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Sigh. ... am I not normal?


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At work today a few of the ladies were talking about their weekend plans for the 4th. It is supposed to be a very rainy weekend so everyone is adapting their plans but they are still making plans. Parades, road races, cookouts, etc. When they were all talking about their plans one woman said to me "Tell me you have at least one activity planned!" I know she didn't mean anything by it, but it just made me feel ...... lame.

I am looking forward to a LOT of quiet time. I live in a tourist town so it would be easy for me to go downtown and join in some festivities, and I may do that, but then again I may not. Chances are I won't.

I plan on resting, reading, working on my crafts, watching movies, etc. I am actually happy the weather will be yucky for a few days. The weather may clear on Monday and Tuesday (which I have off) so I may go to the beach. But that's it. I don't have a big family, I don't have a large circle of friends, and I am good with that. 

I know, I know, comparison is the death of contentment. I just hate feeling like I should be doing the normal things that everyone else does!

 

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I don't like the summer holidays much. Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day just are kind of depressing to me. We don't have a pool or a boat or friends to invite us out to such. So it is very anti-climatic and feels like everyone else has all these great plans. Dh will probably cook out but that is what we would do on any weekend. The last few times I have tried to plan to go to a movie or museum or something to pass the day. Maybe we will go to a baseball game this time. 

So we don't have big plans but I don't think I'm as ok with it as you are. If you are happy to just have down time, more power to you! Holidays should be restful and refreshing and it sounds like yours will be. Enjoy!

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Your plans sound awesome to me!

We're all sick and quarantined, so we have no plans, lol. But before we got sick...we still had no plans for the 4th! Haha. My parents had invited us to go camping but we decided just to have a quiet weekend (June was busy for us.)

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Your weekend plans sound fabulous to me!

We will hang around the house reading, relaxing, and working on our own projects. We will go to church on Saturday afternoon, and I will bake a peach pie on Sunday. I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend.

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You are normal and a lovely person. If you are happy, don’t give it a second thought. I am like you, prefer to be home doing quiet activities. We live in an extroverted society where endless people and excitement seems to be the default good. Whenever I get asked a question like that, I say my plans and confidently add “and it’s going to be lovely..” with a big sigh of relief. 

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But those “normal” things don’t make you happy so why? Outgoing, exuberant extroverts aren’t the best listeners... and they tend to assume what makes them happy (interaction) feeds everyone else. It’s very unfair. I am the outgoing and exuberant non listener. It’s really only through years with a beloved friend who is an introvert and a daughter who is an extreme introvert that I began to get it on any level. You do you. You’re just fine. I suspect there is an even split of introvert and extrovert, it’s just the extrovert is SO on (FB, real life, talking, posting, sharing) they/we make it seem like a lot of people are doing a lot of things...

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Don't let a group of extroverts guilt you into more activity than you want.  We're going to a public event on the 4th only because our teen is participating, and I don't expect us to stay long.  Otherwise, we plan to have a quiet weekend.  I'm okay with that.  

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You sound like a normal introvert to me. I have no plans this weekend. Covid has been lovely for my introverted self, no pressure to join in activities or go places. I'm a happy homebody. Sounds like you are too. Just because others can't understand your choices doesn't make them abnormal. 😉 

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Well, we're right there with you. I don't do heat, humidity or crowds. All three at the same time get a definite, hard "no" from me.

We're planning on our usual--a quiet weekend at home. 

Introverts unite!

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You could just say “yes, I might go to the beach” in response to her comment. It doesn’t matter if you don’t end up following through. 
 

Or “I have some relaxing activities to do at home and I am looking forward to it “. 
 

but nothing wrong with your preferred activities. If I didn’t have chronic pain and fatigue I might be more extroverted or maybe not. I have had the chronic pain all my adult life so while the cookouts etc sound enticing to me I haven’t had the energy  for 90% of them.   So my response most of my life to others making plans is “it sounds like you have a lovely fun time planned. I look forward to hearing all about it.   But I will be playing this weekend by ear.”  (Which means that I will do whatever my pain or energy allow). 

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I honestly didn’t even realize there’s a holiday this weekend. 
 

We don’t do holiday stuff, it just doesn’t interest us. I’ll bet that’s more common than you think, because we aren’t talking about our normal activities in the same way others talk about their special ones. 

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7 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Well, we're right there with you. I don't do heat, humidity or crowds. All three at the same time get a definite, hard "no" from me.

We're planning on our usual--a quiet weekend at home. 

Introverts unite!

I am with you, Pawz4me - but in separate, quiet locations! 😂

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Your plans sound totally normal.  I love the 4th but I would never go to one of those festivals. We do a cookout and fireworks with our people. We also run away or hide out at home when it's boat race time everyone loves it so much and I think it's the worst.

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1 minute ago, Katy said:

Your coworker was rude and you are normal, simply introverted.

This.

Your coworker was coming at you from the POV that downtime is a much different experience for her.  She was rude about it though.

If it makes you feel better, our town canceled nearly everything for the second year in a row.  There will be a small parade, but we're not traveling around to any other town to see fireworks or whatnot.  I'll take ds11 to the parade, we'll come home, and if the weather is nice we have a treat for the fire pit outside: colored flames.  Oldest and dh are working until evening.  Our goal is to stay off the roads until Monday evening, when the tourists go home so we're staying around the neighborhood.

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Posted (edited)

I would 100% rather do the plans you have then go do all those crowded and loud events.  You are totally normal you just like different things and that is A ok.  Do what makes you happy.   I am not a 4th of July fan.  We have done some things before Covid, but I really don't enjoy them.  I would prefer to be on cabin at a lake with no other people in site.   We have no plans this weekend.  There is stuff going on but it is going to be HOT and the extra layer of covid, we are passing on things with others.  

Edited by mommyoffive
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Your plans sound more exciting than mine. If the weather holds up I'll be replacing an exterior sliding door and replacing outdoor light fixtures. If the weather doesn't hold up I'll be changing faucets, fixing a leaking toilet, replacing a kitchen sink, and tearing up some tile flooring. I would much rather be doing what you're doing.

But really that sounds completely normal to me

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Everyone is weird in one way or 1,000, lol.

My household does The Big 3 (Turkey Day, Christmas, Easter... and usually NYE) alone. It’s the greatest thing ever. Other people find that sad.

We do have plans with close friends tomorrow, but that’s the entirety of our weekend events, and that’s more than enough for me.

I’m working on being a bit more outgoing, but ONLY a bit. I have no desire to become a busy person!

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1 hour ago, HomeAgain said:

This.

Your coworker was coming at you from the POV that downtime is a much different experience for her.  She was rude about it though.

If it makes you feel better, our town canceled nearly everything for the second year in a row.  There will be a small parade, but we're not traveling around to any other town to see fireworks or whatnot.  I'll take ds11 to the parade, we'll come home, and if the weather is nice we have a treat for the fire pit outside: colored flames.  Oldest and dh are working until evening.  Our goal is to stay off the roads until Monday evening, when the tourists go home so we're staying around the neighborhood.

How do you do that?

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You fit right in with my personal normal.

I live with people who think we have to go out and do things to celebrate everything.  I just barely tolerate it for the sake of peace in the house.

I'd be fine with the other 4 people going off (with the pup) and doing all the fun stuff and leaving me home.  In fact, that sounds absolutely fabulous to me.  I would sleep all I wanted, eat what I wanted, bang on the piano, and probably spend much of the time cleaning house, which I happen to enjoy doing when alone.  And going through my email backlog, resolving small matters.  And reading for pleasure.  Maybe sipping tea.  Doesn't that sound lovely?  But to my housemates, that suggestion sounds passive-aggressive and ridiculous.  😕

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Hilarious that you bring up this topic. I thought maybe it was just me, but I wrote a newsletter article -- this morning -- that addresses this exact first world problem!! 🙃

 

8 Musings on Creating a Smart Holiday


1. Quick Q: Do you have Holiday-intolerance? What I mean is, we put a lot of holiday-pressure on ourselves. Happy people, we think, eat potato salad, have a picnic, go to the beach, and watch fireworks. But what I’ve noticed is that many of us use the holiday weekend to ditch smart eating habits and then are annoyed with ourselves on Monday morning. Are you able to celebrate in ways that have little to do with over-calorie-ing it?

2. Losing after 50 cannot be “a wish our heart makes.” We need to make the decision to lose/maintain. These are two completely different mindsets: wishing versus the power of deciding (for example, we don't "wish" for coffee in the morning, we didn’t "wish" our way to a college degree).

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I’m the same way- and I think it’s normal for me.  I know how it made you feel though. For 25+ years we lived 12 hours from our families and every holiday I heard what sounded like pity for us because we weren’t ‘doing things’.  For us it was normal to just have us for Thanksgiving or Christmas and Mother’s Day was not big deal. But I could hear it in friends’ voices when they found out we didn’t have ‘big plans’.  
We did occasionally make plans with friends for July 4 but I never felt it was ‘better’ than when we just hung out at home and did our usual stuff. 

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1 minute ago, Alicia64 said:

Hilarious that you bring up this topic. I thought maybe it was just me, but I wrote a newsletter article -- this morning -- that addresses this exact first world problem!! 🙃

 

8 Musings on Creating a Smart Holiday


1. Quick Q: Do you have Holiday-intolerance? What I mean is, we put a lot of holiday-pressure on ourselves. Happy people, we think, eat potato salad, have a picnic, go to the beach, and watch fireworks. But what I’ve noticed is that many of us use the holiday weekend to ditch smart eating habits and then are annoyed with ourselves on Monday morning. Are you able to celebrate in ways that have little to do with over-calorie-ing it?

"Holiday intolerance" describes me perfectly, but mine has nothing to do with food or calories. Mostly I'm contrary enough to not like the forced expectation of feeling patriotic or thankful or family-ish or peace on earth/goodwill to men or whatever other thing the holiday stands for. Bah humbug. It's like holiday theater or something.

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5 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I think those are the ones we got. 🙂

We started looking for ways last year to bring in other ways to celebrate.  These were a hit, and we plan on taking a pack or two to camp with us this summer as well.

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3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

"Holiday intolerance" describes me perfectly, but mine has nothing to do with food or calories. Mostly I'm contrary enough to not like the forced expectation of feeling patriotic or thankful or family-ish or peace on earth/goodwill to men or whatever other thing the holiday stands for. Bah humbug. It's like holiday theater or something.

Holiday theater!! That's funny!

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Your plans sound great- introverts here too. All the parades etc are cancelled here. The church is having their annual quilt raffle and the next town is going fireworks. We usually find a parking lot on a hill where we are by ourselves to watch the fireworks anyway. Our last house was on a lake and we would sit out front and watch the neighbors do their big firework show.

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I was just thinking to myself this morning how nice it is to have kids that are all grown up. No  4th of July carnival, no parade, no fireworks - I can stay home and do what I want to do. Yeah!!

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Posted (edited)

Hello world, we're on the tail end of a pandemic!?  We're going to my FIL's house and getting take out on the 4th.  It's the first time all 4 of us will have been with him since last summer and we live 15 minutes from him.  My husband has seen him almost every week though.  

Anyway, it's nice to have a quiet weekend without too much to do and I'm watching the delta variant.  I also HATE heat.  We're using up our social on theater stuff for my teen.  She is in a production playing at a park and the ENTIRE cast and production team is vaccinated (they did an anonymous survey to set protocols for rehearsals and shows).  Amazing and awesome.  

Edited by FuzzyCatz
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Posted (edited)

It frustrates me that the extroverts are seen as the default. Sometimes they come across as a bit manic and needy to me (meant in a mostly joking way.)

You’re normal. It’s just that the introverts are quieter about things, so it doesn’t get noticed. 

We have to go to my in-laws for lunch tomorrow and I’m not looking forward to it. I preferred last year when we all stayed home.

Edited by Garga
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4 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

Well, we're right there with you. I don't do heat, humidity or crowds. All three at the same time get a definite, hard "no" from me.

We're planning on our usual--a quiet weekend at home. 

Introverts unite!

Fellow introvert here who feels the same as you do. 

A quiet weekend at home is my idea of heaven.  I will be curled up with a book.

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I hear you. I used to feel so uncomfortable when my extroverted family would ask about my holiday plans. They'd sound disappointed when I didn't have anything big going on, and which made me feel embarrassed and like I was abnormal. 

I don't like parades, (boring), it's 100 degrees out, and I don't want to be eaten alive by mosquitoes. The traffic for the fireworks show is insane.  Two hours of bumper to bumper isn't worth it for a 30 minutes show. None of us like being in the middle of a noisy crowd, and there will be a lot of that this weekend. 

Enjoy your quiet weekend! 

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23 minutes ago, AnneGG said:

I love your plans.

I plan to make strawberry pie and lemon bars. Then eat them.  
 

DS likes to watch the Liberty’s Kids on the 4th. 

Oh Liberty’s Kids!  That’s a great idea. I forgot about it. Pretty sure we have DVD’s.

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Well we do live on a lake and everything gets festive, but still I don't have people over typically.  So you can still have the right place, but if you are not an extrovert, you may still enjoy not doing much.  That is how it is for me. I am glad people can have friends over and have a good time, and wish I could be like that, but too, I am very glad when the weekend is over and my neighborhood is quiet again.  I am not one to be drinking and on the water all day and a full day of visiting wipes me out. I feel like a shut-in on these holidays, but 1. my timing is off, and I am still cleaning house and preparing for the holiday and 2. I feel like neighbors are judging me because we don't have people over usually.  I would rather be reading a good book, or gardening.  It is nice to know I am not in the same boat, and there are other introverts like me..

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My college roommate and still BFF is the ultimate extrovert. Way back in our 20's we had a great conversation about what 'fills our bucket' - she liked going out to lots of clubs and bars or having lots of people of over. I described my ideal evening as a quiet dinner and trip to the bookstore. Learning to accept others as different is so important. Learning to accept ourselves for exactly who we are is even more important. 

And by the way.. you have plans. You plan on enjoying yourself the way you want!

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I am an extreme extrovert, but I hate crowds; fairs, parades, carnivals and amusement parks sound like punishment to me. There's nothing wrong with staying home.

Although we won't, since we're always heading outdoors on weekends; we will be paddling on a quiet river.

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Growing up, I loved the 4th, because we lived on the lake and all my dad's side of the family (and he had lots of siblings!) would come for grilled hamburgers/hot dogs, everybody would bring sides, and we'd have freezers of homemade ice cream in the afternoon. It was always such a fun day. And later years, fireworks over the lake were added by a town on the other side. We could sit on the dock and watch the fireworks as well as lots of boats on the water. We didn't have to go anywhere for either part of the celebration. Now, though, we have no lake, and we have no desire to battle the heat and crowds to go somewhere to celebrate. So it will mostly be quiet here at home. Our church is having an outside service and picnic, but I'm not going to go because I can't handle the heat. @Home'scool, your plans sound perfect to me!

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Your plans sound perfect to me. Enjoy the restful quiet. 
 

I am taking my kids to the library tomorrow morning to check out some new books for all of us! And I bought some strawberries and blueberries to make some sort of red, white, and blue dessert. 

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