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Are we friends?


happi duck
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Background:. I'm not the type of person to call acquaintances friends.  I say stuff like "a lady at my church" even if it's someone I see and like a lot.  I reserve the term friend for people I know especially well.

I reference the Hive frequently as "an online message board that I participate in" or similar.  It gets awkward.

I feel like we all know a lot about each other.  Do you mind if I say "my online friends"?  Such as "I have some online friends who've had experience with overcrowded ERs" etc.  I've lately been especially referencing the Hive as backup in covid conversations.

So, are we friends? 😁

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Yes, I leave out the "online" part because it seems to qualify the word "friend" and I don't really feel a qualification towards y'all, so just "friend" is more accurate for me than "online friend." Maybe if you have a good irl friendship network the qualification makes sense, but I have no need for it personally. 

eta: though I have to randomly make up names for you guys sometimes. "The other day my friend Happiduck said..." can sometimes distract the conversation lol

Edited by Moonhawk
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“You know that homeschool resource group I belong to? The one with the mathematicians and doctors and statisticians from all around the world? Yeah, a lot of them are reporting back about overcrowding in the ERs. This is all across the US right now.”

That’s how I do it.

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9 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

Well,  I call y’all my friends. 
 

But the full truth is that I call you my “imaginary friends”. My family knows who I am talking about!

This is what I use, too.

"My imaginary friends online said..." 😁

I prefer not to say where online, because this is my space and I don't care to share it with real life people.

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I say, “my online friends,” “my cyber friends,” “my homeschool ladies (sorry, @Spy Car,” or even, “my WTM/Hive people.” Mostly the first two, though, except for the small group whom I actually have met IRL. 

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PS.: This community is so significant to me that I literally have instructed my daughter to post here if something drastic happens to me that I would want known. Like, it’s actually in my folder with my Will and POA. 🤭

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I tend to call my online friends my “invisible friends”. 
My mom used to think I was nuts, but I had a very tight group of invisible friends almost 20 years ago, and dragged my mom to lunch with one from her area when I visited. I know a few other people in her area, and have brokered advice exchanges and helping hands over the years, lol. She thinks it’s less nuts now!

With this much larger group, I might be more vague when talking to an IRL acquaintance, but people who know me well don’t flinch at “someone from one of my groups” or “an invisible friend.” They’re probably just thrilled that I have other people to talk randomness with, lol.

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Sure! Friends it is. I mean, we’ve known each other how many years?!

I usually call you all people in my homeschool group, or if I’m talking to someone who knows I post here I’ll call you imaginary friends. I could go with friends, too, if it’s a casual conversation about Covid experiences. There are times you don’t want to head into details, it’s just not pertinent to the conversation. So, “oh, I have a friend in X state, who says the Covid surge has created hospital overwhelm, but no one is masking.” I could see that happening, too. You all are real people in my head, not random Twitter peeps or whatever. 

And some of you have moved offline into IRL friends, and I’m so glad we met! Waving at you.

 


 

 

Edited by Spryte
Clarity. I’m not coherent tonight.
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Hmmm, interesting. I love the forum and talk about you often (as "my online homeschooling community" or something), but I don't exactly consider online acquaintances friends. My online relationships have always been a really big part of my life, but the fact that I'm missing SO MUCH of the context (no aural or visual cues) means that I don't have a "feeling" for people online like I do with people in real life... even though I often know just as many facts about them!! 

But of course, I don't mind if you say "my online friends" 😄 . I absolutely understand saying that. 

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Dh refers to this place as -my boards.  I tend to say "on my forum".   I have a few friends here and on Facebook (that were originally through here) that I just refer to as "my friends".   Sometimes dh will ask if they are friends I've ever met IRL or talked to on the phone.   But most of my IRL friends I've never talked to on the phone so I don't know why that should be a requirement.

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I have connected with people offline from time to time and definitely did 15 years ago with adoption.com forums…then we all migrated away to a birth/first mother friendly site and then Facebook…no anonymity there. I think I would need more people to know my real name and daily family foibles to be true friends but I certainly value the people I’ve come into contact with here. I reference PamCT a lot in particular. *waves*

Edited by Sneezyone
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Happy Duck, you won’t believe this, but I was actually thinking just today how wonderful it would be if we could all be one large group of “friends” rather than just “people online”.

I love the idea. Like Garga, when I’m talking about this board, I always say “it’s full of smart people, they are talking about xyz thing, and they do their research. It’s the exact opposite of Redd🙂t and Facebo😒ok.”

However, I do have a confession that I probably shouldn’t make, but now might be a good time: I feel so paranoid! I’m aware that some here PM, text, etc. I always wonder if some are talking about others, whether good or bad, and that maybe they think I’m nuts, too. I get an uneasy feeling after I post sometimes that what I said was stupid, and I regret doing it. I post too much personal stuff here, and most people IRL don’t know all these things. I find myself hoping that no one is behind the scenes rolling their eyes at me. So there it is. This may be irrational, and I may be this way because of my life experiences. I don’t know. I try to ignore that, but that feeling is just there sometimes. I try to ignore it and participate anyway. I’m not accusing anyone! I think it might just be a me problem.

I do think there is no other place online like this and it would be great if we could all consider ourselves friends. Goodness knows, right now, more than ever, we need that.
 

 

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Haha! I know this issue. It is especially problematic when it concerns forums that don’t technically relate at all to you and you feel like you have to qualify: “on this online forum about fundie drama, someone posted something about someone they and you and I don’t know, but it was crazy”. 

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22 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

Happy Duck, you won’t believe this, but I was actually thinking just today how wonderful it would be if we could all be one large group of “friends” rather than just “people online”.

I love the idea. Like Garga, when I’m talking about this board, I always say “it’s full of smart people, they are talking about xyz thing, and they do their research. It’s the exact opposite of Redd🙂t and Facebo😒ok.”

However, I do have a confession that I probably shouldn’t make, but now might be a good time: I feel so paranoid! I’m aware that some here PM, text, etc. I always wonder if some are talking about others, whether good or bad, and that maybe they think I’m nuts, too. I get an uneasy feeling after I post sometimes that what I said was stupid, and I regret doing it. I post too much personal stuff here, and most people IRL don’t know all these things. I find myself hoping that no one is behind the scenes rolling their eyes at me. So there it is. This may be irrational, and I may be this way because of my life experiences. I don’t know. I try to ignore that, but that feeling is just there sometimes. I try to ignore it and participate anyway. I’m not accusing anyone! I think it might just be a me problem.

I do think there is no other place online like this and it would be great if we could all consider ourselves friends. Goodness knows, right now, more than ever, we need that.
 

 

I do the same thing.   I do it most of the time I make a post here and I do it all the time IRL.    I just assume people think I'm an idiot most of the time. 🤷🏻‍♀️   Fwiw, I've never thought you sounded like an idiot.   
Actually it's very rare that I think that about anyone, even if I greatly disagree with them.   But, I won't lie, there have been a couple... 😆

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2 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

I do the same thing.   I do it most of the time I make a post here and I do it all the time IRL.    I just assume people think I'm an idiot most of the time. 🤷🏻‍♀️   Fwiw, I've never thought you sounded like an idiot.   
Actually it's very rare that I think that about anyone, even if I greatly disagree with them.   But, I won't lie, there have been a couple... 😆

Thanks. Same goes for you! My eyebrows go up only when there’s the occasional one who is being very mean and deliberate. It’s always interesting to read the different viewpoints.

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1 hour ago, Quill said:

I say, “my online friends,” “my cyber friends,” “my homeschool ladies (sorry, @Spy Car,” or even, “my WTM/Hive people.” Mostly the first two, though, except for the small group whom I actually have met IRL. 

No hard feelings. I'm here to provide "diversity." LOL.

Bill

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16 minutes ago, Spy Car said:

No hard feelings. I'm here to provide "diversity." LOL.

Bill

You are uber chill about it. I appreciate it. There's a guy on a local group I moderate who likes to "lecture" every time someone posts about anything about moms or women. I smh because that's not going to win you any friends IRL or get you included. Being chill and casual while asking if dads are welcome will win you points IMO.

Edited by calbear
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5 minutes ago, calbear said:

You are uber chill about it. I appreciate it. There's a guy on a local group I moderate who likes to "lecture" every time someone posts about anything about moms or women. I smh because that's not going to win you any friends IRL or get you included. 

I'm just grateful that I have not been ejected. LOL.

Bill

 

Edited by Spy Car
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1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

At this point ya’ll are my only friends. 😂

Same. 

57 minutes ago, Spy Car said:

No hard feelings. I'm here to provide "diversity." LOL.

Bill

When I talk about things on this forum, I say "the homeschool ladies said..."  unless it's something you or @Lanny have posted and then it's "Bill or Lanny on the homeschool forum said..."

 

As for the topic of friends, I figure friends help each other out. Friends wish each other well. Friends will cry with you. Friends are there for each in times of need. I have seen all of that here on the forum over the years.

This place is full of wonderful people and I have no qualms about calling you all my friends. 

Edited by Wildcat
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I have decided that it more politic to refer to the hundreds of women I might converse with on a near-daily basis as "my sources." 

As in, "Oh, I will check on that with my sources.

I think my wife understands the code, but....

Bill

 

 

 

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20 minutes ago, Spy Car said:

I have decided that it more politic to refer to the hundreds of women I might converse with on a near-daily basis as "my sources." 

As in, "Oh, I will check on that with my sources.

I think my wife understands the code, but....

Bill

 

 

 

That's probably a lot safer than saying "all of my lady friends...."

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4 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

You can call everybody else your friend, but please refer to me as Her Imperial Majesty, the Wondrous Tanaqui 😄

Or call me your friend, I don't mind. If you hadn't posted this, I would not have even known to care!

I normally go by la Principessa Monique. 😎 

Yes, the Hive are good people. Happy to be among my internet friends. 🥰

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I talk about you all daily and usually say, "one of my friends on the forum said..."

I do consider you true friends and hope the feeling is mutual. 😉 You all know me much better than most of my "real life" friends.

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5 minutes ago, EKS said:

I call the folks here my "invisible friends."  Someone here came up with that term, and I've used it ever since.

I'm at the age where if I referred to you all as "my invisible friends" it would only give weight to pre-existing doubts about my mental competency.

Bill

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Sure, as  long as you don't mind that I continue to stay anonymous. In case, just in case... my kids ever homeschool and join this forum, I would not want them to come across old posts and put 2 and 2 together. I am just private in that way. 

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