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Big families: What made you *stop* at your family size?


GracieJane
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22 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

That's why my grandma stopped at 6, or why she had 6, lol. She wanted a girl, but first was a set of twin boys, then a year later a singleton boy, then a year later another set of twin boys. Finally a few years after that she had a girl and stopped. But to her total dismay, it seems being the youngest with 5 older brothers led to said girl being an utter tomboy who rejected dresses and ribbons and all things girly and eventually joined the army. 

When I had a girl as my second child my grandma actually said, "how did you manage to get so lucky, I had to have FIVE boys before I got a girl" as if I had some secret to share. (I actually love baby boys maybe more than baby girls...so didn't really sympathize)

Lol... I love my boys and wouldn’t trade them, but there is a reason God gave me eight GIRLS, for sure. I do the talking. I do the sass. I do princess. I do athletic. I do strong. Constant motion, wrestling, and hanging children upside down by their feet, “fixing” things that weren’t broken? That wears on me more, lol. Love the boys, but total girl mom. 

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13 hours ago, DawnM said:

Well, I thought I was done at 3, but.....🤣   Guess I wasn't "done" yet.

I would love to have a girl (all 4 are boys) but honestly, I even feel I am too old for the 3 year old.

I think that about our 6yo too! On the flip side, the antics amuse me...

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17 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

I think that about our 6yo too! On the flip side, the antics amuse me...

My oldest is 23.   Quite a big difference.

It has been interesting this week.  DH was out of town and I had to work, so the 23 and 17 year olds had to watch the 3 year old while I was at work.

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40 minutes ago, DawnM said:

My oldest is 23.   Quite a big difference.

It has been interesting this week.  DH was out of town and I had to work, so the 23 and 17 year olds had to watch the 3 year old while I was at work.

It is totally different isn’t it? The big gap. Yours is a bigger gap than even mine! DD #1 is 25.  6yo DS’ best friend is his 4yo NEPHEW. It is very odd having littles in your forties. I say often I can’t imagine a little one now - but I’ve had a six year respite. A dear friend of mine has a sixteen year gap. Her little one is 3 too. 

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3 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

It is totally different isn’t it? The big gap. Yours is a bigger gap than even mine! DD #1 is 25.  6yo DS’ best friend is his 4yo NEPHEW. It is very odd having littles in your forties. I say often I can’t imagine a little one now - but I’ve had a six year respite. A dear friend of mine has a sixteen year gap. Her little one is 3 too. 

I didn't realize you had a 25 year old.   Your signature says 12th grade is your oldest?   

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I had trouble having cycles when I first went off the pill, and the dr told me it was unlikely that my hormone levels would allow me to get pregnant without fertility meds. As we adapted to this news, we kind of set a mental timetable that if I hadn't had a cycle on my own by X date, we would start the meds. I found out I was pregnant the month before X date and my dr said, "Well, I don't know how you got pregnant, but here you are!" 🙂 I went on to have 2 more within the next 4 years. Turns out I am very fertile, it just took my body a while to realize that after 7 years on BCP.

After #3 I begged my DH for a vasectomy because I just felt very overwhelmed and stretched thin. But he didn't feel right about it. I'm glad he didn't because after a 4 year gap I wanted another one and so did he, so we got pregnant again with #4. DH had come from a large family of 7 and I had come from a small family of 2, and 4 seemed perfect for us so we thought we were done. But neither of us felt like it was the right thing to do to make a permanent decision, so we used NFP during that time. Then 4 years later at age 38 we unexpectedly got pregnant with #5 even though we thought we had charted my cycles carefully. Spiritually it was a time of growth for me because I had to really examine myself to see if I truly believed that God knew better than I do. She arrived and of course we didn't know what we'd do without her and having a somewhat large family and realizing that we didn't "fit" the normal mold anymore was part of our journey towards hs'ing.

After #5 DH really thought we were done and he wanted to get a vasectomy at that point, but this time it was me who didn't feel right about it. I had learned from #5 that God really does know best! 🙂 At age 41 we decided to try for one more pregnancy, and that ended in a miscarriage, which was devastating to me. I figured it was God's way of telling me that my childbearing years were done, and I tried to trust Him that His will was still better than my will, whether it meant having more babies or not having more babies, but it was a hard lesson for me to learn. It took several years of prayer, but I finally got to a place in my heart and mind where I felt like I was okay with not having any more children. I gave away all my baby stuff that had been in storage. Can you see where this is going??? LOL

I got pregnant at the age of 44 right before my oldest began college. She was born a few weeks after my 45th birthday and my oldest was 19. It was a difficult pregnancy at my age and I had some blood pressure issues and DH and I both agreed that if I could get pregnant at 44, then I could probably get pregnant at 46 and 47 and 48 and so forth too, but that wouldn't be good for my health. This time we were both at peace with a vasectomy decision and he got it when DD was 6 months old.

ETA: Once again, God knew what we needed better than we did, because ever since we found out she was on the way  she has brought our older kids closer to our younger ones and been a blessing to the whole family! I never would have chosen to have a baby at age 45, but I'm glad God knew we needed her. However, we both knew my physical limits had been reached.

Edited by Momto6inIN
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On 7/13/2021 at 9:17 AM, Murphy101 said:

 And my fertility steeply changed at about age 35.  From 21-35, I brought home 9 children, 36-47, I brought home 2. For most women, there’s a long time before menopause where in theory they can possibly get pregnant, but the vast majority won’t bring home a baby whether they want to or not. It’s not just that the fertility sharply declines, the rate of miscarriage sharply inclines too.

So am I done? Probably.🤷‍♀️

 

 

I had my only at age 34 & 8 months. I feel very very fortunate that I got even one since we did not start trying until I was 33.

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9 hours ago, DawnM said:

I didn't realize you had a 25 year old.   Your signature says 12th grade is your oldest?   

That’s my oldest currently schooling at home. 😉

 She graduated this year, but we have a 25yo who graduated from college, married her junior year, and has our 3.9 grandchildren. 😉 Then we have DS #1 - he’s 22 and a senior at the U of Iowa, and a daughter who just got married in nursing school. ...Maybe I should add my grads? 😉 

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2 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

That’s my oldest currently schooling at home. 😉

 She graduated this year, but we have a 25yo who graduated from college, married her junior year, and has our 3.9 grandchildren. 😉 Then we have DS #1 - he’s 22 and a senior at the U of Iowa, and a daughter who just got married in nursing school. ...Maybe I should add my grads? 😉 

probably, just to keep everyone straight on how many kids, etc...

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