Life after kids are out of the house

[hjffkj]

My sister and I were having a talk about life, in regards to living with our spouses alone, after kids are out of the house. And our reactions were very different even though we both view our marriages as happy and healthy. So, it got me wonder what other people think it'll be like/or how it has been living alone with your spouse once kids are grown.

She can not envision what it'll be like and is worried about it. Like her identity is so wrapped up in homeschooling and raising kids that she can't imagine life after it. Whereas, I am very excited for that chapter in my life even though I'm happy with the current chapter. I can completely envision how my dh and I will be once we're done raising kids. Of course it might not play out that way but their is zero worry or feelings of anxiety about it.

Anyone care to share their thoughts on the topic.

[whitestavern]

I'm with you. I love (and really like) my kids and genuinely enjoy spending time with them, but I'm really excited for the next chapter of our lives!

[1234]

I’m excited!!! Both dc were supposed to be off at school this past fall but Covid changed things. They will both be moved into their own places by mid August this year though and dh and I are ready. We are all close and we will still see them super often but we are excited to just be the two of us again. 

[Melissa in Australia]

I am expecting to go from homeschooling 2 special needs boys to looking after an elderly dh. He is currently 60. Twins are 10.

10 more years of looking after twins, then helping them transition into some sort of supported living. Dh will then be 70. 

If twins hadn't come to live with us ds is turning 18 in a few months. We could have been empty nesters. I feel guilty and sorry for dh, slightly envious of people that are looking at empty nests and disappointed that I probably never will get to go on a holiday with dh

[MercyA]

We were married over a decade with no kids in the home, so, no, I'm not anxious about being in that place again.

@Melissa in Australia, I hope you get your holiday. ❤️

[Ali in OR]

We won't really have an empty nest any time soon as we have disabled dd living with us, but when youngest leaves for college this fall, I'm looking forward to meals with no extremely picky eater. And I'm enjoying working outside the home now too.

[Ellie]

One of my goals as a parent was to help my dc grow up and be productive, happy adults. I was young when they were born, so I was young-ish when I became and empty nester (only two dc). When younger dd was about 14 and older dd was working full time and going to college, it dawned on me that younger dd wouldn't need me for much longer; she was doing Highland dance, so weekly practices, and almost monthly competitions between May and October, and I took her to all of those. But at 16 she would get her driver license and could take herself to classes,  and maybe to competitions that were close to home. Then what would I do? So I started going to Scottish Country dance classes, which would also give me reason to go to the Highland Games alone (and with Mr. Ellie, of course). Then I became a member of the South Bay Scottish Society, then the Seanachie (secretary) of the Society, then Chief. And I continued doing my homeschool newsletter, and administering the umbrella school I owned. I also got a job when older dd got married; I only worked for a little over three years, though, because working for someone else is a pain in the patooty. I've been a super-volunteer at church. I organized a family reunion. I've put on five little homeschool conventions. Last year I helped organize a statewide homeschool association, 501(c)(3) and everything. I have also joined a Sweet Adelines group, and am also part of a quartet.

So the short story is that I saw empty-nesting coming at me, and prepared to meet it head on.

[mommyoffive]

Hmm, I am not excited for the kids to leave.  I love having them here even though it is nuts everyday.   I do know that it will be easier and calmer when they are gone.  But my youngest is 5 so that is 13 or more years away.  What dh and I are like or are interested can change a lot in that time.  It has in the previous 13 years.  So I am not counting down the days until they leave.  I get really sad thinking about it. 

[DawnM]

I don't picture us without kids in the house for a very long time.   My child with high functioning Autism (23) hasn't been able to launch, and I anticipate him being with us for a very long time, if not until we die.    And I have a 3 year old.   

So, it isn't that I don't want to be an empty nester, I just don't think it is in the cards for any time soon, if at all in my lifetime.

But I also enjoy having my kids around.    Right now I have all 4 kids here and I am enjoying it.  

I work full time outside the home too.

 

Edited July 29, 2021 by DawnM

[Lady Marmalade]

With just one at home full time looking at his senior year, other than helping guide him to the right choices for his future (whatever that is), we're practically at that stage now.   I'm coping by throwing myself more into my work.  I love my job and plan to give it my full attention once both kids are gone to college.  I am really looking forward to it.  I loved my time as a SAHM and wouldn't go back and change it for anything, but I also really love working and I'm happy to get back to it and really be able to give it my all.

[Guest]

I have just one at home now. I work outside the home now, and I think that’s good for me. 
 

I looked forward to my kids being independent. I love when they’re home but I like them running their lives elsewhere. I prefer not knowing everything they do 100% of the time. And my grown kids are pretty terrific, so when they visit, it’s great to see them, and then they leave and go back to managing their own lives. 
 

Dh and I don’t have many Things To Do When The Kids Are Grown. There’s the RV America idea, but we can’t do that unless/until we are financially independent. 

[Carrie12345]

I’m not exactly excited for it, but I think it’s because I’m overwhelmed by all the possibilities when I think about it. I also feel a little guilty about how much I think about it because I do still have a 10yo! But, with three legal adults, of course it’s on my mind a lot. When something is on my mind a lot and I don’t have a plan for it, I’m uncomfortable.

I do hope that my kids are around a lot, whether living with us to save money or just hanging out. But I expect them to be busy with school/work/social lives wherever they are and do my own thing (whatever that will be) unless we have actual plans.

I’ve never been a “real” adult without kids to care for. Ds was 2 when we got married at 23. We’ll be 51 when the baby turns 18. DH will still be working and volunteering for a long time. I’m sure I’ll volunteer more, and work is TBD.  By the time we’re facing actual long days together, we’ll have had plenty of short burst experience.

[Pawz4me]

DS22 is still here (he finished college 12/2019), so technically we're not empty nesters. But he mostly takes care of himself and he's quiet as a mouse. So DH and I go about our business and he goes about his and our paths intersect occasionally at breakfast and dinner. We always looked forward to our empty nest time. We both love our children and loved the experience of raising them, but we were ready to move on to (or back to) just being responsible for ourselves, and I don't think either of us was the least bit worried or anxious about it. We were both on the older side when we got married, and we were together as a couple (dating then married) for over six years before we had oldest DS. So it wasn't like we didn't know what life was like w/o kids. But I know it's a big transition for some people, and not an easy or welcome one.

[HomeAgain]

Dh and I got a brief look at life without kids last week, when our house was empty for 3 days.  One thing we learned is that we don't know how to scale back cooking to two people. 😄 We're used to cooking for the Human Vacuum and his sidekick Mini Chef Ramsay.  Meals are usually abundant and more than one course.  With just dh and I, it was marvelous and strange to scale back to much simpler meals.

We are looking forward to a new chapter.  I'm preparing to rejoin the workforce and dh will move to a different schedule  so we each still have a day apart and 4 evenings together each week.

I love my kids and I will love having them visit or be around as adults, but I like being able to look toward a time where I'm not building my life around homeschooling and sports schedules.

[Laura Corin]

I was pretty excited about it and it's going well.  Young adult issues were quite all-consuming for a while, but fingers crossed things are a bit better now.

I went back to work in 2010 and moved to full time in 2015.  My job's fine and I enjoy the feeling of supporting the family.

Meanwhile, Husband and I are pursuing various individual pursuits, as well as getting closer after the busyness of childrearing.  It's all good.  I recently started taking modules at the university where I work and am toying with the idea of going part time in a few years and doing a second Masters for fun.

[Bootsie]

7 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I am expecting to go from homeschooling 2 special needs boys to looking after an elderly dh. He is currently 60. Twins are 10.

10 more years of looking after twins, then helping them transition into some sort of supported living. Dh will then be 70. 

If twins hadn't come to live with us ds is turning 18 in a few months. We could have been empty nesters. I feel guilty and sorry for dh, slightly envious of people that are looking at empty nests and disappointed that I probably never will get to go on a holiday with dh

70 isn't that elderly.  DH will be 71 in a few weeks; I am 13 years younger and our youngest just graduated from college in May and is moving into a house with a friend next month.  DH is not what I would consider an overly fit person, and he has had major back surgery and knee problems.  But, now that he is retired he is finding more time to cycle and participate in other activities (his goal for his 70th birthday was to bike 70KM--and given that the temp was over 100 degrees where we live that was an accomplishment)--I wouldn't be able to keep up.

I am still working so our empty nest is looking a bit different than most.  I am spending time during summer vacation visiting DD who is living in Europe (while DH spends some special time with DS because some of their plans got sidetracked over the past year due to COVID restrictions.)  The plan is for DH to visit DD later in the year when I will be back to work.   In some ways, DH and I are spending less time together in early empty-nest years, but it is nice to have the freedom to support each other in some individual interests without worrying who will be picking the kids up from an activity, who is responsible for taking the kids to an ortho appt., etc.  And then when we are together, our time is much more relaxed and enjoyable.   

[regentrude]

I enjoy the empty nest, but I will also say that it took me a couple of years to process the loss of what was the center of my life and to find a new normal. I had anticipated that I would need to fill the extra time with something and had proactively arranged to increase my work hours to full time and take on a big project; however, my strong reaction of grief took me by surprise. It took some time of intense soul searching to figure out what I wanted to do with this new phase of my life ( I had written about this here extensively).

So, empty nest is nice, but the transition wasn't easy.

[Sneezyone]

9 hours ago, hjffkj said:

My sister and I were having a talk about life, in regards to living with our spouses alone, after kids are out of the house. And our reactions were very different even though we both view our marriages as happy and healthy. So, it got me wonder what other people think it'll be like/or how it has been living alone with your spouse once kids are grown.

She can not envision what it'll be like and is worried about it. Like her identity is so wrapped up in homeschooling and raising kids that she can't imagine life after it. Whereas, I am very excited for that chapter in my life even though I'm happy with the current chapter. I can completely envision how my dh and I will be once we're done raising kids. Of course it might not play out that way but their is zero worry or feelings of anxiety about it.

Anyone care to share their thoughts on the topic.

I am excited about it, really. I know I'm gonna bawl my eyes out when they leave (this last two weeks have given me a glimpse w/ DH away, DS incommunicado at camp, and DD working) but if I find a FT job that I like OR my DH actually retires, I think my life will be busy and rewarding in different ways. We were married for seven years before DD so it'll probably go back to (something like) that. My only fear is that one or the other of my peeps will partner up and generate grandkids before DH and I are ready to hang up our tourist shoes. I want to be available to help.

Edited July 29, 2021 by Sneezyone

[freesia]

That’s for this topic. Sometimes I wonder if it’s bad I am looking forward to it. I always wanted to be a mother and to homeschool.  It’s been great!  I love my kids and they are a lot of fun. It’s just there are so many strings to life and I find myself craving quiet and peace and not having so many needs to keep in mind with each decision. I don’t want to rush the next six years but I am not dreading the next stage. 

[PeterPan]

Remind her she can always spend a year swedish death cleaning till she figures it out. 

I think about it, because my one is launched and my other is on a slow path that will end presumably in 7 years or so. I'm not sure my brain will withstand grad school at this point to do some kind of job. I may be caring for my father in a nursing home at that point. If not, swedish death cleaning, volunteer. If I have the money, I'll travel more. I could work to have more money to travel more, but back to step one (brain not so hot). So we'll see. 

Don't most women end up with grand kids that they care for and teach? That's how it worked out for some women I know. Others go back to work or volunteer. 

[BlsdMama]

@hjffkj

 

 Are you in different life seasons? If you had asked me seven years ago when my first was preparing to go to college, my answer would be remarkably different than now.

I hadn’t begun to imagine the possibilities. This board talks a lot about the possibilities after homeschooling, so it’s possible you’ve mentally acclimated to the idea while she hasn’t yet begun to think in that direction. 

[ScoutTN]

We are still about 5-7 years away from having no kids at home during the school year, and 9 years from truly empty nest.

I am working on finding FT work and looking forward to time to pursue my interests, and to seeing my kids launch. But there is definitely sadness too. I will be 64 when Ds is out, assuming he goes to college.
 

 

[Dmmetler]

L moves on campus in a couple of weeks. I'm concerned about this because DH works from 9 am to 6:00 or later, and there is basically no demand for music lessons before about 4:00 PM (even my homeschoolers usually want after school times, and two of them are going to a physical school this fall), so I teach until 7:00 many nights.  It's just been really easy for me to focus on homeschooling, and I'm a little afraid that we don't know what to talk about other than L since the focus for the last year has been college. I don't really have friends locally outside of the homeschool world, and this past year has shown just how many of those friendships were based around seeing each other regularly and talking at kid activities. COVID killed those a year early for me.

 

I'm feeling very alone. 

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, when my kids were 16 and 18, we started fostering to the tune of 50 kids.  We adopted 5 who are now 15, 14, 13, 7, and 4.  My oldest two are now 26 and 28.  Sooooo, I couldn't imagine, and can't imagine, not having kids.  One day....

[regentrude]

47 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Don't most women end up with grand kids that they care for and teach? 

Only if adult child lives near or if relocation is possible. Hasn't happened for anyone I know. 

[regentrude]

42 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

L moves on campus in a couple of weeks. I'm concerned about this because DH works from 9 am to 6:00 or later, and there is basically no demand for music lessons before about 4:00 PM (even my homeschoolers usually want after school times, and two of them are going to a physical school this fall), so I teach until 7:00 many nights.  It's just been really easy for me to focus on homeschooling, and I'm a little afraid that we don't know what to talk about other than L since the focus for the last year has been college. I don't really have friends locally outside of the homeschool world, and this past year has shown just how many of those friendships were based around seeing each other regularly and talking at kid activities. COVID killed those a year early for me.

 

I'm feeling very alone. 

I hear you. I recommend that you allow yourself time to grieve ( because it IS a legit loss, especially for a homeschooling parent!) and then set some time aside to really think about how you want to shape your next stage of life. The process may well take a few years. It is a big transition. Hugs. 

ETA: My DH is gone from 7:30am to 7pm, too, so my solution couldn't depend on an available spouse either.

Edited July 29, 2021 by regentrude

[hjffkj]

51 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

@hjffkj

 

 Are you in different life seasons? If you had asked me seven years ago when my first was preparing to go to college, my answer would be remarkably different than now.

I hadn’t begun to imagine the possibilities. This board talks a lot about the possibilities after homeschooling, so it’s possible you’ve mentally acclimated to the idea while she hasn’t yet begun to think in that direction. 

Yes, we certainly are. Her two children are both in high school, so she's going to be reaching that phase of life very soon. My oldest is 12 and my youngest is 1 so I'm as far away from that phase as you could get basically. My sister is 9 years older than me.

That is very true about how much the Hive talks about it and I always love reading about the posters who are transitioning. I think the biggest difference between us is I don't identify as a homeschooling mom and she does, if that makes sense. I do it because I acknowledge it is the best choice for my family but it isn't something I'm passionate about and it isn't something I even think about outside of the few hours of the day we're schooling. I think she has given up more of her other passions to focus on homeschooling and raising the kids whereas I've made room to focus on all of it pretty equally. Both chooses are solid choices just different.

[freesia]

6 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I hear you. I recommend that you allow yourself time to grieve ( because it IS a legit loss, especially for a homeschooling parent!) and then set some time aside to really think about how you want to shape your next stage of life. The process may well take a few years. It is a big transition. Hugs. 

ETA: My DH is gone from 7:30am to 7pm, too, so my solution couldn't depend on an available spouse either.

Thank you for sharing your journey over the past few years. I think it’s been helpful for a lot of us to watch you process and figure out your new path. I know it was profoundly difficult for you,  and I am impressed with the tenacity you showed in finding your way through. 

[mlktwins]

I have 2 years before my boys head off to college.  I will miss them terribly, but am preparing for them to go.

DH and I get along well, but our priorities are not always in sync.  Since we spent most of 2018/2019 helping my dad and getting his house cleaned out and sold, and 2021/2022 will be dealing with all his parent's executor stuff, cleaning out their house and getting it sold, all of the stuff we really need to be doing for us and our house is on the back burner.  I see us being very busy catching up on those things.  Just hoping we are in sync getting it done.

Depending on the condition of my dad at the time, I am hoping to take care of me a bit (getting fit, etc) and spending time doing the couple of things I really love (photography and cross-stitching).  Maybe get more pleasure reading in for me.  

DH has switched gears and is no longer a partner at the firm he's been with for over 20 years, but is now a consultant for them.  We will see how that play out in those years, but I don't see him working 60+ hours a week anymore and it will all be from home.

After the past few years, and what is ahead for me with my dad, I do not see me going back to work right away.  Down the road I may work at something I enjoy.  I really just need to recover for a bit.

 

[hjffkj]

Thank you everyone for sharing your insight. I can't easily respond to everyone because I'm on my phone. I will certainly try once on my laptop.

I am working hard now to make it possible for dh to leave his current job once our youngest is launched. We've got plenty of time. He'll be 56 and I'll be 52 roughly. Not necessarily retire then but be able to do whatever he is passionate about again like the first 12 years of our marriage. For myself, I'm an entrepreneur at heart and never want to work for someone else again. I never intend to change that so I imagine once kids are launched I'll work full time on one of my many current money making ventures.

[Ellie]

1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

Don't most women end up with grand kids that they care for and teach?

I live in Texas. One dd lives in Seattle and has only one child. The other dd lives in the middle of California and is unable to have children. I have many friends whose adult children married late and did not have children of their own. So, yes, although many women do end up with grandchildren, not all of them do. And then there are people like my brother, who has 20 grandchildren, none of whom live in the same state as my brother.

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't want to get into this too much, because I get tired of being a downer about it, but I was surprised by how difficult it has been for me to transition out of being full-time mom. My son moved onto campus nearly seven years ago (can that be right?). I went back to work, as expected, and clawed my way up from juggling multiple low-paid part-time jobs to a full-time, professional position. I've done a bunch of training, earned one graduate certificate and am working on another, taken up walking (including 5Ks and such) and exercise . . . 

And I'm still really unhappy.

In terms of being in the house alone with my spouse, well we're not quite "alone" yet. My son's ex-girlfriend has been living with us and will be here likely for another six months. However, she mostly lives her own life, except when she needs rides to and from work.

In general, my husband and I are, at this point in our lives, good friends and supportive partners. We take care of each other and spend time together. That part of the transition has actually been okay. We talk about work and our hobbies and what we want to do next to the house and what/when we hear from our kids. 

[Spryte]

I’m like OP.  Happy with the current chapter, and also know that the next chapter will be wonderful, too.  

I’m looking forward to being an elder empty nester, in a lot of ways, though when I think about what that means (how it will happen) I feel sad. I’m skipping over the sad part for this thought experiment.  I think letting go of that daily care for an elder might be more liberating than launching the kids.

I’m definitely not ready for the kids to launch yet, though. Covid has put a crimp in the things we usually do together and I really want some make up time, you know?

[Scarlett]

I have had a rough couple of years but it has not been as simple as my son launching.  I am excited for him and his life and I remember how much fun XH and I had as young newly weds living off in another town from everyone....family and friends.

Second marriage here....almost 11 years.  The first 4 years we had every other weekend alone....our boys would be with their other parent.  Then when ds21 was 14 he stopped going to his dads for visitation.  So no alone time....then when dss20 was 15 he came to live with us...and by the time he was 17 he stopped going to his mom's for visitation...So it has been a pretty big mix.  At this point, dss20 is at home still, but working full time M-F 9-6 schedule, so pretty much same as ours.  Covid before vaccination was hard....we were all home all of the time....now dss20 is out and about with friends at least 4 nights a week and really doesn't depend on us for anything....I do try to cook several nights a week and he will usually eat with us even if he goes out later.

Ds20 is close to  being launched.  I think within 6 months for sure. 

I am looking forward to it for a lot of silly little reasons.  I would like to go to the kitchen naked if I want.  I look forward to meals being easier....dh and I eat less these days (or should!) and we can eat simply when it is just us.  I also get annoyed by things like him not cleaning off the counter, or by him leaving food on the handles of the refrigerator or sink handle.  And I look forward to turning his room in to an office/extra guest room.  

We of course will always  be here for both of these boys.  Oldest dss too but he is more difficult to navigate thanks to his mom and his former step dad's parental alienation.

I think the  biggest thing for me is going back to work full time. I don't like it.  I mean, I like my job fine.  I enjoy it.  But I really dislike having no time to run the house.  And I hope if we get more grandkids from ds21 or ds20 I can not work full time and be a grandmother who can help care for the babies. 

[Jann in TX]

We have a big age gap in our girls (see signature)... we were looking forward to finally being empty nesters but during youngest DD's senior year of high school middle DD moved back home (pregnant).  OK we thought, she will just be here for a few months-- to save up a nest egg and then get her own apartment once baby started sleeping through night...  Everything was on target until 8 weeks postpartum when middle DD started having seizures.

Currently middle DD is still living with us-- we are paying all of her expenses.  DH and I are also primary care givers to our BEAUTIFUL grandson.  DD might help for an hour or so if it is a good day...  I think in the last 18 months she has had about 10 seizure-free days...  Drs have no idea why--no medication to stop them and no disability benefits because this is not epilepsy-- now through in some heart issues...and the $30,000 student loan that we cosigned that she cannot pay...

DH and I were REALLY looking forward to being emptynesters...maybe one day and hopefully before we are 75.

 

 

[lynn]

my dh is retired. I love having him home.  I enjoy our time together, we earned this time in our life. we are not quite empty nesters.   We have our separate hobbies but we also go to lunch, ride the motorcycle, go hiking, etc.  planning some trips that right now include dd. I don't expect anything to change once dd graduates and moves out except more traveling.  

 

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

Only if adult child lives near or if relocation is possible. Hasn't happened for anyone I know. 

Maybe I meant some cynicism there, I don't know, lol. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to it either. Could be a mom of one or a mom of many who ends up helping with the grands. Most of the other moms I talk with have repositioned into some kind of work.

[Pawz4me]

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

 

Don't most women end up with grand kids that they care for and teach? That's how it worked out for some women I know. 

I don't know about most. Some of my friends have grandchildren as old as middle school age now, and they seem to enjoy them. None have or would want the responsibility of homeschooling them. I have another friend who recently became a grandmother and is fairly apathetic about it. She adores her grandchild but there is an expectation of her providing a certain amount of babysitting service. She's been a stay-at-home mom/out of the workforce forever and loves being able to do what she wants when she wants. She's not thrilled about being tied down for any amount of time. I'm not in any hurry to have grandchildren. I have kind of a BTDT-not-interested-in-doing-it-again-anytime-soon feeling regarding babies and young kids right now. Of course that very well might change with time.

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, hjffkj said:

I think she has given up more of her other passions to focus on homeschooling and raising the kids

That was something I heard a warning on in the VERY FIRST homeschool convention I ever went to. Maybe that's what she needs to hear? 

You don't have to homeschool to lose yourself so completely that you're drifting when your kids are gone. I know people who send their kids to school who had this too. 

[LucyStoner]

My sons are both autistic.  I suspect that at least one of them will be living with us well into his 20s so that will be a bit different than being an empty nester.  

[Jenny in Florida]

3 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Don't most women end up with grand kids that they care for and teach? That's how it worked out for some women I know. Others go back to work or volunteer. 

I would dearly love to be an involved grandma. I think I'd be a good one. But it's unlikely to happen for me, at least for a long time.

My daughter is queer and currently in what appears to have potential to be a long-term same-sex relationship. She does eventually want at least one child, but having (or adopting) any children will likely be an extensive and expensive process for her. She is not quite finished with grad school, and she and her current partner are not at the "let's have a kid" stage of their relationship. Not to mention that, since she lives in NY, my opportunities to hang out with any potential grandchild will be unfortunately limited.

My son does eventually, probably want to be a dad, but is in no hurry. He's only 23, a year or so into dating his current girlfriend, and both of them are very focused on building performing arts careers. If they do decide on one or more children, it's likely to be a while yet. (Which, to be clear, is a good thing.)

[Arcadia]

Both my teens prefer to commute to college so it would be at least 6 more years before they might leave the nest. My husband and I married late and moved out of our childhood home when we were 31.

As for identity, ours have never been tied to homeschooling or our jobs or being parents. Having worn many different hats in my school days, at the end of the day, I am who I am. 
 

Once my DS15 is in college though, I would likely go back to volunteering. I am the kind of person that would find ways to keep myself busy though. 

[Annie G]

As a transition from 20+ years of homeschooling, I tutored math for about 6 years. Primary math teacher for a couple of homeschool families and after school tutor for local high schoolers. It was a good way to ease out of what had become my identity- a teacher.  
We’re in year three of dh’s retirement and it’s finally settled into a good rhythm. We have mutual interests, some hobbies only one of us pursues, and a nice blend of normal retirement activities. 
Youngest is still at home but works full time plus has a life of his own. We have 2-3 meals together every week, and otherwise barely see him. It works well for us because he can save money living here and we have someone to help us w the odd stuff like moving heavy things, cutting the grass when we’re away on a trip, etc.

Grandkids live a few hours away and we do visit often, and are willing to help w homeschooling when asked, but generally leave it to their parents, who are doing a bang up job even though *we* would do it differently. 😁

Honestly, dh and I have always been pretty good at give and take, and retirement is showing us that is a good thing. Any transition is bound to have some bumps, but good communication really helps. 

[City Mouse]

My youngest had a difficult school career, so I was counting down the days to his graduation since he started 9th grade. I started making plans for myself then too. Plans changed, some out of necessity and some due to Covid, but still a huge wait was lifted off me once he graduated. I have one less full time job.

We aren’t true empty nesters yet as DS still lives at home while working and finishing up his EMT training. DD26 finally moved to her one apartment in the next small town over. Due to her special needs, she may never live far away, and still needs assistance sometimes in navigating adult life, but  a few years ago I wasn’t sure she would ever be able to leave home.
 

Even so, it is nice to be able to make plans without them sometimes. We took our first vacation with no kids this summer to Disney World. While different, it was still a lot of fun. We even got one of those “I’m celebrating” buttons and added “1st trip with no kids”. That turned out to be a fun conversation starter all over Disney. I’ve just started planning a vacation for next spring that will also be no kids. 
It has also been much easier to deal with issues with my elderly parents when I don’t have to by worried about day-to-day stuff with my kids. It was much harder to navigate elderly in-law care when I young kids that needed my attention.

Really, I just think of it as the next stage of life, not bad or good, just what happens next. 

[marbel]

5 hours ago, freesia said:

That’s for this topic. Sometimes I wonder if it’s bad I am looking forward to it. I always wanted to be a mother and to homeschool.  It’s been great!  I love my kids and they are a lot of fun. It’s just there are so many strings to life and I find myself craving quiet and peace and not having so many needs to keep in mind with each decision. I don’t want to rush the next six years but I am not dreading the next stage. 

I think it's perfectly normal to be looking forward to it. Children are supposed to grow up and move on from living under their parents' authority. (I know some people continue living in their family group but it is not typical in the US, at least to my knowledge).  

I am looking forward to it though I don't know when it will ever happen. Covid messed up my kids' last 2  years of college. They have both graduated and are trying to find work that will allow them to move out. They did not choose fields that are known to have great, high-paying jobs anyway, but they are still working on internships, apprenticeships and such because they didn't have those opportunities during school.  It's been hard. I am 65, still working, and anxious for the empty nest (and retirement but I don't know when that can happen either). 

That said, I am grateful we all get along well for the most part! 

[prairiewindmomma]

Youngest is finally old enough that we can easily leave her in her siblings care and we can day trip or overnight somewhere. Dh and I have started taking a day trip together, without kids, at least once a month. They are kind of like superdates, and they have been fantastic. We are working really hard to have a strong relationship together that isn’t kid-centered.

We are looking forward to empty nesting but don’t know how achievable that is going to be, especially in a HCOL area and as people who had kids a bit later, and with a kid or two of that may have a longer launch. If our nest never fully empties, I think there is still going to be space for a rich and enjoyable life.

I do know that I don’t prefer to be a full time childcare provider like my parents. My mom spends 50-60 hours a week caring for my toddler nephew and while she loves it, I am ready for space for me. (I wouldn’t mind providing date night babysitting or being a pinch hitter provider for well children, but I don’t want to launch into a second pseudo-motherhood.) 

[fraidycat]

Now that my kids are old enough to feed themselves and manage their own lives (although DS still needs a chauffeur for about another year), DH and I enjoy just getting up and walking out the door to go do whatever we want, when we want.

The two things I look forward to if/when we ever become empty nesters are less laundry and the house staying picked up for longer periods of time. I'm open to the kids staying home longer to build their savings and start off on a more secure financial foundation.

Beyond that, I'm neither excited, nor anxious. I enjoy my kids, I enjoy my husband, I'm open to whatever comes.

[mlktwins]

5 hours ago, Spryte said:

I think letting go of that daily care for an elder might be more liberating than launching the kids.

YES!!!  YES!!!  YES!!! 

[athena1277]

I’ve thought about what life will be like post-homeschool.  My oldest and youngest are 13years apart in age.  Oldest starts college next month.  I basically told her she has 13 years to get married and have kids.😋  My post-homeschool plan is to enjoy grandkids.  I realize that won’t be a daily thing, but it’s a place to start.  

[Melissa Louise]

One of mine keeps coming back, and the uncertainty of just when I can have an empty nest is infuriating. 

I am extremely ready to stop actively parenting ( sorry, ds).

Mostly, I'm looking forward to finally being able to sever ties with ex. But also to new career stuff and more time with friends.