I don’t know whether this is academic, emotional, “social”, or what

[Carrie12345]

Our homeschool has, for the most part, been on lockdown since the beginning of 2020. I spent a chunk having my youngest kids do nothing while just got through life, another chunk being very unschooly, and then/now still being kind of unschooly but really focusing on math.

My kids are no strangers to taking breaks whenever it suits our family, but of course this was different from anything else before.

Also, in our house, we’ve had a math genius, followed by two kids with real math struggles, and then these two kids, who don’t actually *struggle with math, but have pretty much always disliked it, which is its own struggle.  For years, I’ve been using it like vegetables.  Finish this little bit, and then you can move on to the good stuff.

So, over the past 6 months or so, my 8th grader has had a shift in that department. I’m not about to say that he LIKES math now, but things suddenly started to click for him and he’s been excited about that.  I had been worried that he would be starting high school barely able to handle “pre-algebra”, and now he’s working on actual algebra.  My 10yo still considers it vegetables, but he’s also made a lot of progress.

But there’s a new thing they’re doing, and it’s weirding me out.  They’re both wanting not just instant “grading”, but real-time feedback... on every problem... at every step.
”Am I doing this right?”
”Do I do this next?”
”Do I put this here?” Etc.
9 times out of 10, yes.  It’s all correct.  My gut feeling is that it’s a confidence issue, but it’s still not making sense to me, because I would expect all of these correct answers to be real confidence boosters!

I’ve tried making myself scarce once we go over lessons and they’re to work on the problems, but they’re literally asking for my feedback through the bathroom door at this point! My 10yo will sometimes refuse to even do the work unless I’m sitting with him.  It has NEVER been like this before.

Any ideas for helping me figure out the root of this problem so I can fix it?

[Jean in Newcastle]

They now care about how they are doing in math.  I think that confidence will come with time.  I know that it's crazy making, but if possible, I would just keep giving feedback and my gut is that this need of theirs will go away with time. 

[fraidycat]

Sorry, I can't help you fix it.
But, I had to sit right at the table during math, too. At first I was frustrated, but there just seems to be something about "math is better with someone beside me" so... I had to accept my reality. I didn't do math time until I was sure that I could just.sit.there. and twiddle my thumbs while they worked until they needed me to look and praise or help. 

My advice: Grab a cup of tea, and a distraction that doesn't require concentration (adult coloring book or laundry to fold) and settle in for 30-45 minutes. 

[bolt.]

I usually sat with my not-so-mathy kid for their math work, but I have the luxury of only schooling one kid at a time.

Even while sitting with them, though, I didn't respond to 'is this step right' inquiries. I just said, "I'm not going to confirm that for you. You can self-check it if you want, or you can proceed and see how it goes." It helps if you have normalized mistakes as a fantastic part of the learning process, so they don't view getting to the wrong answer as a huge problem.

(Except when the concept is brand new, and I'm actually teaching it step by step, or if it's actually a walk-through. If the learning is still in the step-by-step stage, then I don't mind affirming every step.)

I sometimes also ask, "Do you want me to do one as a walk-through?" Or "Do you want me to scribe for you?" as supportive statements. Other statements of support help when you've just refused to provide the support they asked for.

[Lecka]

My daughter is this way.  I sit with her when she wants.  
 

I have a mix of watching her do problems and saying “do that one while I look at my Kindle for a moment and then I will look.”

 

She will be like this a while and then she will want me no where near her for a while.  
 

I think she has a few things going on.

 

One, she likes encouragement and positive feedback.

 

Two, she doesn’t want to waste her time doing something wrong.  She hates that.

 

Three, she is doing Saxon and sometimes in the mixed review she just does not remember how to do something and it does make her need more help to remember how to do things.  
 

However — we are after-schooling and this is kind-of the time we have blocked out to spend together on a daily basis, and — she likes that right now and likes that I am guaranteed to spend that time with with her.  A long story — but I have spent a lot of time more focused on her brothers and now I am focusing on her and she likes it.  

[catz]

I used to sit with my kids the entire time we did math but we were able to transition to them being more independent.  We'd always do some examples on a white board first, then they would do some.  I might say, ok do this section and then I will check and we'll do an example of problem type #2.  Over time, I'd let them drive the examples more.  I think you can baby step toward some independence.  Actually, once my kids started feeling confident with that they became much more independent overall.  

[Lecka]

My older son liked to do math around other students so he could check in about what he was doing, probably starting when he was 10.  He does homework now with an open Discord chat with other students also doing homework, even if they aren’t doing the same homework — and he can ask a question if he wants or ask if he is doing something right.

I think it is also a “study group” type of thing that some people really like.  
 

He likes to do group work and things like that.  It is his personality.  
 

Edit:  for him I think it makes it less boring to him, and he likes to help his friends, and if he needs help he kind-of can hate for me to help him (this ebbs and flows, but sometimes he just hates for me to help him).  Sometimes he would really rather have one of his friends help him.  

Edited May 5, 2021 by Lecka