Sigh. ... am I not normal?

[Sharpie]

You are very normal to me!  🙂  After pulling several weeks of 100+ hours, nothing sounds better than doing nothing this weekend and I mean nothing. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

My plans for tomorrow is to drop DS11 with a friend for a picnic and send the younger two to church, then my husband and I are going to spend a few hours on the lake just us.   Then he goes to work for the night and we are going to skip fireworks and go to bed early because DD8 and DS6 leave for camp.

Its boring but I love it. 😂

[LucyStoner]

I don’t think there’s anything abnormal about crafting, reading or beach combing.  Sounds like a wonderful time.  
 

The parades and similar are cancelled here.  

Our plans are primarily a function of: ensuring my kids get to see fireworks + providing a fun and safe time for my nieces and nephews.  If I didn’t have the gaggle of teens around, my ideal weekend would be a nice hike and catching up on my reading.  
 

My grandmother used to say that only boring people were horrified at the prospect of quiet alone time.  🤣

[KungFuPanda]

On 7/2/2021 at 3:23 PM, Garga said:

It frustrates me that the extroverts are seen as the default. Sometimes they come across as a bit manic and needy to me (meant in a mostly joking way.)

You’re normal. It’s just that the introverts are quieter about things, so it doesn’t get noticed. 

We have to go to my in-laws for lunch tomorrow and I’m not looking forward to it. I preferred last year when we all stayed home.

This is not my experience at all.  It seems to me like introverts are the new vegans.  They self-declare within minutes of meeting someone.  What I'm seeing is people who enjoy social interaction going about their lives, planning things, and inviting their friends.  (This is pre-pandemic.  Nothing is business as usual yet in my life.) Some say yes, some say no, and the activities move on with the people who show up.  Then, on this board and FB the introverts are spinning out over an invitation that they said no to. They're posting rants and articles about how extraverts are the bane of their existence.  I don't think extroverts are the default.  I think normal people in the middle who sometimes like to see their friends, but also get tired after a long day of activity are the default.  I don't know anyone who can spend hours doing an activity in the sun and heat and feel more energized at the end of the day than they do at the beginning.  I'm not convinced that's a thing, but every introvert tells me it is. 

The OPs co-worker crafted a socially awkward sentence.  I don't know if she meant anything by it or not.  I don't know why  anyone would try to make a friend feel bad about how they spend their down time?  I don't know why anyone feel lame about enjoying quiet relaxation at home?  I don't know a single grown woman who wouldn't know how to enjoy a day to herself and it's a bit odd that someone can't understand that.  I wouldn't be surprised if this whole introvert/extrovert thing was eventually debunked.

[Jean in Newcastle]

15 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

This is not my experience at all.  It seems to me like introverts are the new vegans.  They self-declare within minutes of meeting someone.  What I'm seeing is people who enjoy social interaction going about their lives, planning things, and inviting their friends.  (This is pre-pandemic.  Nothing is business as usual yet in my life.) Some say yes, some say no, and the activities move on with the people who show up.  Then, on this board and FB the introverts are spinning out over an invitation that they said no to. They're posting rants and articles about how extraverts are the bane of their existence.  I don't think extroverts are the default.  I think normal people in the middle who sometimes like to see their friends, but also get tired after a long day of activity are the default.  I don't know anyone who can spend hours doing an activity in the sun and heat and feel more energized at the end of the day than they do at the beginning.  I'm not convinced that's a thing, but every introvert tells me it is. 

The OPs co-worker crafted a socially awkward sentence.  I don't know if she meant anything by it or not.  I don't know why  anyone would try to make a friend feel bad about how they spend their down time?  I don't know why anyone feel lame about enjoying quiet relaxation at home?  I don't know a single grown woman who wouldn't know how to enjoy a day to herself and it's a bit odd that someone can't understand that.  I wouldn't be surprised if this whole introvert/extrovert thing was eventually debunked.

I agree.  We can choose to take offense or we can choose to let things roll off our back.  While there are catty people in world who do mean to insult us, most of us are just awkward at times in our wording.  A little bit of grace goes a long way.

As I said up-thread somewhere, there are ways to nicely talk about plans for activities at home.  Most people will understand.  It's not like doing things at home is unheard of.  You don't have to put yourself down while you do it.  And if someone is catty about it, you can simply tell them that you are happy with your choice and most will back off. 

[marbel]

1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:

This is not my experience at all.  It seems to me like introverts are the new vegans.  They self-declare within minutes of meeting someone.  What I'm seeing is people who enjoy social interaction going about their lives, planning things, and inviting their friends.  (This is pre-pandemic.  Nothing is business as usual yet in my life.) Some say yes, some say no, and the activities move on with the people who show up.  Then, on this board and FB the introverts are spinning out over an invitation that they said no to. They're posting rants and articles about how extraverts are the bane of their existence.  I don't think extroverts are the default.  I think normal people in the middle who sometimes like to see their friends, but also get tired after a long day of activity are the default.  I don't know anyone who can spend hours doing an activity in the sun and heat and feel more energized at the end of the day than they do at the beginning.  I'm not convinced that's a thing, but every introvert tells me it is. 

The OPs co-worker crafted a socially awkward sentence.  I don't know if she meant anything by it or not.  I don't know why  anyone would try to make a friend feel bad about how they spend their down time?  I don't know why anyone feel lame about enjoying quiet relaxation at home?  I don't know a single grown woman who wouldn't know how to enjoy a day to herself and it's a bit odd that someone can't understand that.  I wouldn't be surprised if this whole introvert/extrovert thing was eventually debunked.

I agree with all but particularly the bolded, even though I often characterize myself as a shy introvert because, well, I am shy and many social interactions are hard for me. But maybe it's not so much being an introvert as being reserved, which can go along with being shy. But I still do stuff, invite people over - maybe not as much as some others. I am usually ready for people to leave before they are ready to go, but I guess that is a good sign that they are having a nice time. Anyway, it's OK that we are not all the same and don't relax the same way, isn't that obvious by the time we are adults? 

In my experience, people often (not always!) misuse the word introvert when they really mean shy and/or socially awkward.  But I also think some (not all!) people use it as an excuse not to have people in their house, because they are embarrassed by their house.  (I am not talking about anyone on this thread, just people that I have observed during my adult life.)

Edited for clarity.

Edited July 5, 2021 by marbel

[Pawz4me]

39 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I don't know a single grown woman who wouldn't know how to enjoy a day to herself

I have a small circle and I know two women who tell everybody that they absolutely can't handle being alone, that being alone makes them so nervous/stressed/anxious that they can't handle it. And that certainly seems to be true from what I can tell from being around them and hearing about how they structure their lives. I've considered starting a spinoff thread at some point to discuss that. I do feel sorry for them. I'd hate to be that dependent on anyone else for my peace of mind. I do wonder if it's within the range of normal, or if it strays into the mental illness area.

[Pawz4me]

4 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

I am not shy and do not believe I could be described as socially awkward. However, a long day spent at a gathering can honestly take me two days to recover from. This is how I define introversion - by the self-knowledge of what certain interactions will require of me - and managing my energy budget accordingly. It isn’t really about observable personality when interacting with others.

Yeah, this is me. The bolded is especially true. I'm not the least bit shy or socially awkward. I can strike up a convo with a stranger and keep it going if they'll help me out just a little. But social events wear me flat out. Socializing is a massive energy suck. I can believe that people who are shy or reserved don't feel the same energy drain, because those are totally different from introversion. 

Now, are introverts speaking up for themselves more? Maybe. It would make sense. We've seen that throughout history from other previously marginalized groups when they get a toehold of empowerment/acknowledgement/whatever.

[Garga]

3 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

This is not my experience at all.  It seems to me like introverts are the new vegans.  They self-declare within minutes of meeting someone.  What I'm seeing is people who enjoy social interaction going about their lives, planning things, and inviting their friends.  (This is pre-pandemic.  Nothing is business as usual yet in my life.) Some say yes, some say no, and the activities move on with the people who show up.  Then, on this board and FB the introverts are spinning out over an invitation that they said no to. They're posting rants and articles about how extraverts are the bane of their existence.  I don't think extroverts are the default.  I think normal people in the middle who sometimes like to see their friends, but also get tired after a long day of activity are the default.  I don't know anyone who can spend hours doing an activity in the sun and heat and feel more energized at the end of the day than they do at the beginning.  I'm not convinced that's a thing, but every introvert tells me it is. 

The OPs co-worker crafted a socially awkward sentence.  I don't know if she meant anything by it or not.  I don't know why  anyone would try to make a friend feel bad about how they spend their down time?  I don't know why anyone feel lame about enjoying quiet relaxation at home?  I don't know a single grown woman who wouldn't know how to enjoy a day to herself and it's a bit odd that someone can't understand that.  I wouldn't be surprised if this whole introvert/extrovert thing was eventually debunked.

Since you jumped off from my post to make yours, I’ll reply: I really was joking around about extroverts being needy and manic. I agree that most people are somewhere closer to the middle between extrovert/introvert and like to do things but also like down time as well. However, I do know some extreme extroverts and I do honestly find them needy. 

At the end of the day, it’s not about physical exhaustion from being out and in the sun. It’s an emotional exhaustion. As someone says below, it can take days and days to recover emotionally. I could get up the next day full of physical energy. But if someone wanted to talk to me, I would find it very difficult to engage in the conversation and would mostly just listen and nod until my emotional energy returned a few days later.

3 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I agree.  We can choose to take offense or we can choose to let things roll off our back.  While there are catty people in world who do mean to insult us, most of us are just awkward at times in our wording.  A little bit of grace goes a long way.

As I said up-thread somewhere, there are ways to nicely talk about plans for activities at home.  Most people will understand.  It's not like doing things at home is unheard of.  You don't have to put yourself down while you do it.  And if someone is catty about it, you can simply tell them that you are happy with your choice and most will back off. 

Just chiming in to say that I agree with you that I don’t think the co-worker in the OP was being catty at all. I think she was just making small talk. I wouldn’t have been even the slightest bit offended by the way she worded it. I find that most people don’t mean much of anything they say literally, and most interactions with co-workers are off the cuff and not well thought out. It’s all just small talk. I extend a ton of grace for conversations like that.

2 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

I have a small circle and I know two women who tell everybody that they absolutely can't handle being alone, that being alone makes them so nervous/stressed/anxious that they can't handle it. And that certainly seems to be true from what I can tell from being around them and hearing about how they structure their lives. I've considered starting a spinoff thread at some point to discuss that. I do feel sorry for them. I'd hate to be that dependent on anyone else for my peace of mind. I do wonder if it's within the range of normal, or if it strays into the mental illness area.

I know 2 or 3 people like this as well. They’ve told me they can’t be alone for more than an hour before they start feeling bad. They simply must be around another person 24/7 or they feel out of sorts. To me, that is very needy.  Then again, I am probably needy because I need days to myself to recover from social interactions. 🙂

2 hours ago, Seasider too said:

I am not shy and do not believe I could be described as socially awkward. However, a long day spent at a gathering can honestly take me two days to recover from. This is how I define introversion - by the self-knowledge of what certain interactions will require of me - and managing my energy budget accordingly. It isn’t really about observable personality when interacting with others. 
 

Other members of my family can party every day forever and never feel a loss of energy from it. One of mine is always the life of the party yet at the end of the day (and often *before* the end of it), this young adult will make a sudden exit and confine to the bedroom for needed solitude. 

I won’t be surprised if a lot of mythology around intro- and extrovert types is hogwash, but I believe there is some degree of truth to it. Like many things, it has blown up thanks to social media. 

This is me as well. Days to recover. And I usually have a blast when I’m with people. I love being with them! I’m talking and laughing and joining in and having a great time. But once I’m home, I am completely depleted. The battery is down to 0% and it takes a few days to get it back up. 

 

2 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

Yeah, this is me. The bolded is especially true. I'm not the least bit shy or socially awkward. I can strike up a convo with a stranger and keep it going if they'll help me out just a little. But social events wear me flat out. Socializing is a massive energy suck. I can believe that people who are shy or reserved don't feel the same energy drain, because those are totally different from introversion. 

Now, are introverts speaking up for themselves more? Maybe. It would make sense. We've seen that throughout history from other previously marginalized groups when they get a toehold of empowerment/acknowledgement/whatever.

I’m like you: in fact, one of my extroverted friends who can’t be alone for more than an hour is envious of how I can find a stranger and talk to them with ease. But there is a price to pay in my energy levels afterwards. Again, not physical energy. I could be bouncing around at home getting a million things done, but if someone stopped by to chat after a day of socializing, it would be very difficult for me to carry my end of the conversation. I would be in listener mode: I just wouldn’t have it in me to contribute to a conversation.

Edited July 5, 2021 by Garga