nm

[ktgrok]

Also, maybe use this year to help build up executive skills in DS13 - on his own or with a tutor/coach? Writing down assignments, breaking them down into shorter bits when need be, setting up a calendar with alerts or a visual one, whatever works?

[Not_a_Number]

1 hour ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I wanted to thank everyone for their patience with me as I think this through. 

In case you can't read between the lines, I want to homeschool.  I like having my kids close.  They spent last night at DH's brother and won't be home till late, and even though I know they are in wonderful hands, I'm working all day, I miss them.  So, I'm probably making the problems with public school bigger in my mind as an excuse.  

We won't make a final decision until right before school starts, and will obviously involve the kids if we do, but there are things we need to sign them up for now to hold a spot.  

I've definitely gotten the sense that you'd like to homeschool, yes 🙂 . And it sounds like it would be a pretty good arrangement for next year. I'd say that you should go for it, since that's how you're leaning. 

[Drama Llama]

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Edited May 8, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[Drama Llama]

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Edited May 8, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[ktgrok]

21 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Both kids and I have anxiety about separation.  I have to fight hard to quell the impulse to keep my kids where I can see them every moment.  My kids are choosing to be together almost 24/7.   In fact, I'd attribute my youngest kid's enormous academic strides to the fact that he's allowed to join his brother's homeschooling sessions if he's doing the same thing we are and not complaining.  The anxiety is very clearly a grief thing, and we're working on it.  They're each playing a sport that the other one doesn't do now.  They're spending one night a week with their aunt and uncle (during which time I find it impossible to concentrate on work, and come here to post instead).  My older kid, who is the most impacted of the three of us, has started taking the dog out, or riding his bike between his grandfather's and his uncle's by himself. This summer we'll ramp that up, they'll have daily swim team practice at different times, and in August they're each registered for a few weeks of in person camp that the other one isn't going to.  

But because I know this is a decision that impacted by my mental health, I can't assume that my instinct will be right.  I feel like I need to think really carefully to make sure we aren't making a decision that's based on fear or reinforces their fear.  It's one of the reasons that I feel really strongly that I can't go into this telling them that we're going to "try" school and reconsider "if it doesn't work".   I think that would just reinforce their anxiety.  

I think if you kept them home, together, and with you, and didn't address the grief and separation anxiety that you would be acting out of fear and possibly making it worse. But...it doesn't sound like you are doing that, or would be doing that. They would have activities away from each other, time away during the week and in the evenings, etc. And are in therapy. So I don't think you need to worry you'd be making it worse, and if this is a true issue, another year to work through it might be a good thing, vs them dealing with it in a school environment. 

You sound like you are doing baby steps, moving forward, and that's excellent. 

 

[Danae]

3 hours ago, vonfirmath said:

FYI I noticed your DS10 will be taking ALgebra I if you homeschool -- next year as a 6th grader. Around here you would not find a public school able to accomodate that in 6th grade (Well, they would -- but they wouldn't have math for the next two years for the kid). You might want to see what the situation is there if you plan to put him in schools. You mentioned a special magnet school -- see what the requirements are for getting him into it and start working toward those.

 

I’m guessing this varies a lot.  In our school district Algebra 1 in 6th is not uncommon, and the middle school has on-site math through geometry.  Kids who finish geometry in 7th are video-conferenced to the high school for math in 8th.  

[Lecka]

I don’t think homeschooling would be going too far towards avoiding separation.  
 

I think it’s good to think about there being a point where it would be going too far.  
 

I don’t think homeschooling as you describe would be that point.  

[fraidycat]

The separation anxiety for all of you is so understandable right now. You've all experienced a huge traumatic loss.

More importantly, you are aware of it, and are taking steps to deal with it and confront it head-on (camps and separate activities/times) along with the rest of your mental health through therapy.

My opinion is that, as long as social needs can be met (and it sounds like they can), another year at home would be great for you and the boys. You can even write out an incremental independence/away from each other plan to build and reinforce confidence between now and fall of 2022 that you can all work toward with the help and support of your therapists by finding or creating opportunities to spend longer periods of time apart and working through any backlashes and celebrating the successes together.

Edited May 6, 2021 by fraidycat
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[Drama Llama]

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Edited May 8, 2021 by BaseballandHockey