Do your kids plan to have kids?

[Spryte]

What are your kids’ plans wrt to having kids?

Do you think they will change their minds?

How do you feel about it?

[Farrar]

No and maybe, but seems pretty negative on it.

I think they may? But also, I can easily imagine they won't.

It makes me a little sad. But it's all wrapped up in feeling sad about humanity's future in a general sense.

[Eos]

Oldest and ddil are actively trying but having fertility problems.  Dd25, type 1 diabetic thinks maybe not, ds22 can't wait and youngest is a stressed-out climate activist, so maybe not.  I both desperately want grandchildren and think everyone will suffer less if there are none.

[fairfarmhand]

Dd1, yes

Dd2, maybe, if the right guy comes along, but she also has reservations due to some hereditary mental illness stuff in the family.

Dd3, perhaps. But she actually seems more excited about living a single life and raising chickens and sheep.

Ds4 is just 13 so who knows. He still seems to think that girls have cooties.

[HomeAgain]

The youngest is adamant he won't.  His reasoning is he wants to enjoy WDW without having to do the kid things if he's a grown up. 😂

The oldest has no opinion yet, but doesn't particularly like children.

I have no idea if they will change their minds or not, but since I'm looking forward to a few years of just dh and I, I am not going to emotionally involve myself in their decisions.

I have made it clear about holidays, though.  If they do have kids they are in no way obligated to come to our house on Christmas day, or even Christmas eve.  We've already decided as a family that when they're grown we will do second Christmas in the week between that and New Year's.  We'll pick a day that works for everyone.  Dh and I plan to travel more around the holidays when it's just the two of us and don't need our kids feeling rushed or stressed because they don't want to disappoint us or have us feeling lonely.

[Kassia]

Ds1 and his gf - I can see them having 1 or 2

Ds2 and his gf - I can see them having a bunch

Ds3 - Aspie - I don't know if he'll ever be in a relationship 😞

Dd - says no kids, but she's just 19 and may change her mind.  She feels strongly about adopting and foster care.  I think her bf would want kids, though.

 

[prairiewindmomma]

So far, all of them say they are not interested. I suspect 1-2 out of my 4 eventually will but I have 0 expectations of grandchildren and am completely understanding of that given the high cost of childcare, high cost of medical expenses, the abhorrent lack of parenting leave, the dearth of quality affordable education and all of the other ways things have gone badly in the last few decades. My kids look at the culture wars and the direct impact of environmental change on burning season here and pretty much think the world is in the toilet.

[Not_a_Number]

My kids are too little to know, but honestly, I wouldn't trust most things people say about this until they are with their stable romantic partner in their late 20s at the earliest. 

[MooCow]

My oldest son and Dil have one. They eventually plan to have one more, but not any time soon. Dgd was a wonderful surprise! 

Dd plans to foster older teens.

Youngest ds plans on none. However, he's a teen, so who knows.

Dd and youngest son plan on never taking advantage because they see what oldest is doing to me. 

[marbel]

One of my kids talks in general about when they have kids, so I assume they sort of assume it will happen, as a matter of course, eventually.

The other does not say anything. That person's significant other comes from a large family though I don't know that that means anything. Both of them love kids but that also doesn't mean anything. They are also keenly aware of environmental issues and I know that is a factor for many young people. (Though I remember a lot of dire predictions from the 70s that were to have come to pass well before now, yet here we are.)

But I maintain hope in humanity and ingenuity and I would hate to see people who would be great parents who would teach their children care of the planet, etc, skipping it. I also know the future looks very scary to people who are 40 years younger than me. 

I would like to be a grandma but I know it might not happen. 

[Terabith]

My kids have been adamant about not having kids since they were preadolescents because they worry climate change will make the world a place that it would be cruel to bring someone into.  

[Sneezyone]

One says yes, the other says nothing, which all amounts to…nothing. It’s waaaaay too soon to know. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I expect to have at least one or two between them but if not we’ll just borrow someone else’s. 

[Amy Gen]

I do not think my oldest will have kids. My son used to say he never would because he didn’t want to pass down his mental illness to anyone. But then he met “the one”. She teaches special ed and convinced him that even if their kids inherit his brain, there are ways to still give them a happy, successful life. I think they have some baby names picked out. 
 

My middle child hopes to adopt, but I really hope she does a ton of maturing before then, because right now, I don’t really think she would make a good mother. My next daughter says babies are uglier than potatoes and only wants to have trendy dogs and money. My youngest probably will, but I didn’t have her until I was 43, so if she has them late in life, I might not get to know them. 
 

I thought that by having 5 kids, I would have grandchildren for sure. I’m trying to improve my health and keep my strength up so that I can be very involved with my grandchildren, hopefully on a daily basis. 

[Excelsior! Academy]

I am not sure.  They have varying opinions, however when I was younger I felt strongly for then against having children.  I now have a family 1/2 the size of the Duggars, so opinions and life circumstances can change reality drastically.

[Pawz4me]

With the caveat that you never know, and I was someone who didn't want kids until she did --

I think DS25 probably will, eventually. But he has Big Plans for the next few years and I can't see any offspring being on his agenda for another 8-10 years.

I think it highly unlikely that DS22 will ever have kids.

I don't feel much of anything about it. I'm sure I'll love any grandkids if they happen, but I've yet to feel even a small desire for them. Mostly I think it's up to the boys, and I'll support whatever happens.

[klmama]

One wants kids, one doesn't, and one doesn't want to even consider the question for many years.  All three would be great parents, but time will tell.

[hippymamato3]

My daughter, almost definitely. My son, it totally depends on the day. 

[Miss Tick]

I have one who is planning to be an aunt, and the other two have no opinion, soooo, we'll have to wait and see how that works out. 😄

[73349]

He has never liked babies (even as a toddler/preschooler) and is very climate-aware, so I'm not expecting him to have one. If he does, I couldn't see him going over two.

[MEmama]

I honestly have no idea. He’s never indicated either way, and we’ve never expected any nor asked.

I can’t say I care either way. The idea of grandkids has literally never been on my radar. I doubt he’s ever thought about it either.
 

[WildflowerMom]

I doubt it, unless maybe it's accidental.  
 

My thoughts?   I hope he doesn't. 

[skimomma]

1 minute ago, WildflowerMom said:

 

My thoughts?   I hope he doesn't. 

This is me.  My dd leans towards no kids anyway, but she is young enough that I know that could change.  I would love and welcome grandkids but I honestly don't think this world as we know it is a welcome place for new humans.  My worries about the future are bad enough regarding my own adult child.  I cannot fathom starting the worry clock over again.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

1 hour ago, Not_a_Number said:

My kids are too little to know, but honestly, I wouldn't trust most things people say about this until they are with their stable romantic partner in their late 20s at the earliest. 

I absolutely did not want kids until I was 27.  Then I got married and five seconds later had baby fever:  😂

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I absolutely did not want kids until I was 27.  Then I got married and five seconds later had baby fever:  😂

I didn't know I wanted kids until I spent time with my much younger sister during and after college. (Having a newborn sister at age 17 was NOT helpful, but spending time with a 4-year old was.) 

Edited August 25, 2021 by Not_a_Number

[Not_a_Number]

For the record, though, my 5-year-old is the one who talks about kids like she'll definitely have them. DD9 is much more ambivalent about the whole thing. 

DD5 is my social butterfly, so I think it's just that she reads society's expectations better than DD9. DD9 is very much her own person. 

I don't know if any of that is meaningful, of course 🙂 . 

Edited August 25, 2021 by Not_a_Number

[BlsdMama]

#1 - already has kids and would like more eventually. 
#2 - always said yes, occasionally waivers no, but if he met a great girl? I have no doubt. 
#3 - got married this year. She’d like to finish nursing school but they’ve said 3-6. 
#4 - says maybe...

#5 - I can’t picture as an adult. 
#6 & #7 - both say they assume yes because you like your own more than your siblings. 😂 

And the rest are too young to take seriously right now. Little kids almost always say yes. 

Edited August 25, 2021 by BlsdMama

[Not_a_Number]

5 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

And the rest are too young to take seriously right now. Little kids almost always say yes. 

That wasn't true for me or DD9, interestingly 🙂 . DH said he had no clue as a kid, either. He kind of wants to have 4 as an adult 😂

[Carrie12345]

1. Someday. Will probably need to date first, lol. 
2. No. 
3. Was a no. Might consider one. 
4. Young and doesn’t really talk about it. 
5. Young and wants to be a sahd with a side hustle.

I want a million little grand babies, but I 100% get it if I wind up with none.

[deBij]

I grew up with the expectation that all women would become mothers.

I am teaching my children that either is a valid choice.

 

#1 does not want any.
#2 wants four just like her and my upbringing (and she expects me to homeschool them)
#3 is a social guy who I'd expect would end up a dad
#4 is too young to tell

Really, it is all too early to tell.  I hope all grandbabies wait, so we can enjoy our adult children, and I can focus on me and my other aspirations.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

DD & DSIL have two and are not planning on any more.

DS says he does not want children and is quite adamant. It has diminished his relationship possibilities because he brings it up early on. He claims he doesn't want to waste either his or her time if she feels strongly about having a family. I am sad for him - not because he doesn't want children, I understand his reasons but because he hasn't yet found a way to communicate his feelings and have a long term, healthy relationship, which he would like to have. He is wonderful with his nieces and makes the perfect uncle.

DH and I are okay with only having two DGC as we both worry about cultural and environmental changes and we know we won't be able to leave them an inheritance.

[Corraleno]

DS (23) says he absolutely does NOT want kids, although I think if he ended up with a partner who does, he would probably go along with it.

DD (19), who has absolutely no idea how much work kids are, thinks she wants several. She was adopted from an orphanage and will never know her birth family, and I think it's important to her to have someone she is biologically related to. I just hope she waits until she is a lot more emotionally and financially stable, because she is very impulsive and doesn't think things through. The thread about the DIL who demanded free babysitting made me think of DD — I could definitely see her getting pregnant thinking a baby would would be so much fun and then wanting to just drop the kiddo off with me whenever she wanted to hang out with friends or have "me time." 

[Spryte]

To answer my own questions …

All things can change. I didn’t want kids of my own till my 30s, but for now:

DS (30 next month) will not be having kids. Period. That one won’t change, and that’s fine. I think it’s the best choice, for him, for his mental health and genetic reasons. If he changes his mind, adoption would be his only route, and it is unlikely he would pursue that. Fiancé agrees, and barring a massive case of baby fever on her part, I just don’t see them investing the time and resources into an adoption journey. I’m just deeply happy to see him succeeding and enjoying life.

DS17 loves kids, and would definitely like to adopt at some point. As an adoptive parent, I know that route is fraught with difficulties, and that gives me great worry. Adoption will be his only route to parenting, barring some extremely unlikely events, so I’m skeptical, but hopeful he will land where he most wants, wherever that is, with regard to kids, and that the path to adoption will be open to him if that is his calling.

DD is only 10. From the moment she could articulate a preference, she has been adamant that she does not want kids. I was the same way, though, and that changed in my 30s, so who knows?

My feelings are mixed. I’ve never had a burning desire for babies or grand babies, but I am a little bit taken aback by the idea that out of our three, it’s entirely possible that none have/adopt kids. 

 

[lynn]

My dd says she's getting a dog and a few cats🙄😅

 

[catz]

I have a dd 17 and a ds 20 year old.  Honestly, no idea.  We've never presented them with a worldview that it's expected of them.  Like I remember when I was a kid, people would always say "when you have kids" or "when you get married".   Hind sight, I think that is weird.  I've never wanted to box my kids, I think young people should have plenty of opportunity to reinvent themselves after the parenting I had.  We kind of focus on the present or what is coming next down the road.  My son has never been one to talk about huge future decisions, though as a college junior he is talking about grad school possibly so that is something.  My dd has mentioned kids at times.  She also IDs as LGBT, so who knows.  Though we've always had single gender families in our lives.  

If my son were ever to have a family, I suspect it would come to him later.  I mean, I didn't marry until 29 and my husband was 8 years older.  I could see him wanting to go to college forever, he loves academics.  LOL.  

Edited August 25, 2021 by FuzzyCatz

[Lecka]

This is SUCH a topic for me because one of my kids has autism and it was a really big deal when my kids were little.  Now it is not a big deal at all.  But I go halfway between thinking it would be good if I didn’t have biological grandchildren and they date someone who is a single mom and already has kids…. Or if it’s sad and they should not have any sense that biological kids are a genetic gamble (which honestly I think they are — maybe they would be better off to have step-kids who loved them).

Well all my kids talk like they will definitely have kids, including my son with autism, and we don’t know if it is realistic or a good idea for him!

So just super complicated.  But I think we have a long time for this to develop!  
 

I think my oldest niece is likely to have a kid or kids in this area, and I think one of my kids will probably have step-kids at least, so I do think I am likely to have young kids in my life 🙂. But what it will look like — I have no idea.  And I don’t necessarily think we have the best genes. Which is too bad, but it’s up to my kids, honestly.  

Edited August 25, 2021 by Lecka

[KSera]

My young adult kids are adamant “no” but then first kid often talks about adoption. But is a definite no on pregnancy. (Both wanted them when they were younger, especially oldest, and they were all about their baby dolls.) The 16 and under kids are all still yes on kids, with the youngest wanting “lots and lots of babies 😂”. None of that means anything to me about what will actually happen. My 21 year old doesn’t believe me that they can’t be absolutely certain about it at their age. They are upset that doctors don’t easily agree to surgical sterilization at their age. They think that’s wrong (and may do it as a trans-related surgery, because that is the circumstance doctors will do it). 

[Night Elf]

Oldest dd yes. She's getting married in April of next year and hopes to get pregnant right away. She's been with her fiancé about 9 years and she's ready for marriage and family.

Two sons, no. Neither have any interest in kids. Jeffrey doesn't think he'll ever marry. Allen is iffy on the subject. He says he doesn't see it as necessary.

If I can have at least 1 grandchild, I'll be a happy camper.

[Condessa]

All of my kids want kids of their own, though my oldest is not big on the idea of going through pregnancy and childbirth, and she goes back and forth between wanting to adopt or have kids naturally.  My youngest may or may not be able to father children after his spinal surgery last November, but he is too young to determine whether those functions were damaged or not.  The chemo may also affect that.  But if he wants to be a father someday and can’t naturally, there are always other options to parenthood.

[elegantlion]

Ds is almost 24 and says he doesn't want children. I can see that being the case. I will have grandcats probably. 

 

[HeartString]

My oldest is 19, no girl friend, and he says he doesn’t plan on having kids.  If he doesn’t have any kids I’ll be sad, but I’ll respect the decision.  I do.secretly hope he’ll change his mind eventually though.  I honestly think having no children is a perfectly valid life choice, and I’ve told him that. 

 

 He sent this video to me and his dad a couple of months andI thought it was hilarious.  
 

 

[livetoread]

Young adult son might, but I hope he doesn't. He has untreated mental health issues that would make parenting difficult. 

Young adult daughter says no - doesn't want to be pregnant, is pessimistic about the world, and also has some mental health issues. Even though hers are treated and less serious than her brother's, I also think she would struggle with the demands of good parenting, and I'm totally good if neither have them.

 

 

[Faith-manor]

Kid one - oldest, and our only daughter. She has two, our grandsons, and the delights of our lives. She has high risk pregnancies so there is about no chance she will have any more. 

Kid two - 24, burned in a couple of bad relationships, has some health issues, and has decided not to have children and it isn't negotiable with him.

Kid three - Almost 23, wouldn't mind having one. But, he has grad school ahead for a PH.D., and his career will be low paid research archaeologist and anthropologist who also wants to live in Africa with a remote people for several years. He figures low income, travel, research...not amenable to being a good dad. So feels it isn't likely. He intends on being a super duper wonderful uncle in the hopes his nephews will choose a nice nursing home for him some day. The thing is, he has the kind of personality that would make him a wonderful dad. But, I get where he is coming from, and it is very good that he is mature enough to want to be a great dad, and in the absence of that, not have any.

Kid four - 21, college senior, looks like a deer caught in the headlights when it is mentioned, says that relationships mostly stink (and he kind of isn't wrong from the standpoint of seeing what relationships have been like for my siblings, his cousins, his brother,  many of his friends), and says he likes being a bachelor. Maybe that will change. He says he does not have a paternal bone in his body. But when his nephews are around, he is absolutely wonderful with them!

 

 

[Faith-manor]

2 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

So far, all of them say they are not interested. I suspect 1-2 out of my 4 eventually will but I have 0 expectations of grandchildren and am completely understanding of that given the high cost of childcare, high cost of medical expenses, the abhorrent lack of parenting leave, the dearth of quality affordable education and all of the other ways things have gone badly in the last few decades. My kids look at the culture wars and the direct impact of environmental change on burning season here and pretty much think the world is in the toilet.

Ya, definitely how my sons see it too!

[Kareni]

Mine does not. Admittedly when my husband and I married, we were both avowedly uninterested in having children; we each reconsidered a few years later.

Regards,

Kareni

[busymama7]

Yes all of mine are looking forward to it(and I have one grandchild already) We are religious and believe that children are a blessing.  We believe in being good stewards of the earth that God has given us but do not believe that the earth will become inhospitable or anything like that.  We need strong families and well raised children for the future. Not having children does not make the future of the world better IMO.  😊

I just read the thread and see that my viewpoint will probably not be well received but that is what it is. 

[skimomma]

6 minutes ago, busymama7 said:

Yes all of mine are looking forward to it(and I have one grandchild already) We are religious and believe that children are a blessing.  We believe in being good stewards of the earth that God has given us but do not believe that the earth will become inhospitable or anything like that.  We need strong families and well raised children for the future. Not having children does not make the future of the world better IMO.  😊

I just read the thread and see that my viewpoint will probably not be well received but that is what it is. 

Honestly, while I am in no way religious, it is nice to know people still feel this way....even if I don't.

[marbel]

3 minutes ago, busymama7 said:

Yes all of mine are looking forward to it(and I have one grandchild already) We are religious and believe that children are a blessing.  We believe in being good stewards of the earth that God has given us but do not believe that the earth will become inhospitable or anything like that.  We need strong families and well raised children for the future. Not having children does not make the future of the world better IMO.  😊

I just read the thread and see that my viewpoint will probably not be well received but that is what it is. 

I don't think there is anything wrong with your point of view. I have similar thoughts but was hesitant to post them because I imagined it not being taken well. The people who are concerned about the future of the planet are the people who will likely pass on their own philosophy of caring for the earth to their own children, while those who aren't, won't. It's not going to help. 

[skimomma]

53 minutes ago, elegantlion said:

 I will have grandcats probably. 

 

I can totally get behind this!

[annandatje]

My unmarried eldest does not enjoy being around children, so he has no desire to reproduce.  He has a sweet cat as companion. 

Middle daughter just got married; her spouse would like to have two children.  She is open to idea but has not offered any sort of timeframe.  Middle daughter had a cat and d-i-l had two cats; they have added an adorable puppy to the mix. 

Unmarried youngest daughter is ambivalent about having children; I could easily see her not finding ideal long term romantic partner until she may be a tad too old to start reproducing.  She has a gorgeous crystal blue-eyed seal point Himalayan cat.

I will enjoy remainder of life with or without grandchildren and trust my children to make decisions that are right for them.

 

[Lecka]

Honestly I wonder some times if I should have had kids.  The information was there for us to wonder about genetic issues, but we blew it off.  

But really -- I wonder if anyone can say they are the perfect person to pro-create, with no genetic issues whatsoever, and no maybe "nurture" type issues either. 

I am glad i had kids as a callow youth, at a certain point 😉