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DawnM
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I also have not been able to block her text messages on my MacBook.   I don't know how.   I have tried everything I have googled and nothing is working.   It might be a setting on my computer????

When I put in her number to block it won't save it in the blocked messages on the computer.   

So last night's 3 hour rant at me went unblocked.

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55 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I also have not been able to block her text messages on my MacBook.   I don't know how.   I have tried everything I have googled and nothing is working.   It might be a setting on my computer????

When I put in her number to block it won't save it in the blocked messages on the computer.   

So last night's 3 hour rant at me went unblocked.

It would be good for your case, but sounds like at this point she has already sunk herself.  That poor baby. How does he act when she goes on those rants? Does it upset him?

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4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

It would be good for your case, but sounds like at this point she has already sunk herself.  That poor baby. How does he act when she goes on those rants? Does it upset him?

He doesn't even want to talk to her anymore.   He didn't bat an eye when she swore at him and I hung up.   

She has sunk herself.   She was given 5 steps to take to follow her safety plan.   She has followed NONE Of them.   Not even one.   She doesn't get it.

Her strategy is to prove we are all conspiring against her and this case is fraud and the social worker illegally took her son and I am trafficking him.

Mental illness is a very sad and scary thing.

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Ok, I found a youtube with instructions on blocking on the Mac and several people said they had the same issue I did, so someone else posted how to circumvent that......I will try it tonight and see if it works.

She said more disgusting things than what I have already posted.   She is sick.   Very, very sick.

Edited by DawnM
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the funniest part?   She keeps saying, "I have the calls recorded Dawn, all of them!   I am bringing this to court!"   

So last night when she said she didn't say anything inappropriate, I told her to "go watch your recorded call."    She had nothing more to say about that part.

So then she went off on me about all sorts of weird and nasty stuff......sexual, mental, all sorts of junk, most of it didn't make much sense but some did.

My strong suspicion is that she has paranoid Schizophrenia.    She has every marker to suspect that, but she wont' go get evaluated.  

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5 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

My strong suspicion is that she has paranoid Schizophrenia.    She has every marker to suspect that, but she wont' go get evaluated.  

I am so very happy that you took this poor child in and also that you are so far away from her in person.  Many hugs to you- it is so horrific/

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If you don't block the texts you at least have them as a written record.

Given her mental health concerns, PLEASE push for the highest possible adoption support level and full medicaid, etc.  There is a large genetic component to mental health issues and he might need early intervention as he gets older.

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16 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

If you don't block the texts you at least have them as a written record.

Given her mental health concerns, PLEASE push for the highest possible adoption support level and full medicaid, etc.  There is a large genetic component to mental health issues and he might need early intervention as he gets older.

 

I am trying.   And they said he would get it.  So, I am glad about that.   

But she is undiagnosed so that makes it difficult as well.   She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but it is far more than that IMO.

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50 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

I am trying.   And they said he would get it.  So, I am glad about that.   

But she is undiagnosed so that makes it difficult as well.   She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but it is far more than that IMO.

Push for the highest level possible.  On a positive, if he does have struggles in the future, he will have a supportive home and people that will follow through with proper mental health services and medication as needed.

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41 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

Push for the highest level possible.  On a positive, if he does have struggles in the future, he will have a supportive home and people that will follow through with proper mental health services and medication as needed.

What is the "highest level?"   I am not sure what that means.

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Dawn, I was just thinking of a way you might be able to keep a record of the FaceTime calls. Can you set up a camera behind you (facing your monitor) and videotape the FaceTime sessions? That way, you would have both audio and video records. You could even set up a phone to do the recording so it wouldn’t be as obvious as a camera. 

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9 hours ago, DawnM said:

What is the "highest level?"   I am not sure what that means.

It means more money per month of adoption subsidy. It’s much easier to convince an adoption worker the child needs a higher subsidy before adoption than it is to appeal for a higher subsidy later, when your kid needs inpatient treatment. 
 

Edited by Katy
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1 hour ago, DawnM said:

What is the "highest level?"   I am not sure what that means.

What Katy said below.  It is based off their current daily foster care rate/difficulty of care (DOC) rate.  It is critical to get this to the correct level before the adoption.  In michigan you can never go back to increase it.

Make sure the workers do the DOC before turning it over to adoption and that it is the highest level he qualifies for.   Document any behaviors, delays, extra therapy, extra parenting, appointments, etc.

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they told me he should qualify for the foster care subsidy amount and medicaid.   I am not sure I could get more, he doesn't have significant delays and his birth mom doesn't have an official diagnosis.

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7 hours ago, Catwoman said:

Dawn, I was just thinking of a way you might be able to keep a record of the FaceTime calls. Can you set up a camera behind you (facing your monitor) and videotape the FaceTime sessions? That way, you would have both audio and video records. You could even set up a phone to do the recording so it wouldn’t be as obvious as a camera. 

Well, two issues with that.   One, she will see it.   Two, it won't capture her mumbles, which is really what I want to capture.

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19 hours ago, DawnM said:

Well, two issues with that.   One, she will see it.   Two, it won't capture her mumbles, which is really what I want to capture.

Oh. That’s too bad. I was thinking you might be able to hide the phone on a shelf or something, so she wouldn’t see it. But that wouldn’t help with capturing the mumbles, unless you had an audio recorder set up next to your computer speakers — but compiling everything together afterward would be a nuisance, and after all that trouble, you might not get anything useful anyway.

Never mind! Ignore me! 🙂 

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ZERO seconds, she didn't answer the phone.   She went to get her nails done to celebrate the "grand opening" of her ONLINE store, where she will sell live plants she bought from a local nursery, and ship them even though she has no car and no materials.

That was more important than talking to her son.

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4 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

The circumstances are sad, but... Document and be happy that’s one less torturous call to endure. 

DSS documents all of it, they initiated the call and she keeps record of all of it.   BM is asking for another chance, but nope, you choose your online "store" over your son......that speaks VOLUMES.

And she called me at 10pm.   I have her on block but she was still able to leave a message.   I don't know how to  block that part.   She started begging and crying and saying, "I love him, and I love you."   

This is after she spent 3.5 hours texting me last week calling me a child s*x abuser, saying vile things about s*x with children that I would never have even imagined being said, and telling me I was a "fat, ugly, stupid f*ck" over and over again.

NOPE.....I can't wait to NEVER deal with you again.  There are consequences for your behaviors and consequences for not taking the advice of the DSS workers, the therapists, etc....

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Ugh...my grandson’s mom is like this, except she doesn’t cuss him/us out.  She’s finally acknowledged that she doesn’t really want to parent but be the “fun aunt” role.   Once she “lost her keys” in the couch at a coffee shop just before having to leave to visit....so no visit.  The next day after we dropped my stepson off at work she called the coffee shop and directed them to the exact spot she “lost” the keys at and asked if they were still there between the couch cushions.

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3 hours ago, DawnM said:

I have her on block but she was still able to leave a message.   I don't know how to  block that part.   

If you aren't able to block voice or text messages with what you currently have on your phone, you may be able to use Google Voice.  Here's an explanation.

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6 minutes ago, klmama said:

If you aren't able to block voice or text messages with what you currently have on your phone, you may be able to use Google Voice.  Here's an explanation.

I can block text messages.   And I don't see her calls since she is blocked, but she can still leave a voicemail.

But Google voice is another number, right?   I am not changing my number.   She has it.

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16 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I can block text messages.   And I don't see her calls since she is blocked, but she can still leave a voicemail.

But Google voice is another number, right?   I am not changing my number.   She has it.

Hmmm.  I didn't realize you had to get a new number for Google Voice.  That's too bad.

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26 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

Once the adoption is finalized - going on the assumption things will end up with you having full custody - will you need to get something like a restraining order to prevent further contact?

I have no idea how this all works, or what might be necessary. I’m just wondering if you are going to continue to have problems beyond the next few weeks, and what long term solutions you may need to consider. 

Don't know at this point.   I live 2,000 miles away from her, so that helps.   I don't even think she has the wherewithal to get on a bus and head this way.

Restraining orders aren't easy to get.  I was told I can drive 20 miles to the courthouse, take time off of work, file one, and HOPE that they serve her in her state, but if she never gets served, it is null and void anyway.   So, that could just end up a lot of time and effort and money for nothing.

I have a binder with printouts of things she has said and can hand it to the police at any time.   I have also called my local police and alerted them.

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Drumroll please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Call lasted 5 minutes!   FIVE.

She mumbled the F word once, I chose to ignore.   She told him she was getting a lawyer, I chose to ignore.

(I chose to ignore because he didn't seem to hear her and mediation is tomorrow I was trying to keep the peace.)

But then she started yelling, "You aren't safe there.   I know you aren't safe!"

I hung up.   

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Wishing you the very best for mediation tomorrow. I have some experience with mediation, although not in family law matters. In some cases, mediation is just a hoop to jump through to certify to the judge that at least you gave it your best effort to try. But if she is completely unreasonable, you can walk without agreeing to anything. Also, in most mediations I have been in, the two parties never see each other - the mediator puts them in separate rooms, and the mediator moves back and forth. This is true even for Zoom mediations - the parties never see each other or communicate directly with each other. Hopefully that will be the case for you tomorrow! 

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Praying that mediation goes well tomorrow. I know she won’t be cooperative but that’s on her.  You’re doing everything right and it’s one step closer to adoption. TPR seems like such a no brainer in this case. Hang in there...you’re getting closer to the finish line.

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3 hours ago, PinkTulip said:

Wishing you the very best for mediation tomorrow. I have some experience with mediation, although not in family law matters. In some cases, mediation is just a hoop to jump through to certify to the judge that at least you gave it your best effort to try. But if she is completely unreasonable, you can walk without agreeing to anything. Also, in most mediations I have been in, the two parties never see each other - the mediator puts them in separate rooms, and the mediator moves back and forth. This is true even for Zoom mediations - the parties never see each other or communicate directly with each other. Hopefully that will be the case for you tomorrow! 

This was not the case at all when I had to go to mediation for family court. I had to sit across the table from my ex for every mediation session without lawyers present. Walking out without agreeing to anything was seen as being "the stubborn one". I don't mean to be a downer but I really did think that mediation would be as PinkTulip described especially since my ex had a court documented history of violence, bullying and poor judgement. It was not so in my case and I would have really appreciated someone telling me that it was possible that we would have to sit across from each other and try to agree on custody and visitation. Of course, DawnM's case isn't a custody dispute, so hopefully for her it will go more like PinkTulip described but I wanted to add my experience just so she isn't blindsided if it is not.

Best of luck, DawnM, with your mediation tomorrow. I really do hope it all goes smoothly and you just have more evidence of what a piece of work the birth mother is and everyone present can vouch for your son to stay with you permanently.

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26 minutes ago, sweet2ndchance said:

This was not the case at all when I had to go to mediation for family court. I had to sit across the table from my ex for every mediation session without lawyers present. Walking out without agreeing to anything was seen as being "the stubborn one". I don't mean to be a downer but I really did think that mediation would be as PinkTulip described especially since my ex had a court documented history of violence, bullying and poor judgement. It was not so in my case and I would have really appreciated someone telling me that it was possible that we would have to sit across from each other and try to agree on custody and visitation. Of course, DawnM's case isn't a custody dispute, so hopefully for her it will go more like PinkTulip described but I wanted to add my experience just so she isn't blindsided if it is not.

Best of luck, DawnM, with your mediation tomorrow. I really do hope it all goes smoothly and you just have more evidence of what a piece of work the birth mother is and everyone present can vouch for your son to stay with you permanently.

I think the fact that they are in different states will preclude them from having to sit across a table from each other.  But they might be on the same Zoom call? 

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6 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

This was not the case at all when I had to go to mediation for family court. I had to sit across the table from my ex for every mediation session without lawyers present. Walking out without agreeing to anything was seen as being "the stubborn one". I don't mean to be a downer but I really did think that mediation would be as PinkTulip described especially since my ex had a court documented history of violence, bullying and poor judgement. It was not so in my case and I would have really appreciated someone telling me that it was possible that we would have to sit across from each other and try to agree on custody and visitation. Of course, DawnM's case isn't a custody dispute, so hopefully for her it will go more like PinkTulip described but I wanted to add my experience just so she isn't blindsided if it is not.

Best of luck, DawnM, with your mediation tomorrow. I really do hope it all goes smoothly and you just have more evidence of what a piece of work the birth mother is and everyone present can vouch for your son to stay with you permanently.

 

thanks.   I *think* we will all be on the same call and see each other, but the mediator did tell me yesterday that if I need a min. to talk to his lawyer or the DSS worker privately, they can put us in a private room and let us talk.

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8 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

This was not the case at all when I had to go to mediation for family court. I had to sit across the table from my ex for every mediation session without lawyers present. Walking out without agreeing to anything was seen as being "the stubborn one". I don't mean to be a downer but I really did think that mediation would be as PinkTulip described especially since my ex had a court documented history of violence, bullying and poor judgement. It was not so in my case and I would have really appreciated someone telling me that it was possible that we would have to sit across from each other and try to agree on custody and visitation. Of course, DawnM's case isn't a custody dispute, so hopefully for her it will go more like PinkTulip described but I wanted to add my experience just so she isn't blindsided if it is not.

Best of luck, DawnM, with your mediation tomorrow. I really do hope it all goes smoothly and you just have more evidence of what a piece of work the birth mother is and everyone present can vouch for your son to stay with you permanently.

That is terrible!  

My dh had mediation with his XW over visitation and child support.  I was there and so was her then husband.  We were in different rooms.  Our attorney sat with us and the mediator went back and forth.  I would have NEVER agreed to what dh agreed to, but there was a fair amount of pressure and shaming from the mediator.  It left me with a terrible opinion of mediation.  IMO, mediation will only work with reasonable people, and if people are reasonable they do not need mediation.  

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2 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

thanks.   I *think* we will all be on the same call and see each other, but the mediator did tell me yesterday that if I need a min. to talk to his lawyer or the DSS worker privately, they can put us in a private room and let us talk.

That would be a good option....even if you just need a minute to breathe and think.

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2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

That is terrible!  

My dh had mediation with his XW over visitation and child support.  I was there and so was her then husband.  We were in different rooms.  Our attorney sat with us and the mediator went back and forth.  I would have NEVER agreed to what dh agreed to, but there was a fair amount of pressure and shaming from the mediator.  It left me with a terrible opinion of mediation.  IMO, mediation will only work with reasonable people, and if people are reasonable they do not need mediation.  

the mediator said that in most cases, once they are presented with overwhelming evidence that they will lose, they back down and agree to open adoption, but the cases like hers, even though they are overwhelmingly strong, she doesn't get it, and won't agree.

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Dawn, I hope all has gone well today.  You mentioned upthread that you have spoken with the local police. In my own sticky situation, I was told to make sure that the police opened a 911 incident, and to record the incident number in case I had to call 911 for help. Telling them the incident number can speed up the response and give officers info as to what they are dealing with, which also saves time and reduces errors. 

I hope you never have to know that.

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37 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

Looking forward to an update when you feel able. I can imagine you are/will be emotionally exhausted. 

Same here! If Dawn doesn’t come back and post for a while, I’m sure we will all understand. The stress of all of this must be just awful for her. 😞 

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