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Quick! Prom question for tonight!


MEmama
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DS has been invited by a (female) friend to a backyard prom tonight. She attends a different school but he will probably know most of the people there. AFAIK they are going as friends, I don’t think there is anything romantic is between them and she’s leaving for school in a couple weeks anyway. I do know she was nervous to ask him, but I think it’s just because she’s never done it before (most of these kids aren’t dating at all yet). 
 

I *just* found out the kids (all? Most? Idk but not just them) are going to a fancy, waterfront restaurant before the party. Quick question—should he pay for her dinner? I think it would be nice, but is it weird if they are just friends? It probably would have been done “in my day” but idk if it would be the norm for this generation and I don’t want to suggest old fashioned, patriarchal BS if that’s how it would be perceived now.

Thoughts?
 

Also DH thinks he should bring her flowers but I think that’s weird. 

Edited by MEmama
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  • MEmama changed the title to Quick! Prom question for tonight!

It's probably too late for this, but your DS sounds like he likes off-beat fun things (pink suit anyone? :)), so what about something like a cute toy, like a plush dinosaur? That would be a memorable prom gift 🙂  Barnes & Noble is a good place to find adorable stuffies. 

I'm with you on the flowers... what's she supposed to do with them? I always thought wrist corsages were strange, like something done at proms b/c it's tradition, but that no teen would think of on their own.

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I don't think two people not dating and going as just friends owe each other flowers or dinner. They should go dutch, or at most, maybe because she invited him she could cover dinner. No way should he be obliged to bring flowers to her. 

Dutch is always best in my book because it takes all the obligation feelings out of it.

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3 minutes ago, Kanin said:

It's probably too late for this, but your DS sounds like he likes off-beat fun things (pink suit anyone? :)), so what about something like a cute toy, like a plush dinosaur? That would be a memorable prom gift 🙂  Barnes & Noble is a good place to find adorable stuffies. 

I'm with you on the flowers... what's she supposed to do with them? I always thought wrist corsages were strange, like something done at proms b/c it's tradition, but that no teen would think of on their own.

Lol— he is excited to get to wear the suit a couple times this season. He's wearing a 3 piece, mauve suit with white Doc Martens boots. 😎

I like your suggestion but unfortunately he’s leaving in an hour, so no time to pick anything up. I’d consider sending him with peonies from the garden but they are pretty bedraggled after last nights rain. 

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5 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

I don't think two people not dating and going as just friends owe each other flowers or dinner. They should go dutch, or at most, maybe because she invited him she could cover dinner. No way should he be obliged to bring flowers to her. 

Dutch is always best in my book because it takes all the obligation feelings out of it.

Hmmm, I don’t see it as obligation, just wondering what modern protocol is. But yeah, I can’t imagine she'll be put out if he doesn’t bring a bouquet. 🙂 

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1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

If it were my son, he would pay for both dinner and flowers. 

The girl might be very excited about the prom, and my ds would want to make it memorable and fun for her.

Are they getting a limo?

Oh no, no one gets a limo here. The backyard proms are pretty casual (except they are dressing up!). This one is in someone’s waterfront yard. 
 

I’ll probably suggest he offer to pay for dinner. She can decline of course, but it seems nice? 

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2 minutes ago, Harpymom said:

The above posters have convinced me about the flowers, I think I'm just wishing DH would give me flowers!

Well yikes—I guess I’ll see if any peonies survived! 🙂 

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Just now, MEmama said:

Oh no, no one gets a limo here. The backyard proms are pretty casual (except they are dressing up!). This one is in someone’s waterfront yard. 
 

I’ll probably suggest he offer to pay for dinner. She can decline of course, but it seems nice? 

I think that’s a good idea. That’s what I would have him do. 

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BTDT with a dd being the one to ask. 
 

He should be prepared to pay for dinner and offer to do so. She will probably decline. In one case my dd paid, because it was a dinner banquet paid for in advance. The other time, the date she asked insisted on paying (she had bought his dance ticket). So have your son offer to pay as a courtesy and just let them decide that evening. If he’s prepared he won’t worry through the dinner. 
 

Flowers, yes imo. That way if all the others have flowers, she’s not left out. Make it a wrist corsage so she can take it off if no one else is wearing them. It’s a nice thing to do. However, it’s pretty late notice. Your local grocer may have a florist who can make an inexpensive one quickly. With or without it would be fine, it’s just a nice gesture if possible. 

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19 minutes ago, MEmama said:

Lol— he is excited to get to wear the suit a couple times this season. He's wearing a 3 piece, mauve suit with white Doc Martens boots. 😎

I like your suggestion but unfortunately he’s leaving in an hour, so no time to pick anything up. I’d consider sending him with peonies from the garden but they are pretty bedraggled after last nights rain. 

Just saw this - I replied before reading through - no worries on the lack of flowers especially since this is an impromptu thing. 

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Ask her if she wants a corsage instead of flowers.  He could buy flowers for her mom if it was a date. I would make sure he has enough money and offer to pay for dinner if she doesn’t want to go dutch. And possibly $20-30 more to pitch in for late night pizza. 

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19 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

If it were my son, he would pay for both dinner and flowers. 

The girl might be very excited about the prom, and my ds would want to make it memorable and fun for her.

Are they getting a limo?

This is exactly how I feel about it! Proms/dances in general. It’s not about what’s due, it’s about showing kindness in return for the invite. The alternative would be to decline the invitation. 

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37 minutes ago, MEmama said:

DS has been invited by a (female) friend to a backyard prom tonight. She attends a different school but he will probably know most of the people there. AFAIK they are going as friends, I don’t think there is anything romantic is between them and she’s leaving for school in a couple weeks anyway. I do know she was nervous to ask him, but I think it’s just because she’s never done it before (most of these kids aren’t dating at all yet). 
 

I *just* found out the kids (all? Most? Idk but not just them) are going to a fancy, waterfront restaurant before the party. Quick question—should he pay for her dinner? I think it would be nice, but is it weird if they are just friends? It probably would have been done “in my day” but idk if it would be the norm for this generation and I don’t want to suggest old fashioned, patriarchal BS if that’s how it would be perceived now.

Thoughts?
 

Also DH thinks he should bring her flowers but I think that’s weird. 


my son gave a wristlet corsage to his prom date that she could wear while doing things

(pretty much all the boys got one for their dates and the girls gave the boys boutonnières) 

I would suggest that or some sort of flowers/corsage

 

if there’s time can the girl be asked about paying for dinner before the event so as not to have awkwardness at the time?  
 

eta: otherwise I suggest he be prepared to pay for them both, and just proceed to do it, unless she objects strongly. 

Edited by Pen
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Can he ask her? "I don't know what you had in mind here and I don't want it to be awkward at the restaurant. I'd like to pay for our dinner, but that might be weird for you since you asked me?"

Just put it out there and see what she says?

And I like the idea of a wristlet corsage but it might be too late to find one. If he has a nice time, he can bring her flowers tomorrow as a "Thanks for asking me" gesture.

 

Edited by Hyacinth
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Ok, I had success finding a handful of peonies that survived the rain, and will mix in some stalks of purple cat mint. Shockingly, DS thinks flowers are a good idea so I’m glad you all talked me into making it happen. 🙂 A garden bouquet feels appropriately casual yet thoughtful. I'll also suggest he offer to pay for dinner (he will want to but is likely to forget if I don’t make a point of mentioning it first). 
 

I’ll post a pic of the suit if he allows a photo. 🙂 

Thank you for all your help! Hive mamas rock! 

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6 minutes ago, MEmama said:

Flowers. 🙂 

C9280030-A3F6-4873-95C1-A395AD3BB983.jpeg

Beautiful!

 

If you can find a pin to attach one or more to dress or something to possibly create a wristlet even for just one big peony, which (wristlets) seems to be what is “in” at least on our side of the country that could be a nice addition. 
 

what wrist corsages look like - but some were more plain like a backyard pretty flower on a ribbon that the boy helped tie on afaik

 

https://vickiesflowers.com/flower-arrangements/prom-corsage-and-boutonniere/

Edited by Pen
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I would try to make the flowers into a wrist corsage, or I would call a florist and see if they can put one together for you right away. 

If this is prom season in your area, your grocery store floral department might have wrist corsages pre-made and ready to go.

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Posted (edited)

I’ll take this down soon but here’s the suit… 😎

Took it down for privacy but thanks for all agreeing he looked handsome! Lol 

 

Edited by MEmama
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1 hour ago, MEmama said:

Ok, I had success finding a handful of peonies that survived the rain, and will mix in some stalks of purple cat mint.

That is awesome, and very Maine!!! I love it!!!

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Sounds like everything is all squared away.  He looks great and I hope they all have a nice time.  I think offering to pay for dinner and bringing flowers is a good idea.  Might as well make a big deal over prom and make it a special night for his friend.  

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56 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

If this is prom season in your area, your grocery store floral department might have wrist corsages pre-made and ready to go.

 

that’s a good idea ... and the more flowers the more extra special imo ! 

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30 minutes ago, Kanin said:

That is awesome, and very Maine!!! I love it!!!

Thanks!

It can be hard to know here, I find. I recently went to a graduation party at a yacht club and wore a summer dress with sandals and I was definitely overdressed. Lol. But I think in this case a backyard bouquet feels appropriately casual. 🙂 

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Just going on the record that all the most fashionable crowd I know was into bouquets this year and the wrist corsage is not the “thing” here anymore. 
 

Of course that is what my ds and his girlfriend did (wrist corsage) but they are never accused of being in the cool crowd 🙂

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22 minutes ago, Pen said:

Is he already gone and at restaurant?  I hope they have a fun and memorable evening! 

Me too! 🙂

I'm just thankful that the kids can participate in some end-of-high school traditions this year, even if they are different and unique. They can’t know now in the moment how important some of them are for closure and marking this enormous time of transition in their lives, but as parents we do. And when the traditional things can’t happen, I love that they are taking it into their own hands and owning the moment by making it their own. 🙂 

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23 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

Just going on the record that all the most fashionable crowd I know was into bouquets this year and the wrist corsage is not the “thing” here anymore. 
 

Of course that is what my ds and his girlfriend did (wrist corsage) but they are never accused of being in the cool crowd 🙂

Phew! 🙂 

(for the record I’m unclear if DS's school has a “cool crowd”. It was such a different experience than my own. Lol).

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11 minutes ago, MEmama said:

Me too! 🙂

I'm just thankful that the kids can participate in some end-of-high school traditions this year, even if they are different and unique. They can’t know now in the moment how important some of them are for closure and marking this enormous time of transition in their lives, but as parents we do. And when the traditional things can’t happen, I love that they are taking it into their own hands and owning the moment by making it their own. 🙂 


yes! It’s important! 
 

mine had 3 main closure events so far and prom has been his favorite  -    And I think the dressing up, flowers etc, all adds to making memorable experiences  

 

(here They are still doing closure events this week - and maybe unofficially next week ...  meanwhile I am trying to get thank you notes written for school staff  ... I was just realizing that his public school is as small as a homeschool co op ... ) 

 

 

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40 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

Just going on the record that all the most fashionable crowd I know was into bouquets this year and the wrist corsage is not the “thing” here anymore. 
 

Of course that is what my ds and his girlfriend did (wrist corsage) but they are never accused of being in the cool crowd 🙂


good ! Then he’ll be cool if that so there in Maine!

Our senior class is under 20 kids who pretty much became a cohesive group without so much “fashionable” crowd. 

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3 hours ago, MEmama said:

Lol— he is excited to get to wear the suit a couple times this season. He's wearing a 3 piece, mauve suit with white Doc Martens boots. 😎

Aww c’mon, we need pictures of this!!! Off with his head if you must, but we need to see this rad ensemble!

LOL note to self: read entire thread first! 😂 Even more awesome than I anticipated!!! 😎 

Edited by bibiche
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4 hours ago, Catwoman said:

If it were my son, he would pay for both dinner and flowers. 

The girl might be very excited about the prom, and my ds would want to make it memorable and fun for her.

Are they getting a limo?

This. For sure!

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4 hours ago, MEmama said:

Hmmm, I don’t see it as obligation, just wondering what modern protocol is. But yeah, I can’t imagine she'll be put out if he doesn’t bring a bouquet. 🙂 


I think it’s mostly adding positive energy and making for an uplifting memorable and joyful experience as much as is readily possible! 
 

And maybe it’s especially important after the strange year most people have had. 
 

She  gave him the gift of an invitation and of having a prom to go to and he is gifting her beautiful flowers and perhaps paying for  the dinner.  And everyone gains, the givers and the given. 

and you too who picked the pretty flowers and can enjoy the gift of being able to do that


 

 

 

 

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