Thanks

[Drama Llama]

Sorry, I overshared.  Thanks for all the ideas.

Edited June 14, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[mommyoffive]

I am sorry your family is struggling right now. 

Is your dh in therapy or a support group?

What things does your dh and your 10 year old like to do?  Can you support them doing it together?  Taking a class together.  Biking.  Hiking. Swimming.  Fishing.  Boating.  Reading the same book together.  A project to do together.    Going to get ice cream.  Going to a movie.  Go to a baseball game.  Maybe just the 2 of them hanging out together would be a good thing without everyone else.  Maybe the big brother element being protective on his behalf isn't helping them in terms of reconnecting?

Would the 2 of them going on a trip away be a good thing.

[sassenach]

.

Edited June 14, 2021 by sassenach

[freesia]

.

 

Edited June 14, 2021 by freesia
didn't want to leave on the internet

[prairiewindmomma]

Therapy and time, but especially therapy.

Y’all have a lot of shared trauma to work through. A lot of things and people got shoved to the side when you were in crisis, and the fact that things aren’t rosy right now is an oddly encouraging sign. It means that you have the space to work through them. This is a long journey—just because things aren’t great now doesn’t mean that they can’t be in the future. 
 

Dh needs to be emotionally present to connect. If he’s not there yet, then this relationship isn’t ready to fully heal. This isn’t yours or ds’s thing to fix. 

[Drama Llama]

. . .

Edited June 15, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[Katy]

Would he read the 5 Love Languages of Children?  

[Drama Llama]

28 minutes ago, Katy said:

Would he read the 5 Love Languages of Children?  

Probably not.  

[prairiewindmomma]

So, I'm looking at my 8 yo and my 12 yo, and I think they could get the conversation.

I think you lay the foundation of talking about what it means to show up emotionally. It means that not only your body is there, but also your mind/thoughts, and your heart. It means that you really see the person in front of you, and you try to connect.  You talk about times you have connected and times you haven't. As an example, we can all be in a room watching a Netflix show and laughing, but that one person is looking at their phone instead and has missed out on the joke. Or, sometimes we all show up to a baseball game to play, and our mind is somewhere else because we're sad, and so we aren't playing our best. Whatever stories on that point that connect to your kids and your family culture---just build that foundational concept idea.

Then, talk about what it means to grieve. Sometimes you just don't feel like playing legos, even though everyone else wants to play. Sometimes you hurt so much inside that you have a hard time connecting with other people because your feelings are just too big that day. And sometimes, our brains get off a little bit and that makes it harder because they don't have all of the chemicals that they need.  It's not that the person is angry with you or doesn't like you, they just can't show up emotionally on a consistent basis. 

-----

On the above, where you asked what you weren't getting--pm me if you want.