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What age do you stop tucking your kid into bed?


lulalu
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We have a bedtime routine that we have done since DS was born. DS is now 9. He gets PJs on brushes teeth. Then we both go in and pray, give the blessing and hugs and kisses. 

We just spent a few nights with friends. Their youngest is 10. They just sent their kids to bed. And it got me thinking.

What age did you stop praying, and trucking your kid in bed, and just started having them put themselves to bed? 

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we don't tuck them in bed but we do their routine similar to yours down in the living room or in our room.  we probably stopped the routine once our kids were in two separate rooms, which was 2 years ago.  

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I still tuck my 13 and 15 yr old DDs into bed, lol. Nothing elaborate -- we pray together, hugs/kisses and say goodnight. That's it. 

ETA: I've been sick this week and they've "let me" shirk my duties. I've been doing all of the above, except in my room. 

Edited by alisoncooks
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We haven't always been consistent about it, but dh still goes into their rooms and prays with them at night sometimes, at least if they are home and we haven't gone to bed first. (That doesn't happen too often anymore.) The last ones at home are 17 and 20. It isn't to "tuck them in," but sometimes that's a good time to privately touch base with them and pray with them about current concerns. Once they were probably 6-7, they didn't have to be tucked in to sleep if we had something going on, but most of the time we did.

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Until they tell me not to.  My older kids stayed the night with grandparents regularly so they didn’t need the tuck in if they were away from home. They could adjust and be fine.  My current little still needs her bedtime routine.  

I think somewhere between 7-10 kids really need to be transitioning away from *needing* the tuck in, by which I mean that not having the tuck in for whatever reason shouldn’t lead to tears and anxiety.   I’ve seen that and it really starts to infringe on the child’s ability to do things that they want.  I need to figure that how to do that myself for my youngest.    

Edited by HeartString
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I stopped tucking my kids in when I started going to bed before them, which probably was when DD was16 and DS 13.  It was never so much as "tuck" but just popping into their bedroom to say goodnight and give them a hug.  It also gave them an opportunity to tell me or ask me anything that they wanted to about their day.  

Now, at 17 and 20, I still check in with them on my way to bed.  I get up crazy early for my job, so I'm always the first one to turn in.   Whoever is home gets a goodnight hug and a brief visit with Mom so I can ask about their plans for the next day. 

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I'm not totally sure, but I want to say around age 12/13. There wasn't some big thing. We all were just transitioning to later bedtimes, more relaxed atmosphere, not reading aloud every night...

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Thanks everyone. I don't feel so alone now. 😂 I just never know if I am babying Ds or not. 

I think we will be fine tucking him in until he says otherwise. It works for now and is a great time to have purposeful connection. We spend so much time together that sometimes we aren't purposeful in our time. 

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29 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I'm not totally sure, but I want to say around age 12/13. There wasn't some big thing. We all were just transitioning to later bedtimes, more relaxed atmosphere, not reading aloud every night...

This. I still knock on the door for my kiss goodnight though. 😉 

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Because my 12 and 18 year old sons still share a room (by choice- there’s a bedroom one of them could move into), we have not yet reached this point.  My 12 year old still likes bedtime stories.  They have loft beds so we aren’t tucking them in but we do say good night and usually hug them before they climb up to their beds.  Sometimes my older son listens to the bedtime story, sometimes he puts on headphones and listens to music while he falls asleep.  

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I don’t hug and kiss him anymore, but I do stop by my 17 year old son’s door and bid him goodnight. DD15 wants me to sit and chat a bit each night before bed and always wants lots of hugs and kisses.

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I almost always still tuck my kids ages 9-15 in. Tonight I only tucked in the 9 and 11yr olds because I went to bed before the 13 and 15yr olds. I think I will continue to at least pop in to their room at bedtime the whole time they live here on nights they have a “bedtime.” Tonight with it being a summer weekend, my older two will stay up too late. But, on school nights I will probably tuck in until they graduate.

I still tuck my 9yr old in every night.

Edited by lovinmyboys
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My 14yos like being "tucked in."  Usually my eldest will tell me when she's going to bed so that I'll come and "tuck her in."  It's the only time of day she likes being touched by me.  My youngest usually goes to sleep without telling me, but if I don't go in there and kiss her at some point, I'll be called on the carpet the next day.  😛

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DS went to camp for 3 weeks the summer he was 13. He. Are back and informed me he no longer needed tucking in. I took it like a champ, closed my door and cried silently for a while. He’s 16 now, and although I don’t “tuck him in”, he still asks me to come to his room and “say goodnight”, which quite often involves a chat, or he’ll come to my room for the same. I also go to DS13’s room to “say goodnight” where I make sure his stuffies and covers are in order. Now, it’s not necessary the way it was when they were little, so if we’re at grandma’s or something, they just say goodnight. But whatever they want to call it, I guess they’re not quite done yet….

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DS11 decided last year he was ready to turn off his own light.  Our routine is that at 8pm he heads up to bed, reads until 9, and tucks himself in.

 

Theoretically.  🤣

 

In reality: most nights he heads up to bed at 8, I check on him at 9:30/9:45, take the book, have a nice chat while tucking him in, and turn off his light.

 

We just don't call it "tucking in" anymore, because he's supposed to be doing this himself and I don't want him to feel like I'm taking it back over, but we're still doing the same thing with a slightly different expectation.

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My 19 yo is home for the summer - I'll pop my head in if she's here to say goodnight. Sometimes she wants a hug, sometimes just a wave from the door.

My almost 16 yo really cares - she wants to be tucked in. She gets really upset if I don't "hug her head" and kiss her hair before I go to bed.

My 14 yo gets a hug goodnight, but she doesn't particularly care if it's done. 

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Obviously don't tuck the 17 yr old in!

But still go to his room before I go to bed to say goodnight. The only thing left over from when he was little is that we say good night in German...from Duolingo days. Sometimes he comes in to give me a goodnight hug instead. 

I think he was about 13 when I stopped 'tucking in' aka a hug, kiss, complicated handshake and pulling up of the covers. 

Can't remember with my girls. Lost in the mists etc.

 

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I tucked them in until circumstances changed. For ds, it was when he got a loft bed when he was a sophomore/junior unless he requested it. One dd was when she was out later than I was. My other dd frequently requested a tuck in when she came home from college. When they asked me to tuck them in, I think it was mostly because either they wanted to talk about something private or they just needed the comfort after a difficult day.

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It's interesting to me that so many people tuck their older teens in. When mine don't have school the next day, they go to bed after me. Even when they do, they don't have a set bedtime. I wouldn't practically be able to tuck them in very well.

When they feel the need to late night chats and attention, they come in my room around midnight or so and ask to play Uno and we sit on the big bed and play a couple of rounds and then they take a hug goodnight. That happens sporadically, but sometimes several time in a week and then sometimes not at all for a couple of weeks.

Edited by Farrar
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So, I said I tuck my 15 year old in (and I do)...but I go to bed before her. I just tuck her in at whatever time/do our routine, and then I'm officially done parenting for the night. 😉 She stays up hours after that. I'm always asleep before her. 

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1 hour ago, Farrar said:

It's interesting to me that so many people tuck their older teens in. When mine don't have school the next day, they go to bed after me. Even when they do, they don't have a set bedtime. I wouldn't practically be able to tuck them in very well.

When they feel the need to late night chats and attention, they come in my room around midnight or so and ask to play Uno and we sit on the big bed and play a couple of rounds and then they take a hug goodnight. That happens sporadically, but sometimes several time in a week and then sometimes not at all for a couple of weeks.

Similar here. Our teens have basement bedrooms so I can’t get down there. With our older, now flown kiddos, I’d stay up late to chit chat, little kids free. It is one of my fondest memories. Now I’m tired, DHhas work, and I can’t tuck myself in bed. 🙄 I’m at the mercy of an early bedtime, but I miss that terribly with our current teens. It’s not something that can be replicated in the middle of the day. 😞 

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9-12 yo. The kid on the later end of that continued to enjoy reading with me so we read some complex book series (The Chronicles of Narnia, the Harry Potter books, Warrior Cats, among other). The kid on the earlier end of that didn’t want to read before bed any longer so we stopped. 

I think spending that time together daily is very precious and I wanted it to continue as long as it could. For several years, both dh and I were tag-teaming on bedtime because it was special and very important to me that they spend a little while in focused attention with a parent every day. So for several years, he had one kid and I had the other; when youngest was born, he did the two bigger kids jointly while I took care of my fussy, difficult baby, lol. 

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On 7/10/2021 at 5:48 PM, lulalu said:

We have a bedtime routine that we have done since DS was born. DS is now 9. He gets PJs on brushes teeth. Then we both go in and pray, give the blessing and hugs and kisses. 

We just spent a few nights with friends. Their youngest is 10. They just sent their kids to bed. And it got me thinking.

What age did you stop praying, and trucking your kid in bed, and just started having them put themselves to bed? 

Long before our regular bedtime routines changed the kids were able to put themselves to bed occasionally when both parents were occupied.  It’s possible your friends normally would be more involved at bedtime but talked to the kids in advance about being self-sufficient because they had company. 

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10 hours ago, Danae said:

Long before our regular bedtime routines changed the kids were able to put themselves to bed occasionally when both parents were occupied.  It’s possible your friends normally would be more involved at bedtime but talked to the kids in advance about being self-sufficient because they had company. 

Yes, we’ve definitely done this.

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I don't even remember. Dh and I go to bed pretty early (as we wake up early for work) so the kids kind of sort of tuck us in 🙂  The younger 2(8/11) will come in for goodnight kisses and hugs. If the older 2 are home we just tell them goodnight. Ds is gone nearly every night working so that is pretty rare and dd1 is a social butterfly and often busy too.

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DD12 goes to bed later than I do. I always go into her room and spend a few minutes with her and tell her goodnight. 
 

DS9 and DS6 get tucked in. DS9 needs a lot of sleep and is sometimes asleep before I get to him, haha, especially if the baby is taking a little while to settle down. 
 

DS1 nurses to sleep.

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