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Trying to be (Covid-) responsible is exhausting and makes me sad


regentrude
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I guess this is a vent. I need to put this out or I'll scream: I am feeling exhausted being the one who always says "no". I am at the point that I am questioning whether I am uptight and unreasonable, and everybody else who is relaxed and having fun got it right. My rational brain says I make the responsible choice... observing my surroundings makes me feel I'm loony.

My state made headlines with its abysmal Delta numbers. My county is still at a 7 day incidence of 227/100k. Hospital and ICU are still at capacity. But my friends are touring, performing in other states, holding readings in small, crowded indoor spaces. For the next few weeks, I have been invited to four events - poetry readings/book releases/open mics. And it is exhausting to weigh the risks with every single one and come out on the side of "sorry, I don't feel comfortable right now."
I have a high exposure job: I teach 200 students in my classroom every week. I lecture in a large hall, and I also have interactions at short distances at the help sessions. We wear masks, and I am vaccinated, but still - that's a lot of people. Who live in dorms.

I absolutely don't want to get Covid. I really don't want to be an asymptomatic carrier and infect anybody else. But I also really, really would like to be there for my author friends who get to celebrate their new books - I know how much it sucks when you can't do that (my last one came out March 2020, and I had to cancel the entire tour, and I am still bitter about it). I want to be there for the friend whom I haven't seen in three years and who travels from another state to read here. But I feel I have to say no. In some sense, it was easier when there were NO events last year.

I decided not to travel overseas to visit my family, for the second year in a row. My parents are 80 and 85. My father's health situation is precarious. How could I risk picking up any germ on one of the three legs of air travel and bringing it? How could I have quarantined at their house? Who would nurse my father if my mother got ill? What would happen if I did get infected and stuck there? So, I didn't go, and that seemed the responsible decision. But it f'ing sucks. 

ETA: Just to clarify: everybody has been acting perfectly nice and understanding towards me. No-one has given me grief (I guess it also helps that I frame my apology in terms of me being so exposed that *I* could be the risk for others)

Edited by regentrude
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It does suck. I’m sorry we are all in this stupid mess. And angry, too.

It sucks that you are missing important events, and missing seeing your parents. That’s heartbreaking.

It just is a crap deal. 

I’m writing this from my basement. That sucks, too. I’m quarantining away from unvaxxed young DD after spending seven hours in a hospital so overcrowded with Covid patients that they sent my 80 yr old mother home unable to walk, with a broken pelvis and arm. They gave her a walker, which she can’t even use because she can’t lift her feet (pelvis break issue) and  … broken arm.  My mom and I sat next to a Covid positive patient for four hours, then were placed across the hall from her for another three, no doors, while her nebulizer was running.

I am angry. I am angry that so many of the cases in that hospital might have been prevented and it might have been less crowded. Other people waited more than nine hours to be seen that night, one child bleeding out of his ears. My mom suffered with no pain relief, no care, due to other people’s irresponsible choices. I’m sad, angry, hurt, and feel betrayed by fellow humans.

So I’m going to say thank you, regentrude, for being responsible, and caring, and kind, and for sacrificing for others. I know it’s hard because I’m trying to do all those things, too, and so many people are squandering our gift to them.

I will keep trying to be responsible for all the people in the world who are like you. People like you make me feel like I can keep going.
 

 

(Blech. I’m writing way too much because stuck in a basement. Feel free to skip!)

Edited by Spryte
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3 minutes ago, Spryte said:

It does suck. I’m sorry we are all in this stupid mess. And angry, too.

It sucks that you are missing important events, and missing seeing your parents. That’s heartbreaking.

It just is a crap deal. 

I’m writing this from my basement. That sucks, too. I’m quarantining away from unvaxxed young DD after spending seven hours in a hospital so overcrowded with Covid patients that they sent my 80 yr old mother home unable to walk, with a broken pelvis and arm. They gave her a walker, which she can’t even use because she can’t lift her feet (pelvis break issue) and  … broken arm.  My mom and I sat next to a Covid positive patient for four hours, then were placed across the hall from her for another three, no doors, while her nebulizer was running.

I am angry. I am angry that so many of the cases in that hospital might have been prevented and it might have been less crowded. Other people waited more than nine hours to be seen that night, one child bleeding out of his ears. My mom suffered with no pain relief, no care, due to other people’s irresponsible choices. I’m sad, angry, hurt, and feel betrayed by fellow humans.

So I’m going to say thank you, regentrude, for being responsible, and caring, and kind, and for sacrificing for others. I know it’s hard because I’m trying to do all those things, too, and so many people are squandering our gift to them.

I will keep trying to be responsible for all the people in the world who are like you. People like you make me feel like I can keep going.
 

 

(Blech. I’m writing way too much because stuck in a basement. Feel free to skip!)

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I had read your post about the horrible experience. How much longer until you can stop quarantining? That has to be extra hard, while worrying about your mom. 

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I feel the exact same. I especially feel exasperated at my church, where they’ve dropped their masks and it’s business as usual. I feel like a lone wolf in this, I swear. It’s a nightmare that won’t end. I’m sorry you are feeling the weight of this when others just go on with life. If it weren’t for this board, as I’ve said before, I wouldn’t know of people who have the same mentality as I do on this, except for very few people. I’m just returning to the life of isolation and staying home as much as possible.

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3 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I had read your post about the horrible experience. How much longer until you can stop quarantining? That has to be extra hard, while worrying about your mom. 

I’m going for a PCR test on Day 6, which is Tuesday. 2 days for results. I’m vaccinated, so we are hoping that is long enough and I can just mask in the house. I’m able to visit my mom, weirdly, because the (different) hospital okayed it because I am vaccinated and was wearing a mask (as was my mom). 

The whole experience made me appreciate other careful people so deeply. Thank you for doing it. Seriously.  I know it just stinks, and whenever I read your posts, it hits hard that you haven’t been able to see your parents. It’s an enormous gift to your community and everyone around you. 

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I am also angry at the whole partying world. And by partying, I mean going out to eat with friends after church, worshipping together without a mask or any fear, and just simply being with other people. I am one of five or six people in my church who masks, and they look like they're the ones who  is coming out on top.

I think we have all lost so much.

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Sending lots of hugs.  I feel you on this.  I so wish I was not a mom during this.  Weighing every little thing and trying to decide things really sucks.  I am exhausted and sad.   And every time we do something I feel like I am in waiting period after just to see if anyone gets sick.  I am so sad of everything that we have given up over this time while others have been doing lots and have been fine.   So we are carefully opening up more.  But still every little thing is a risk analysis.

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I'm so sorry. It's awful. I don't want to go home.We've been in Newfoundland vacationing and getting ds settled for grad school. It's so weird. It's like going back in time. The locals are following the rules, there's the in door and the out, masks when you aren't at a table and lots of hand sanitizer. There are only 3-5 cases per day in the all of the province. I don't want to tell them the worst hasn't hit yet. Churches are starting to open, tourism is slowly coming back , universities are on campus..

t

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It does suck, but I would make the same decisions (and am making similar ones). 

I'm vaccinated but wary of a breakthrough case; while I certainly do more than I did when unvaxxed, I can't imagine repeatedly being in in a variety of small, crowded, indoor spaces at this point in time. dh has a ton of potential exposure simply because he sees so many different people from different places at work, and we can't change that but we can change other things, and I feel like avoiding high-risk activities is the responsible thing to do, even being vaxxed. I also simply don't want to support things I think people shouldn't be doing, like holding events in small, crowded, indoor spaces (without being in a high vax area or checking vax status). 

 

 

Edited by katilac
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2 hours ago, Spryte said:

I’m going for a PCR test on Day 6, which is Tuesday. 2 days for results. I’m vaccinated, so we are hoping that is long enough and I can just mask in the house. I’m able to visit my mom, weirdly, because the (different) hospital okayed it because I am vaccinated and was wearing a mask (as was my mom). 

The whole experience made me appreciate other careful people so deeply. Thank you for doing it. Seriously.  I know it just stinks, and whenever I read your posts, it hits hard that you haven’t been able to see your parents. It’s an enormous gift to your community and everyone around you. 

...and thank you for sharing so much of what you guys went through, because honestly, that is the exact kind of thing that helps me stay the course when I feel like just throwing in the towel and giving up on all the (everyone else thinks is excess) caution. 

Praying for your mom as she heals up, for you as you keep quarantining, and just...thank you for reminding me why we are still being careful. 

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9 minutes ago, TheReader said:

...and thank you for sharing so much of what you guys went through, because honestly, that is the exact kind of thing that helps me stay the course when I feel like just throwing in the towel and giving up on all the (everyone else thinks is excess) caution. 

Praying for your mom as she heals up, for you as you keep quarantining, and just...thank you for reminding me why we are still being careful. 

Thank you! I was really in need of support that night, so posting here was the only outlet. It was a huge help.

I definitely understand what “hospital overwhelm” means now, on a visceral level.

I’m so grateful now for everyone here who is careful. You are all superheroes. It’s very difficult to keep it up, but worthwhile.

Hoping that someday soon we can let down our guards and relax!

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1 hour ago, katilac said:

 I also simply don't want to support things I think people shouldn't be doing, like holding events in small, crowded, indoor spaces (without being in a high vax area or checking vax status). 

But see, I totally get it that they want to do it. It's been soo darn long. Every artist is sick of not being able to share their gift - and they all know that nobody wants to watch yet another thing on Zoom. They all tried to make this work online; first for a few weeks, then it was just for the summer, then until the vaccines are here... the finish line is constantly being moved.
In May, I was hopeful and was thinking about ideas for bringing back the event series I ran. Because humans need live community.
Yeah right. After the vaccination, I was able to attend three events before we had the spike in my area. It had looked soo good for a few short weeks. I am very bitter that that was snatched away because folks could not get their shit together. So nope,  I won't be responsible for gathering people for an event. But it's so, so needed.

So yes, I get it that folks cannot do this any longer. That they need community that isn't just on a screen.

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Hive, how would you react to this? asking because my heart resonates with @regentrude about being weary about doing the right thing. Sorry to hijack this but those responding on this seem to share similar sentiments.

I stepped down from the board of my Christian homeschooling group because I did not agree with the decision to go mask optional regardless of whatever mandates are in place as a matter of principle and integrity. At that time, masks were require indoors. Right now, masks are recommended indoors, required for unvax'd and for everyone except under 2's in any child or youth setting.

The president apparently contracted Covid as did her entire family. Went out and about in public during this time. Did not tell anyone on the board at all what was going on. Her teen and yound adult kids living at home were arranging social get togethers during the time that members of their family were ill and not disclosing what was going on.

I've been trying to not be divisive and remain in community for the sake of Christian unity. I am struggling because I just can't. I already stepped back to create distance. I don't want to be judgmental, but this just seems to be beyond just a difference of opinion but a dysfunctional and toxic leader. I haven't quit the group because of other friendships and relaitonships, but I feel there is less and less keeping me there. I am in the process of starting a new homeschooling group under the umbrella of my church which is aimed to create a community of mutual support that is interested in doing together in the messy middle. From what I can tell most of the Christian homeschooling groups have become politicized and drifted to the right. My sense is that those who apolitical and just want to be more Covid sensitive in their behavior have been displaced or staying for lack of any other place to go. I am teaching a geometry class in my garage and am about to start a preschool co-op in my garage as well because that's what my children need, but I am doing it distanced and requesting masking if you are sitting with someone who is choosing to mask. 

I do know that 1/2 the parent volunteer teachers did not return and they lost 2/3 of the co-op families from pre-Covid because I analyzed the data myself. The current numbers mask the degree of loss because there are completely. Right now, they are about 3/5 the size pre-covid with 2/3 of the families are completely new. I do know that these families are desperate to find anything as they are new to homeschooling.

Edited by calbear
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16 minutes ago, calbear said:

Hive, how would you react to this? asking because my heart resonates with @regentrude about being weary about doing the right thing. Sorry to hijack this but those responding on this seem to share similar sentiments.

I stepped down from the board of my Christian homeschooling group because I did not agree with the decision to go mask optional regardless of whatever mandates are in place as a matter of principle and integrity. At that time, masks were require indoors. Right now, masks are recommended indoors, required for unvax'd and for everyone except under 2's in any child or youth setting.

The president apparently contracted Covid as did her entire family. Went out and about in public during this time. Did not tell anyone on the board at all what was going on. Her teen and yound adult kids living at home were arranging social get togethers during the time that members of their family were ill and not disclosing what was going on.

I've been trying to not be divisive and remain in community for the sake of Christian unity. I am struggling because I just can't. I already stepped back to create distance. I don't want to be judgmental, but this just seems to be beyond just a difference of opinion but a dysfunctional and toxic leader. I haven't quit the group because of other friendships and relaitonships, but I feel there is less and less keeping me there. I am in the process of starting a new homeschooling group under the umbrella of my church which is aimed to create a community of mutual support that is interested in doing together in the messy middle. From what I can tell most of the Christian homeschooling groups have become politicized and drifted to the right. My sense is that those who apolitical and just want to be more Covid sensitive in their behavior have been displaced or staying for lack of any other place to go.

I do know that 1/2 the parent volunteer teachers did not return and they lost 2/3 of the co-op families from pre-Covid because I analyzed the data myself. The current numbers mask the degree of loss because there are completely. Right now, they are about 3/5 the size pre-covid with 2/3 of the families are completely new. I do know that these families are desperate to find anything as they are new to homeschooling.

I would leave. I would no longer want associate myself with an organization whose leadership blatantly disregards the well-being of their fellow humans. (And I personally could not resist stating in very clear terms exactly why I am leaving.)
I would start a new group with like-minded people. I would start a group that is not affiliated with any religious institution, so I can be free to run it according to my conscience, without being forced into policies I do not agree with. (Your church tolerated the leadership of the coop and did not call them out; that would lose them my support.)
I think of it like leaving an abusive partner after you stayed too long for the sake of peace. The family that supported him? Good riddance, too.

ETA: And I think it's totally awesome that you are teaching in your garage. If you are recruiting students, you should advertise precisely with your Covid precautions. I bet there will be many parents very glad to have that option.

Edited by regentrude
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Thanks for this post. I had to make a Hard Decision and had to tell my parents yesterday. There was...unpleasantness, and even though I'm making the best choice for my family, it doesn't make the fallout fun. I joked with DH this might be the straw that breaks the camel's back and gets me disowned lol. Except...it wasn't really joking. I think they'll get over it. But, I know a lot of irreparable damage has been done to some relationships and it just seems so pointless, when I think about how we missed out on a possibly better future because of the irresponsibility of some.

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11 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I would leave. I would no longer want associate myself with an organization whose leadership blatantly disregards the well-being of their fellow humans. (And I personally could not resist stating in very clear terms exactly why I am leaving.)
I would start a new group with like-minded people. I would start a group that is not affiliated with any religious institution, so I can be free to run it according to my conscience, without being forced into policies I do not agree with. (Your church tolerated the leadership of the coop and did not call them out; that would lose them my support.)
I think of it like leaving an abusive partner after you stayed too long for the sake of peace. The family that supported him? Good riddance, too.

ETA: And I think it's totally awesome that you are teaching in your garage. If you are recruiting students, you should advertise precisely with your Covid precautions. I bet there will be many parents very glad to have that option.

Just to clarify...my church is completely separate from this group. This group is not affiliated with any church. My church has been fanstastic about Covid and been a shining example of how Christians ought to be behaving throughout Covid and with respect to being apolitical, calling out racism, pressing in to engage in restorative justice and serving the community in meaningful ways. We just funded and  built a mental health resource center for a local low income high school. I am explaining this because there really are churches out there doing the right thing. My heart has been grieved because so many Christians on here and in IRL have been absolutely heartbroken about what they have seen fellow Christians doing and have left the faith. I specifically want it to be Christian for that reason.

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2 minutes ago, calbear said:

Just to clarify...my church is completely separate from this group. This group is not affiliated with any church. My church has been fanstastic about Covid and been a shining example of how Christians ought to be behaving throughout Covid and with respect to being apolitical, calling out racism, pressing in to engage in restorative justice and serving the community in meaningful ways. We just funded and  built a mental health resource center for a local low income high school. I am explaining this because there really are churches out there doing the right thing. My heart has been grieved because so many Christians on here and in IRL have been absolutely heartbroken about what they have seen fellow Christians doing and have left the faith. I specifically want it to be Christian for that reason.

sorry, I misunderstood. Sounds like your church is great. I wish there were more churches like that. (My friend is a pastor in a small local church here, one of the very few churches who took Covid precautions. And boy, did they get ostracized for it. )

Edited by regentrude
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6 minutes ago, regentrude said:

sorry, I misunderstood. Sounds like your church is great. I wish there were more churches like that. (My friend is a pastor in a small local church here, one of the very few churches who took Covid precautions. And boy, did they get ostracized for it. )

I imgaine your friendship and support of your pastor friend is incredibly precious and appreciated. 

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I know how you feel.  At last count I teach 197 student this semester.  I walk into a classroom in which about 100 people just spent the past hour-and-a-half.  Then, I spend an hour-and-a-half teaching about 80 new students (who live in dorms, just spent the past couple of hours in another crowded lecture hall, etc) to follow up with another hour-and-a-half teaching 75 different students.  So, I am spending three hours in a room that has had about 300 different people (each bringing their own exposures) into the classroom over the past few hours.

We had a spirited faculty senate meeting (via ZOOM) this past week and I realized just how different experiences could be.  My colleagues that are teaching a couple of classes of 5-10 students each who are all in the same major have so many fewer combinations and permutations of exposure.  There is the desire to build community and all come back together as a supportive work family--having shared meals, books studies, etc.  The provost made some comments about how as faculty we are priveleged and needed to consider the people who have direct student contact as part of their jobs.  I know there are some people in housing and a few other jobs on campus that truly do have more exposure.  But, many of the other campus offices are doing virtual advising, virtual career counseling, etc.  

I did go to Europe in the summer to visit DD, but cases were low locally, I was vaccinated, and we didn't realize how many break-through Delta cases there would be.  I booked a COVID-tested flight, knew I could test easily upon arrival, and could limit exposure to others if I needed.  But, now it is a different story.

I have been super careful the past couple of weeks.  I know that I have had at least three students in my classes test positive.  (More are awaiting test results).  I would prefer not to get COVID, but I have been a hermit since the semester started, besides work, because I feel like my exposure has been too risky to put other people at risk.  

  

 

 

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@calbear  the verse that keeps coming to mind for me (for myself) lately is James 4:17 "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."  and James 2: 15-17: "Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

There are people who are acting foolishly because they simply do not know better. But there are some that are deliberately choosing the path they are on. My response to your leadership would depend on in which camp they fall. If someone was going about potentially infecting people and knew this was reckless, I would have a really hard time looking that person in the eye, and certainly would struggle to sit under their leadership.  There isn't a whole lot of rebuke going on in the modern church that I can make out, but if recklessness was part of the picture, I would feel very strongly that a rebuke and attempt at restoration was necessary. 

Galatians 6:1 "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted."

Luke 17: 1-4 "Jesus said to His disciples, “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks will come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him to have a millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

 

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It does suck, and I am really sorry. Especially about your parents.

I feel the same. When we go to church, we go only to the small group class because we are literally the ONLY two people masked in the entire church. 
 

Someone dear to me has made it crystal clear that she considers me utterly unreasonable that I will not eat in restaurants right now. And someone else I care about has plunged deep into the crazy and has cut off contact over covid safety measures. 
 
It is quite disheartening.

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Yeah, now tgat my mom has cancer, I can’t go to church or anywhere else. Will probably be moving in with her in a month or so. Several hours away from where I live. So friends that want to help will be too far away. But maybe that is better. That woild be dangerous. My isolation will be complete now. While life at home is normal. 

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5 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Yeah, now tgat my mom has cancer, I can’t go to church or anywhere else. Will probably be moving in with her in a month or so. Several hours away from where I live. So friends that want to help will be too far away. But maybe that is better. That woild be dangerous. My isolation will be complete now. While life at home is normal. 

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you - for strength and peace and continued discernment and wisdom. 

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I'm sorry that you are having to say no. I understand. 

I have to attend a funeral this week (NOT Covid related death). I'm anxious about it because I can't be sure of the vaccine status of everyone there. My initial thought was to skip, yet for a number of reasons, I really need to go. I'll be masked and not my usual huggy self. 

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1 hour ago, Harriet Vane said:

 

Someone dear to me has made it crystal clear that she considers me utterly unreasonable that I will not eat in restaurants right now

I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, not eating in restaurants is not unreasonable whether we are in the middle of a pandemic or not. I’m sure you know that, though.  

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13 hours ago, regentrude said:

I would leave. I would no longer want associate myself with an organization whose leadership blatantly disregards the well-being of their fellow humans. (And I personally could not resist stating in very clear terms exactly why I am leaving.)
I would start a new group with like-minded people. 
I think of it like leaving an abusive partner after you stayed too long for the sake of peace. The family that supported him? Good riddance, too.

ETA: And I think it's totally awesome that you are teaching in your garage. If you are recruiting students, you should advertise precisely with your Covid precautions. I bet there will be many parents very glad to have that option.

I agree.

13 hours ago, calbear said:

Just to clarify...my church is completely separate from this group. This group is not affiliated with any church. My church has been fanstastic about Covid and been a shining example of how Christians ought to be behaving throughout Covid and with respect to being apolitical, calling out racism, pressing in to engage in restorative justice and serving the community in meaningful ways. We just funded and  built a mental health resource center for a local low income high school. I am explaining this because there really are churches out there doing the right thing. My heart has been grieved because so many Christians on here and in IRL have been absolutely heartbroken about what they have seen fellow Christians doing and have left the faith. I specifically want it to be Christian for that reason.

I am glad your church is so proactive. I think you can make your new co-op Christian while still parting ways with the people who have chosen to be a danger to society.

3 hours ago, cintinative said:

@calbear  the verse that keeps coming to mind for me (for myself) lately is James 4:17 "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."  and James 2: 15-17: "Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

There are people who are acting foolishly because they simply do not know better. But there are some that are deliberately choosing the path they are on. My response to your leadership would depend on in which camp they fall. If someone was going about potentially infecting people and knew this was reckless, I would have a really hard time looking that person in the eye, and certainly would struggle to sit under their leadership.  There isn't a whole lot of rebuke going on in the modern church that I can make out, but if recklessness was part of the picture, I would feel very strongly that a rebuke and attempt at restoration was necessary. 

Galatians 6:1 "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted."

Luke 17: 1-4 "Jesus said to His disciples, “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks will come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him to have a millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

 

I unfriended or snoozed a lot of people for the sake of peace that I felt were kind of on the fence or just less cautious than me but being overly political, etc. I still keep bumping into people online that are actively promoting deceit. I call it out. Then I do, generally, snooze or leave the source of the discussion. 

Satan is the father of lies. Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. How people don't see this is beyond me, but I will do my best to pry their hands off their eyes a time or two. 

I figure there is often someone watching who is genuinely confused and needs to hear a spade called a spade.

Right now, the person I need to snooze...it's one of the last lights to turn out before I leave a safe, nice, house I've lived in to move into an unknown, unattached future. My leaving is not a loss for these people--I was never as included as I wanted to be (and now am thankful), but I was invested in these lives and thought I was among friendly acquaintances even if they weren't best friend material. 

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15 hours ago, regentrude said:

But see, I totally get it that they want to do it. It's been soo darn long. Every artist is sick of not being able to share their gift - and they all know that nobody wants to watch yet another thing on Zoom. They all tried to make this work online; first for a few weeks, then it was just for the summer, then until the vaccines are here... the finish line is constantly being moved.
In May, I was hopeful and was thinking about ideas for bringing back the event series I ran. Because humans need live community.
Yeah right. After the vaccination, I was able to attend three events before we had the spike in my area. It had looked soo good for a few short weeks. I am very bitter that that was snatched away because folks could not get their shit together. So nope,  I won't be responsible for gathering people for an event. But it's so, so needed.

So yes, I get it that folks cannot do this any longer. That they need community that isn't just on a screen.

There are much more responsible ways to sharing poetry and creating community than setting up situations with many people in small spaces, and that would make me very frustrated. Outdoor gatherings, or gatherings in large, well-ventilated rooms with limited attendees (enforcing masks) and just a couple solutions that can work well. Because you are being responsible, it's like you are being punished. If the event organizers were acting more responsible then it would be safer experience for everyone. 

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30 minutes ago, wintermom said:

There are much more responsible ways to sharing poetry and creating community than setting up situations with many people in small spaces, and that would make me very frustrated. Outdoor gatherings, or gatherings in large, well-ventilated rooms with limited attendees (enforcing masks) and just a couple solutions that can work well. Because you are being responsible, it's like you are being punished. If the event organizers were acting more responsible then it would be safer experience for everyone. 

This. It is like people have no creativity suddenly. Which is especially crazy for a creative bunch like authors and poets!

I've been very frustrated by churches in my area being either online, or in person indoors. Many in my area, if not most, have large manicured grounds that could easily be used for outside services and activities. Yes, it's hot, but move the time to evening then! Do an early morning and an evening service, instead of 2 morning ones. Etc. Be creative! All that wasted lawn space while people congregate indoors! 

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33 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

This. It is like people have no creativity suddenly. Which is especially crazy for a creative bunch like authors and poets!

I've been very frustrated by churches in my area being either online, or in person indoors. Many in my area, if not most, have large manicured grounds that could easily be used for outside services and activities. Yes, it's hot, but move the time to evening then! Do an early morning and an evening service, instead of 2 morning ones. Etc. Be creative! All that wasted lawn space while people congregate indoors! 

We've had a lot of restrictions imposed on us in Ontario, Canada, so organizations have gotten really creative with how they organize events and keep their businesses functioning, using outdoor spaces. Drive-in churches, movies even BINGOs have sprung up to help people gather and do some fun things. 

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2 hours ago, wintermom said:

There are much more responsible ways to sharing poetry and creating community than setting up situations with many people in small spaces, and that would make me very frustrated. Outdoor gatherings, or gatherings in large, well-ventilated rooms with limited attendees (enforcing masks) and just a couple solutions that can work well. 

I don't know. Folks have tried everything. Zoom is soulless; after a year of online readings I cannot bear to go to yet another thing. Sweated through outdoor events at 96 degrees, typical humid MO summer, and it's miserable. The last outdoor thing my friends organized was rained out and had to be moved into the organizer's living room.

Where do you find "large, well-ventilated rooms" somebody will let you use for free? The spaces that offer to host events are small independent bookstores (for the love of literature and because they get a large cut of any sales made that night) or cafes and bars (because attendees will purchase beverages.) My event series used the loft at the local pub; we got to use it for free on weeknights when business is slow. The music open mic where I play is hosted by a winery. They did outside for a while last year, but the better sound equipment is indoors, and you can't really play well when it's so hot (or cold, for that matter... I bailed on a few outdoor things when it was in the 40s)

I have tried coming up with alternatives, and I am drawing a blank. It is difficult enough to get an audience together in a familiar space and create a large enough pool of interested folks. Limiting attendance is the very last thing anyone needs. (At my last event in February before Covid, I was discussing with the venue how we can arrange the seating differently to fit more people - a fantastic achievement in a town that is lacking any kind of literary culture. That's dead now, of course)

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1 hour ago, ktgrok said:

This. It is like people have no creativity suddenly. Which is especially crazy for a creative bunch like authors and poets!

No. It's because folks are done, and the risk assessment of hermits who spend their life writing in seclusion or folks who run a winery is very different from that of a college professor who is surrounded by hundreds of people every day. I totally understand that they feel gathering vaccinated with similar folks in indoor spaces is fine. I don't think they are reckless or irresponsible, and I don't have any better suggestion (as I wrote in my other post). 
 

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1 hour ago, ktgrok said:

This. It is like people have no creativity suddenly. Which is especially crazy for a creative bunch like authors and poets!

I've been very frustrated by churches in my area being either online, or in person indoors. Many in my area, if not most, have large manicured grounds that could easily be used for outside services and activities. Yes, it's hot, but move the time to evening then! Do an early morning and an evening service, instead of 2 morning ones. Etc. Be creative! All that wasted lawn space while people congregate indoors! 

My church has been upfront and said that our service times will change as the weather changes. Right now it's hot and they're at 8:45 am, but they're going to move them later as the weather cools. I'm surprised more places haven't gone that route. 

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46 minutes ago, wintermom said:

We've had a lot of restrictions imposed on us in Ontario, Canada, so organizations have gotten really creative with how they organize events and keep their businesses functioning, using outdoor spaces. Drive-in churches, movies even BINGOs have sprung up to help people gather and do some fun things. 

In my area, there have been no restrictions, aside from a few short weeks in March/April 2020. Some organizations chose to be more cautious (like my friend's church that went online for a long time and then did a few outdoor services as well), but for the most part, everything has been operating as normal since last summer. This county has a vaccination rate of 35%. All four progressive city council members lost their re-election over the mask mandate they had instituted in spring 2020. It is worse in the smaller rural communities around my town. The university is the only place that has had strict Covid measures.

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21 hours ago, regentrude said:

I decided not to travel overseas to visit my family, for the second year in a row.

This is so hard, and I totally get it. My mother has alzheimers and I haven't been able to go back to see her for 2 years now, and soon to be 3. She can't seem to really talk on the phone, and by the time I see her in person again, she will be a shell of woman I love. I can't go back, because if I do, I can't get back into NZ as quarantine was full and is now closed. 

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@regentrude Maybe with fall coming there will be a venue outside that can work, once the heat calms down.

I wish one of the bookstores would sponsor it so they bear the cost of renting a space, and they could sell books (and small personal fans, ha!) to offset the cost, but I’m sure that would be a hard sell to convince them.

Would a park pavilion area work, and even if a store doesn’t sponsor it they might set up a table and sell books? 

I’m sure there a thousand reasons that won’t work, just tossing out ideas.

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Just now, Spryte said:

@regentrude Maybe with fall coming there will be a venue outside that can work, once the heat calms down.

I wish one of the bookstores would sponsor it so they bear the cost of renting a space, and they could sell books (and small personal fans, ha!) to offset the cost, but I’m sure that would be a hard sell to convince them.

Would a park pavilion area work, and even if a store doesn’t sponsor it they might set up a table and sell books? 

I’m sure there a thousand reasons that won’t work, just tossing out ideas.

Thanks for trying to brainstorm for me. That is very kind.
The (commercial) bookstores I mentioned were in reference to my friends traveling and touring -that's the one kind of venue; the others are bars/cafes. We do not have anything like this in my town. (It's hard enough already to arrange a tour; you can't make extra demands on the host, since you're asking a favor by having them let you read. It's not like they make enough money of your book sales to even justify the staffing, LOL)
 
The place I have been invited to is in a tiny town thirty miles from here; they have events in a non-profit bookstore run by volunteers for the benefit of the library. So, no money.

But mainly, as I wrote in another post, folks do not think what they are doing is risky. It's not that they are cavalier about Covid. They had suspended all in-person events for 15 months; all the organizers and, as far as I know the recent performers, are vaccinated; when a recent performer had contact with a person who then tested positive, they canceled the event. They are not reckless. Compared to everything else going on in the local communities, this is a small gathering. They are comfortable with the arrangements. Only I am the sole person with the diverging risk assessment. (Which has me question whether I am overreacting. )

For my own event series: my chance of gathering an audience for an event in a park, with uncertain weather, is quite small and not worth inviting a reader. It has been notoriously difficult to get folks to attend something cultural (you'd think this being a college town would make it easy, but its an engineering school, and there has been no literary life whatsoever)

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My sister is a teacher and she feels as you, that she already has a LOT of risk due to her job. Lots of kids in a closed space all day long. She does not want MORE risk. Your risk assessment is sound. If you were an isolated-at-home writer, and then once a month went to a 30 person indoor gathering to read poetry, that would be less exposure than daily lecturing to large groups of students in an indoor hall. It makes sense to evaluate your background risk as higher than others, which unfortunately impacts your choice of activities during your free time. 

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I also think risk assessment depends on how much you want to avoid covid. My 78 year old Aunt is currently on an RV tour of the USA and wanted to swing by my parent's house for a visit. My dad said NO. My dad is healthy and has at least 20 good years left, he also needs to take care of my mom with alzeheimers, and takes this responsibility very seriously.  However, my aunt is in terrible health, and likely only has 2 good years left for travelling. She is unwilling to give that up to avoid covid, because if she doesn't have fun now, she likely won't be able to ever again before she dies. So my dad with good health is way way more careful than my aunt with bad health.

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Hugs to all of you.  We are being careful, too.

The only exposure we have right now is grocery pickup and work for dh and dd17.

Dd17 had just gotten a job when the Delta variant was taking hold.  We are allowing her to keep it because she needs money for college next year.  She is fully vaccinated and wears a mask, but it a service position with a lot of exposure.  😞  Because of that exposure, we are not doing anything else.

Most of our pre-covid activities were church related.  While church online is not the same, we do not think that the cost/benefit ratio is worth it to attend services in person.  It is getting harder, though, especially for my girls who are stuck at home. 😞

 

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3 hours ago, regentrude said:

I don't know. Folks have tried everything. Zoom is soulless; after a year of online readings I cannot bear to go to yet another thing. Sweated through outdoor events at 96 degrees, typical humid MO summer, and it's miserable. The last outdoor thing my friends organized was rained out and had to be moved into the organizer's living room.

Where do you find "large, well-ventilated rooms" somebody will let you use for free? The spaces that offer to host events are small independent bookstores (for the love of literature and because they get a large cut of any sales made that night) or cafes and bars (because attendees will purchase beverages.) My event series used the loft at the local pub; we got to use it for free on weeknights when business is slow. The music open mic where I play is hosted by a winery. They did outside for a while last year, but the better sound equipment is indoors, and you can't really play well when it's so hot (or cold, for that matter... I bailed on a few outdoor things when it was in the 40s)

I have tried coming up with alternatives, and I am drawing a blank. It is difficult enough to get an audience together in a familiar space and create a large enough pool of interested folks. Limiting attendance is the very last thing anyone needs. (At my last event in February before Covid, I was discussing with the venue how we can arrange the seating differently to fit more people - a fantastic achievement in a town that is lacking any kind of literary culture. That's dead now, of course)

Try national forests. We have a gorgeous one on the west side of the state here with a wonderful open air seating amphitheatre. It would be perfect, and it is easily 10 degrees cooler or more due to the intense shade plus the soft breezes off the lake and river are refreshing. Book readings, poetry, one act plays, demonstrations... They have hosted a lot. Some of our state parks as well...a few of the park rangers have gotten pretty into outside the box programming. In full shade, outdoors might be okay.

I wonder about a progressive event where folks go in small, masked groups from one bookstore/restaurant/pub to another and the reader is very distanced from the small pod of people. So on a Sunday afternoon or whatever, maybe 100 people would come through, but only in groups of 8-10, staggered arrivals, and masks required. Of course that only works if proprietors are willing to have standards and enforce them. I realize that might not be remotely possible. Many won't try.

I don't know. Just spit balling for you because I really feel horrible for everyone in the arts. We have been so screwed by the way this pandemic has been handled, and the way half the nation has acted. My community fine arts program director is gone. Finished. The foundation is tired of fighting the nutters for it, the large church that hosted events went "covid is a hoax", donations dried up. And the kids suffer because the children's community choir, the children's art and theater day camp, the summer teen musical theater program, the family movies on the lawn, the ballroom dancing for kids, the community art gallery showings, the student art shows....all gone, every one of them. 

In particular, the piano performance portion of my career is beyond finished. I am done dealing with venues. D.o.n.e.

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