Would you bring this up to another adult?

[Janeway]

I am a den leader for a scout den. This is my first year with this particular pack, but I actually have extensive experience working with kids. I spent a lot of time preparing. If anything, I am an over-preparer because I have always believed it is good to be prepared. No such thing as over preparing. Anyway, I am working with 5 and 6 yr olds. I took every single last training available for this. I also read a bunch extra online and in books. I made myself quite familiar with everything from the entire year and leading in to today's meeting, I reviewed the objectives.  I also planned age appropriate activities. Also, they have some things to memorize. From what I learned through the training is that first meeting is supposed to have getting to know each other activities, team building activities, and start working on the first objectives. At the beginning, we recited the oaths and everything. We did a coloring sheet that was a getting to know you activity. It was one where we discussed the things on the paper while coloring. By the time we were done with that, the very shy 5 and 6 yr olds were smiling and happy. Then we went on to the team building activity which was one I got from a scouting page of activities. I explained about working as a team and problem solving. By the end, they were very excited and asked that we do it again. But I told them I had a potion for us to make, so we needed to clean up (cleanliness) and I told them what a great job they did with their teamwork. Then, we went outside and we eat took turns adding ingredients to make homemade bubbles. Then we took turns making bubbles. By this time, they were laughing and having a great time!!  Also, after the coloring sheet/introduction part, I explained the motto "do your best." I had each repeat it and I used the term a lot during this time. We were down to our last 7 minutes and this woman walks in. She was supposed to be my mentor but totally blew me off. Thank goodness I had everything planned because when she was introduced to me and the cubmaster was watching, she said she would plan everything and I could just bring one activity and she would show me what to do. But, when I tried to contact her about today, she blew me off and sent me a text saying "do whatever you want, you are the den leader." Okay. I am fine with that. I clearly did everything. So we are in the last 7 minutes and she walks in and right in front of the kids tells me I am supposed to make them memorize the scout oath and the scout law. She started demanding that I make them stop playing with the bubbles they had just made and I need to make them memorize this stuff. Ummm...I already knew they need a knowledge of this stuff, but I also did ALL the training (and the cubmaster already told me that no one before me ever actually did all the training, so I know she did not) and I did tons of research on what was supposed to transpire during the meeting. I did am amazing job. All the kids in my group were so happy. That woman had no business coming in in the last few minutes and say those things and make those demands and in front of the children. None of these children were hers and she is not the boss. My husband was there the entire time as he is my "assistant" and he told me later he was wondering what the heck she thought she was doing, coming in at the very end and making those demands. 

 

I already sent a text to the cubmaster and let her know I do not need that other woman's help anymore. The cubmaster already answered with "awesome!" Thing is..I am bothered. And if you know me, I can really feel bothered. I know this is likely a situation where I need to shut up and keep to myself what happened. (what happened was, this woman was supposed to help, she did not. it worked out fine as I did not need her help, but she came in at the last second to criticize me in front of the kids and demand that we stop what we were doing and do something different). I guess when I reason with myself, when people are like how this woman was, others usually know what they are. And getting volunteers to do anything can be hard so I need to suck it up and let it go. So.....ok..now that I wrote all that out, maybe this can just be a vent. Now that I have typed all this out, I can see that I should just let it go. If she tries this again next meeting..I will say something. If anyone has advice or can commiserate, I would love to hear. 

[City Mouse]

It sounds like you did a wonderful job and handled the situation beautifully.

As you have discovered, some adults in BSA can be rather militant in their beliefs about the “right” way do do scouting. It is best just to go around them, and do what you think is right.

[RootAnn]

It sounds like a great start! What fun activities! I'm glad you are going to let the situation with the woman go.

Just in case, I'd be ready for her next time with a big smile & a confident, "Thanks for your advice, we have it all in hand" while your assistant (your DH) escorts her out. Even better if you can have a mom stationed where this person might come in & have them head her off. Hopefully she understands you have it all under control and don't need her "advice."

I would be tempted to tell the kids that the woman was just trying to "do her best" to help you. ;)

[Farrar]

I think some people don't know how they sound to others and I'd wager a guess this woman didn't.

You're definitely smart to vent and let it go. I might be prepared for next time she decides you need her help though.

[mom2scouts]

I have about a billion years in Scouting (only a slight exaggeration) and it sounds like you did a great job! You're the den leader so you get to decide how the den meeting will go. Lots of fun activities that introduce the skills is exactly what you need to be doing. The Scout Oath and Law will come with short, frequent repeition and there was no reason for you to stop a fun activity to do it right then. The Cubmaster's response makes me think she saw how well you did and realized you didn't need the so-called mentor.