Do You Ever Wish...

[JumpyTheFrog]

Do you ever wish you could go back to the youthful optimism you had before you felt beat up by life? 

[fairfarmhand]

8 minutes ago, JumpyTheFrog said:

Do you ever wish you could go back to the youthful optimism you had before you felt beat up by life? 

 Oh YES! 
 

I try not to dwell on that too much. 
 

[Katy]

Yes.  I used to be bubbly and happy.  Now if I want to act like that I have to put it on.  I'm content, but I'm no longer innocent.  I miss it sometimes.

[R828]

Don’t we all? Sadly, I think it’s a pretty universal feeling as you get older.  I’ve always been an optimistic, happy go lucky kind of person and I still am but to a much lesser degree than when I was younger.   

[bibiche]

Eh, I never had any. 
Cynicism has its advantages. 😉 

[OH_Homeschooler]

8 minutes ago, bibiche said:

Eh, I never had any. 
Cynicism has its advantages. 😉 

Yeah, I wish I could go back and be less trusting. Sad but true. 

BUT...at the beginning of each new month I am always excited. So I still have a bit of optimism left in me, even these days. Happy September!

[Slache]

Yes. I don't want to be that dumb though.

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't even need "youthful." I'd settle for five or six years ago, when I used to be able to tell people that one of my core beliefs was that "Things usually work out."

[Pawz4me]

I don't know that I ever really had youthful optimism. I have at times certainly experienced the "life is good" feeling, and I'd love to be able to feel that again. But even in the "life is good" times I was always realist enough to be aware that life wouldn't always be good.

[Storygirl]

As a young person, I was an idealist, not an optimist. Now I am a realist, which is not so much fun.

But what I really wish is that I could give up being a perfectionist. Or at least the negative aspects of perfectionism. When I was a student, being a perfectionist helped me be very successful. But for life in general, perfectionism does not help me feel successful.

I do wish I could be more carefree and happy. When I think about the future, I worry more than I dream.

[fraidycat]

Yes! In some ways. I think the optimism provided energy to do things. It's not that I'm pessimistic now, but I have, maybe healthier, maybe unhealthier doses of... reservation now. Which makes me less enthusiastic and more lethargic, overall. 

[Tanaqui]

Quite an assumption you're making there!

But since I'm guessing you're making that because that's how you feel, you have my sympathy.

[BlsdMama]

2 hours ago, JumpyTheFrog said:

Do you ever wish you could go back to the youthful optimism you had before you felt beat up by life? 

Nope. 
 

I valued things too cheaply before I knew what I know now. 

[regentrude]

I don't remember "youthful optimism". In my youth, I had more anxiety and less self-confidence than now in my 50s. Then during the years of parenting, I had to worry about the kids. Now they're grown, and I know they'll be ok.

so I guess, nope

Edited September 1, 2021 by regentrude

[gardenmom5]

What is this "youthful optimism" of which you speak?

my life is far better now than when I was a teen.

[Melissa in Australia]

Glad you had such a secure childhood that you could have youthful optimism 

not all of us were so fortunate 

 

[Ausmumof3]

Kind of?  I do think I had a pretty secure easy childhood up until my Mum died.  I did have struggles in some ways (friendship, religion stuff making everything hard).  But definitely more secure in other ways.  My kids have lived through a bushfire and a pandemic and unless the world changes kind of drastically I suspect they will live through more natural disasters.  In other ways they’ve had an easier childhood though - never been at school and dealt with the day in day out boredom of that and any bullying they’ve experienced has been limited to more short term activities.

I have no desire to relive my teens or early 20s though. (Although I’d make some different choices for sure - mostly University/career ones).  I definitely feel much calmer and somewhat more emotionally resilient than back then.

Edited September 1, 2021 by Ausmumof3

[Rosie_0801]

I've got memories of injustice from when I was 2.

[elegantlion]

The bumper sticker on my first car read "Life's a beach" - but I'll take the youthful part. It would be nice if nothing hurt for the day and I woke up in the morning refreshed. 

I do get what you're saying, I remember a time when it felt like there was time to course correct and embrace the change. This week in particular has made think about that. 

[Jenny in Florida]

Since several other folks have referred to not having great youths/childhoods -- I absolutely would not want to go back and relive any part of my actual youth or childhood. Mine was not objectively terrible in any way, but I was not an especially happy or relaxed kid. And my family situation was not calculate to produce warm, fuzzy memories. However, once I hit my young adulthood, I feel like I kind of got around to becoming myself. And, flawed as I was, there are things I miss about how that person felt and what she believed about herself and the world.

Even then, I wouldn't want to relive any specific time between then and now, because all of them had experiences I wouldn't want to endure again. But, yes, I do wish I could reclaim some of the "it'll be okay" attitude I have lost along the way.

[Melissa Louise]

I think I've always been an optimistic pessimist - expect the worst, hope for the best. That hasn't changed. 

I'm in the not-beat-up-by-life-in-comparison- to-prior-decades stage, so maybe optimism is in the ascendant. 

Honestly, I'd have to go back to...idk...birth?

BUT...I hear you. Living sure takes off our nice, sharp edges. I try to think of battered as a well-worn comfy bit of furniture. 

[TexasProud]

Yes, desperately. I so wish I could get it back

[Melissa Louise]

3 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

I don't know that I ever really had youthful optimism. I have at times certainly experienced the "life is good" feeling, and I'd love to be able to feel that again. But even in the "life is good" times I was always realist enough to be aware that life wouldn't always be good.

I get this feeling a lot more now than I did in the past. 

Now I can get it from sitting in some spring sunshine, or watching the birds outside, or finishing a yoga routine. 

Way, way more accessible than trying to find it in the ways of my youth. 

[Tap]

Today, that thought brings tears to my eyes. I cant even imagine who I would be if I hadn't made a horrible decision 14 years ago. I see who I used to be, in dd22. She and I are sooo much alike it is really funny. But that person stopped existing many, many years ago.

[fairfarmhand]

3 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

. However, once I hit my young adulthood, I feel like I kind of got around to becoming myself. And, flawed as I was, there are things I miss about how that person felt and what she believed about herself and the world.

 

YES! My younger years were not easy or optimistic. But the idea that in my 20s that I had my whole life ahead of me and things were gonna be GREAT...that person is who I envy. The idea that things were going to be easy and I could create an outcome. 

[fairfarmhand]

2 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

. I try to think of battered as a well-worn comfy bit of furniture. 

That's a much better way of framing it.

 

But I will share this. Because life has been so hard, I have such greater empathy for people that I did when I was younger. I guess the idea that I embraces about creating an outcome soaked into my views of others. My attitude was "Look, get it together, person. Make it happen" and now that I'm older, I have so much mroe sympathy for those who struggle and have hard things happen to them.

[Clarita]

I feel more optimistic now than I did when I was "younger". I had a pretty good childhood no trauma but was always making mountains out of small mounds of dirt, especially in middle school.  In 10th grade my childhood friend died from a lung transplant and my grandma went into a coma. Those really put my mounds of dirt into perspective. At the time I literally just thought "Hey things can't get worse" so I got more optimistic about life. Since then more less than stellar things have happened to me and things did get worse than that point in my life. Each time I guess I still hold that outlook of "Things can only go up from here."

Probably because it became a habit and my mind associates that type of thinking as pulling me through that one time and keeps using it. Not that everyone needs to jump on this optimism train, because I don't think it's better or worse than being realist or a pessimist.    

[J-rap]

No, I like being older and wiser.  Even when it's hard.

[Soror]

13 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

I don't even need "youthful." I'd settle for five or six years ago, when I used to be able to tell people that one of my core beliefs was that "Things usually work out."

Yes, I had more of an idea that things would improve. Bad times don't stay around. When bad things happen there was a way to reframe it in a positive way. The last few years have tested me on this as I keep waiting for things to turn around- watch one thing improve and then something else happen. I'm trying to refocus and find new thought patterns that are more helpful. 

6 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

That's a much better way of framing it.

 

But I will share this. Because life has been so hard, I have such greater empathy for people that I did when I was younger. I guess the idea that I embraces about creating an outcome soaked into my views of others. My attitude was "Look, get it together, person. Make it happen" and now that I'm older, I have so much mroe sympathy for those who struggle and have hard things happen to them.

I have a lot, lot more sympathy and empathy for people struggling.

People that want to blow me off and tell me get a positive attitude or I just need to do xyz and my problem will be solved I want to throat punch. It is ok to be upset about upsetting things. It is ok to need time to readjust when life throws you curveballs. I am not failing as a person. And if you have not went through a situation you have no idea what the f*ck you are talking about. 

[Guest]

14 hours ago, Slache said:

Yes. I don't want to be that dumb though.

Relate. 

When I was 33, I remember that as the high point of optimism and idealism in my life. Then my baby died and everything changed. I do wish I could go back to that deep trust that everything will be fine...but I also do think I was very dumb for not being fully aware that shit happens to everybody. I thought I was specially protected and rewarded by God and now that belief is pretty repugnant to me. 

[Jenny in Florida]

9 hours ago, Soror said:

Yes, I had more of an idea that things would improve. Bad times don't stay around. When bad things happen there was a way to reframe it in a positive way. The last few years have tested me on this as I keep waiting for things to turn around- watch one thing improve and then something else happen. I'm trying to refocus and find new thought patterns that are more helpful. 

I have a lot, lot more sympathy and empathy for people struggling.

People that want to blow me off and tell me get a positive attitude or I just need to do xyz and my problem will be solved I want to throat punch. It is ok to be upset about upsetting things. It is ok to need time to readjust when life throws you curveballs. I am not failing as a person. And if you have not went through a situation you have no idea what the f*ck you are talking about. 

Yep. When I was in my mid-20s, my nickname at work was "Little Jenny Sunshine," because I could always reframe negative situations as "challenges" and/or "on the other hand, if that hadn't happened . . ." every bad experience. 

My son used to call me the Energizer Bunny, because, no matter what life threw at me (sometimes after taking a beat or three), my response was to regroup and keep going.

My response to virtually everything for the past few decades has been to "just keep swimming." (I used to keep a Dory plush in my office to remind me.) 

But something or some combination of things in the last few years just finally broke me. 

And I agree, @Soror, that I find those kinds of platitudes infuriating. Being reminded that other people have it worse than I do doesn't adjust my attitude; it makes me resentful. Being told that "happiness is a choice" just makes me feel like a failure on top of being depressed. 

 

Editing to add: I never, ever expected that things would be easy or that life would not include difficulty and pain. I just used to be able to draw some kind of strength and reassurance from knowing that I had dealt with things before and could do it this time, too. I never denied that life could hurt, but I used to believe that even painful experiences led to growth, and I could usually, with the benefit of hindsight, draw a fairly straight line between the bad thing and a good thing that wouldn't have happened without that catalyst. That's the part of myself I really miss, the part that had any kind of faith that making the effort to get through the hard stuff is worth it.

Edited September 2, 2021 by Jenny in Florida

[Soror]

1 hour ago, Jenny in Florida said:

Yep. When I was in my mid-20s, my nickname at work was "Little Jenny Sunshine," because I could always reframe negative situations as "challenges" and/or "on the other hand, if that hadn't happened . . ." every bad experience. 

My son used to call me the Energizer Bunny, because, no matter what life threw at me (sometimes after taking a beat or three), my response was to regroup and keep going.

My response to virtually everything for the past few decades has been to "just keep swimming." (I used to keep a Dory plush in my office to remind me.) 

But something or some combination of things in the last few years just finally broke me. 

And I agree, @Soror, that I find those kinds of platitudes infuriating. Being reminded that other people have it worse than I do doesn't adjust my attitude; it makes me resentful. Being told that "happiness is a choice" just makes me feel like a failure on top of being depressed. 

 

Editing to add: I never, ever expected that things would be easy or that life would not include difficulty and pain. I just used to be able to draw some kind of strength and reassurance from knowing that I had dealt with things before and could do it this time, too. I never denied that life could hurt, but I used to believe that even painful experiences led to growth, and I could usually, with the benefit of hindsight, draw a fairly straight line between the bad thing and a good thing that wouldn't have happened without that catalyst. That's the part of myself I really miss, the part that had any kind of faith that making the effort to get through the hard stuff is worth it.

yes. I like your phrasing. I always felt I was more of a optimistic realist that has slid more firmly to realist. I've always been a Type A too. Going and going. My friends would marvel at all I would do. Our house burned down when I was 9 months pregnant (baby born 2 days later) and I didn't cry(ever). But after the last few years I'm rather done  looking for the rainbow. It is exhausting to turn everything into a positive. I just don't have the energy and no longer find it productive.  There is not always a positive in a situation. Better times do not always come. I'm trying to focus on the practical. What can I do? And I try to find things to laugh about, even if it is in a sick and twisted way. 

It is hard for people when you are going through a rough time. People don't know what to say or do. They try to gloss it over. They give platitudes, they give you stupid advice. People like to keep the belief that these things happen to other people and they won't happen to them because they are positive, they know what to do, they are good parents/spouses/people/etc. I am more aware of how I respond to people going through hard times themselves. I have lots of room to grow. It is uncomfortable. I have so little bandwidth left for others right now.

I did feel like a failure at first, a lot. Failure that crap happened and that I couldn't make it go away/get better, failure that I couldn't fake it. I've moved on to resignation, acceptance. I keep trying to find grace for myself and others. I've lowered my standards (repeatedly), gave up perfectionism. I get angry. I cuss in my head and to my dh. I keep more to myself and between dh and I. 

 

Edited September 2, 2021 by Soror

[DawnM]

I used to get every job I interviewed for.   Seriously.   I was so full of, "I can conquer to world" energy and optimism......I wasn't flighty, I was still realistic, but I believed differently.

Now I am a jaded old fart who knows I can save only those who want to save themselves.

[Jenny in Florida]

41 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I used to get every job I interviewed for.   

Me, too. Well, not every job, but almost all of them. 

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

I find those kinds of platitudes infuriating. Being reminded that other people have it worse than I do doesn't adjust my attitude; it makes me resentful. Being told that "happiness is a choice" just makes me feel like a failure on top of being depressed.

Yep. Google "toxic positivity". Uggh.

ETA: I did not take kindly to somebody telling me that "there is always hope" and "there are so many things to be grateful for" when I was grieving after my father had a stroke that left him bedridden, unable to speak, with a feeding tube. Nope, there is no hope for that, and I am not grateful for the state he is in. They can shove it. Is it really that hard to just say "I am sorry, this sucks." or even ask "are you ok?"

Edited September 2, 2021 by regentrude

[DawnM]

42 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

Me, too. Well, not every job, but almost all of them. 

I was also very cute and bubbly.   I am not so much anymore.  Age sucks.

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I was also very cute and bubbly.   I am not so much anymore.  Age sucks.

I was never "cute", but the older I get, the better I look compared to others my age 😉
The bar doesn't hang that high, and fitness compensates plenty for grey hair

Edited September 2, 2021 by regentrude

[Wheres Toto]

On 9/1/2021 at 3:41 PM, Slache said:

Yes. I don't want to be that dumb though.

Honestly, this was my first reaction.   Times when I was bubbly optimistic, it was because I was too stupid to realize what a sh** show everything actually was.  

On 9/1/2021 at 5:21 PM, regentrude said:

I don't remember "youthful optimism". In my youth, I had more anxiety and less self-confidence than now in my 50s. Then during the years of parenting, I had to worry about the kids. Now they're grown, and I know they'll be ok.

so I guess, nope

This.  I definitely feel more in control of my life, more confident in my decisions and less anxious now than I did when younger.  I do still have younger kid (high schoolers) but I feel like they are going to be okay even if things don't go according to some arbitrary plan.  There are many paths to being okay, and even happy and successful. 

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

ETA: I did not take kindly to somebody telling me that "there is always hope" and "there are so many things to be grateful for" when I was grieving after my father had a stroke that left him bedridden, unable to speak, with a feeding tube. Nope, there is no hope for that, and I am not grateful for the state he is in. They can shove it. Is it really that hard to just say "I am sorry, this sucks." or even ask "are you ok?"

I'm optimistic too, but I whole heartedly tell those people to shove it. When my dad passed away way too many people told me "I'll see him in heaven" except I'm a Christian and he hates my God. When my mom moved across the ocean because she's done raising me it was "she'll be back for the grandchildren." A hard NOPE. I don't think that's not being positive or optimistic as much as it is rude and wanting someone in pain to comfort them.

[KungFuPanda]

On 9/1/2021 at 3:05 PM, JumpyTheFrog said:

Do you ever wish you could go back to the youthful optimism you had before you felt beat up by life? 

I wish I could go back to the youthful optimism I had before the Pandemic . . . or even last week before I knew about Texas's latest shenanigans.

[Garga]

10 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I wish I could go back to the youthful optimism I had before the Pandemic . . . or even last week before I knew about Texas's latest shenanigans.

Yeah, I’m like this. I can barely even remember the person I was in my 20s, I was so different. There are a lot of things about her I don’t like.

But every day Facebook shares old memories, and when I see the ones from 2015 and earlier I think about how back then I had a sense that the world made some sense. I feel like I had a form of innocence at that time that is completely gone from me now.

The world now makes no sense at all and I can barely stand being around people I used to adore. I’d love to go back to 2015.

Edited September 3, 2021 by Garga

[Spy Car]

Beneath my sometimes grumpy exterior, I actually remain a bubbly optimist at heart. 

Bill