Just something I observed wrt my stress level yesterday.

[WildflowerMom]

This sound normal?

yesterday ds20 texted me that he had a job interview today in a city 2 hrs away.  This was an very bad idea and I talked to him and he canceled it.   He is not stable enough yet for that kind of move, but I hope he will be soon because it's a goal of his.   Any way, all our talking was done on text and there was zero arguing or anything like that, it was us just talking through this idea.   But I could feel my heart pounding.  I checked my pulse via my pulse-ox finger thing and it hit 140.   So right now I just sat down and decided to check it again since I left the pulse ox thing on the end table beside me.   My heart rate is now 62-65.    Not a single thing has changed except for the stress from ds' text.    Is that normal?   I am calling to get in to see a new psych because I really think I have ptsd from ds' mental health issues.   But should a heart rate more than double just because of stress?  

[catz]

Well that's normal for me and a not atypical stress response.  Last time I was in urgent care unexpectedly I was a mess.  Perimenopause and especially during my period has made me more prone.

However, you can do some focused breathing and learn to control this at least some what.  There are also break through drug options for panic attacks.  

[WildflowerMom]

Thank you!   I just got a book on meditating and breathing exercises and I need to start on it.  I do have Xanax and used it but didn’t check my heart rate afterward.   I take atenolol nightly to reduce my heart rate because I have panic disorder and it helps to keep it tamped down.    I just never imagined it would go so high for something like a text convo.   Those pulse ox’s are kind of cool to have around! 

[Katy]

It's normal.  Your body's stress systems don't know it's a hypothetical threat to your adult child.  For all it knows you were about to run from a tiger or something.

[WildflowerMom]

27 minutes ago, Katy said:

It's normal.  Your body's stress systems don't know it's a hypothetical threat to your adult child.  For all it knows you were about to run from a tiger or something.

This is something I haven’t thought about before—so the body senses ‘danger’ and it just reacts?    Even if you know that the situation isn’t that bad?  

[WildflowerMom]

Any books anyone could recommend on your body and stress?    I clearly need to understand this better.  

[Annie G]

1 minute ago, WildflowerMom said:

This is something I haven’t thought about before—so the body senses ‘danger’ and it just reacts?    Even if you know that the situation isn’t that bad?  

Yes. After my inlaws died, our relationship w dh’s sister turned absolutely awful. I got so stressed that even when nothing had happened my body acted like awful stuff was happening. It was crazy. Dh would get a text from her and my body reacted…like just when I heard he HAD a text, not even waiting until I heard the contents of it.  Once the estate was settled and we no longer had to deal with her it took six months for my body to recover. So yes, what you’re experiencing is normal…for you. I’m so sorry. 

[Katy]

2 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

This is something I haven’t thought about before—so the body senses ‘danger’ and it just reacts?    Even if you know that the situation isn’t that bad?  

IDK about general interest books, it's something I remember from Anatomy & Physiology, which was a combined class for me.  I think the brain was in semester 2.  I had a great experience taking it as an online course.  I can't remember details about say, the basal ganglia, but I remember useful stuff like that. Danger is danger for your lizard brain.

[Carrie12345]

39 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

This is something I haven’t thought about before—so the body senses ‘danger’ and it just reacts?    Even if you know that the situation isn’t that bad?  

(((Hugs))). 
Sometimes my brain doesn’t even consciously know what “the danger” IS, never mind that it might not be that bad! My body and my subconscious plot against me. 

[WildflowerMom]

Well, interesting enough, here I am watching a nascar race tonight and some of the drivers are wearing heart rate monitors which they're showing during the broadcast.  I thought that was a funny coincidence considering it's been on my mind today.   Their heart rates are running in the 150s.   
 

I did call and leave a message for a new psych this afternoon.   Hopefully we can figure something out for the anxiety this kid is giving me. 🙇🏻‍♀️
If anyone does come across a book or even website that might explain stress and the brain pretty well and is easy to understand through my brain fog, please let me know.   I did take A&P in college and took psych classes, but my brain has fried since then.  

[TravelingChris]

I was at the doctor's yesterday and had had very little sleep and yesterday was such a stressful day because of the Kabul bombings.  Then I didn't have the best visit though it did end quite well.  But my bp had shot up to 160/71.  I don't know what my pulse was but yes, pulse does go super high with stress as does bp.

[TravelingChris]

34 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

Well, interesting enough, here I am watching a nascar race tonight and some of the drivers are wearing heart rate monitors which they're showing during the broadcast.  I thought that was a funny coincidence considering it's been on my mind today.   Their heart rates are running in the 150s.   
 

I did call and leave a message for a new psych this afternoon.   Hopefully we can figure something out for the anxiety this kid is giving me. 🙇🏻‍♀️
If anyone does come across a book or even website that might explain stress and the brain pretty well and is easy to understand through my brain fog, please let me know.   I did take A&P in college and took psych classes, but my brain has fried since then.  

I take hydroxyzine 10-20mg. It is an antihistamine that is often used for anxiety.

[Melissa Louise]

The highest levels of stress I deal with are to do with DD and mental health issues. 

Just another vote for finding someone for you.

I do 200x better after 2+ yrs of therapy, in that now I notice the related physical stress indicators, and by changing those, I reduce my own vicarious trauma. 

Simple things, like dropping my shoulders, slowing my breathing. Along with productive self talk. Some people probably need less therapy to notice the have a body, lol. 

Good luck. Normal but malleable response. 

 

 

[MooCow]

That happens to me too.

Edited September 1, 2021 by MooCow

[WildflowerMom]

Thank y'all for understanding.   I love him so much, but my word, if I don't get a handle on how I'm responding to his mental illness, it's going to literally kill me.    I am his sounding board, and he needs that so much.   And of course, I'm mom, and I'll always be here for him.   But internally?  It's killing me.   I'm cracking under the pressure.   

[Melissa Louise]

7 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

Thank y'all for understanding.   I love him so much, but my word, if I don't get a handle on how I'm responding to his mental illness, it's going to literally kill me.    I am his sounding board, and he needs that so much.   And of course, I'm mom, and I'll always be here for him.   But internally?  It's killing me.   I'm cracking under the pressure.   

Yep. I get it. 

You need support for you. 

[popmom]

1 hour ago, WildflowerMom said:

Thank y'all for understanding.   I love him so much, but my word, if I don't get a handle on how I'm responding to his mental illness, it's going to literally kill me.    I am his sounding board, and he needs that so much.   And of course, I'm mom, and I'll always be here for him.   But internally?  It's killing me.   I'm cracking under the pressure.   

I am struggling very similarly with one of my daughters. I think if you are cracking under the pressure—that’s not normal. I’ve been there. I’m sort of there right now. I will be seeing a counselor/ therapist next week, and this is one of the things I’m needing support for. My dd has a serious chronic health condition along with probable bipolar 2. (Her identical twin has been dx’d, but she is resistant to being labeled) She is 24 years old. I know she still needs support from me (especially with the chronic health issues), but she continues to make choices that add stress and drama to her life. Then she calls me and she’s hysterical about how overwhelmed she is, etc. It absolutely spikes my anxiety. It’s a triggered response—involuntary. But I’m not willing to say that it’s “normal” just because a lot of moms feel this way. 
 

I often think about what it takes to be a good nurse. Like when this dd had to have a lumbar puncture recently and the news was not good. Dd started crying—hard. The nurse was compassionate but very clear that crying was not a good idea right after a spinal tap. I think about my (and my children’s) hospitalizations over the years. I remember those nurses! A great nurse knows how to balance compassion with truth telling. I’m trying to find that balance with dd. (I want to be a nurse when I grow up!)

It’s so, so hard. 

Edited August 28, 2021 by popmom

[Spryte]

7 hours ago, WildflowerMom said:

Any books anyone could recommend on your body and stress?    I clearly need to understand this better.  

This may not be exactly what you are looking for, but reading Burn Out has been very helpful for me. We have had a lot of stress and drama (DSS is bipolar 2, elder mom is bipolar, and they both have an alphabet soup of other issues - it adds up to a lot of drama). Burn Out has a lot of information on completing the stress cycle, so your body can finish processing it. It’s been enormously helpful for me. 

[fraidycat]

8 hours ago, WildflowerMom said:

Any books anyone could recommend on your body and stress?    I clearly need to understand this better.  

The Body Keeps the Score

[Katy]

I haven’t read it, but this book discusses the same phenomenon in the description. I’d start there. 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143130471/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_Q8GYTTJAZSY3423WMX52

[popmom]

2 hours ago, fraidycat said:

The Body Keeps the Score

This book was very helpful to me, too. 
 

Also, I’d recommend Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. I’m about halfway through it, and it’s also been very helpful to me.