perspective of police work. They didn't know. Why leave it to chance? Let the professional counselors and advocates sort it out. That is what I was saying. I am not casting aspersions on her, but on a system that just perpetually does not make judgments based on health and well being, and has far too many preconceived, incorrect notions about mental health and domestic violence. This was not about saying she was the "bad" one. They didn't know what they didn't know. Instead of assuming, there should have been a policy that they seek out the professionals to intervene and see if they can determine what is up. Had that happened, there is a chance we would not be here grieving the fact that we don't think she will be found alive.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

29 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Yes, I don't think any of us are arguing against this point.......I think we are just surprised that they didn't take her in.

Yes, thank you. This exactly! My beef is with the cops making a judgment call that they don't have the training or expertise to make.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Idalou said:

"She could have left." I'm sorry, but that is victim blaming. And stomach turning. We all know it's a sad situation. 

If you watched the police bodycam, they determined that HE was the victim of domestic violence and were charging Gabby. The police even thought that he was protecting her from being charged by saying he swerved because she grabbed the steering wheel although she admitted she was punching him. I think it's not going to end well for her and that he has something to do with it, but there is one other possibility with that in mind. What if she killed the other couple and is in hiding and he's staying silent to protect her? I wonder if the other couple were the ones who called the police to report the domestic violence incident.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, mom2scouts said:

If you watched the police bodycam, they determined that HE was the victim of domestic violence and were charging Gabby. The police even thought that he was protecting her from being charged by saying he swerved because she grabbed the steering wheel although she admitted she was punching him. I think it's not going to end well for her and that he has something to do with it, but there is one other possibility with that in mind. What if she killed the other couple and is in hiding and he's staying silent to protect her? I wonder if the other couple were the ones who called the police to report the domestic violence incident.

They weren’t. The person who reported the incident is documented. And no he is not protecting her. He killed her.  There is really no other rational explanation.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Scarlett said:

They weren’t. The person who reported the incident is documented. And no he is not protecting her. He killed her.  There is really no other rational explanation.  

Yes. The other couple reported a potential stalker, a creepy guy hanging around. Unless Gabby got separated from Laurie and there was a serial killer on the loose, Laudrie is the likely suspect. If he was separated from her and she were killed by someone else, one would think he would be cooperating with authorities to find the killer, and would have reported that in Wyoming. Dh did bring up one possibility. She had told police she was afraid he was going to drive off and abandon her. If he did that in Grand Tetons, took off while hiking, since the van was titled to her and they weren't married so not marital property, would he be guilty of grand theft auto? Legally, what would be considered his responsibility in the matter, must he inform someone that she is hiking alone, reckless endangerment, negligent homicide? Manslaughter?

At any rate, his refusal to answer police questions or cooperate with attempts to locate her is very damning in the court of public opinion. But if they never find her, I wonder if there will be any charges at all. 

As for the other couple, I hope they find that peep fast. Something about the description of finding their bodies made me think potential of a serial killer in the making. I shudder to think about that! 

This whole thing is a little creepy in our minds from the standpoint of it being a Vanlife couple. Dh and I are working our way towards being in a position to do a year of Vanlife after he retires and visiting a bucket list of National Parks, Forests, and Historic Parks. We were not going to travel with any pets, but maybe we should consider a German Shepherd or Collie (I love Collies) or other breed as a deterrent to crime. Being transient does raise one's risks, however having a large breed dog has been shown to be good protection because criminals fear being bits and barking alerts people nearby.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

Yes. The other couple reported a potential stalker, a creepy guy hanging around. Unless Gabby got separated from Laurie and there was a serial killer on the loose, Laudrie is the likely suspect. If he was separated from her and she were killed by someone else, one would think he would be cooperating with authorities to find the killer, and would have reported that in Wyoming. Dh did bring up one possibility. She had told police she was afraid he was going to drive off and abandon her. If he did that in Grand Tetons, took off while hiking, since the van was titled to her and they weren't married so not marital property, would he be guilty of grand theft auto? Legally, what would be considered his responsibility in the matter, must he inform someone that she is hiking alone, reckless endangerment, negligent homicide? Manslaughter?

At any rate, his refusal to answer police questions or cooperate with attempts to locate her is very damning in the court of public opinion. But if they never find her, I wonder if there will be any charges at all. 

As for the other couple, I hope they find that peep fast. Something about the description of finding their bodies made me think potential of a serial killer in the making. I shudder to think about that! 

This whole thing is a little creepy in our minds from the standpoint of it being a Vanlife couple. Dh and I are working our way towards being in a position to do a year of Vanlife after he retires and visiting a bucket list of National Parks, Forests, and Historic Parks. We were not going to travel with any pets, but maybe we should consider a German Shepherd or Collie (I love Collies) or other breed as a deterrent to crime. Being transient does raise one's risks, however having a large breed dog has been shown to be good protection because criminals fear being bits and barking alerts people nearby.

Have you ever travelled and lived on the road with a dog before, long term? Like a few weeks?

Because everything revolves around the dog when you do this. You can’t just lock a dog in a van for hours at a time while you do your thing. Many places will not even allow leashed dogs, no matter how well behaved. Other places limit the locations you can take a dog. 

In certain weather, you shouldn’t even leave your dog in the van alone at all. so if you think you’re going to run to the bathroom for 5 minutes in 100 degree weather and leave your dog in the van…think again. It just isn’t safe.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, TheReader said:

@pinball, I just have to say that 1 -- spot on with the dog and traveling, but mostly, 2 -- I am in love with your new signature list. 

Thank you! I traveled thousands and thousands and thousands of miles with a very special dog so I was fine with adjusting around his needs but for people who are unfamiliar with the logistics of doing it, it can be a tough road (pun!).

also, might I interest you in some organic mead?

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We too have traveled many thousands of miles in a van (Class B RV) with a dog. We didn't find it much of a challenge at all, but (BUT) . .we had an onboard genny and so could leave the AC running anytime we wanted/needed to leave him while we grabbed a bite to eat or did a quick sightseeing thing that didn't allow dogs. Absolutely no way would I do it w/o that ability, unless it was somewhere that the high temperature never got above the low 60's.

Edited by Pawz4me
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, pinball said:

Thank you! I traveled thousands and thousands and thousands of miles with a very special dog so I was fine with adjusting around his needs but for people who are unfamiliar with the logistics of doing it, it can be a tough road (pun!).

also, might I interest you in some organic mead?

I would *love* the mead, but I'm more interested in seeing this Charlie Sheen/Emilio Estevez film when you get it sorted.  And if I *had* a favorite Earth, Wind & Fire song (alas, I am unschooled in their music), I would test your accuracy on that as well, but....

...you may however send over the mead, gladly. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

So now the police are saying they don’t know where he is. And his attorney is saying he is “missing”.  

Looks like they did at least a limited search of the house tonight.  
 

I just hope he doesn’t kill himself before revealing where she is.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...