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Another pride month question: trans and non-binary people


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Posted (edited)

Do you have, in your circle of relationships, trans or non-binary people?

Relatives?

People you have conversation with who know some degree of detail about your life and you theirs?

(I once saw a trans person or my friend of a friend thing would not fit this.)

I am totally curious about this after reading the pronouns thread. 

Edited by prairiewindmomma
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Posted (edited)

Children of current or former colleagues. So while I have met the children, my relationship is really with the parent, and they have shared some of the struggles.

Edited by Frances
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Posted (edited)

DH worked with a man in the process of transitioning to a woman.  

The husband of a couple we knew for many years was not trans at the time we were friendly, but we saw his wife about ten years ago and she told us he was transitioning to a woman.  That was a total surprise! 

 

I have friends with relatives who are young adults who are trans, but I don't know the young adults themselves.  

 

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Posted (edited)

First met a trans person when I was 7 or 8. I’ve known several casually. All but one was male-to-female and very obviously so. The sort with huge hair and flowery dresses like “Tootsie.” Not a lot of difference between cross dressers and what was then called transsexuals in appearance in those days, and I wasn’t always sure if what someone’s story was. The other was a VERY outspoken lesbian who suddenly transitioned to a gay male. I see a number where I live, for example cashiers or people on the street. 

I find the increasing numbers if of teen girls identifying as male to be extremely troubling. 

Edited by stripe
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None that I know of. When DH was working at least one of his co-workers was trans, and one of DS22's high school classmates transitioned during the time they were in school. But I don't think I personally know anybody.

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Personally, out of all the people I interact with in person, nobody is trans or non-binary that I know of.

My boss said we just hired a trans person, but I haven't met the person.

My kids have some classmates who say they are trans and non-binary.  However, given the fluidity of these kinds of things at that age, I don't know how many of them will still identify that way 5 or 10 years from now.

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, Katy said:

No one in my circle, but one person in my circle has a trans sister, and another a trans father. And one of my friends identifies as asexual. 

Just a note - asexual has to do with attraction, not gender identity.  Someone asexual can identify as cisfemale or cismale, or nonbinary or trans.

Ah, the things I didn't use to know in such detail.  

Edited by Matryoshka
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15 minutes ago, stripe said:

 

I find the increasing numbers if of teen girls identifying as male to be extremely troubling. 

I do too.  I think some of it is a reaction to cultural/systemic misogyny.

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Posted (edited)

One of my dc is trans and the other is non binary. Youngest, non binary, also has ASD and almost all of their friend group is non binary (and autistic). 🤷‍♀️

Dh has an uncle who is transgender and transitioned while he was growing up. Dh’s other uncle was gay (uncles from both sides of dh’s parents) and dh’s father was a bit weird with dh while he was growing up because he was afraid dh would “catch” being gay. Father in law is a lot better about it all today thankfully. 

Edited by Joker2
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Yes, several, including one person very close to me.

My young adult kids have many friends and acquaintances.

I don't think it is as rare as some think it is - and is going to become more and more commonplace as people no longer feel the need to keep it hidden.

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The only one in my family that I am aware of is dh's cousin's son. When the son and his very supportive parents told the family, the family basically shunned them. I find it appalling that the family would behave in such a manner, but not surprising at all, given what I know about dh's extended (and not-so extended) family. I’m sure I know more that I’m not aware of, but they are not very public about it. It’s not something that is exactly embraced in our neck of the woods.

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None in my inner circle. The closest would be one of the kids from our old homeschool park group appears to be identifying as female or more feminine-looking non-binary now, from what I have seen from the mom's Facebook page. I haven't asked for details.

My kids each go/went to school/are friends with a "they". These kids have ridden in my car and been in my house, but we're not close enough to discuss identities.

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37 minutes ago, Matryoshka said:

Yes.  Quite a few.  

Until, say, 10 years ago, I'd say zero.  But now ... so very many (all young adults).

Same (although I know one early elementary student). We have multiple close friends with trans or nb kids, I have a nb kid, and the vast majority of their friends are trans. Our close friends are all people we knew before the kids were trans. All are kids with pre-existing anxiety and/or ASD, born female. 

14 minutes ago, Joker2 said:

One of my dc is trans and the other is non binary. Youngest, non binary, also has ASD and almost all of their friend group is non binary (and autistic). 🤷‍♀️

This is super, super common among (born) girls with ASD right now (as you probably know). I wouldn’t see anything troubling about it other than the undercurrent of misogyny I hear in some of them (mine included), except when permanent medical treatments/procedures are involved. I do have significant concern with the huge explosion of young females  with ASD or anxiety who are making medical choices they can’t reverse and that will affect them forever. If not for the medical treatments, it would be a non issue to me. 

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1 minute ago, KSera said:

Same (although I know one early elementary student). We have multiple close friends with trans or nb kids, I have a nb kid, and the vast majority of their friends are trans. Our close friends are all people we knew before the kids were trans. All are kids with pre-existing anxiety and/or ASD, born female. 

This is super, super common among (born) girls with ASD right now (as you probably know). I wouldn’t see anything troubling about it other than the undercurrent of misogyny I hear in some of them (mine included), except when permanent medical treatments/procedures are involved. I do have significant concern with the huge explosion of young females  with ASD or anxiety who are making medical choices they can’t reverse and that will affect them forever. If not for the medical treatments, it would be a non issue to me. 

I don’t hear or see the misogyny in youngest or their friends, and since they are non binary there hasn’t been any medical choices at all. Oldest is trans and has taken testosterone since he was 18 but he hasn’t taken steps as of yet to do anything further. He is 21 and came out at 16 and I have no reason to believe it’s a phase, so when/if he does move forward with anything else I’m sure he’ll be just fine. 

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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Joker2 said:

I don’t hear or see the misogyny in youngest or their friends, and since they are non binary there hasn’t been any medical choices at all.


That’s good you don’t see the same misogyny there that I hear here. They mostly don’t think they have any misogyny, but then say lots of things that make it clear it’s there. Top surgery is not unusual among nb people, in my experience, and some take testosterone as well. 
 

Edited by KSera
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Yeah, honestly, I'm not sure how it happened, but I have a LOT of close trans/ non binary relationships, and have since college.  My roommate from college is trans.  We are still close and see him often.  My oldest's godmother is trans.  My oldest child is non-binary.  My kids have a number of trans/ non-binary friends.  

I actually have a lot of complicated feelings about my oldest being non-binary, and there's no okay place ever to talk about it.  Most of the trans folks I have known in the past had a life long sense of not being the gender they were assigned at birth.  They all had intense feelings from early childhood.  That was not at all the case for my kid, who changed suddenly when attending public high school.  Before that, they'd been a long hair, ballet, princesses and Barbie uber feminine kid who I actually encouraged to be more balanced, and then overnight it was, "I'm non-binary."  I consulted with all of my trans friends, and with mental health professionals, and everyone was unanimous that the right thing to do was to wholeheartedly support and affirm them, so that's what we've done, but I feel a lot of sadness over legally changing name.  The plan is for them to get top surgery next summer when they're 18, before college, and actually, that feels less problematic to me than the name change.  They have struggled with having boobs pretty much from the beginning, and they are clearly a source of dysphoria.  And, as someone with gigantic boobs who had a breast reduction and would have been just as happy to have had them cut off entirely, other than nursing babies, breasts just piss me off in general.  

I have real questions about the massive uptick in people AFAB who are trans or non-binary.  I have no idea how it is not culturally mediated or a result of internalized misogyny.  It really bothers me that it was, in so many cases, super sudden.  (My oldest's best friend's parents are much less supportive than we are, but this kid honestly has been pretty non-binary since early childhood.)  But all of the expert advice, both from adult trans folks who have lived experience and from doctors and mental health professionals, is to act as if this has been lifelong and support them in the gender identity that they currently affirm, so I'm trying to do that.  

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Posted (edited)

I don’t know anyone who is transgender or non binary.  I know many gay people and a couple drag queens, but no one who identifies as transgender.

I sometimes wonder if I would have identified as non-binary if I’d have known about it 20 years ago. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 17 but didn’t know how big my testosterone levels were until I tried to get pregnant the first time.  I still take Aldactone to reduce testosterone and probably will forever.  I can honestly tell the difference when I’m reducing testosterone vs not, because I feel like I fit in neither gender when I’m not taking Aldactone.  When I am I feel...female, mostly.

Edited by Mrs Tiggywinkle
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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Do you have, in your circle of relationships, trans or non-binary people?

Relatives?

People you have conversation with who know some degree of detail about your life and you theirs?

(I once saw a trans person or my friend of a friend thing would not fit this.)

I am totally curious about this after reading the pronouns thread. 

I have a 1st cousin who is gay. He attended the DC BLM March with us last year. I have another 1st cousin on the other side that we all suspect is lesbian. She’s hyper religious tho and is single and childless at 35-ish. One of my children is likely not heterosexual. I haven’t felt the need to press the issue. I do have a friend raising a child who identifies as trans.
 

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1 hour ago, SKL said:

My kids have some classmates who say they are trans and non-binary.  However, given the fluidity of these kinds of things at that age, I don't know how many of them will still identify that way 5 or 10 years from now.

It's not something I've done a lot of reading about, but this is an area of both personal and academic interest for my daughter. She tells me that research suggests it's actually extremely rare for people to "switch back." Identity can be fluid or evolve, but vanishingly few people just change their minds.

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14 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Yeah, honestly, I'm not sure how it happened, but I have a LOT of close trans/ non binary relationships, and have since college.  My roommate from college is trans.  We are still close and see him often.  My oldest's godmother is trans.  My oldest child is non-binary.  My kids have a number of trans/ non-binary friends.  

I actually have a lot of complicated feelings about my oldest being non-binary, and there's no okay place ever to talk about it.  Most of the trans folks I have known in the past had a life long sense of not being the gender they were assigned at birth.  They all had intense feelings from early childhood.  That was not at all the case for my kid, who changed suddenly when attending public high school.  Before that, they'd been a long hair, ballet, princesses and Barbie uber feminine kid who I actually encouraged to be more balanced, and then overnight it was, "I'm non-binary."  I consulted with all of my trans friends, and with mental health professionals, and everyone was unanimous that the right thing to do was to wholeheartedly support and affirm them, so that's what we've done, but I feel a lot of sadness over legally changing name.  The plan is for them to get top surgery next summer when they're 18, before college, and actually, that feels less problematic to me than the name change.  They have struggled with having boobs pretty much from the beginning, and they are clearly a source of dysphoria.  And, as someone with gigantic boobs who had a breast reduction and would have been just as happy to have had them cut off entirely, other than nursing babies, breasts just piss me off in general.  

I have real questions about the massive uptick in people AFAB who are trans or non-binary.  I have no idea how it is not culturally mediated or a result of internalized misogyny.  It really bothers me that it was, in so many cases, super sudden.  (My oldest's best friend's parents are much less supportive than we are, but this kid honestly has been pretty non-binary since early childhood.)  But all of the expert advice, both from adult trans folks who have lived experience and from doctors and mental health professionals, is to act as if this has been lifelong and support them in the gender identity that they currently affirm, so I'm trying to do that.  

My kids’ Godmother is bi. She’s a *gasp* Buddhist but I have universalist tendencies so...lol. My kids love her! Each for very different reasons.

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11 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Yeah, honestly, I'm not sure how it happened, but I have a LOT of close trans/ non binary relationships, and have since college.  My roommate from college is trans.  We are still close and see him often.  My oldest's godmother is trans.  My oldest child is non-binary.  My kids have a number of trans/ non-binary friends.  

I actually have a lot of complicated feelings about my oldest being non-binary, and there's no okay place ever to talk about it.  Most of the trans folks I have known in the past had a life long sense of not being the gender they were assigned at birth.  They all had intense feelings from early childhood.  That was not at all the case for my kid, who changed suddenly when attending public high school.  Before that, they'd been a long hair, ballet, princesses and Barbie uber feminine kid who I actually encouraged to be more balanced, and then overnight it was, "I'm non-binary."  I consulted with all of my trans friends, and with mental health professionals, and everyone was unanimous that the right thing to do was to wholeheartedly support and affirm them, so that's what we've done, but I feel a lot of sadness over legally changing name.  The plan is for them to get top surgery next summer when they're 18, before college, and actually, that feels less problematic to me than the name change.  They have struggled with having boobs pretty much from the beginning, and they are clearly a source of dysphoria.  And, as someone with gigantic boobs who had a breast reduction and would have been just as happy to have had them cut off entirely, other than nursing babies, breasts just piss me off in general.  

I have real questions about the massive uptick in people AFAB who are trans or non-binary.  I have no idea how it is not culturally mediated or a result of internalized misogyny.  It really bothers me that it was, in so many cases, super sudden.  (My oldest's best friend's parents are much less supportive than we are, but this kid honestly has been pretty non-binary since early childhood.)  But all of the expert advice, both from adult trans folks who have lived experience and from doctors and mental health professionals, is to act as if this has been lifelong and support them in the gender identity that they currently affirm, so I'm trying to do that.  

I'll admit up front that I've not studied this and have no personal experience with it...actually that means I should probably keep my mouth shut. 

It feels like society is in some kind of a flux right now and I wonder how much that has to do with what we're seeing in young people today. What does it mean to be a woman? And it seems like young people today are more aware of misogyny than my generation was. So are young girls frustrated by what they see happening again? 

I think there is also generalized anxiety in society today because it's so fragile. I think most us intentionally ignore the horrors of climate change but emotionally know they're coming. (sorry, I know this sounds woo woo) 

I once did some reading about the different sides to all of this. I don't know where I stand but one of my general rules is that if your reasoning leads you back to agreeing with terrible people then you probably made a mistake somewhere in your reasoning. 

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5 minutes ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

I think there is also generalized anxiety in society today because it's so fragile. I think most us intentionally ignore the horrors of climate change but emotionally know they're coming. (sorry, I know this sounds woo woo) 

 

I think Gen Z is hyper aware of the horrors of climate change.  My kids declared that they would never have children when they were about 9, because they didn't want to put children through the horrors that are coming and that they see as unescapable.  They've never wavered on that commitment.  A whole lot of their friends feel the same way, too.  They're also torn on whether saving for retirement will be possible on the low wages they envision their adult life to feature, but they aren't sure it will matter because they figure the odds of them living till retirement age is very low with coming climate apocalypse.  

When we talk about "why is Gen Z so anxious," I think the impact of social media is overplayed and the fears of climate change are seriously undervalued in effects.  

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I am a public school counselor, so, yeah, I know quite a few.   But in terms of close friendships, no.   I have a few friends whose kids have transitions, a few even have gone through surgery, but I am not close to the kids.

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Posted (edited)
19 minutes ago, happi duck said:

@Terabith

Thanks for sharing.  I'm confused regarding non binary and your post brought some understanding.

So, my deep dark secret that is not politically correct:  there's a lot I don't understand about being non-binary either.  My oldest has explained it to me as sometimes feeling more feminine and sometimes more masculine (which sounds like gender fluid to me?), but that the core of the identity is that they don't feel like either male nor female describes them.  Neither is a label that "fits" or resonates to them.  They say, "I just feel like myself, not like a man or a woman."  

Which.....I mean, almost none of my identity is about being a woman either.  I've always just felt like myself.  I thought that was the case for EVERYONE.  I mean, obviously, some people are more stereotypically aligned with conventional gender norms than others, but most of us are just somewhere in the middle and male/ female binary mostly exists as a convenient expression of physical sex needs (stalls in bathrooms versus urinals, certain health care procedures/ tests, hygiene products, pants with wider hips).  Giving birth and breast feeding were important to me, so maybe not.  I dunno.  My oldest says that the difference is if you're non-binary is that it is hurtful to be grouped in a given way and that really, everyone in our family is probably non-binary and the rest of us just don't care.  I do think my oldest has some definite dysphoria over having boobs, but the way they've explained their dysphoria is that they just want the body they had before they went through puberty, which to me sounds more like difficulty with growing up than necessarily gender dysphoria.  But, I'm not an expert and I don't know what anyone's lived inner experience is like either.  

ETA:  My youngest says that when a baby is born, you make guesses based on genitalia who they are going to be and you give the baby gifts based on your best guesses about what they will need.  One of those gifts that you give is their name. But like with many gifts, if it doesn't fit or you don't like it, you're under no obligation to keep the gifts.  You can exchange them for gifts that fit better.  So, that's what we're trying to do.  

Edited by Terabith
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35 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

It's not something I've done a lot of reading about, but this is an area of both personal and academic interest for my daughter. She tells me that research suggests it's actually extremely rare for people to "switch back." Identity can be fluid or evolve, but vanishingly few people just change their minds.

I think this is changing as the current population of transgender people has a very different makeup and history than the populations most of the research has been done with.  There has been such a dramatic shift in the past decade, and especially the past five years, from primarily people who identified as girls from the time they were very young boys and transition to be women (those tend to be very stable in their identity), to now the overwhelming bulk of the population being adolescent females who transition to be boys or non-binary after a childhood with no signs of gender dysphoria.  That is the group seeing a significant number of detransitioners and also among whom it just hasn’t been long enough to know what the long-term outlook will be.  Making medical choices does seem to make it more likely that the decision will be stable, and at that point you want it to be, because you certainly don’t want someone to make a permanent decision like that and then change their mind (though also, people should support people in that situation if they do change their mind. Some people who go through that have really sad stories because they lose all support once they change their mind.)  I think it will be a couple decades before we know how this all turns out. Hopefully it’s fine.  I worry that after the trend reverses at some point, those who transitioned in the middle of its heyday will be in a tough spot.  Hopefully through it all society will have become kinder and gentler about all these things and it really won’t matter.

48 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Yeah, honestly, I'm not sure how it happened, but I have a LOT of close trans/ non binary relationships, and have since college.  My roommate from college is trans.  We are still close and see him often.  My oldest's godmother is trans.  My oldest child is non-binary.  My kids have a number of trans/ non-binary friends.  

I actually have a lot of complicated feelings about my oldest being non-binary, and there's no okay place ever to talk about it.  Most of the trans folks I have known in the past had a life long sense of not being the gender they were assigned at birth.  They all had intense feelings from early childhood.  That was not at all the case for my kid, who changed suddenly when attending public high school.  Before that, they'd been a long hair, ballet, princesses and Barbie uber feminine kid who I actually encouraged to be more balanced, and then overnight it was, "I'm non-binary."  I consulted with all of my trans friends, and with mental health professionals, and everyone was unanimous that the right thing to do was to wholeheartedly support and affirm them, so that's what we've done, but I feel a lot of sadness over legally changing name.  The plan is for them to get top surgery next summer when they're 18, before college, and actually, that feels less problematic to me than the name change.  They have struggled with having boobs pretty much from the beginning, and they are clearly a source of dysphoria.  And, as someone with gigantic boobs who had a breast reduction and would have been just as happy to have had them cut off entirely, other than nursing babies, breasts just piss me off in general.  

I have real questions about the massive uptick in people AFAB who are trans or non-binary.  I have no idea how it is not culturally mediated or a result of internalized misogyny.  It really bothers me that it was, in so many cases, super sudden.  (My oldest's best friend's parents are much less supportive than we are, but this kid honestly has been pretty non-binary since early childhood.)  But all of the expert advice, both from adult trans folks who have lived experience and from doctors and mental health professionals, is to act as if this has been lifelong and support them in the gender identity that they currently affirm, so I'm trying to do that.  

I relate to a lot of this. 

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2 hours ago, Matryoshka said:

Just a note - asexual has to do with attraction, not gender identity.  Someone asexual can identify as cisfemale or cismale, or nonbinary or trans.

Ah, the things I didn't use to know in such detail.  

I thought so, but she speaks about it as an identity so I don’t know how to process it. 

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Posted (edited)

I have one childhood friend (we keep up on facebook) who is transgender.

There is one student at the small Bible College where I teach who is nonbinary -- and I am friendly with that student in a teacher-student way.

Edited by bolt.
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No, I don't know any.  As to Trans people, I remember seeing a Transwoman (that is a biological male who becomes a woman, correct?) when I was probably about 4 or 5.  

As a person who grew up in the era of feminism and equal rights, I am very confused by all the young woman who seem to believe that if they like traditionally male hobbies that they should be Transmen or maybe non-binary.  I am not sure why wanting to woodwork makes one a male and wanting to go shopping makes one a female.  I don't think it does at all. 

And Terabith, I am right there with you- I don't think of myself particularly as a woman all the time- I think of myself as me.  Some things I like are more traditionally female and some are more traditionally male.  So yes, I don't understand non-binary.  I mean, I was the only female in the Bible and Poker Bible Study Class but then my primary reading material is mysteries, which is a genre that mostly females read but then I also read sci-fi which is a genre mostly men read.  

 

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1 minute ago, TravelingChris said:

As a person who grew up in the era of feminism and equal rights, I am very confused by all the young woman who seem to believe that if they like traditionally male hobbies that they should be Transmen or maybe non-binary.  I am not sure why wanting to woodwork makes one a male and wanting to go shopping makes one a female.  I don't think it does at all. 

And Terabith, I am right there with you- I don't think of myself particularly as a woman all the time- I think of myself as me.  Some things I like are more traditionally female and some are more traditionally male.  So yes, I don't understand non-binary.  I mean, I was the only female in the Bible and Poker Bible Study Class but then my primary reading material is mysteries, which is a genre that mostly females read but then I also read sci-fi which is a genre mostly men read.  

 

To be clear, most of the young trans and nonbinary (which is under the trans umbrella) folx that I know affirm that gender identity is totally separate from stereotypical gender roles.  My youngest kid, who is autistic, has a number of stereotypical male interests but still identifies as female.  There's lots of room for kids who feel that they fit in the gender binary but have interests that are not stereotypical.  I haven't heard any AFAB folx say that they have to be non-binary or trans because they like woodworking or ice hockey or anything like that.  

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11 minutes ago, Katy said:

I thought so, but she speaks about it as an identity so I don’t know how to process it. 

There’s a lot of vocabulary that didn’t exist when I grew up...like being Aromantic and Greysexual also. 
 

I am processing this as “here’s some vocab that describes where I am at” and working my way into “this is an identity I claim for myself because this is a big part of who I am”.

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Just now, Terabith said:

To be clear, most of the young trans and nonbinary (which is under the trans umbrella) folx that I know affirm that gender identity is totally separate from stereotypical gender roles.  My youngest kid, who is autistic, has a number of stereotypical male interests but still identifies as female.  There's lots of room for kids who feel that they fit in the gender binary but have interests that are not stereotypical.  I haven't heard any AFAB folx say that they have to be non-binary or trans because they like woodworking or ice hockey or anything like that.  

I've noticed that the claims about gender stereotyping seems to come from social conservatives. 

Interesting that all of the sudden they're so interested in women's sports. SMH

I know that's simplistic but I frequently see that claim for people who are "anti-trans" and I'd noticed that it did not seem to accurately reflect reality. 

 

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1 minute ago, Terabith said:

To be clear, most of the young trans and nonbinary (which is under the trans umbrella) folx that I know affirm that gender identity is totally separate from stereotypical gender roles.  My youngest kid, who is autistic, has a number of stereotypical male interests but still identifies as female.  There's lots of room for kids who feel that they fit in the gender binary but have interests that are not stereotypical.  I haven't heard any AFAB folx say that they have to be non-binary or trans because they like woodworking or ice hockey or anything like that.  

There was a newspaper article here about an 11 year old girl who committed suicide.  She seemed like a typical tomboy to me from what they said about her but I guess she was trying to be Trans and anyway, either being a tomboy or Trans or both led to bullying in school and suicide/  This was not local.  But a woman I am friends with has a daughter who has become a welder.  Both she and her daughter had lots of people shun them when they found out.  I have no idea how the daughter identifies because they moved away but I have seen the mother several times since.   This kind of bullying and shunning really bothers me.

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4 minutes ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

I've noticed that the claims about gender stereotyping seems to come from social conservatives. 

Interesting that all of the sudden they're so interested in women's sports. SMH

I know that's simplistic but I frequently see that claim for people who are "anti-trans" and I'd noticed that it did not seem to accurately reflect reality. 

 

I am against biological men in women's sports and it is because I am a feminist.

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Posted (edited)

My husband’s best friend from high school.  They talk on the phone here and there and play video games together.  In the past year they both got into the same game and were playing together a lot for a few months and chatting over a headset.  But just now that is once in a while.  
 

My husband only got comfortable using her current name and saying “she\her” since they were playing the video game together so much in the past year.  
 

Edit:  we have not seen her in person.  I have met her in person several times but not lately.  The last times we saw her, she wore some clothes my husband commented on as looking a little — unexpected to him, that clothes had changed.  But we were not aware of anything then, she waited a long time to tell my husband, so maybe she toned down her clothes some when we saw her, I really don’t know.  My husband heard about it first as gossip and did not believe it, then it did come up, and my husband was not comfortable with it, and would just avoid saying her name etc.  A lot of people she knew before totally cut her off, so I think being able to maintain the friendship matters to her even knowing my husband is maybe not 100% comfortable.  He has made an effort lately and one time told her he would make a real effort to always use her name from then on.  

 

 

Edited by Lecka
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My husband’s ex-classmate. I don’t know the person well but my husband does. I don’t know my transgender hairstylist well but she feels comfortable enough to chat about sex change operations with an idle hairstylist while I was getting my haircut. 

I come from SE Asia. Prostitution is legal where I am from and many are transgender. My mom’s childhood home is a block away from the red light district. So my mom, her parents and siblings all knew neighbors who are transgender and have gone through the sex change operations.  

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30 minutes ago, Terabith said:

To be clear, most of the young trans and nonbinary (which is under the trans umbrella) folx that I know affirm that gender identity is totally separate from stereotypical gender roles.  My youngest kid, who is autistic, has a number of stereotypical male interests but still identifies as female.  There's lots of room for kids who feel that they fit in the gender binary but have interests that are not stereotypical.  I haven't heard any AFAB folx say that they have to be non-binary or trans because they like woodworking or ice hockey or anything like that.  

I agree with that. In my world, I’ve seen it more regarding when someone’s preferred external presentation doesn’t match what is traditionally or stereotypically masculine or feminine, not really anything about what interests someone has. My nb kid feels they don’t have to worry about whether they look attractive when nb like they did when they were a girl. 

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