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Sapiosexuality and labels!


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2 minutes ago, bibiche said:

I translate “ally” in this instance as someone who doesn’t mock them (even if they may want to). I don’t think anyone is arguing that these people need advocates beyond those who will advocate that others stop making fun of people. I think a lot of kids try on identities and labels. I know I was often navel-gazey and self-absorbed, but no one felt the need to Rant Rant Rant about it. They indulged or ignored me and everyone moved on unscathed. There have always been young people absorbed in figuring out themselves and their place in the world, they just didn’t have as much of an audience as kids today.

Yeah, I don't mock kids either, but I take sapiosexuality about as seriously as anyone took my teenage Bowie obsession. It's not just 13 years olds calling themselves sapio - it's grown men and women. What's their excuse for colonizing actual forms of discrimination? 

It is a mockery of concepts of solidarity. It cheapens what solidarity is and why we stand in solidarity. 

In any place on this earth, there are people requiring our allyship - due to poverty, mostly, but also due to violence and forms of discrimination. 

Allyship makes sense when - true example - someone in your city just got 22 months for murdering his transwoman lover, because he used a 'rough sex' defence. I can be an ally by taking action on this instance of gross injustice. 

The most a sapiosexual needs is tolerance for navel gazing. Not an ally. Not solidarity. They need to stop appropriating real struggle. 

 

 

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People often rant here because they don't want to rant at/to/about an individual irl. Sometimes it's called venting. More often than not, it doesn't require a lecture on being an ally.

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Posted (edited)

I'm sorry to tamp down anyone's frustration with younger generations and/or current times,  but this specific word was coined 20+ years ago. 

 

 

Edited by katilac
one should spell correctly when being snarky
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8 minutes ago, katilac said:

I'm sorry to tamp down anyone's frustration with younger generations and/or current times,  but this specific word was coined 20+ years ago. 

 

 

And it was just as irrelevant to actual social justice then. 

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7 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

And it was just as irrelevant to actual social justice then. 

The OP and follow-up posts in general have a clear focus on why everything needs a label 'these days' and that is obviously what I was responding to. 

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Lol, the whole point of breakfast club is that labels are superficial and insufficient and limiting! Hence why *spoiler* the 'princess' gets together with the 'criminal'?!

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6 minutes ago, LMD said:

Lol, the whole point of breakfast club is that labels are superficial and insufficient and limiting! Hence why *spoiler* the 'princess' gets together with the 'criminal'?!

And the basket case with the jock.  We just watched that at the summer drive in and the park.  No one for the brain though…

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My niece’s preferred name is the name of their favorite Pokémon trainer.  I’m certainly not going to mock or belittle them but TBH, if *one of my teenaged kids* asked me to call them the name of a Pokémon trainer or really any name from some fandom, I would tell them nicknames are one thing and I’m happy to use a nickname BUT I wouldn’t be rushing off to change their name at school, demanding that grandpa address them as such or throwing out their Christmas stocking and replacing it yearly as their preferred name changed yet again.  

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28 minutes ago, LMD said:

Lol, the whole point of breakfast club is that labels are superficial and insufficient and limiting! Hence why *spoiler* the 'princess' gets together with the 'criminal'?!

Yes, yes it is. I did not say otherswise. I included dates on my quotes to make it clear that putting labels on people is not a new thing 'these days.' 

People have always had a strong need to label things. That is not new. That was my point. 

It is quite common on this board in particular to rattle off your Meyers Briggs letters. It is quite common for posters on this board to nickname their kids by a label: the aspie, the artist, the engineer, the dancer, the jester, and so on. 

People like to label things, including themselves and other people. Not new. Even the specific word in question is older than my adult children. 

 

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36 minutes ago, katilac said:

Yes, yes it is. I did not say otherswise. I included dates on my quotes to make it clear that putting labels on people is not a new thing 'these days.' 

People have always had a strong need to label things. That is not new. That was my point. 

It is quite common on this board in particular to rattle off your Meyers Briggs letters. It is quite common for posters on this board to nickname their kids by a label: the aspie, the artist, the engineer, the dancer, the jester, and so on. 

People like to label things, including themselves and other people. Not new. Even the specific word in question is older than my adult children. 

 

Sure, but don’t labels that describe interests or skills or personalities have greater societal application than labels that describe sexual proclivities and preferences? Whatever happened to privacy? (Said in my best old lady curmudgeon voice.)

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7 minutes ago, Hyacinth said:

Sure, but don’t labels that describe interests or skills or personalities have greater societal application than labels that describe sexual proclivities and preferences? Whatever happened to privacy? (Said in my best old lady curmudgeon voice.)

It’s likely just a trend with teens and young adults now and will fade away eventually. And just to be clear, I’m not talking about labels like gay and straight fading away.

Edited by Frances
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4 hours ago, katilac said:

I'm sorry to tamp down anyone's frustration with younger generations and/or current times,  but this specific word was coined 20+ years ago. 

 

 

Lol yeah!  I remember finding it vaguely encouraging back in the day when I thought all anyone cared about was what you looked like 😂 now it just sounds kind of pretentious to be honest.

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3 hours ago, LucyStoner said:

My niece’s preferred name is the name of their favorite Pokémon trainer.  I’m certainly not going to mock or belittle them but TBH, if *one of my teenaged kids* asked me to call them the name of a Pokémon trainer or really any name from some fandom, I would tell them nicknames are one thing and I’m happy to use a nickname BUT I wouldn’t be rushing off to change their name at school, demanding that grandpa address them as such or throwing out their Christmas stocking and replacing it yearly as their preferred name changed yet again.  

Is this a common thing?! One of my friend’s transgender kids chose a video game related name—one that is not something that has ever been known as a name (it’s an object). The parents couldn’t get on board with it, so compromised on a name with a similar sound. I think he goes by the other name with friends and by teachers. I do expect in this case, he will be glad eventually his parents didn’t let him change everything officially when he made this choice at 15 years old. 

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4 hours ago, KSera said:

 I do expect in this case, he will be glad eventually his parents didn’t let him change everything officially when he made this choice at 15 years old. 

You're probably right, but worst-case scenario is that he would have to change everything back again. 

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I think it’s pretty common for kids to rebrand themselves in their teens. It’s just that now changing gender identity makes it more than changing nicknames, because of the idea that the past name is a “dead name” and using it is a microaggression. 

 

I’ve told my students for years that I will call them by their chosen name (and, in the last few years,pronouns) , but just remember that when I need to call or see their parents or announce the student in a performance  it might be a bit uncomfortable if their parents have no idea who I am talking about!!

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18 hours ago, katilac said:

You're probably right, but worst-case scenario is that he would have to change everything back again. 

Well, sure. It wouldn’t be the end of the world. But changing all documents is a pain and becomes more so the older one gets, and he might feel silly as an adult to always have to acknowledge “Swordfish” as a formerly-known-as name 😉. I guess it could be a good story if he was good natured about it. 

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If  self-labeling helps someone to not feel alone or simply to put into words what they are experiencing, I figure that trumps any minor annoyance I may feel.  

Two of my young adults legally changed their middle names.  A daughter changed her middle name from her paternal grandmother's maiden name to paternal grandmother's first name.  My son fortunately had a unisex name; he is transgender ftm, so he changed his middle name from my mother's first name to my husband's first name.  I paid for the name changes since they were not self-sufficient financially at time of change.  

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Being an ally (depending on how close you are to the person) is also not just accepting everything they say without question.  My friends and family challenge me and make me think.  Why should this be any different? My oldest daughter (21) recently said "I think I am demisexual".  I said no sh*t, Sherlock, you spent your life reading and debating and adore anything academic, of course you feel you need to have someone be intelligent to be attracted to them.  She laughed and that was it. I would of course not do that with someone who wasn't in my family.  

 

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