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[Soror]

8 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

What are group dates? 

Pairs of kids going on a date-in-common? Or a pair being 'chaperoned' by friends? 

Multiple kids going to an event, could be couples or some singles too. Dd has went with a couple that are friends and singles, usually just a big group does something together.

[Bootsie]

"Teen dating" is as diverse as the teens involved.  I have never understood rules like "Child can start dating at Age X"  or "DD can't have a boyfriend until she is Age X."  How does anyone know at what age someone is going to meet someone they are attracted to or interested in?  I have found that those rules often make situations often make teens start identifying relationships as dating, romantic, platonic much too quickly instead of letting friendships and relationships evolve and mature naturally.  

My cousin married the "boy next door".  She says she has no idea when they started dating.  They just grew up together and were best friends forever.  One of my best high school friends began dating her future husband early in high school.  Although they were seriously dating, they both graduated high school with straight A's.  They never considered going to a university where the other was not attending and ended up marrying while in college, but they were mature, wanted the best for each other, and were willing to compromise--one was not following the other to a college.  If either of my children had been involved in a dating relationship like my cousin or my friend had as a teen I would not have been concerned.  

[DawnM]

37 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

"Teen dating" is as diverse as the teens involved.  I have never understood rules like "Child can start dating at Age X"  or "DD can't have a boyfriend until she is Age X."  How does anyone know at what age someone is going to meet someone they are attracted to or interested in?  I have found that those rules often make situations often make teens start identifying relationships as dating, romantic, platonic much too quickly instead of letting friendships and relationships evolve and mature naturally.  

My cousin married the "boy next door".  She says she has no idea when they started dating.  They just grew up together and were best friends forever.  One of my best high school friends began dating her future husband early in high school.  Although they were seriously dating, they both graduated high school with straight A's.  They never considered going to a university where the other was not attending and ended up marrying while in college, but they were mature, wanted the best for each other, and were willing to compromise--one was not following the other to a college.  If either of my children had been involved in a dating relationship like my cousin or my friend had as a teen I would not have been concerned.  

I am of a similar vein.    DH and I were friends and hung out as friends for a long time before we started "dating."   He still jokes that I didn't realize our first date was indeed a date.

Today's teens call the getting to know each other and see if we want to be BF/GF phase "talking."   I find the term odd, but there ya go.

Only one of my sons has really dated.   He hung out in groups, and would bring her over to the house and go to her house, but they rarely went out exclusively.   

Oh, and forbidding it doesn't make it not happen.   I am a middle school counselor, so many kids in my school tell me they aren't allowed to have a BF/GF until 16, but they have one anyway.   They get around it by either just hanging out at school or telling their parents they are hanging out in a group, which includes the BF/GF, but they just don't share.   

I would rather my kids share with me.

Edited July 27, 2021 by DawnM

[TexasProud]

Teen dating- Well my oldest is in his late twenties and has yet to date. A girl will have to ask him out. He is terrified of them. Doesn't really have friends either.

Middle one only dated one young lady. He asked her out on his 18th birthday.  They dated off and on the first two years of college, long distance as they went to different colleges and she broke his heart. He wallowed for years. He finally asked out a girl and she told him she wasn't ready to date ( they are in their mid-twenties) and then preceded to go out with his roommate. Poor guy. I think those are his only two experiences. 

Daughter, complicated, not going into here. But had an issue with someone she wasn't even dating. Has really tainted her. Then at 16, a young man wanted to date her. They went to some school events together ( just met there) and she broke it off after a couple of dates. Then her senior year, a boy asked her out from another school. He was a sweetie, but I could tell he wasn't her type. I honestly don't remember, but I think he took her to a movie or out to eat.  She watched him play football. Again, she broke it off after a couple of weeks.  And that has been it. She has been propositioned at college, but told him to take a flying leap. She wants to get her career on a good footing before she dates again. Her career path has long hours and probably moving around, so she really isn't looking. 

As for me, which may not be relevant as I am old and things have changed.  In public school we had boyfriends and girlfriends starting in junior high. ( I also witnessed a ton of that at our church.  I thought it was stupid, but my kids didn't really participate, but they were the only homeschoolers in a public school setting. They were outsiders.) I had a boyfriend in 7th grade. What that meant is that we actually danced together at a school dance. We didn't do anything outside of school. I was best friends with his sister. ( He was in 8th and she was in 7th)  I went to the movies with her and he went putt putt golfing with his friends. When we went to pick him up, the police were there. A drunk driver had plowed through the fence and drug him 50 feet, killing him.  I spent the night with his sister that night...

I didn't date until after we moved and I was a junior. I had a boyfriend junior year. A different boyfriend senior year through sophomore year of college. Then I had a few guys I dated casually. Dates meant he picked me up and we went somewhere fun: Six Flags, a movie, out to eat, etc. During that time, it was considered usual for the guy to pay. Different world today I suppose.  I know that some of you think that dating in view of marriage is not a good idea, and to a certain extent I agree.  However, that one young man that I dated for 3 years... He was deeply in love with me. I thought I was in love with him.. But then a good friend talked to me and said, "I just didn't see you marrying someone like that..." ( We had never talked marriage btw.) And I thought, yeah, he has a ton of qualities that don't make him suitable for me. ( Not good with money, flunked out of school, etc.) I could date him forever, but I would never marry him. And I thought...so why are you dating him?? I broke up with him the next day. Poor guy. Out of the blue, no fight. I wish someone had told me to at least consider that aspect. I was just having a good time.  That really, really wasn't fair to him.

Then I met my husband on a blind date that was a double date. I asked him to a formal a few weeks later and the rest is history. We dated long distance for the next 2 1/2 years, then got engaged and were married at 25 and 23.  Our dates were fun: going to the beach, hiking, to a lake, putt putt golfing, etc. We still dated after we were married until we had our 3rd kid. Between that and caretaking several relatives, we ended up taking care of tons of people and life got really, really complicated. We are back to dating again. I would call kayaking a date. To me, a date is when you give your undivided attention to your spouse/other person and you do something fun. 

[Bootsie]

22 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

Today's teens call the getting to know each other and see if we want to be BF/GF phase "talking."   I find the term odd, but there ya go.

 

Yes, the different terminology can be confusing.  DS has used the term "talking" quite a bit; I don't think I have ever heard DD (who is a few years older) use the term.  DH used the terms "going together" and "going steady" around DS a few weeks ago and DS had no clue what DH was talking about.

When DD was in college we got a phone in which she said "she was in a relationship".  DH was horrified--she hadn't even talked about seeing someone, having a boyfriend, etc.  It took me a while to explain to each of them that the term "in a relationship" meant very different things to each of them.  DH went to college in late 60's early 70's -- "in a relationship" meant you were living together in what you considered a long-term relationship without marriage.  To DD it meant she had a boyfriend.  

[TexasProud]

I will also say, that it doesn't feel like there are good options for kids anymore. At least here. I didn't legislate their dating. Our public school is horrible. 10 kids pregnant out of 250 or so. Most don't go to college. Huge fights every single week. Terrible. But the homeschooling community had all this purity crap, which I didn't subscribe to at all. Told my kids so. I didn't think there was anything wrong with dating. There are about 5 of them right now who just graduated high school and are getting married. I think that is insane.   Anyway, my kids were outsiders everywhere. We just didn't fit into either the public school culture or the homeschooling culture. 

[Farrar]

Mine seem to have very little interest. They have friends who have had romantic relationships and they've had some romantic interests. Honestly, I have wondered if one of my boys had a little relationships with a friend who he was suddenly very close with and then suddenly not close with, but he said nope.

The other teens I know - it's all over the map. Mostly just saying "we're going out" and then talking and hanging out more, typically in groups, when they're on the younger end. But definitely a lot more intense going places, being alone together, sexual activity probably happening when they're older teens.