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Anyone else exhausted?


TechWife
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With my vaccination status, my outside activity is ramping up along with commitments and expectations. I’m not yet at before levels of involvement, but I am exhausted. 
 

I heard a lot of people say this during the height of lockdown restrictions and I wasn’t in the same place they were then. I have enjoyed spending more time with my immediate family - it’s been a wonderful pause in my dh’s travel schedule. I wonder if I’m having a delayed stress response? Perhaps some of my responsibilities don’t interest me as much as they once did and it’s time to do other things? Maybe both?

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I think many of us have a kind of PTSD (I don't mean to be flippant about PTSD here) from the last 5 or so years. I feel a kind of emotional exhaustion. The last 5 years have beat the crap out of all of us. At least, that's how I feel. Everything has been a fight. I've been disillusioned by so many people. 

And now we're supposed to go back to normal life and pretend everything is totally fine? I don't think that's realistic.  

Everyone is encouraging to start up "normal" life again and just completely forget about people didn't get vaccinated or refused to wear a mask. And then gaslight us into blaming ourselves if we can't ignore the bad behavior of so many people. 

No thank you. 

 

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2 minutes ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

I think many of us have a kind of PTSD (I don't mean to be flippant about PTSD here) from the last 5 or so years. I feel a kind of emotional exhaustion. The last 5 years have beat the crap out of all of us. At least, that's how I feel. Everything has been a fight. I've been disillusioned by so many people. 

And now we're supposed to go back to normal life and pretend everything is totally fine? I don't think that's realistic.  

Everyone is encouraging to start up "normal" life again and just completely forget about people didn't get vaccinated or refused to wear a mask. And then gaslight us into blaming ourselves if we can't ignore the bad behavior of so many people. 

No thank you. 

 

Yes.  We didn't have hardships during Covid like things you saw in the news.  Dh was able to work from home, a lot of our stress from commuting and traveling was gone, we saved a lot of money, we didn't get sick, but for me Covid really affected me in not a great way.  I feel bad sometimes saying that I have PTSD or depression or whatever from Covid when didn't have hardships.  But it did.  I am so better than where I was 6 months ago.  I am inching my way back to who I was.   My kids are taking steps forward too.  But I know this had to have affected them too.  I hope that long term it isn't in a bad way.  I hope that it teaches them good lessons.  

But yeah a few months ago I read an article in The Wall Street Journal that said when people who stayed home and then started going back to normal life, just going out to meet for coffee with a friend would totally exhausted them.   I think that was true for me at first, one little thing was all I could handle.  I think I have gotten past that now.  But yeah ease into it. 

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I have just decided that I like the life we have created for ourselves during this lock down and have zero interest in most of the commitments from previous years, even though some of them I enjoyed a lot at the time.  For example,  I don't think we'll go back to weekly Sunday dinners at mil's house, which I loved.  But being home on Sunday evening has been great too, so I think we'll do biweekly dinners once she starts having people over and then invite her to our house on the weeks we're not there but don't mind seeing people.

I have zero interest in starting up home school group again and I was the one who ran it.  I'm going to make the announcement soon, gotta talk to the other organizer first.  I'd love to continue seeing those families but this year apart really made me realize that our academic life is so much more enriching when it is just focused on us and not other families.  

Dh is of the same mentality that we've really enjoyed the last year and a half.  It has been amazing for our marriage and our relationships with the kids that we aren't excited to fill up our schedules again.

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30 minutes ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

I think many of us have a kind of PTSD (I don't mean to be flippant about PTSD here) from the last 5 or so years. I feel a kind of emotional exhaustion. The last 5 years have beat the crap out of all of us. At least, that's how I feel. Everything has been a fight. I've been disillusioned by so many people. 

And now we're supposed to go back to normal life and pretend everything is totally fine? I don't think that's realistic.  

Everyone is encouraging to start up "normal" life again and just completely forget about people didn't get vaccinated or refused to wear a mask. And then gaslight us into blaming ourselves if we can't ignore the bad behavior of so many people. 

No thank you. 

 

Deleted my post because I'm trying to stop being so depressing. 🙄 

But I feel you here.

Edited by OH_Homeschooler
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12 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I have just decided that I like the life we have created for ourselves during this lock down and have zero interest in most of the commitments from previous years, even though some of them I enjoyed a lot at the time.  For example,  I don't think we'll go back to weekly Sunday dinners at mil's house, which I loved.  But being home on Sunday evening has been great too, so I think we'll do biweekly dinners once she starts having people over and then invite her to our house on the weeks we're not there but don't mind seeing people.

I have zero interest in starting up home school group again and I was the one who ran it.  I'm going to make the announcement soon, gotta talk to the other organizer first.  I'd love to continue seeing those families but this year apart really made me realize that our academic life is so much more enriching when it is just focused on us and not other families.  

Dh is of the same mentality that we've really enjoyed the last year and a half.  It has been amazing for our marriage and our relationships with the kids that we aren't excited to fill up our schedules again.

That is me too.  It reminded me of our life when we first had kids and we spent everyday at home.  We did somethings you, but weren't running around you know?  I would love it.  Just a few things every week or whatever.   But dance is so important to my older 2 especially, and of course that is the biggest, most expensive, and furthest from our house.    

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1 minute ago, mommyoffive said:

That is me too.  It reminded me of our life when we first had kids and we spent everyday at home.  We did somethings you, but weren't running around you know?  I would love it.  Just a few things every week or whatever.   But dance is so important to my older 2 especially, and of course that is the biggest, most expensive, and furthest from our house.    

yeah i understand.  Thankfully for us,  my brother's kids also do dance so we split the driving obligation which cuts things down for us.  We're still trying to figure out driving for next season but I think it'll a twice a week obligation, which I can handle since we can align it with ds' kung fu.  Those are the only regular obligations I'm willing to have this year.  We'll see what 2022 holds but I'm hoping we can keep things low for the long-term

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I’ve been exhausted for months. I need a reset, a break of enough magnitude that I can begin again to successfully accomplish all the things. My life never slowed down in the past two years, I only experienced increased demands. I’m in need of a vacation from it all. Since that is not going to happen, I see this being a long slow road to getting back the stamina I previously had.

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I got a job. I work from home sometimes and go into the office sometimes.  I’ve been working for 6 weeks now. 

That’s fine. I can handle that.

But two of my friends also had job changes and they said, “Oh, let’s celebrate!” and I’m thinking, “Yes, we can go to Chili’s for dinner down the road!”

But then one said, “I always wanted to go to one of those fancy restaurants in NYC.” And then the other one said, “Oh hey, how about X restaurant in DC?” (I live in PA and they live in MD—DC is a solid 2 hours from my house and NYC is 5 or 6 hours.)

And I’m like, “Er…how about Chili’s that’s 5 minutes down the road?”

They insisted that we had to have a Proper Celebration and that I could crash in one of their houses after our trip to DC so I wouldn’t have to drive home late and blah blah.

I sat on it for a day, feeling miserable, waiting to see if I’d start to get excited about it. Nope. I finally told them, “Sorry guys. I’m just not up for an adventure yet. The job is more than enough. Otherwise, I just want to stay close to home and keep things simple.”

I just can’t. I just can’t do things yet. The job is more than enough excitement in my life. 

 

My MIL called the other day and asked if we wanted to do something for July 4th. I gave a tepid reply and said we really don’t celebrate it. If she wants to get together for burgers, ok, we’ll show up. But I hope she doesn’t. 

Edited by Garga
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1 minute ago, Garga said:

I got a job. I work from home sometimes and go into the office sometimes.  I’ve been working for 6 weeks now. 

That’s fine. I can handle that.

But two of my friends also had job changes and they said, “Oh, let’s celebrate!” and I’m thinking, “Yes, we can go to Chili’s for dinner down the road!”

But then one said, “I always wanted to go to one of those fancy restaurants in NYC (we’re in PA/MD).” And then the other one said, “Oh hey, how about X restaurant in DC?” 

And I’m like, “Er…how about Chili’s that’s 5 minutes down the road?”

They insisted that we had to have a proper celebration and head to DC and blah blah.

I sat on it for a day, feeling miserable, waiting to see if I’d get excited about it. I finally told them, “Sorry guys. I’m just not up for an adventure yet. The job is more than enough. Otherwise, I just want to stay close to home and keep things simple.”

I just can’t. I just can’t do things yet. The job is more than enough excitement in my life. 

 

My MIL called the other day and asked if we wanted to do something for July 4th. I get a tepid reply and said we really don’t celebrate it. If she wants to get together for burgers, ok, we’ll show up. But I hope she doesn’t. 

Good for you for listening to yourself!  

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3 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

yeah i understand.  Thankfully for us,  my brother's kids also do dance so we split the driving obligation which cuts things down for us.  We're still trying to figure out driving for next season but I think it'll a twice a week obligation, which I can handle since we can align it with ds' kung fu.  Those are the only regular obligations I'm willing to have this year.  We'll see what 2022 holds but I'm hoping we can keep things low for the long-term

Yeah it would be amazing if I could split driving obligation.  But there isn't anyone in our city that goes to this ballet school, and then they would have to be in the same levels too for it to work.  Unicorn situation.

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This topic is timely as I am sitting here having a full blown exhaustion meltdown cry.   Thing just feel too overwhelming and too hard and while this cry feels good it isn't helping anything except making my headache far worse.    

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Beyond exhausted - physically and mentally.  I have terrible insomnia and have health issues, plus so many family demands and obligations that I am absolutely overwhelmed by.  I desperately need a break to make me and my marriage (DH has been an awesome partner throughout everything) a priority instead of putting everyone else ahead of us over and over again.  

Hang in there everyone.  Day by day, sometimes hour by hour...

 

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1 hour ago, TechWife said:

I heard a lot of people say this during the height of lockdown restrictions and I wasn’t in the same place they were then. 

My kids and I are exhausted with having to keep quiet whenever my husband has a conference call or is doing an interview. My kids were so frustrated they try to pick community college classes that does not have compulsory Zoom sessions. My husband sometimes do conference calls in office because its so much easier. My kids wants to be back in a school/college building by fall.

I think its less stressful if you have enough space for everyone who is working or studying from home to have a “soundproof” room to work/study from. 
My husband and I went out at the same frequency during shelter in place. He works from home but still have to go back to office whenever needed. People in his department also sometimes have to pass work samples to each other so we end up driving to each other’s homes and vic versa since its more straight forward than going back to office. My medical appointments were mostly in person so I was at the medical centers as often as before. 
I think change is always exhausting for some people. DS16 has been napping a lot more since his classes switched to online. He used to spend four days a week in community college for classes. Luckily tennis lessons never stopped for my teens so they have that to look forward to. 

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I’m still on lockdown and I’m exhausted. I’m blaming allergies. Actually today I’m feeling better but a few days ago it got too cool to run the air conditioner and I opened the windows. Immediately half the family felt ill. Closed back up & turned the air back on and we’re slowly recovering. 

If you have allergies you might consider if the problem is partially that, not only change & overwhelm. 

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I feel this so much.

I'm not adjusting well to being so "busy" and by "busy" I mean I have to leave my house every day for ten minutes to drop my kid at work, or meet up with a friend for an hour or two, or go to physical therapy.  Plus for some crazy reason all the time out of the house seems to need to check boxes and feel significant or my mind asks me why I bothered.  Disappointment is like a thick heavy blanket on my spirit.  No one is dying here, and we really will be okay, but somehow it is just one too many things.

I was a hot mess yesterday because all the stress of all the things was suddenly on me and I just couldn't be responsible and hold it together anymore. I ran out of a zoom meeting crying.

I feel this, y'all . Praying for you all.

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I think there are still a lot of changes / unpredictability which require us to be more "on" about things that used to be automatic, and that takes more mental energy.  It's not as bad as it was last year with the closing, opening, closing, schedule changing, rule changing, etc., but it still isn't autopilot either.  I don't know when we'll be able to talk about "routines" again.

Also, for me, I had hired someone to help with the driving for my kids' activities, and now I'm doing all the driving myself.  Sometimes it's hard, as it cuts into my client work, let alone my personal time.  And the pup stuff is new this year.  I have a lot less recharge/alone time than I would like.

But who am I kidding - June has always been nuts for me since I have a mega government deadline this month.  Maybe I'll get things in better order next month.

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Being vaccinated and having a new administration have done so much for my stress levels that sometimes I forget that I’m still in the middle of a wildly stressful event, and I wonder why I’m exhausted…  (month 15 of Long COVID…)

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58 minutes ago, Katy said:

I’m still on lockdown and I’m exhausted. I’m blaming allergies. Actually today I’m feeling better but a few days ago it got too cool to run the air conditioner and I opened the windows.

DS16 has seasonal allergies from April to June every year. We have to run air purifiers and humidifiers for him. My allergies are year round so I am used to it. We open our sliding patio door but we have the sliding screen patio door for bugs closed. 


ETA: The humidifier is run because the air purifier drys out our air too much.

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I am tired today. Very, very tired. Both my mom and mother in law have had "honey do" lists of things they need help with so for the last few days I have been "honey". I haven't been around here for several days because I am just whipped. Today I got groceries and decided to just sit for a bit.

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I'm weirdly relieved that I'm not the only one. I'm sorry we are all going through this.

Yesterday afternoon I had an in person meeting that was supposed to last an hour, but ended up lasting 2 1/2 hours. I wasn't tired during the meeting, it was productive and was about  a project that I am enthusiastic about. But boy did I start yawning early last night. I went to bed at my regular time, but overslept this morning - I didn't even hear my alarm go off.

Today is a catch up day for me as far as personal paperwork goes. I've put a lot of things to the side that I have to deal with as far as medical bills and trying to get the dr. office to post my MRI report to my patient portal so that I can see it because they don't seem to be returning phone calls this week. It's all very frustrating and it's not because it's hard or unfamiliar - I've done medical reimbursement professionally in the past and have always been the ones to keep up with this in our family - I know what to do and how to do it. I'm just tired of doing it.

I am going to make an appointment with the dir. of women's ministry at church to talk through my Bible study plans - there were some changes at church immediately before the shutdown that I want to review with her. That will probably relieve some of the stress from the "unknown." It will also give some direction as to what the future might look like.

I think tidying up the house this weekend will go a long way towards helping me feel better. It isn't dirty, I did a big cleaning last weekend, but it's cluttered and I need to resolve that. Clutter is stressful for me.

 

 

 

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I was fine-ish until about 3 weeks ago, and then hit a wall of depression and anxiety. It was the worst anxiety I have had in a long time.  I debated calling my doctor for a prescription to help, and talked about it at length with DH.  The triggering event was receiving 3 invitations for out of state events, and trying to carefully explain why I can't go to any of them.  My family thinks I'm being ridiculous.  I think they need to stfu about it and stop trying to wheedle me into taking long trips. 

Covid + January 6 + the Texas February Freeze and blackout have left me completely drained and rattled. I don't want to go "celebrate". I want some calm and serenity, not a boisterous wedding reception or baby shower. 

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9 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

I was fine-ish until about 3 weeks ago, and then hit a wall of depression and anxiety. It was the worst anxiety I have had in a long time.  I debated calling my doctor for a prescription to help, and talked about it at length with DH.  The triggering event was receiving 3 invitations for out of state events, and trying to carefully explain why I can't go to any of them.  My family thinks I'm being ridiculous.  I think they need to stfu about it and stop trying to wheedle me into taking long trips. 

Covid + January 6 + the Texas February Freeze and blackout have left me completely drained and rattled. I don't want to go "celebrate". I want some calm and serenity, not a boisterous wedding reception or baby shower. 

I totally get that! Hugs

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22 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

I was fine-ish until about 3 weeks ago, and then hit a wall of depression and anxiety. It was the worst anxiety I have had in a long time.  I debated calling my doctor for a prescription to help, and talked about it at length with DH.  The triggering event was receiving 3 invitations for out of state events, and trying to carefully explain why I can't go to any of them.  My family thinks I'm being ridiculous.  I think they need to stfu about it and stop trying to wheedle me into taking long trips. 

Covid + January 6 + the Texas February Freeze and blackout have left me completely drained and rattled. I don't want to go "celebrate". I want some calm and serenity, not a boisterous wedding reception or baby shower. 

Sending some hugs.  That is totally understandable.  Listen to yourself and go at your own speed.  And yet your family needs to STFU.   I am glad you stuck to your guns.  

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54 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 I was talking with a group of high school parents and a common thread was that they can’t seem to get their kids interested in thinking about college plans or what they might want to do after high school. Even though the kids wouldn’t say it, or recognize they feel it, we parents feel it’s all related to seeing the kids 1-2 years ahead of them have all their plans wrested away with the pandemic. 

My neighbors’s kids change their minds last year to wanting colleges that parents can drive to even if domestic flights are suspended. One kid went from being willing to go where his elder sibling is at (461 miles driving) to having a 40 mile away public as his second choice, his first choice is a selective public 44 miles away. They saw parents driving almost non stop to go get elder siblings home last year.

My teens had it slightly easier because their community college closed the campus a week or two after shelter in place was declared. So they knew that classes were going to be switched to online instead of a sudden switch.

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I'm tired even though lockdown was right up my alley. I'd be worse off now if I hadn't had the year free of all non-essential activities.  It's my 21st year homeschooling and this last year was a full on outsource. I've had a significant surprise medical issue just before COVID struck that I have lots of feelings about, and I'm grudgingly working through them. I'm an INTJ, processing feelings isn't something I do willingly.

The last administration coupled with the attitudes of some people in my now former branch of Christianity brought to a head my decision to leave Evangelicalism for Mainline Protestantism. So far the new church (which follows CDC guidelines) has been a breath of fresh air in a few important ways, even if it isn't a fantastic fit. 

Now I'm knee deep in the mess of coordinating our week long trip to back to AZ, juggling all the personalities, family -dynamics, and boundary reinforcement preparation necessary. We're burning resources (time, money, and energy) for a trip I'm ambivalent about and it makes me tired to even think about it.  I doubt we're going back this winter-something the relatives aren't going to take well.  My parents (mom, step-dad, dad) don't ever travel, but complain if I don't come see them.  Sigh. I have to maintain the relationships even remotely-they don't. Sigh. They also aren't reasonable about elder care issues and that are soon to come to head. Sigh. And the state is on fire even more so than usual, so it will be particularly unpleasant in parts of it I'm going to.  Sigh. At least there will be friends there I really do want to see, so it will be worth it, but it won't all feel like a vacation.

Thanks for letting me commiserate.

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I can so relate to your exhaustion.  DH was laid off right as we headed into lock down and my work got super busy.  Like, working many extra hours a day no time to process anything busy.  My PS child had a terrible year of virtual learning and I’ve had health stuff.  Big changes in friend relationships. In hindsight, I should have taken time off when DH got a job so I could start to process things.  I am exhausted. 

 

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Covid lockdown was the only time on the last probably five to six years that I haven’t felt exhausted.  I lost weight and actually got exercise and some ongoing health issues started resolving.  It only lasted a couple of months here though.  That was good for the extroverts in my family though.

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10 hours ago, Seasider too said:

I think it’s really hard to plan. I was talking with a group of high school parents and a common thread was that they can’t seem to get their kids interested in thinking about college plans or what they might want to do after high school. Even though the kids wouldn’t say it, or recognize they feel it, we parents feel it’s all related to seeing the kids 1-2 years ahead of them have all their plans wrested away with the pandemic. 
 

I think it’s the same for adults, too, at least for me. I am making plans, and I’m willing to make plans, but I am honestly a little breath-holding about them. Last November was horrid and who knows what this November will bring? Blerg. We have a reason for not wanting to plan anything. 
 

I hope  you are feeling better soon @MissLemonand that people become understanding about your desire to lay low. 

It is hard to plan. I don't want to plan at all right now, and people keep asking me to plan, discuss my plans, and think about making more plans.  I'm not feeling dreamy and hopeful about the future.  I feel like I've been through the wringer and I just want to sit quietly for a while and process it. 

 

9 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

My parents (mom, step-dad, dad) don't ever travel, but complain if I don't come see them.  Sigh. I have to maintain the relationships even remotely-they don't. Sigh. 

 Same here.  My sister once said "It's just easier if you come here". Well, yes. It's always easier when someone else does all the heavy lifting. 🙄

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I am so exhausted.  We are in this weird period, that happens every year that I teach, where the kids' school is out, and our local public school is out, so all their summer activities have started, but my job is still going.  At this point, my students are out and I have 3 more days of work.

So, they're signed up for more activities than we'd do during the school year, and I'm totally overwhelmed.  Plus I still have this enormous sleep debt that I haven't made up, and we moved this week. 

This weekend, we are at a baseball tournament that required us leaving the house at 6:45 a.m.  Again, not something we'd do during the school year, but since it's summer from their perspective, I let them.  

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On 6/24/2021 at 12:43 PM, Kassia said:

Beyond exhausted - physically and mentally.  I have terrible insomnia and have health issues, plus so many family demands and obligations that I am absolutely overwhelmed by.  I desperately need a break to make me and my marriage (DH has been an awesome partner throughout everything) a priority instead of putting everyone else ahead of us over and over again.  

Hang in there everyone.  Day by day, sometimes hour by hour...

 

Kassia, I was in this situation about five years ago. I did not say NO, and I ran myself and my marriage into the ground. I am still married to the love of my life, my best friend only because of his sheer force of will to bring us through. I had nothing left to give. Please, please hear me when I say to force a break, force the down time, recharge. Don't let it happen to you. I still believe is some miracle, some magic of the universe that dh and I are together.

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5 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Kassia, I was in this situation about five years ago. I did not say NO, and I ran myself and my marriage into the ground. I am still married to the love of my life, my best friend only because of his sheer force of will to bring us through. I had nothing left to give. Please, please hear me when I say to force a break, force the down time, recharge. Don't let it happen to you. I still believe is some miracle, some magic of the universe that dh and I are together.

Thank you.  We are hoping that things quiet down in September.  The next two months are going to be brutal as far as family commitments/obligations.  So, we just have to hang in there and then reconnect.  We're good partners (thank goodness), but we need to focus on each other and our marriage and just haven't had the time to do that.  I'm so glad that your DH was so determined to keep the marriage and that you made it through.  ❤️  Thank you again for sharing your experience and wise advice.  

 

 

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I thought I was handling all of the changes well (oldest coming home for summer, youngers re-starting some activities, me starting a part-time job), and then today, I had a full on 15 minute ugly cry because youngest told me she needed her pills - she only had 2 left.

I have had it up to here with trying to make sure that there are enough medications, toilet paper, food, cleaning supplies, etc at all times for the past year and a half through shortages and curbside pickup sometimes-wacky substitutions. The mental load of that now coupled with a busy schedule to keep track of has apparently broken me.  

I guess I'm exhausted too.

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On 6/24/2021 at 10:55 AM, mommyoffive said:

I feel bad sometimes saying that I have PTSD or depression or whatever from Covid when didn't have hardships.   

Trauma and stress can be useful words when PTSD or depression don't quite seem to fit. 

10 hours ago, MissLemon said:

My sister once said "It's just easier if you come here". Well, yes. It's always easier when someone else does all the heavy lifting. 

We don't get that level of blatancy, but the idea is clearly free-floating in the atmosphere 🙃

I do get it in one sense, the actual travel is easier in the sense that we are younger. But the overall trip harder in the sense that we've had significant health crises in the family, and we have jobs to work around, and dh is having to hit his job longer and harder than ever due to Covid slowing down or stopping a lot of things that are essential to his success.  

The travel gods seem to be smiling on us, though, and no-stop flights ae supposed to be a thing as of next month. Crappy bargain airline flights, but still, this will enable dh at least to jet over for a short visit, and we can figure everything else out from there. They're going to be disappointed to not get everyone at once, but that's honestly practically impossible at this point, with four completely different schedules and one young adult who is so early in their career that taking time off isn't really a thing yet.  

The stress and guilt can really be exhausting. I feel like a jerk sometimes for thinking they should come to us, but there's just no way around some of the obstacles, and they are retired and have the funds to make for a very comfortable trip. It's absolutely okay if they don't wish to, but that's the way seeing all four of us at once is going to happen this year (and that's what they want, preferably along with the other sets of families, which is really almost impossible). 

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1 minute ago, katilac said:

We don't get that level of blatancy, but the idea is clearly free-floating in the atmosphere 🙃

I do get it in one sense, the actual travel is easier in the sense that we are younger. But the overall trip harder in the sense that we've had significant health crises in the family, and we have jobs to work around, and dh is having to hit his job longer and harder than ever due to Covid slowing down or stopping a lot of things that are essential to his success.  

The travel gods seem to be smiling on us, though, and no-stop flights ae supposed to be a thing as of next month. Crappy bargain airline flights, but still, this will enable dh at least to jet over for a short visit, and we can figure everything else out from there. They're going to be disappointed to not get everyone at once, but that's honestly practically impossible at this point, with four completely different schedules and one young adult who is so early in their career that taking time off isn't really a thing yet.  

The stress and guilt can really be exhausting. I feel like a jerk sometimes for thinking they should come to us, but there's just no way around some of the obstacles, and they are retired and have the funds to make for a very comfortable trip. It's absolutely okay if they don't wish to, but that's the way seeing all four of us at once is going to happen this year (and that's what they want, preferably along with the other sets of families, which is really almost impossible). 

There's an undercurrent in my family that if you have "the nerve" to move away, then your punishment is to always and forever do the traveling back to visit them.  After all, it wasn't their idea for you to leave, so why should they have to take on the expense and hassle of travel?  I don't think my dad has ever visited his sister in Boston, because he's still mad that she moved away from "home" (nevermind that my dad also "moved away from home".  Somehow, that's different and ok).  My aunt has lived in Boston for gosh, 30? 40 years?  He's never been there, but she's seen his most recent house 4 or 5 times. Ridiculous. 

I pitched an enormous fit one year and got my dad, sister, and nephew to visit. The other sister refuses to come, (the one that said it was just easier if I do it), because she says she's already visited enough. She met us for dinner *one time* 7 years ago when she happened to have a business trip down here.  I appreciated her driving over for dinner, but no, doing half-a-thing once 7 years ago doesn't really count any more. 

If I didn't have DS12 to consider, I wouldn't feel so agitated about these folks. Blah! (ok, enough venting for me. Thanks for listening!)

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4 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

There's an undercurrent in my family that if you have "the nerve" to move away, then your punishment is to always and forever do the traveling back to visit them.  After all, it wasn't their idea for you to leave, so why should they have to take on the expense and hassle of travel?  I don't think my dad has ever visited his sister in Boston, because he's still mad that she moved away from "home" (nevermind that my dad also "moved away from home".  Somehow, that's different and ok).  My aunt has lived in Boston for gosh, 30? 40 years?  He's never been there, but she's seen his most recent house 4 or 5 times. Ridiculous. 

I pitched an enormous fit one year and got my dad, sister, and nephew to visit. The other sister refuses to come, (the one that said it was just easier if I do it), because she says she's already visited enough. She met us for dinner *one time* 7 years ago when she happened to have a business trip down here.  I appreciated her driving over for dinner, but no, doing half-a-thing once 7 years ago doesn't really count any more. 

If I didn't have DS12 to consider, I wouldn't feel so agitated about these folks. Blah! (ok, enough venting for me. Thanks for listening!)

We're not even the ones who moved away! 😂

Yeah, it's really hard when you have kids and you want them to have that extended family things, so you put up with more than you should. 

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On 6/24/2021 at 10:00 AM, Seasider too said:

I liked the forced reduction in activities, but found it challenging to live with those (extroverts) who were not okay with a big slow down. So I felt one sort of anxiousness replaced by another. 
 

I feel like this next year is going to be demanding and require a lot of sacrifice on my part as we do all the senior year and college application rituals (including that I work more hours to pay for this year’s extras). I feel like if I can just buckle down and get through the next 12 months, *then* I will be able to truly relax. But just the anticipation and list making has me breathing shallow and tensing up. I feel exhausted and frankly, old. 

Oof, you and I are living parallel lives, I think. My extrovert was in deep distress last year. It was not a time of sweet family bonding, it was a time of doing constant triage on the mental health of my teens.  I feel this constant tension right now but I don't think it's covid related, really. It's just that I have a lot of significant transitions happening now or shortly. Graduated one out this year, graduating another next year (the baby-dreading it). Last semester of school for me, plus NCLEX, plus finding a job (big tension there- also highlights the feeling old piece). Also, we are probably moving but don't know where yet. There's just so much uncertainty.

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3 hours ago, katilac said:

Trauma and stress can be useful words when PTSD or depression don't quite seem to fit. 

We don't get that level of blatancy, but the idea is clearly free-floating in the atmosphere 🙃

I do get it in one sense, the actual travel is easier in the sense that we are younger. But the overall trip harder in the sense that we've had significant health crises in the family, and we have jobs to work around, and dh is having to hit his job longer and harder than ever due to Covid slowing down or stopping a lot of things that are essential to his success.  

The travel gods seem to be smiling on us, though, and no-stop flights ae supposed to be a thing as of next month. Crappy bargain airline flights, but still, this will enable dh at least to jet over for a short visit, and we can figure everything else out from there. They're going to be disappointed to not get everyone at once, but that's honestly practically impossible at this point, with four completely different schedules and one young adult who is so early in their career that taking time off isn't really a thing yet.  

The stress and guilt can really be exhausting. I feel like a jerk sometimes for thinking they should come to us, but there's just no way around some of the obstacles, and they are retired and have the funds to make for a very comfortable trip. It's absolutely okay if they don't wish to, but that's the way seeing all four of us at once is going to happen this year (and that's what they want, preferably along with the other sets of families, which is really almost impossible). 

Warning about non-stop flights - We visited my family last week. I booked all non-stop flights and every flight was changed by Southwest a few weeks ago. One non-stop flight became a one stop flight. Our return flight was changed to have two stops. DD is flying back today and they changed her flight earlier this week. My parents had an older email with the itinerary and got to the airport too late. Luckily I was able to get DD on another flight later tonight. I never got an email from Southwest telling me that DD's flight was changed. 

Lesson learned - always verify that your itinerary matches what you see online. 

 

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This thread is weirdly comforting.  Thanks.

Exhausted.  Beyond exhausted.  It’s not even just the getting back to “normal” and pretending everyone is vaccinated or whatever.  Our family has just been hit and hit and hit by crises over the last few years.  I am exhausted, and beaten down.  

Maybe we can share recovery strategies at some point, when we’re all ready.

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6 hours ago, historically accurate said:

I thought I was handling all of the changes well (oldest coming home for summer, youngers re-starting some activities, me starting a part-time job), and then today, I had a full on 15 minute ugly cry because youngest told me she needed her pills - she only had 2 left.

I have had it up to here with trying to make sure that there are enough medications, toilet paper, food, cleaning supplies, etc at all times for the past year and a half through shortages and curbside pickup sometimes-wacky substitutions. The mental load of that now coupled with a busy schedule to keep track of has apparently broken me.  

I guess I'm exhausted too.

I am so sorry! I get it. Many hugs!

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