"My pronouns" at CVS today ...

[SKL]

I don't know if it's just this one guy working at the CVS pharmacy, or if this is some policy at CVS.

I took my kids there for a vax.  I had made appointments online, but for unknown reasons, one of my kids' appointments couldn't be found in the system when we showed up.  So the resolution was to treat her as a "walk-in" and start from scratch.

He asked me various questions, and kept using "they" for her "pronoun."  It went like this.:

Do they have ID?

She doesn't have ID with her, she's 14 years old.

How do you spell their name?

Her name is _____.

What is their date of birth?

Her birthdate is ___.

And on and on.

So now are cis people no longer entitled to gendered pronouns?

[Drama Llama]

Did she say "My preferred pronouns are . . . "?  

If they'd assumed she/her instead of assuming they/their would you have been equally as fragile about it?  Or do you think she's more entitled for people to get it right without being asked than someone who uses they/their?

[MEmama]

“Entitled”? That’s an...interesting...word choice.

I wouldn’t spend a moment even thinking about it. Maybe your kid looks androgynous, maybe the worker was bored and not paying attention, maybe they figured it’s just safer/more respectful.

Sure beats being misgendered at any rate. 🤷‍♀️

 

[Melissa Louise]

I couldn't get worked up about a single person deciding to use 'they', and if anyone is liable to get worked up over gender stuff, it's me.

I mean, it's sort of rude but I'd only care if it was some sort of organisation policy that compelled employees to call all minors 'they'. Which....I mean, never say never...but even I have a hard time believing that would be a policy. 

Jeez, though, nothing riles me more than that sort of piety (assuming worker was Making A Point, and not just glitching on pronouns). 

 

 

[maize]

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Did she say "My preferred pronouns are . . . "?  

 

Mom was using she and her. That isn't hard to pick up on.

 

[SKL]

7 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Did she say "My preferred pronouns are . . . "?  

If they'd assumed she/her instead of assuming they/their would you have been equally as fragile about it?  Or do you think she's more entitled for people to get it right without being asked than someone who uses they/their?

Well I think since I am her mom and was speaking for her (she was right there) and I made it very clear she is a she, that counts as informing him she is not a "they."

[Shoeless]

I'd guess they are used to defaulting to they/them/their as a neutral choice.  I wouldn't spend a single minute thinking about this. 

[Drama Llama]

1 minute ago, maize said:

Mom was using she and her. That isn't hard to pick up on.

 

When you're been running through the same questions all day long at work, it's pretty easy to get on autopilot and miss a cue like that.  

 

[stripe]

If it’s misgendering to call someone “she” if that person wants to be a “they,” then isn’t saying “they” repeatedly also misgendering? 

 

ETA I took someone (a single someone) to get vaccinated at CVS and no one seemed to say “they.”

Edited June 4, 2021 by stripe

[SKL]

7 minutes ago, MEmama said:

“Entitled”? That’s an...interesting...word choice.

I wouldn’t spend a moment even thinking about it. Maybe your kid looks androgynous, maybe the worker was bored and not paying attention, maybe they figured it’s just safer/more respectful.

Sure beats being misgendered at any rate. 🤷‍♀️

 

My kid doesn't look androgynous, she has very long hair (in a girl style) and bigger "books" than I have.

I mean I'm not really bothered if this was just one guy thinking he was being extra woke.  But if this is the policy of CVS or if this is some trend some group is trying to force on society, I don't appreciate it.

If I kept calling my kid "they" and the CVS person insisted on "she," I am guessing lots of people would be indignant on my kid's behalf.

[Melissa Louise]

'Safer'. C'mon. 

Talk about harm inflation. 

And looking androgynous or not confirming to femininity is ZERO reason to assume someone is no longer in the class 'woman'. Jeez, that kind of mindset is why butch women get harassed and attacked. Plus, it's sexist as **** to assume girls or women who aren't performing the feminine aren't actually women.

 

[MEmama]

1 minute ago, SKL said:

Well I think since I am her mom and was speaking for her (she was right there) and I made it very clear she is a she, that counts as informing him she is not a "they."

Well, people can be dense. I was misgendered my entire childhood. It didn’t matter that I wore dresses—I had short hair and was therefore seen as a boy. DS was misgendered until high school when he cut off his (beautiful, wavy, envious) long hair. It didn’t matter how he dressed or that I would clearly refer to him as “he”.
 

Most people just aren’t paying as much attention as you might think. lol 

[catz]

I can honestly see that as a choice talking to parents continuously on script with the same questions all day about their minor kids if they aren't talking with the kid.  If you misgender kids or switch accidently mid script because you've done it 200 times that day and are talking to the mom and not the kid, you're going to annoy someone too.  Employees like this often get the brunt of anyone's annoyance, maybe he got yelled at one too many times for using incorrect gendered pronouns.   I guess I wouldn't have thought anything of it.  🤷‍♀️

My son got his first vaccine at CVS today and they didn't use gender neutral language with him but he checked himself in, I was just along for the ride.   I think it is unlikely there is anything about policy with that.

[Drama Llama]

Just now, stripe said:

If it’s misgendering to call someone “she” if that person wants to be a “they,” then isn’t saying “they” repeatedly also misgendering? 

There are plenty of people, like me, who would use she/her if asked directly about our pronouns but feel like they is neutral and can apply to everyone.  I wouldn't consider it misgendering if someone referred to me as they. 

It's polite to use the pronouns that someone asks you to use, however.  So, if someone only likes she and doesn't like they, then they should ask.  No one did in this case, or at least it sounds like that. 

If someone who prefers they went to CVS and got upset at a lretail worker because they accidentally called then "she" and rather than asking for a change when online and posted that they were "entitled" to certain pronouns, I would respond the same way. 

[stripe]

When I was five, a weird old man followed me around a store calling me a little boy. He looked like a total predator. That’s the weird end of the spectrum. I was also asked about one of my sons when he was a baby, wearing red and blue boys clothes with a boy haircut. That’s the clueless end of the spectrum. I don’t know what end of the spectrum this is on, but I personally would be mildly annoyed too. But then I’m still recovering from the aggressive vegan millennial at a medical appointment this week. (At least that wasn’t about pronouns, but about why one can get all the protein one needs from whole grains and should eat beans constantly.) 

Edited June 4, 2021 by stripe

[prairiewindmomma]

3 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

'Safer'. C'mon. 

Talk about harm inflation. 

And looking androgynous or not confirming to femininity is ZERO reason to assume someone is no longer in the class 'woman'. Jeez, that kind of mindset is why butch women get harassed and attacked. Plus, it's sexist as **** to assume girls or women who aren't performing the feminine aren't actually women.

 

Likewise why assume that a teen girl with long hair and big books automatically uses she/her. I know a lot of fluid or trans people who look very femme and use different pronouns. 
 

I would just assume that they are sick of asking these questions a bazillion times a day and have a default script in their head they are running through. I wouldnt chalk this up to wokeness; just somebody churning another day in the hamster wheel. I wouldn’t give this another thought either.
 

 

[Melissa Louise]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

My kid doesn't look androgynous, she has very long hair (in a girl style) and bigger "books" than I have.

I mean I'm not really bothered if this was just one guy thinking he was being extra woke.  But if this is the policy of CVS or if this is some trend some group is trying to force on society, I don't appreciate it.

If I kept calling my kid "they" and the CVS person insisted on "she," I am guessing lots of people would be indignant on my kid's behalf.

It wouldn't matter if she had short hair and a flat chest. 

The guy is either just thoughtless or was being a bit of a d*ck. 

I'd check with the pharmacy re their policies, but I bet it's just him. 

If he does it again, call him out. Ppl who believe in gender need to be consistent; if they believe misgendering is harmful, they should have no problem apologising to you for the harm caused by misgendering your dd. 

 

[SKL]

3 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

'Safer'. C'mon. 

Talk about harm inflation. 

And looking androgynous or not confirming to femininity is ZERO reason to assume someone is no longer in the class 'woman'. Jeez, that kind of mindset is why butch women get harassed and attacked. Plus, it's sexist as **** to assume girls or women who aren't performing the feminine aren't actually women.

And honestly, I suspect young people are learning this stuff all wrong.  Recently my kids and I were in a conversation regarding transgender, and they said, "but what about girls who like trucks or boys who like dolls?"  I mean haven't we spent the last hundred years trying to make everyone understand that girls can like trucks and still be girls, and boys can like dolls and still be boys?  Seriously, what are kids hearing these days?

(My kids have various friends at high school who have "preferred pronouns" different from their sex at birth, and my kids are expected to remember and always use the correct one, even though some of these people are friends who used to be a different gender in the past.  I hear one sibling correct the other saying, "__ goes by they."  That's fine, but I have a problem with people thinking we need to cancel "he" and "she.")

[stripe]

No, now if you like trucks, or have short hair, you are a boy. End of story. 

[Melissa Louise]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

And honestly, I suspect young people are learning this stuff all wrong.  Recently my kids and I were in a conversation regarding transgender, and they said, "but what about girls who like trucks or boys who like dolls?"  I mean haven't we spent the last hundred years trying to make everyone understand that girls can like trucks and still be girls, and boys can like dolls and still be boys?  Seriously, what are kids hearing these days?

(My kids have various friends at high school who have "preferred pronouns" different from their sex at birth, and my kids are expected to remember and always use the correct one, even though some of these people are friends who used to be a different gender in the past.  I hear one sibling correct the other saying, "__ goes by they."  That's fine, but I have a problem with people thinking we need to cancel "he" and "she.")

We've regressed back to the 1950's, when it comes to gender. 

It's like the progress of the 60's through to the 90's never happened. Very sad. 

[SKL]

It doesn't bother me when a service worker mixes up pronouns on accident - it happens very often, and I'm sure I've done it too.  "How old is your son?"  "My daughter, she's 14." "Oh sorry, and what grade is she in?"

[Carrie12345]

I don’t know anything about policies or not policies, but I’m starting to dig the concept of defaulting to they/their.  My mouth is so programmed to pick a gender even when their isn’t an actual person involved, and it kinda irks me. (For example, “If I went to a doctor and he said...” or “If you had a teacher and she liked...”. Regardless of how woke I may or may not be, I’ve got habits.

Anyway, in a retail setting, I wouldn’t give a second thought to the person not reverting to she in a brief interaction.  Forming habits takes consistency.  If someone did in an actual personal conversation, I might get slightly irked.

[bolt.]

It's not offensive to be unspecific about someone's gender when asking questions about that person. Even if you know their gender, you don't need to mention it in every irrelevant sentence you speak.

"They" is not a gender. It's a pronoun that can accurately (and harmlessly) apply to people of any gender.

Your daughter was not misgendered. It's like being called, "A person" or "A customer" instead of "A woman". Sure "woman" is more specific, but "person" or "customer" are neither wrong nor inappropriate descriptions to use.

[SKL]

Just now, Carrie12345 said:

I don’t know anything about policies or not policies, but I’m starting to dig the concept of defaulting to they/their.  My mouth is so programmed to pick a gender even when their isn’t an actual person involved, and it kinda irks me. (For example, “If I went to a doctor and he said...” or “If you had a teacher and she liked...”. Regardless of how woke I may or may not be, I’ve got habits.

Anyway, in a retail setting, I wouldn’t give a second thought to the person not reverting to she in a brief interaction.  Forming habits takes consistency.  If someone did in an actual personal conversation, I might get slightly irked.

I get what you're saying, but as this is a healthcare service, it seems to me people should be a little more personal in human interactions.

Might have just been a jerk guy though.  He was kind of snippy with me about their computer losing my kid's appointment.  But it did make me wonder.  These days the politically correct pendulum swings too far at times.

[Melissa Louise]

Posters are being disingenuous. 

'They', ironically, us not a neutral choice. It's political ( and faith driven). 

Nobody should be 'gendered'.

I highly doubt SKL was referring to her child's innate sense of gendered self by calling her 'she', but reflecting the fact her DD is female. 

[bolt.]

2 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Posters are being disingenuous. 

'They', ironically, us not a neutral choice. It's political ( and faith driven). 

Nobody should be 'gendered'.

I highly doubt SKL was referring to her child's innate sense of gendered self by calling her 'she', but reflecting the fact her DD is female. 

I use "they" all the time. I use it anytime I don't know someone's gender, and also frequently in cases where gender isn't a relevant part of what I'm talking about. It's my go-to neutral pronoun, just like 'person' is my go-to neutral noun.

It's not political for me. But I'm Canadian. You might be in a different context to have come to that conclusion.

As a Christian, it doesn't have anything much to do with my faith either. I'm not sure which faiths are big on pronoun issues?

[SKL]

Yeah, I feel the use of "they" was intentional.  It doesn't come naturally, when speaking of one individual, who has been clearly presented as daughter/she/her, to ask "do they have ___."  Or "what is their birthday."  Call me old-fashioned, but "they" is not a singular, specific pronoun, unless the individual claims it for "theirselves."  Even if I didn't know for sure if a person before me was a "he" or a "she," I would find some individual term, such as "does the individual ___?"  And I'd actively look for a clue as to gender, such as anyone saying "she/her."

(Yes, we use "they" when we're talking about some random somebody/somebodies we don't know, like "they ran over my mailbox."  But that is not relevant here.)

Edited June 4, 2021 by SKL

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, bolt. said:

I use "they" all the time. I use it anytime I don't know someone's gender, and also frequently in cases where gender isn't a relevant part of what I'm talking about. It's my go-to neutral pronoun, just like 'person' is my go-to neutral noun.

It's not political for me. But I'm Canadian. You might be in a different context to have come to that conclusion.

As a Christian, it doesn't have anything much to do with my faith either. I'm not sure which faiths are big on pronoun issues?

This emphasis on gender is ridiculous.

The belief in gender as an innate identity functions as does any article of faith. 

If you're not aware that parties on the Left are riven with this nonsense, perhaps you're in a different context than I am (member of party on the Left).

Gender is always irrelevant. That's because it's the social imposition of behaviours on the basis of sex. Nobody needs to go about gendering or non-gendering anyone. 

SKL called her daughter she because her daughter is female. The English language has a pronoun for females - she. That pronoun says nothing about her DDS personality or presentation. It's value-neutral.

At no point in this interaction did thoughts about gender need to come into it!  Gender is utterly irrelevant in this context. 

(Ironically, sex isn't. Medications are often not tested on females, and so the material issue here, should anyone care to think about the material, is the harm that does to female customers of the pharmacy.)

 

[regentrude]

I am frequently encountering "they" used as a gender neutral pronoun referring to a person whose gender may be known but is irrelevant to the conversation. Many communications I receive about students, for example, refer to the student as "they". That has nothing to do with politics or religion or making a point, but simply reflects the cultural shift not to make assumptions about a person's gender based on their name/dress/hair. 

It seems to me entirely plausible that somebody who is dealing all day long with different folks is simply using "they" as a default in their stock phrases.

Language is evolving. Singular "they" as a gender neutral pronoun is pretty established now and not going anywhere.

Edited June 4, 2021 by regentrude

[KSera]

21 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

If he does it again, call him out. Ppl who believe in gender need to be consistent; if they believe misgendering is harmful, they should have no problem apologising to you for the harm caused by misgendering your dd. 

I experienced this recently. I have a non-binary kid who goes by “they”. One of my other kids was telling me a story about our very long time local mail driver, who she encounters frequently, and kept calling him “they”. I  told her his name was Chad and some other interesting stuff he’s doing. She continued to call him “they” so I told her again his name is Chad and he goes by he/him, but she was insistent that she prefers to use they/them. I asked why someone who prefers he/him can’t specify that and have that respected and she didn’t think it was the same because they refers to everyone. So, in this context, i’m thinking it may be that for younger people, they/them is taking on a meaning where it really does refer to anyone and not just someone who is non-binary. Ironically, I don’t expect my own nb kid or other non-binary people will actually like or appreciate this on the whole. My dc wants to be “they” to denote they are non-binary. If everyone starts using it, I expect they won’t like it. (And yes, that is ambiguous. I wish a pronoun other than “they” had become the non binary default, as despite what people will say, it really does cause frequent confusion at our house as to who and how many people we are talking about.)

[Melissa Louise]

8 minutes ago, SKL said:

Yeah, I feel the use of "they" was intentional.  It doesn't come naturally, when speaking of one individual, who has been clearly presented as daughter/she/her, to ask "do they have ___."  Or "what is their birthday."  Call me old-fashioned, but "they" is not a singular, specific pronoun, unless the individual claims it for "theirselves."  Even if I didn't know for sure if a person before me was a "he" or a "she," I would find some individual term, such as "does the individual ___?"  And I'd actively look for a clue as to gender, such as anyone saying "she/her."

(Yes, we use "they" when we're talking about some random somebody/somebodies we don't know, like "they ran over my mailbox."  But that is not relevant here.)

He had your kids name. He could have just used that if he was allergic to the word 'she' for a female child. 

 

[maize]

23 minutes ago, bolt. said:

It's not offensive to be unspecific about someone's gender when asking questions about that person. Even if you know their gender, you don't need to mention it in every irrelevant sentence you speak.

"They" is not a gender. It's a pronoun that can accurately (and harmlessly) apply to people of any gender.

Your daughter was not misgendered. It's like being called, "A person" or "A customer" instead of "A woman". Sure "woman" is more specific, but "person" or "customer" are neither wrong nor inappropriate descriptions to use.

They as a non-specific third person singular has a long history in the English language, most often when talking about a hypothetical person or a person of unknown sex.

Because "they" is now being co-opted as a non-generic pronoun used specifically for individuals who identify as non-binary or otherwise reject being classified as male or female it is actually losing some of its value as a generic third person--it can be seen as explicitly categorizing the person referred to as non-binary.

I'm not sure how that is going to play out linguistically in the long run; I'm personally rather fond of generic singular "they" and would like it to remain mostly generic.

 

Edited June 4, 2021 by maize

[SKL]

2 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

I probably would have been so dense, I would have assumed there was confusion over who was being registered.

Do they have ID?

Oh, Ethel here already has an appointment, we just need to Lucy registered as a walk in, and no, she doesn't have ID because she's not old enough.

How do you spell their name?

Sir, you are just getting Lucy registered right?  I just want to make sure that we don't end up with extra shots or extra bills or something.  Her name is spelled Lucy.

My other daughter was already in another room getting her shot, from a different worker, while all this was going on.

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, KSera said:

I experienced this recently. I have a non-binary kid who goes by “they”. One of my other kids was telling me a story about our very long time local mail driver, who she encounters frequently, and kept calling him “they”. I  told her his name was Chad and some other interesting stuff he’s doing. She continued to call him “they” so I told her again his name is Chad and he goes by he/him, but she was insistent that she prefers to use they/them. I asked why someone who prefers he/him can’t specify that and have that respected and she didn’t think it was the same because they refers to everyone. So, in this context, i’m thinking it may be that for younger people, they/them is taking on a meaning where it really does refer to anyone and not just someone who is non-binary. Ironically, I don’t expect my own nb kid or other non-binary people will actually like or appreciate this on the whole. My dc wants to be “they” to denote they are non-binary. If everyone starts using it, I expect they won’t like it. (And yes, that is ambiguous. I wish a pronoun other than “they” had become the non binary default, as despite what people will say, it really does cause frequent confusion at our house as to who and how many people we are talking about.)

I don't particular care about use of they. Everyone uses it in natural conversation at some point. 

I am, however, highly allergic to social pieties, and I consider this ostentatious commitment to the immaterial - gender -  in a commercial interaction in a pharmacy - to be just that. 

 

[Sneezyone]

9 minutes ago, maize said:

They as a non-specific third person singular has a long history in the English language, most often when talking about a hypothetical person or a person of unknown sex.

Because "they" is now being co-opted as a non-generic pronoun used specifically for individuals who identify as non-binary or otherwise reject being classified as male or female it is actually losing some of its value as a generic third person--it can be seen as explicitly categorizing the person referred to as non-binary.

I'm not sure how that is going to play out linguistically in the long run; I'm personally rather fond of generic singular "they" and would like it to remain mostly generic.

 

I agree with this. At the same time, because this use of the word has come about and is so common now, I wouldn’t get my panties in a wad over it but it would be tinny to my ear. It’s clear that the person using it is attempting to be gender neutral/non-specific and not othering.

[SKL]

1 minute ago, happysmileylady said:

That wouldn't have mattered to me lol.  I have years and years of experience with the competence of retail employees, and have worked at CVS specifically so.....it would still be a mistake that I could see someone making lol. 

Well ... it felt intentional.  It was a back-and-forth with a number of questions.  She, they, she, they, she, they.  And this guy was in a position where you have to have some brains.

That said, I was unimpressed with the whole experience and will never return to CVS given a choice.  We were treated like crap by both of the individuals who worked with us.  I'm tempted to respond to the e-survey they sent me.

[regentrude]

no never mind

Edited June 4, 2021 by regentrude

[Annie G]

If I had a job involving that kind of interaction....all day every day...I’d probably default to ‘they’ at first. But when the person (or in this case, parent) specifies a pronoun, I’d switch to that. It’s very similar to when my Dh Is called Jim at a new doc or other such place. His first name is James but he goes by Steven, never Jim. So he mentions that.  It’s the same as with pronouns...if you have a preference and make it plain, the other person could at least attempt to oblige. 

[pinball]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

Well ... it felt intentional.  It was a back-and-forth with a number of questions.  She, they, she, they, she, they.  And this guy was in a position where you have to have some brains.

That said, I was unimpressed with the whole experience and will never return to CVS given a choice.  We were treated like crap by both of the individuals who worked with us.  I'm tempted to respond to the e-survey they sent me.

I almost wonder if he was trying to provoke a response...

[SKL]

1 minute ago, happysmileylady said:

I wasn't suggesting that your impression was incorrect.  You were there and I wasn't.  All I am saying is that I am so dense, I would genuinely been concerned that he was going to end up double registering my kid and that it would have come back to bite me in the butt somehow. 

Yeah I am annoyed that they lost Kid2's online appointment.  Now I'm getting emails for Kid1's medical records, and nothing for Kid2 besides the very brief notation on her Covid vaccine card.  And why didn't they take my email address, or send me a text, so Kid2 can have a record like Kid1 has?  Maybe he actually did it wrong.  Hopefully it doesn't matter in the long run.

[Selkie]

I hear people saying they all the time now. Doesn’t bother me a bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a company policy to use gender-neutral language.

[OH_Homeschooler]

One thing to consider is that even though you are the mom, and you are speaking for your daughter in this situation, the medical offices I've been in contact with start treating kids as autonomous beings when they reach around 12-13. For example, I still have to sign for my kids as minors, but I can't access my older kids' test results on the patient portals any longer. 

There are plenty of parents who deny the chosen gender identity of their children. So the person may have actually been trying to respect your child as the patient, rather than you as the mother. And since your child did not come out with a stated gender preference, it was safer to go with the gender-neutral term.

 

 

[OH_Homeschooler]

1 hour ago, maize said:

Mom was using she and her. That isn't hard to pick up on.

 

But how does the teenager feel about this? They were the patient here. In many cases, kids are going to be afraid to speak up to correct a pronoun, especially if they haven't come out to their parents yet. 14 is young, but old enough to have a gender identity different than what the parent prefers.  

[Melissa Louise]

Luxury Western preoccupations.*

'She' is not a gender term. 

'She' is a term used for female people. Of any and all personalities and interests. 

*And before anyone brings up 'other cultures' blah blah, I don't actually think we should be admiring and aping cultures that were so homophobic they had to give off the males not 'masculine' enough into their own class...

 

 

[KSera]

11 minutes ago, OH_Homeschooler said:

But how does the teenager feel about this? They were the patient here. In many cases, kids are going to be afraid to speak up to correct a pronoun, especially if they haven't come out to their parents yet. 14 is young, but old enough to have a gender identity different than what the parent prefers.  

Chances are far, far greater than not she feels just fine about it. I don’t think the pharmacy counter at CVS is a meaningful place to address it anyway, if not. Would be far more appropriate in the setting of a pediatrician or other doctor’s office, or with someone else the child has a relationship with. I think adults are making this issue a lot more complicated for young people than it needs to be. And again, I’m saying that as a parent of a non-gender conforming kid I love to the moon and back. 

[Catwoman]

29 minutes ago, pinball said:

I almost wonder if he was trying to provoke a response...

Or maybe the CVS person doesn’t use the male pronoun, and makes a point of not using gendered pronouns for anyone else?

I have no idea. But it sounds like the person was definitely making some kind of statement. I would have thought nothing of it if the person used “they” at first and then switched to “she” after SKL referred to her dd with feminine pronouns, but keeping it up multiple times afterward seems a little odd to me. 

Honestly, I think it’s also a little rude. It’s like if someone accidentally called my ds a girl, it would be no big deal, but once they knew he was male, it wouldn’t exactly be polite to keep referring to him as “she” or “her.”

[Sneezyone]

3 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Or maybe the CVS person doesn’t use the male pronoun, and makes a point of not using gendered pronouns for anyone else?

I have no idea. But it sounds like the person was definitely making some kind of statement. I would have thought nothing of it if the person used “they” at first and then switched to “she” after SKL referred to her dd with feminine pronouns, but keeping it up multiple times afterward seems a little odd to me. 

Honestly, I think it’s also a little rude. It’s like if someone accidentally called my ds a girl, it would be no big deal, but once they knew he was male, it wouldn’t exactly be polite to keep referring to him as “she” or “her.”

Yep. It’s one of those things that would annoy me a bit but cause neither of my children to batt an eyelash. I think that’s a sign that I’m calcifying.

[OH_Homeschooler]

13 minutes ago, KSera said:

Chances are far, far greater than not she feels just fine about it. I don’t think the pharmacy counter at CVS is a meaningful place to address it anyway, if not. Would be far more appropriate in the setting of a pediatrician or other doctor’s office, or with someone else the child has a relationship with. I think adults are making this issue a lot more complicated for young people than it needs to be. And again, I’m saying that as a parent of a non-gender conforming kid I love to the moon and back. 

It's great that you love your kid and all. And you are correct that it most likely doesn't matter most of the time. But to a kid who doesn't get that kind of support normally, imagine how it might feel to them to be acknowledged. It's a tiny wording thing that could make a world of difference. 

And I don't think you are correct that adults are the ones making it more complicated than it needs to be. My daughter, 15, is always correcting me when I use the wrong pronoun in reference to anyone. It matters to her friends as well. (And yes, I do slip up but I am very grateful when my daughter corrects me. That's how we learn). 

Edited June 4, 2021 by OH_Homeschooler

[Bootsie]

Today it is hard to know what to make of it.  I have found that some people will us "them" to refer to a third party to maintain some distance.  Perhaps because it was medical information related, the clerk felt that using "them" was less personal and wasn't even thinking about it.  It seems that a 14-year old could answer questions about her name and birthdate by herself; so it might have been a bit of an awkward situation that the clerk was talking to one person asking questions about another person who was standing there.  

[hippymamato3]

1 minute ago, Bootsie said:

Today it is hard to know what to make of it.  I have found that some people will us "them" to refer to a third party to maintain some distance.  Perhaps because it was medical information related, the clerk felt that using "them" was less personal and wasn't even thinking about it.  It seems that a 14-year old could answer questions about her name and birthdate by herself; so it might have been a bit of an awkward situation that the clerk was talking to one person asking questions about another person who was standing there.  

This was my thought too. My DD, at age 12, speaks for herself at appointments.