My crazy, amazing day.

[Scarlett]

So when I was 15 I met my bio father for the first time. Along with his then wife, Joann and my sister.    That stepmother Joann was my sisters step mother from ages 4-15.  Our father had primary custody.  
 

Fast forward……my sister went to live with her mother at age 15, our father divorced Joann and she was never heard from again.  Enter the WWW. Turns out she lives about an hour down the road from me. My sister and I discovered this months  ago and have agonized over it…..she is terrified of contacting Joann for fear of upsetting current step mother……me meh not so much.  
 

Today my husbands family made the trek to place the headstone for his stepfather.  my MIL and two  sisters in law came from AR, along with us, and a few family friends. A big deal  (I should not post when exhausted....no idea what I was trying to say) It is in a private cemetery…..accessible only when the river is down because we literally crossed the river---no bridge --to get to,this cemetery.  Anyway the drive took us within one block of my former step mothers home. I, along with my sister had stalked her pretty heavily on line for months.  I drove straight to her house and knocked on her door and had her say come in…..and I told her who I was and she remembered instantly, she is old and pitiful…..so,so,sad.but I am glad I went and I will take my sister there when she visits next month.

Her husband thinks this is weird.  Do y’all?

Edited September 13, 2021 by Scarlett

[Carol in Cal.]

No, I think it is awesome!

[Kassia]

Not at all!  I also think it's awesome!

[katilac]

No, I don't think it's weird at all. You know her and she was your sister's stepmom for much of her childhood. 

Around here, far shakier reasons are readily acceptable to look someone up and say hello, lol 

[cjzimmer1]

I don't find it weird that you would reach out to your sister's step-mom.  I do find it weird that you would show up at her door unannounced.  But I do think that is probably a regional thing that affects my perception on that aspect.  I would never show up that way and if someone did to me, it's highly unlikely I'd even answer the door. But clearly it worked for you so as long as both parties were comfortable with the outcome than I think you were fine.

[fraidycat]

I don't think it's weird.

[Scarlett]

7 hours ago, cjzimmer1 said:

I don't find it weird that you would reach out to your sister's step-mom.  I do find it weird that you would show up at her door unannounced.  But I do think that is probably a regional thing that affects my perception on that aspect.  I would never show up that way and if someone did to me, it's highly unlikely I'd even answer the door. But clearly it worked for you so as long as both parties were comfortable with the outcome than I think you were fine.

Oh lort regional for sure.  I was hesitant to just walk in. But that was what was requested and required.  

Edited September 13, 2021 by Scarlett

[Scarlett]

12 minutes ago, cjzimmer1 said:

I don't find it weird that you would reach out to your sister's step-mom.  I do find it weird that you would show up at her door unannounced.  But I do think that is probably a regional thing that affects my perception on that aspect.  I would never show up that way and if someone did to me, it's highly unlikely I'd even answer the door. But clearly it worked for you so as long as both parties were comfortable with the outcome than I think you were fine.

She literally called from two different doorways ‘ come in’. 

[Rosie_0801]

I think it is weird that your sister is terrified this would upset her current step mother and that it's double weird if current stepmother would be upset, let alone say so.

I don't think it is in the least bit weird to go visit people you used to know if you happen to be in town. 

[Carrie12345]

Weird? In the context of my family dynamics, yes, lol. But everyone is different!

[Pawz4me]

I don't think any of it is weird. I'm glad you reconnected!

[Scarlett]

3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I think it is weird that your sister is terrified this would upset her current step mother and that it's double weird if current stepmother would be upset, let alone say so.

I don't think it is in the least bit weird to go visit people you used to know if you happen to be in town. 

I agree.  I told her yesterday, ‘girl, you have spent your entire life  being bullied about who you can and can’t speak  to.’

[Katy]

From a Southern viewpoint, not weird at all.  But it is very nice to live further North where people call or text first. 

And I agree your sister being so terrified IS weird. 

[PeterPan]

It's always appropriate to honor a mother figure, whether they're bio or not. Well done! You probably made her day! 🙂 

Edited September 13, 2021 by PeterPan

[Spryte]

I think it’s great! So glad it went well.

[Scarlett]

When I posted do y'all think this is weird, I was referring to the looking up a former step mother from 40 years ago.  It never occured to me it was weird to drop in.  

[Scarlett]

7 hours ago, cjzimmer1 said:

I don't find it weird that you would reach out to your sister's step-mom.  I do find it weird that you would show up at her door unannounced.  But I do think that is probably a regional thing that affects my perception on that aspect.  I would never show up that way and if someone did to me, it's highly unlikely I'd even answer the door. But clearly it worked for you so as long as both parties were comfortable with the outcome than I think you were fine.

I was thinking about this....I could never not answer the door.  My curiosity would get the best of me.  LOL

[PeterPan]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

It never occured to me it was weird to drop in.  

We've done it with campus mothers from college days. They love it!!

[Spryte]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

When I posted do y'all think this is weird, I was referring to the looking up a former step mother from 40 years ago.  It never occured to me it was weird to drop in.  

I think it’s really cool that you looked her up. I hope she will get to see your sister.

 

[Danae]

I think it’s weird that your sister is worried about upsetting your father’s current wife.  Why would she care?  Why would current wife even need to know?

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, Danae said:

I think it’s weird that your sister is worried about upsetting your father’s current wife.  Why would she care?  Why would current wife even need to know?

She thinks she will find out somehow.  She seemed less worried about it when I showed her the picture of Joann and she is so frail and pitiful. 

One thing I found odd is that Joann did not ask about our father.....he died in February......

[cjzimmer1]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

When I posted do y'all think this is weird, I was referring to the looking up a former step mother from 40 years ago.  It never occured to me it was weird to drop in.  

I hope my comment wasn't upsetting, I was just responding to the "is this weird" and where I live (in a big city in the north), drop in's just aren't common.  But I was pretty sure that was more acceptable in the south. 

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I was thinking about this....I could never not answer the door.  My curiosity would get the best of me.  LOL

I have a huge picture window that overlooks my entrance.  I can see everyone who approaches and the reality of the matter is in my 25 years of living here, I think there has been 2 occasions that someone I would actually want to to talk to has dropped by unannounced as opposed to the hundreds and hundreds of times that salespeople have stopped by.  With those odds, it's pretty easy to ignore the door for anyone I don't recognize.

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, cjzimmer1 said:

I hope my comment wasn't upsetting, I was just responding to the "is this weird" and where I live (in a big city in the north), drop in's just aren't common.  But I was pretty sure that was more acceptable in the south. 

I have a huge picture window that overlooks my entrance.  I can see everyone who approaches and the reality of the matter is in my 25 years of living here, I think there has been 2 occasions that someone I would actually want to to talk to has dropped by unannounced as opposed to the hundreds and hundreds of times that salespeople have stopped by.  With those odds, it's pretty easy to ignore the door for anyone I don't recognize.

Oh no, I was just trying to clarify.....

What was even funnier is my interaction with this rough looking character in a rough looking dwelling behind her house....Dh and dss and the 2 dogs were with me so I wasn't afraid....but I had seen him on his porch when I was knocking for her....so I walked down to his place.  He had gone back in his house but before I could even knock he sees me from inside and gestures for me to come in.  I said, 'you don't know me.'  And he says, 'I don't care.'  LOL  I did not go into his house though.....I just opened the door and chatted.

[kbutton]

Not weird at all.

I think sometimes proximity and opportunity collide to help us do something in the moment that we might have chickened out of if we tried to work it out ahead of time. It's not the same as being impulsive because it's been contemplated over and over ahead of time, and then the opportunity just presents itself. 

 

[Annie G]

Not weird. Your visit likely made her day.  

[Kassia]

13 minutes ago, Annie G said:

Not weird. Your visit likely made her day.  

That's what I was thinking.  🙂

[Rosie_0801]

4 hours ago, Scarlett said:

One thing I found odd is that Joann did not ask about our father.....he died in February......

I don't think that is odd. Exes are usually exes for a reason and if she's been alone for years, she's had to learn to focus on her own self care because there was no one else to do it. What might be called selfishness in a partnered woman becomes necessary for self preservation.

[MercyA]

I think it was super nice of you. Not weird!

[Junie]

Well, I thought it was weird, but only because I never had a good relationship with my stepmothers.  My first stepmother would give Cinderella's a run for her money, and the second one I barely knew because, well, because.  It's complicated. :)

I'm glad you had a nice visit, though!

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Junie said:

Well, I thought it was weird, but only because I never had a good relationship with my stepmothers.  My first stepmother would give Cinderella's a run for her money, and the second one I barely knew because, well, because.  It's complicated. 🙂

I'm glad you had a nice visit, though!

It was very very brief.  Maybe 15 min.  Probably less.  And yesterday was the second time in 41 years I saw her.  But my sister was raised by her from 5 or 6 until 15 .  They had a terrible relationship.  My sister left that house on very bad terms and never spoke to her again.  However,  in all of the terribleness Joann just wanted to be a good mother and part of the issue was the venom toward my sisters mother…….I am sure all of you have seen that step mother who thinks she is going to swoop in and be the mom this child deserves.  My sister has all kinds of mixed up emotions I think.  I really don’t.  

[fraidycat]

13 hours ago, Scarlett said:

When I posted do y'all think this is weird, I was referring to the looking up a former step mother from 40 years ago.  It never occured to me it was weird to drop in.  

I don't think either one is weird.

[klmama]

22 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Her husband thinks this is weird.  Do y’all?

Not weird.  Whose husband thought so?  Your sister's?  When I read it the first time, I thought you meant Joann's dh thought it was weird, and that didn't make sense to me, either.  

11 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I had seen him on his porch when I was knocking for her....so I walked down to his place.  He had gone back in his house but before I could even knock he sees me from inside and gestures for me to come in.  I said, 'you don't know me.'  And he says, 'I don't care.'  LOL  I did not go into his house though.....I just opened the door and chatted.

Now this?  Maybe a little weird, LOL!  I could see chatting him up if he were still outside, but going to his house to talk when he'd already gone back inside? Goodness, what an extrovert you are!  What did you talk about?

[Scarlett]

12 hours ago, klmama said:

Not weird.  Whose husband thought so?  Your sister's?  When I read it the first time, I thought you meant Joann's dh thought it was weird, and that didn't make sense to me, either.  

Now this?  Maybe a little weird, LOL!  I could see chatting him up if he were still outside, but going to his house to talk when he'd already gone back inside? Goodness, what an extrovert you are!  What did you talk about?

LOL, well, when I first knocked I got no answer.....so I was asking him if he knew her, and he did not know her name but he did know she was crippled and had home health and meals on wheels and PT come to her home to check on her.   

[klmama]

Oh, got it.  I totally misunderstood!  I thought you meant you'd seen him on the porch, visited her, and then stopped to see him after you'd already talked to her.  My mistake. Not weird at all!  

[Scarlett]

26 minutes ago, klmama said:

Oh, got it.  I totally misunderstood!  I thought you meant you'd seen him on the porch, visited her, and then stopped to see him after you'd already talked to her.  My mistake. Not weird at all!  

Yes that would have been weird even for me!  

I took my mom on a day trip looking for old cemeteries.  We ended up in the middle of no where with no service.  This little community had a tiny bar.....my mom says, 'pull in and go ask someone in there.  They will know.!'  I'm like, 'ooookayyyy mom......'  But she was right.  I was directed to an old timer sitting at the bar who gave me directions to the cemetery----after he asked me who my people were of course.  😉

[Junie]

3 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Yes that would have been weird even for me!  

I took my mom on a day trip looking for old cemeteries.  We ended up in the middle of no where with no service.  This little community had a tiny bar.....my mom says, 'pull in and go ask someone in there.  They will know.!'  I'm like, 'ooookayyyy mom......'  But she was right.  I was directed to an old timer sitting at the bar who gave me directions to the cemetery----after he asked me who my people were of course.  😉

We were visiting my IL's once and I had to take a trip to town for something by myself.  It's almost an hour drive "to town."  My dh was concerned that I would get lost (with spotty cell service).  I told him not to worry.  If I got lost I could stop at any house and tell them that I am *Fred Smith's DIL, and they would say, "Ah, Fred!  How's he doin'?"  We would have a conversation and then the person would give me directions to town.

*not FIL's real name

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Junie said:

We were visiting my IL's once and I had to take a trip to town for something by myself.  It's almost an hour drive "to town."  My dh was concerned that I would get lost (with spotty cell service).  I told him not to worry.  If I got lost I could stop at any house and tell them that I am *Fred Smith's DIL, and they would say, "Ah, Fred!  How's he doin'?"  We would have a conversation and then the person would give me directions to town.

*not FIL's real name

LOL, so true.