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Much more opposition to homeschool high school :(


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My oldest is starting 8th grade this fall. We've always homeschooled and while most friends and family thought it was weird they just went along with it. It seems like now that we are close to high school we are getting constant comments saying "but...you're not going to homeschool high school...right?" I didn't see this coming and it has been a constant question this summer. People even ask it to my DD. Last night at our pool a well meaning mom starting listing for her the public and private school alternatives. "You know- big public school is a really great school, and there is always X Christian school, and Y Catholic school..." And people say this with a concerned look on their face- oh poor little thing. There's not point to this thread, just venting and annoyed. 

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Sorry, that would drive me to incredulous rudeness.  Is your dd totally onboard with homeschooling high school?  That is all that I would be focused on. Then, for a chuckle, the Hive could give you some humorous or snarky responses to the unwanted school advice from randos. Vent away.

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That would definitely annoy me. I'd be arming myself & DD with replies. I would guess they don't understand what great outcomes there can be from homeschooling high school. Even some homeschooling don't understand homeschooling through high school graduation.

I do remember a friend of my mother's asking me at my dad (or maybe it was my brother's) funeral if I planned to "homeschooling college." Little did she know that many kids would be taking all their college classes online from home in just a few years -- including a few of her grandkids! (Not quite homeschooling college but basically outsourcing to online classes while living at home which is what my oldest kid did senior year. ) 

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I would be verrrrrry tempted to be snarky, and definitely would be in my head. But out loud in reality I would probably say something along the lines of, "Yes, it's really working well for us and we're excited to keep going!"

I would be supremely ticked that people said it to my kids instead of me.

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I once told a pediatrician that told me he thinks no child should be nursed over a year old (which worked fine for my first because he just stopped on his own at a year), that I came to him for medical advice, not parenting advice . I will make the decisions on what I think is best for my child. How does your child feel about homeschooling for high school? If she is fine with it, then no one else (except your husband of course) has any say. I would just let them know I was not seeking their opinion. 

My parents did not think homeschooling worked at all. They eventually changed their minds.

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Yeah, I got comments too.  Mine are now heading into 11th grade (at home).  Parents this summer and now saying how lucky we are because the past year for their public schooled kids was so bad!  It's all good!  You know the right choice :-).

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Well, you can pass the bean dip, or you can get a little confrontational. "We're happy with our choices. We don't judge your choice to send your kids to school. Please drop the subject and find another one."

The only opinions on this that matter are you and your spouse and your dd. No one else.

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I would give a pointed response.  I would look them in the eye and say, "Neither public schools nor private schools offer the academically focused education I want for my children.  I have researched and am prepared for the rigors of high school education.  We are satsifed and firm in our decision to homeschool through high school."

Unsolicited advice, well-meaning or not, does not require a conciliatory response if it is happening repeatedly.  I'd make sure to project confidence in your decision and be firmly unopen to continuing the conversation.

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We homeschooled in CA and and people were exactly as you say: "but you're in a great school district," and "I heard you're homeschooling, are you crazy?"

Then when my kids were six we moved to VA where homeschooling was just business as usual, but homeschooling high school wasn't as common.

My two are 18 now. We homeschooled through high school. Best. decision. ever.

But I have to disclose, we're in Atlanta now and did a really cool Dual Enrollment deal where they were half homeschooled and have in a community college.

I highly recommend home schooling high school and Dual Enrollment. 🙂

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It doesn’t help for strangers who comment, but I promise that when your kid goes on to a good college or job, the doubters will finally hush.  When my oldest got a 32 on the ACT and good scholarships for college, I really wanted to go around and say something snarky and in your face, but I don’t have the guts to do it.  Ds is starting high school this year and I don’t expect him to score so high and he may take a different career path than traditional college.  I still expect that he will do well in life.  
 

Ignore the naysayers.  Your kids will turn out great.

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Dd wants to continue homeschooling. I'm not opposed to other options, we just really have a good thing going. I told 1 lady at our pool "she has a really great community for homeschool friends and doesn't want to give up all the cool daytime stuff they do together." To which she replied, "oh well, she'll make great friends here at the pool who go to public school and then she'll want to go too." She said this like as an encouragement to me that I'll finally be able to get rid of her. Come to think of it, maybe the problem is our pool...

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3 hours ago, Calizzy said:

Come to think of it, maybe the problem is our pool...

Its not your pool but the adults. I live in a condo complex with a pool and people don’t poke their nose in other people’s business. My kids go for tennis lessons at a nearby city’s recreation center. The parents just drop off and pick up their kids. 
Sometimes don’t engage is the best option. I only engage when I am bored and just up to wasting time debating. 

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18 hours ago, RootAnn said:

if I planned to "homeschooling college."

There was a moment last year when we were "homeschooling" high school, college, and grad school due to Covid, though the latter two were really distance learning.  My older two had friends who homeschooled through high school but for some reason the younger two have not.  Watching their homeschool friends head off to the high school and get caught up in the brutal world of high school social life was rough.

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Sorry you're dealing with this.  Most people that I encounter are either neutral or encouraging. Locally, people usually treat homeschooling as just another educational option, like public, private, or charter schools.  I get questions sometimes, but they are from the genuinely curious - How does it work with baseball?  What do you do for a diploma?  How do they meet other kids? so I'm happy to chat.  I've always thought that I just encounter the nicest people, but I've been thinking about how I also never got the intrusive bossy Why do/don't you use cloth diapers?  How dare you use a toddler backpack leash? questions either, so I'm starting to think that I give off some sort of vibe that discourages people telling me what I should do even though I talk with all sorts of people when I'm out and about (I'm in the south...we're a chatty bunch).  

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This can be a super frustrating experience. We have been there. I usually say something along the lines of "We decided long ago that we would reassess every year and wherever our kid would get the best education and experience-- that is what we would do. As of now that has been homeschooling." My mind is not super closed to brick and mortar school but as long as homeschooling is the best choice it will be our choice. And I don't see that changing. As my kids have gotten older and people see how awesome they are becoming as humans 😉 I face less backlash from those that know us. But when you don't have a fabulous 11th grader to parade around as "personal proof of the benefits of homeschooling" it can be a bit trickier. 😜

Stay strong. It is your choice whether to engage or ignore, but either way, be sure to have a conversation with your child who witnessed it. You don't want doubts to wiggle into their minds. 

Edited by ByGrace3
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How weird! Maybe I have a really strong RBF...no one ever says nonsense like that to me, lol. 

Now, we got a TON of comments the first few years of hs'ing. Mostly from my super-tactless, super-opinionated grandad. Those were bad, but I think everyone has given up on changing my mind at this point. (Mine are rising 8th and 10th.)

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I've been thinking about this more.  I've graduated two now with three more to go.  I know I got questions about how homeschooling works.  (Heck, one of my neighbors asked a lot of questions at dd#2's graduation party starting with how I got her diploma. Ha! )

Other than my in-laws, some school/driver's ed teachers & a few of my mother's friends, I don't remember much in the way of push-back about us homeschooling.  My father-in-law is still not a homeschooling fan,  but he came around quickly to, "it is OK for you guys." My BIL/SIL will likely never like it but they know to keep their mouths shut.  The teachers wanted my kids to go to the public school part time for "socialization." Many of those now grudgingly admit we are "doing a good job."

So, I guess just keep doing a good job & maybe the naysayers at the pool might come around. 

One of my old teachers told me homeschooling was probably okay for "regular kids" but for smart or gifted kids, "you really need to send them to school." I have laughed about that for years. Her grandkids are roughly the age of my kids, and I sure hope that school thing worked out for them....

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I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s so frustrating. 

We used to hear similar comments, but now that my oldest is halfway through college and my youngest is starting his senior year of (homeschool) high school, it has died down. 

Hang in there!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/24/2021 at 2:43 AM, Clemsondana said:

Sorry you're dealing with this.  Most people that I encounter are either neutral or encouraging. Locally, people usually treat homeschooling as just another educational option, like public, private, or charter schools.  I get questions sometimes, but they are from the genuinely curious - How does it work with baseball?  What do you do for a diploma?  How do they meet other kids? so I'm happy to chat.  I've always thought that I just encounter the nicest people, but I've been thinking about how I also never got the intrusive bossy Why do/don't you use cloth diapers?  How dare you use a toddler backpack leash? questions either, so I'm starting to think that I give off some sort of vibe that discourages people telling me what I should do even though I talk with all sorts of people when I'm out and about (I'm in the south...we're a chatty bunch).  

I don't either.  I am either incredibly unaware or give off some vibe. Or both. I do get questions about whether ds will go to high school (he was at school from age 5 to 7) but mostly just in a curious way.  I say I don't think it will work unless it is his decision.

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