OK to have my class make Mother's Day cards in this situation?

[MercyA]

I have a sweet child in my Sunday School class whose mother unexpectedly died about three years ago. 😞  Her dad remarried a wonderful woman and the children seem happy and close to her.

So, yesterday I told my class that next week on Mother's Day we would be making cards for any woman who is special in their lives--their grandma, their mom, their stepmom, a friend, etc. Now I'm wondering if that was the right thing to do. I don't want to cause my student any more pain. Maybe I shouldn't have planned a special activity for Mother's Day at all. 

Is this okay? Am I overthinking it?

ETA: Edited out identifying details. Okay to quote now. And thank you all so much!

Edited May 4, 2021 by MercyA

[klmama]

I think it's fine.  

[Ottakee]

I think it is OK if you focus on the special women in their lives.....mother, grandmother, aunt, step mom, foster mom, etc   

At school we often talk about your caregivers or adults in your life instead of just mom and dad as that first fit all of our kids 

[Spryte]

I think making cards for any special woman in their lives is sweet.  

[Xahm]

In that situation, I'd give a heads-up to the dad so he's aware, and I'd also encourage the kids to make several cards if they like. If some kids are making them for grandma or their kind next door neighbor in addition to mom, it won't put all the focus on moms in a way that would be uncomfortable. I generally do that kind of thing because in the Sunday School class I taught pre pandemic, there were kids with various family make-ups, living situations, etc. I also tried to remind my own children's teachers if things like "hey, my husband is deployed right now. They might be easily upset on father's day, and please be careful what you say on Memorial Day and Veteran's Day.

[Melissa in Australia]

I think it a very bad idea

I was a student teacher in a class about 8 years ago where the teacher made everyone make fathers day cards. I saw the face of one boy, his dad had dies 10 months previously. He was devastated. Then because he didn't want to display his grief in class he picked a fight with a boy in the class with autism. It was a dramatic demonstration 

I also have subtitue taught in a class where there were 3 foster children( unknown to me) and they were assigned by the regular classroom teacher to make mothers day cards. It is extremely hurtful to some children to be reminded that they have crappy parents and be singled out like that

Edited May 4, 2021 by Melissa in Australia

[happi duck]

I also teach Sunday school and personally don't do things for mother's day etc.

That said, since you already promised you would the way you phrased it helps.

Eta: I say "your grown up" when referencing caregivers.

Edited May 4, 2021 by happi duck

[katilac]

I think it's fine with that wording. You could even go one step further and just say they'll be making cards, some people might want to do them for Mother's Day, some might want to do them for an adult who cares for them, some might want to do them for a friend. 

[Melissa in Australia]

All you thinking it fine have you lost a parent as a child? 

You would see it very differently if you have

[MercyA]

33 minutes ago, happi duck said:

I also teach Sunday school and personally don't do things for mother's day etc.

I will not in the future and wish I hadn't said anything yesterday. I need to think about things more carefully. 

Well, maybe this thread will help someone else think twice.

I *should* know better because I myself hated Mother's Day when I couldn't conceive, and that's nothing in comparison to a child who has lost a parent.

Edited May 4, 2021 by MercyA

[Katy]

I’ve had kids staying with us make cards in children’s church and give them to me. I found it sweet but always encouraged them to make another for their mom before a visit. I think what you did is fine, but I’d encourage making one or several for any grown up that’s important to them. 

[MercyA]

11 hours ago, katilac said:

I think it's fine with that wording. You could even go one step further and just say they'll be making cards, some people might want to do them for Mother's Day, some might want to do them for an adult who cares for them, some might want to do them for a friend. 

I will do exactly this. Thank you, thank you. [ETA: Changed my mind about the cards, but will keep this type of wording in mind for future activities.]

Edited May 4, 2021 by MercyA

[MercyA]

22 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

All you thinking it fine have you lost a parent as a child? 

You would see it very differently if you have

I am so sorry for your loss. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts in this thread. They are very helpful.

[MercyA]

11 hours ago, Xahm said:

In that situation, I'd give a heads-up to the dad so he's aware, and I'd also encourage the kids to make several cards if they like. If some kids are making them for grandma or their kind next door neighbor in addition to mom, it won't put all the focus on moms in a way that would be uncomfortable. I generally do that kind of thing because in the Sunday School class I taught pre pandemic, there were kids with various family make-ups, living situations, etc. I also tried to remind my own children's teachers if things like "hey, my husband is deployed right now. They might be easily upset on father's day, and please be careful what you say on Memorial Day and Veteran's Day.

I will do this, thank you so much! [ETA: Changed my mind about the cards, but will keep this in mind for future activities.]

Edited May 4, 2021 by MercyA

[MercyA]

Thank you so much for your input, @happysmileylady. I hope you are all doing as well as possible. 

[purpleowl]

If you were asking before you'd said anything, I'd say don't do it. If you do a "make a card" activity on Mother's Day, I would think it's pretty obvious to most kids why you decided to do it on that day, no matter how you phrase it. It's true that some kids in this girl's position would not be bothered, but what you've said makes it sound like she might be.

My suggestion would be to move the "make a card" activity to a different day - maybe in July, far enough removed from both Mother's and Father's Days. Make a different plan for next Sunday and if any of the kids ask about it, just say, "Oh, I thought we would be doing that, but it ended up not fitting in the lesson. We'll write cards for people some other time."

[MercyA]

1 minute ago, purpleowl said:

If you were asking before you'd said anything, I'd say don't do it. If you do a "make a card" activity on Mother's Day, I would think it's pretty obvious to most kids why you decided to do it on that day, no matter how you phrase it. It's true that some kids in this girl's position would not be bothered, but what you've said makes it sound like she might be.

My suggestion would be to move the "make a card" activity to a different day - maybe in July, far enough removed from both Mother's and Father's Days. Make a different plan for next Sunday and if any of the kids ask about it, just say, "Oh, I thought we would be doing that, but it ended up not fitting in the lesson. We'll write cards for people some other time."

Actually, we had a spontaneous and unexpected discussion about angels while the kids were doing their craft last week. I want to do a lesson on that topic as soon as possible---maybe I could say something like, "You all had so many questions about angels last week, I thought we should do a lesson on them! We will make cards another time." I could be sure to have a fun craft to go with the angel topic.

But then I worry--what if some of the kids were planning on or counting on making the card in class. Maybe I should just get a pretty package of blank cards to have on hand just in case.

Another lesson in thinking before speaking! 

[SKL]

I agree that if you do cards on Mother's Day, the children know this is about mothers, and for some, it's going to hurt.  I like the idea of trying to move it to a different day if possible, and then allow kids to choose anyone of any sex who plays an appreciated role in their lives.

[MercyA]

We'll do cards another time. I'll do the angel lesson instead. There is no reason in the world to cause a child pain unnecessarily.

[PeppermintPattie]

I have to disagree. The child has a step-mom that she seems happy with. You're not reminding her about the loss of her mom since she's never forgotten it, but making a card for the special woman/women in their lives is a good way to help your students strengthen their relationships. If she had just lost her mom, that would be different, but you're offering her a different way to frame Mother's Day by suggesting it's not just for moms, and I think that's a blessing. That might be a good way for women who aren't mothers to frame it, too.

[gardenmom5]

I think it's fine.

[Xahm]

I think the angel idea is a good one, but if you can, I'd also talk to the dad sometime to get his thoughts for handling things going forward and encourage him to let you know if anything comes up. Discussions of parents seems to come up a lot in our Sunday School, so the issue is likely to arise from time to time.

[SKL]

10 hours ago, PeppermintPattie said:

I have to disagree. The child has a step-mom that she seems happy with. You're not reminding her about the loss of her mom since she's never forgotten it, but making a card for the special woman/women in their lives is a good way to help your students strengthen their relationships. If she had just lost her mom, that would be different, but you're offering her a different way to frame Mother's Day by suggesting it's not just for moms, and I think that's a blessing. That might be a good way for women who aren't mothers to frame it, too.

I think each family is best suited to decide how to address Mother's Day.  It's not like there is no chance for the stepmom to be honored if it isn't done in Sunday School.

My kids haven't had a parent die, but they have a situation that doesn't really fit with most of what is said on Mother's Day and Father's Day.  Their birth moms relinquished them, they had to leave their foster moms, their birth dads wanted nothing to do with them, and other than that, they don't have a dad.  People suggest all sorts of work-arounds that don't help.  Like asking a friend or uncle to take my kids to a father-daughter dance.  It simply doesn't work for us.  Less is more when it comes to potentially sensitive issues.

I've always been thankful that Father's Day falls in the summer, so the schools can't make it a thing.  We would skip church/Sunday School on Father's Day.

Edited May 4, 2021 by SKL

[TexasProud]

8 hours ago, PeppermintPattie said:

I have to disagree. The child has a step-mom that she seems happy with. You're not reminding her about the loss of her mom since she's never forgotten it, but making a card for the special woman/women in their lives is a good way to help your students strengthen their relationships. If she had just lost her mom, that would be different, but you're offering her a different way to frame Mother's Day by suggesting it's not just for moms, and I think that's a blessing. That might be a good way for women who aren't mothers to frame it, too.

This.

[MercyA]

1 hour ago, SKL said:

People suggest all sorts of work-arounds that don't help.  Like asking a friend or uncle to take my kids to a father-daughter dance.  It simply doesn't work for us.  Less is more when it comes to potentially sensitive issues.

Yes. I've told this story here before, but it's worth retelling, I think. We were at church on a Mother's Day and I had been unable to conceive. The day was hard enough. When I left, I was offered a book of Scriptures for mothers. I said, no, thank you, I'm not a mother. And the man said, oh, it's for all the ladies and pushed it back in my hand. I went home and put it in the trash. It was very upsetting to me. Someone might say I wasn't being logical or mature about it, but we can't help how we feel, and feelings surrounding motherhood and daughterhood can be absolutely primal in their intensity.

 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

My public schooled children always make mother’s and Father’s Day gifts in school.  Considering that in my daughter’s third grade class she is the only child who lives with her married parents(it’s a small town; I know all twelve kids in her class lol), I’m sure there are many kids who don’t have a mom or dad present.  They frame it as gifts for someone special.  I know several who make their mom or grandpas presents for Father’s Day as they don’t have a present dad.

My sister in law cannot conceive and has been told this past year that it was worthless to even attempt IVF again.  She has a very hands on, active role in my kids’ lives, so I’m going to have them make her some Mother’s Day cards this year.  I think it’s important to recognize that many children, even my own in our two parent household, can have a variety of parental figures.  I fully admit that DH and I can’t raise my kids alone.  I need the village, and so do they. 

 

Edited May 4, 2021 by Mrs Tiggywinkle

[MercyA]

30 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

My sister in law cannot conceive and has been told this past year that it was worthless to even attempt IVF again.  She has a very hands on, active role in my kids’ lives, so I’m going to have them make her some Mother’s Day cards this year.  I think it’s important to recognize that many children, even my own in our two parent household, can have a variety of parental figures.  I fully admit that DH and I can’t raise my kids alone.  I need the village, and so do they. 

I don't know your sister-in-law, but receiving Mother's Day cards from nieces or nephews would have been very upsetting for me when I was struggling with infertility. It would not have made me feel better, but worse. I would not have shown my upset, because I wouldn't want to hurt the kids' feelings, but it would have stung and stung badly.

It would be wonderful if your children can recognize their aunt's role in their life on another day. It's a kind thought to want to honor her for her contributions.

Edited May 4, 2021 by MercyA

[Sneezyone]

2 minutes ago, MercyA said:

I don't know your sister-in-law, but receiving Mother's Day cards from nieces or nephews would have been very upsetting for me when I was struggling with infertility. It would not have made me feel better, but worse. I would not have shown my upset, because I wouldn't want to hurt the kids' feelings, but it would have stung and stung badly.

It would be wonderful if your children can recognize their aunt's role in their life on another day. It's a kind thought to want to honor her for her contributions.

It wasn’t something I ever wanted to talk about or have acknowledged either. As family structures become increasingly diverse, and as people become more aware of that diversity, it just makes sense not to do something that could cause kids harm. I’ve always found, as a mom and otherwise, that random acknowledgments throughout the year are more meaningful than a specific, commercialized day anyway. Maybe that’s b/c my DH hasn’t been around to celebrate (or lead the charge as the case may be) more often than not, but it feels like the right thing to celebrate special people all year long. Individual families can celebrate their moms and dads as they see fit.

[MercyA]

20 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Mercy, I presume your Sunday School class is small.  It sounds like there's only one child for which you have this concern.  Because of that, I think it's likely that your best answer is going to come from the child's parent, and not any of us here. 

I also have a child who has a mom and a step-mom, and I wouldn't want there to be any angst for him about how many cards to make and for whom. He tends to work slowly and carefully and might not have time to make two.

[marbel]

51 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

My public schooled children always make mother’s and Father’s Day gifts in school.  Considering that in my daughter’s third grade class she is the only child who lives with her married parents(it’s a small town; I know all twelve kids in her class lol), I’m sure there are many kids who don’t have a mom or dad present.  They frame it as gifts for someone special.  I know several who make their mom or grandpas presents for Father’s Day as they don’t have a present dad.

My sister in law cannot conceive and has been told this past year that it was worthless to even attempt IVF again.  She has a very hands on, active role in my kids’ lives, so I’m going to have them make her some Mother’s Day cards this year.  I think it’s important to recognize that many children, even my own in our two parent household, can have a variety of parental figures.  I fully admit that DH and I can’t raise my kids alone.  I need the village, and so do they. 

 

FWIW, my sister's kids sent me Mother's Day cards when they were little. I was single and at the time thought I would never marry and have children. I wasn't happy about that, but I had close relationships with my nieces and nephews. The cards were sweet reminders that I was loved even though I was not a mother. 

There really is no wrong or right answer because everyone handles things differently. I also think as adults, people frame these sorts of days to suit their own lives, including ignoring them altogether. To me at this point in my life, MD/FD are just marketing/advertising pitches so get people to spend $$.  

Mercy, I think you are wise to drop the idea at this point, because your discomfort with the project would likely be apparent to the kids. 

Edited May 4, 2021 by marbel

[HS Mom in NC]

12 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I think it a very bad idea

I also have subtitue taught in a class where there were 3 foster children( unknown to me) and they were assigned by the regular classroom teacher to make mothers day cards. It is extremely hurtful to some children to be reminded that they have crappy parents and be singled out like that

My middle step-brother was the most victimized by his his mentally ill bio-mom's evil.  He's in his late 50s now and has only in the last few years been able to get out of bed on Mother's Day. He has thought of my mom as his mom and has called her that since he was about 13.  As much as he loves her as his mom, he still wasn't able to do Mother's Day for decades.

Seriously, people.  You may have no seriously negative associations with Mother's Day and/or Father's Day, but some people it's absolutely horrid. A kid like that trying to navigate those intense emotions in a class with a bunch of kids and another adult is just cruel.

That step-brother and his wife are childless by choice (she's 10 years older than he is) and my Grandmother always gave the moms (me and 2 SILs and my mom, her daughter) something on Mother's Day. My grandparents helped raise us, so my bio-brother and I always celebrated Mother's Day with her and Father's Day with Grandad; we'd established a non-parent precedent.  I had to talk her down from including childless by choice SIL who is a school teacher for K-3 homeless kids living in shelters. I could see Grandmother's tendency to view SIL as a mother figure to those children, but in SILs generation women have taken a lot of crap for choosing not have kids and SIL didn't need anything that could be interpreted as further pressure, and her husband didn't need anymore triggers.

The siblings (step and bio) have always been very protective of step-brother (even those of us younger by almost a decade) because we're the only ones he talks to about it and understand the complexity of emotion related to non-traditional family structures. He has chosen to decline counseling.

I've also known the struggle of fertility issues and had a friend struggling with secondary fertility issues, facing peri-menopuase, and marriage struggles making adoption a bad idea at the time,  so when Mother's Day was approaching at our evangelical church I called her and asked of she'd like to do anything other than the annual traditional Mother's Day church service with me.  She did. And for childless women with fertility issues, Mother's Day traditions can be very painful, even if someone views them as a mother figure.

We really need to stop Mother's Day events and celebrations with women outside of our families and children that aren't ours. Let the kids lead on that in their own ways and in their own timing. Now that my adopted child is getting older, this could get more complicated, and as one of her mothers (I openly refer to her bio-mom as her mom even though it's a closed international adoption) I care far more about her emotional well being than an obligatory acknowledgement that I'm her mom. I know I'm her mom and she loves me as her mom. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

55 minutes ago, MercyA said:

I don't know your sister-in-law, but receiving Mother's Day cards from nieces or nephews would have been very upsetting for me when I was struggling with infertility. It would not have made me feel better, but worse. I would not have shown my upset, because I wouldn't want to hurt the kids' feelings, but it would have stung and stung badly.

It would be wonderful if your children can recognize their aunt's role in their life on another day. It's a kind thought to want to honor her for her contributions.

Her husband mentioned it to me that it would be a nice idea, and he’s pretty on the mark about knowing what would bother her and what won’t.. Knowing the relationship I think she’d appreciate it, but when I was going through infertility treatment I wouldn’t have appreciated it much either.

Hopefully they’ll be adopting this year. It’s been a very long road for her.

[KungFuPanda]

I think you could have a Card Making Day.  If you put up a calendar, there are so many "days" now to choose from.  Some kids might make Mother's Day cards, or early Father's Day cards while other's might zone in on Star Wars Day or whatever fills the calendar these days.  Making cards is a fun craft for kids and you can do it without focusing on particular people. 

[Katy]

I suspect kids and adults who are super sensitive about Mothers Day avoid church on that day. 

[HS Mom in NC]

15 minutes ago, Katy said:

I suspect kids and adults who are super sensitive about Mothers Day avoid church on that day. 

Not true. Kids don't have that kind of power, especially step-kids and adoptees trying to avoid ruffling feathers, and many people think they have to go to church every Sunday unless they're sick or injured.  Many a woman has had to suffer through Mother's Day church services.

[Rachel]

You have already changed your mind, so I’ll just add support to your decision. As a child I would have hated this. My mom left on mother’s day when I was 7. No one at my church would remember that’s when she left, only that my parents were divorced. My dad remarried a couple  years later and I have a step mom that I loved dearly as a child, but Mother’s Day was not about remembering what I had, only what I lost. From the outside others wouldn’t have known that. I dutifully made the cards, passed out the flowers, or whatever else the church or school had done very year, then I would go home and sob. I’m pretty sure even if nothing was done at school or church I would have sobbed on that day anyway though. I have a younger brother and sister with the same situation, Mother’s Day never bothered them. 
 

I also have a friend with 3 daughters adopted from foster care. They came into her family quite young (infant, 2ish, and 3.5ish) but holidays for them are also about feeling abandoned not about the mom they have that they really love. 
 

Now that I’m a mom I have very complicated Mother’s Day feelings. I love getting cards and being acknowledged by my children.  I also mourn the loss of my bio-mom and the babies I miscarried, one on Mother’s Day. We started a tradition a few years back to skip church and go hiking instead on Mother’s Day. 

As a Sunday school teacher it can be hard to ease through these situations.

 

[happi duck]

1 minute ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Not true. Kids don't have that kind of power, especially step-kids and adoptees trying to avoid ruffling feathers, and many people think they have to go to church every Sunday unless they're sick or injured.  Many a woman has had to suffer through Mother's Day church services.

I agree that people don't necessarily skip it.

We used to attend a church with a weird Mother's Day tradition.  They were trying to include all women but it just made it hurt in different ways.  It never occurred to me that I could skip it.

[Rachel]

I will also say that my church stopped the tradition of passing out flowers or having all the moms stand on Mother’s Day. There is usually a special prayer both honoring moms and recognizing those for whom it is a hard day. I love that about my church even though we quit going that day. 

[marbel]

It's been years since I've attended a church that made a thing of Mother's Day. I think at our last church there was a mention in the general prayer of all mothers and those who take the place of mothers or something like that (it sounded better than that, for sure). But I had forgotten that some churches make a big deal out of it. Same with Father's Day though I am not sure it's as "big" a day as MD.  There is no reason for MD or FD to be mentioned in church at all, really.

[SKL]

1 minute ago, marbel said:

It's been years since I've attended a church that made a thing of Mother's Day. I think at our last church there was a mention in the general prayer of all mothers and those who take the place of mothers or something like that (it sounded better than that, for sure). But I had forgotten that some churches make a big deal out of it. Same with Father's Day though I am not sure it's as "big" a day as MD.  There is no reason for MD or FD to be mentioned in church at all, really.

For me, Mother's Day is normally one of my favorite church days.  I was thinking of going this year even though I've been doing only "virtual" church since March 2020.  Then I remembered that last year's [online] Mother's day service was a complete downer - whoever wrote the sermon must have been in a bad mood.  I wished I'd slept in.

Motherhood is special to me in a way that's probably different from most.  I do like it to be celebrated.  It's kinda sad that some things that are positive for some are so negative for others.

I don't know that there's a right or wrong answer for church.  Adults do have the ability to skip services that are likely to annoy or trigger them.  It's just one day of the year.  But I guess if only a few people actually enjoy it, it would be logical to stop it.

[MercyA]

@Rachel, I am so sorry you went through that as a child. How very hard . 😞 Thank you so much for your input. 

[Sneezyone]

25 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

This bit of your post kinda bothers me.

 

Srsly...I have navigated it all.

 

I have a 25yr old who didn't have a daddy in her life for her first 6 years.  No, it wasn't because he passed, it was because he never showed up.  I spent time before DH and I got married explaining in 6yr old language why it was ok to call him daddy if she wanted, but also ok to NOT call him daddy if she didn't want and also, why she didn't have a daddy before.

That same 25 yr old spent the next 9 yrs explaining to everyone else why her Dad had a different last name than her.  Which was complicated by the fact that DH and I were working on it but there were time and money and financial issues that made it difficult to figure out.  Once we realized where we screwed up legally, it was easy to complete the step parent adoption. 

Even so, that same kid was STILL confronted with confusion between *DAD* and "real dad."  Lots of kids in her school had "real dads" and "step dads."  Few had step dads that became real dads and even when a young teen understands biology, that can be rough.

 

After DH and I got married, we spent 6 years dealing with secondary infertility.  DD12 is an IVF baby.  I have spent Mother's Day's wishing there were two lines on that pee stick.  I have heard doctors say things like..'well we know you *can* get pregnant so...'

 

And now, last week, I had my DS8 look at me and tell me that it's very sad that his daddy is not real anymore.

 

I can't have lived all of these hard conversations, but I have already lived many of them.  I know them.  And I know that there is a whole lot that is dependent on family situations.  My kid had a "real dad" who wasn't biologically related, but was the only dad she knew.  My nephew on the other hand had a bio mom who was complete crazy town and lost custody as a result, who still struggles with how to address his step mom that was more mom than his real mom ever was.

Dealing with kids as they and their situations present is a better way to serve them than assuming that X way works because the kid is in X situation. 

Sometimes, a parent remarries...and sometimes not.  Sometimes, the stepparent is wonderful, and sometimes not.  Sometimes there is a custody issue, and sometimes not.  It it's important to meet kids where they are and in a small group setting, that's probably the best place to do that.

No one against the idea is saying crappy situations/dynamics don’t exist. Rather, they are acknowledging that they exist and think it’s best for random people NOT to contribute to unseen hurts/trauma. It’s just not wise for once a week Sunday School teachers, or even 9-5 educators, to wade into this territory even if/when they regularly do. They don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. There are other ways and days to celebrate the special people in our lives.

[Tanaqui]

This is one of many activities that teachers and other well-meaning adults foist upon groups of children without thinking through the potential pitfalls, so kudos for you for even asking this. (Mother's Day cards, Father's Day cards, family trees, any activity where you're supposed to track supposedly hereditary traits in your biofamily.... that last one has the potential to unearth some nasty family secrets! It's like bonus trauma for everybody.)

And it's easy for adults, especially adults who have never been in this situation as a child, to say "Well, I'll just say they can make it for any special someone". That might work for some kids, but not all kids - and by their nature and by society, children rarely are secure and empowered enough to stay up to a teacher if they feel uncomfortable with an activity.

So, yes, I think you should skip it. Even if you didn't know that there's a kid in the group with something extra in the background... well, that's just it, isn't it? You never really know for sure.

[Sneezyone]

14 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

 

I said ask dad.  I said meet the kid where the kid is.  This isn't a random Sunday School teacher with random kids she sees occasionally.  This is a person, who sees the same people and kids on a regular basis.  It's not weird for her to ask dad what's going on behind the scenes.  Mercy might not have ALL the details but it's obvious she already has some.  AND...from the sound of things, it's not bizzaro off the wall for her to just.....................ask.  It doesn't sound like she's in a mega church where families change daily and she never knows who she has in class each week.  From what she has posted....Mercy isn't a "random person."

 

Acknowledging varying dynamics means not ignoring them, rather, asking those involved how to deal with them. 

 

If Mercy was part of a Mega Chruch where she might have 20 different kids each week....if she was a teacher with 40 6yr olds every day that she had to teach short and long vowels to, I might agree.  As it is, this sounds like a group of the same 10ish kids, of varying ages, for a hour, that she knows well enough to know that the child in question has lost one parent and now has a step parent.  Already, she has more info than some random person might have.

 

Just ask.  That's all I am saying.  Before we all assume what's going on with the kid................ask what works for the kid. That's all. 

 

It’s NOT just one kid tho. This is an ongoing class with kids in families whose outward appearance may not match what’s going on inside. It’s important to recognize that the face you see isn’t necessarily the whole story, even in a small church, even in a small community. You don’t know what people aren’t telling you/isn’t obvious or public.

[Sneezyone]

Just now, happysmileylady said:

It sounds like what you are saying is that no one should ever address the kids situations as individuals?  Because we can never know the entirety of every situation, no situation should be treated on an individual basis?

Yep. That’s exactly what I said. Smh.

[Sneezyone]

17 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Ok....so....I am trying here. 

I said.....ask....ask dad.  Take this kid's situation as it is.

 

You responded with how it's not just one kid.

 

If your response is not saying that we can't address situations individually, can you be more clear.  It genuinely sounds like you are calling for no situations to be taken individually. 

 

 

 

If you are a CLASSROOM teacher, any classroom, your projects are for *all* of the students, whoever might show up that day. It is important to ensure that your projects/plans are appropriate for *all* of the students. The OP knows about challenges with this one student but there may even be hidden challenges with others. It’s not enough to say or assume that I know everyone comes from happy/healthy mom/dad households. No one knows that. Whether it’s a public or private or religious class, these sorts of craft projects are better when generalized and NOT tied to specific commercial holidays and people.

Edited May 4, 2021 by Sneezyone

[Melissa in Australia]

As an outsider to USA I don't even get what mothers day has to do with Sunday school. Isn't Sunday school to learn about God or church doctrine? Isn't mothers day a made up thing by a card company to increase sales? 

[Storygirl]

4 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

As an outsider to USA I don't even get what mothers day has to do with Sunday school. Isn't Sunday school to learn about God or church doctrine? Isn't mothers day a made up thing by a card company to increase sales? 

Yes. But Mother's Day is always on a Sunday, so it's common for it to be recognized in churches.

[Ausmumof3]

I think from having been there it will be difficult for the kid even if she seems ok outwardly, but also that eventually they have to learn to deal with it because it will come up over and over again.

edited to add ... anyone who saw me from the outside two years later would have assumed I was ok:  actually I was reading till three o’clock in the morning to avoid falling asleep because of nightmares.  It was very important to me to seem ok because kids aren’t always kind to kids dealing with these situations and being vulnerable.  I didn’t want to look or seem different.

Edited May 4, 2021 by Ausmumof3

[Tanaqui]

32 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

As an outsider to USA I don't even get what mothers day has to do with Sunday school. Isn't Sunday school to learn about God or church doctrine? Isn't mothers day a made up thing by a card company to increase sales? 

 

So let's unpack all of this.

First of all, Mother's Day, which it certainly is overcommercialized, has its roots in older traditions of going home to visit family and pray in your "mother church" on a set day of the year, and also in a more modern idea of setting aside a day to honor your own mother. (The creator of the modern Mother's Day was very much disillusioned by the way it was so rapidly hijacked by commercial elements.)

Secondly, one of the things we do in school - including sunday school and other extracurriculars - we we socialize children into our culture. Which is why schools and children's activities do crafts for holidays. It's not just a way of tying in a regular part of the curriculum into something fun for the children, it's part of socializing them to know what days are special and important.

Also, as noted, Mother's Day and Father's Day are on Sundays, so I can see how a church would naturally tend to incorporate those days into services and Sunday School. I'm sure any experienced teacher can come up with a lesson tying in any subject to any holiday if they just try, and religious education is not the exception.

Of course, there are pitfalls to this role in education (including Sunday School) in teaching holidays, and the biggest one is that some kids don't or can't honestly celebrate the holiday or do the activity.  And you're teaching both them and their classroom a powerful, if unintentional message, if you give them variations on "Just sit this on out" or "You can make a card for somebody else" or the like.