My sister and chemo

[Amethyst]

My older sister started chemo today. She had the hysterectomy about three weeks ago and we were hoping that was the end of things but no, chemo and radiation ahead. 
 

I have 8 siblings and this particular sibling is one that I am not particularly close with. No bad feelings, that’s just the way it is - I’m closer to other sisters. I live 2.5 hours away from all my family members. I never visit this sister unless it’s for her yearly Christmas tea. I never call her or text (well, extremely rare). 
 

I care about her, and I want to support her through this but I don’t know how. She is married but they have no children. When my mom told me about the chemo, she said that sister did not want a ton of phone calls. 
 

Does anyone who has been through this have suggestions of how to support someone through chemo? (I sent flowers after her surgery, texted with her when I found out about chemo.) I have no idea what people find helpful during this. 

[Catwoman]

Sometimes it’s enough to just let her know you’re there for her if she needs anything. Maybe your mom could give you some suggestions on how you can help her (or just how to support her and let her know you care.)

I’ll pray for her complete recovery. I’m so sorry she is going through this. 😞 

[annandatje]

I should have taken up friends on their offers to clean house and pick up groceries.  Instead, I decided to "save" their generosity in event that things went downhill from there.

Unless you travel to help out,  probably not much you can do being two hours away other than emotional support via phone, text or email.  I am not minimizing emotional support from a distance; I did indeed find it a welcome relief.

[Arcadia]

My chemo sessions were more than 6hrs including prep time. YouTube was a great distraction. In my case, I had plenty of Chinese dramas to watch as well as English soccer match reports (ESPN UK).

I think it depends on what your sister likes. In my case, Starbucks frappe were my kind of weekly treat so Starbucks gift cards were useful since I use the mobile app to order. 

Depends on your sister’s personality, texting memes were fun for me because I could read and reply at leisure.

Care packages would be nice if you know what she prefers. One thing I would have appreciated is protein drinks. We bought protein powder and it was really hard to get the powder to dissolve. Protein drinks are more expensive per serving but they help me meet my oncologist’s target of at least 35g per day during chemo and radiation. My other favorite protein source was jerky (which also helps with my anemia).

https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-clinics/cancer-nutrition-services/during-cancer-treatment/high-protein-foods.html

“Guidelines for eating high protein foods during cancer treatment

Each individual's calorie and protein requirements will vary. For a rough estimate of calorie needs, plan on consuming 25 to 35 calories for each kilogram of weight (1 kilogram equals 2.2 pounds). The current recommended daily allowance for protein is 45 to 60 grams per day. It is important to discuss your individual calorie and protein requirements with your physician or registered dietitian. With some cancers, the metabolic processes can cause a situation known as hypermetabolism that affects how the body uses proteins, fats, and carbohydrates. With hypermetabolism you may need to increase your calorie and protein intake. Discuss this with your physician or registered dietitian.”

[historically accurate]

Does she like to read magazines or something like that? Chemo appointments can be very long. So something to pass the time would be appreciated. 

Send cards so they arrive around her chemo appointments? Maybe with a gift card in it every once in a while.

Just remembering her with a text on the day of appointments will be appreciated. 

 

I hope your sister gets well soon.

[athena1277]

A lot of people going through chemo get cold a lot. My mom sews cute, soft, warm hats for a local chemo center to give out.  Maybe you could find one like that to send.  It’s useful and reminds her that you care.  A hand written note every so often would probably be an encouragement also.
 

[math teacher]

Gift cards to restaurants for days she doesn't feel like cooking, puzzle books, bath or shower fizzies, lotions, nice smelling hand sanitizer, offers to talk at her convenience.

[Kassia]

11 minutes ago, athena1277 said:

A lot of people going through chemo get cold a lot. My mom sews cute, soft, warm hats for a local chemo center to give out.  Maybe you could find one like that to send.  It’s useful and reminds her that you care.  A hand written note every so often would probably be an encouragement also.
 

Yes, we always send hats or gift cards from CJ hats (Etsy) and they are appreciated.  My SIL wore a fleece cap we bought her from Lands' End for years - even in hospice until she passed away.  

[Amethyst]

Ugh. This is making me realize how little I know her. Does she do puzzles? What type of books does she like? Is she a Starbucks or a Dunkin person? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions! I know she loves to golf. She just sold her dental practice in March and was looking forward to lots of golfing and traveling. 

[alisoncooks]

Our oncology center had a Starbucks in the lobby. We spent soooo much time/money there during DH's chemo, so if your sister's hospital has one, too, a gift card might be handy. 

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, Amethyst said:

Ugh. This is making me realize how little I know her. Does she do puzzles? What type of books does she like? Is she a Starbucks or a Dunkin person? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions! I know she loves to golf. She just sold her dental practice in March and was looking forward to lots of golfing and traveling. 

Even if you knew, sometimes those preferences change. She also might just share things with other patients if you send a care package that has a few items that are irrelevant, or if she gets duplicates from other people. 

Gas cards might be practical if this means more driving than usual. 

I have heard some things over the years about stuff people need when their immune system is down--the most surprising one was someone that had to use a new toothbrush daily (or maybe even every time they brushed). That's a lot of toothbrushes! If there is something unusual like that, supplies would likely be appreciated. 

[katilac]

2 hours ago, Amethyst said:

Ugh. This is making me realize how little I know her. Does she do puzzles? What type of books does she like? Is she a Starbucks or a Dunkin person? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions! I know she loves to golf. She just sold her dental practice in March and was looking forward to lots of golfing and traveling. 

Ask a sibling who is closer to her. 

Online golf training and lessons exist! She might enjoy that, something she can do at home when she feels up to it, keep up her skills. I'm not the golfer around here, but I know that you can do things like send in video of your swing for them to analyze and so on, so it can be personalized. 

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

I have heard some things over the years about stuff people need when their immune system is down--the most surprising one was someone that had to use a new toothbrush daily (or maybe even every time they brushed). That's a lot of toothbrushes! If there is something unusual like that, supplies would likely be appreciated. 

Chemo could increase gum bleeds. So the softest toothbrush. 

https://www.dana-farber.org/health-library/articles/mouth-care-for-cancer-patients/

”If there is pre-existing dental infection such as cavities, abscesses, or gum (periodontal) disease, the infection may become worse. In addition, your gums may bleed easily if they are irritated or swollen. 

Chemotherapy may also cause mouth sores (mucositis). These sores usually heal in one to two weeks; however, more serious ulcers may become infected with bacteria or yeast that are commonly found in the mouth. Irritation from sharp teeth or fillings may worsen the condition. Medications to prevent sores and help with discomfort are available and can be prescribed for you.”

[Condessa]

A card, gift cards to a gas station next to the hospital, gift cards for restaurants or for groceries.