Attire for teens for funeral/service

[mlktwins]

So...I am not sure what type of service we will be planning in the very near future, but if my almost 16 year old twin boys need new clothes for a funeral (their grandfather’s), what should I be looking at?  One had a suit and one had a sport coat/dress slacks for a wedding a few years ago, but those won’t fit for sure!  We do have dress shoes that will fit.  I’ll be starting at Kohl’s.  If I had my way, I would prefer khakis and sport coats with shirt and tie so they can be used in the future.

[Catwoman]

My son always had suits because he wore them a lot, but if your boys don’t have a regular need for suits, I think the khakis, sport jacket, suit and tie will be just fine. 

Edited April 18, 2021 by Catwoman
Typo!

[Storygirl]

My kids have been to two funerals for grandmothers over the past six months. My boys wore dress pants, dress shirts, ties, dress shoes. No jacket. It was fine. Many of the grown men  who attended didn't wear jackets, either, but it's possible that things are more formal in your area or family than in ours.

I'm sorry that you are having circumstances that require you to decide this. I shopped at Kohl's before each of the funerals.

Edited April 18, 2021 by Storygirl

[Catwoman]

I was just thinking — you might want to check out places like Goodwill and consignment stores for suits and sport jackets, because many guys buy them for special occasions and then never wear them again, so maybe you could get lucky and find a bargain! 

Suits can be harder than jackets, because it’s not always easy to find pants and a jacket that both fit, but minor alterations aren’t too expensive and it might still be cheaper than buying brand new. 

We always dressed up a lot (pre-Covid, not now because we never go anywhere!) so our ds got good use out of his suits, sport jackets, and tuxedos, but they are awfully expensive when they are only going to be worn one time!  

Edited April 18, 2021 by Catwoman
I can’t type. I just can’t. Grrr!

[Drama Llama]

I don’t think kids need black for funerals what you plan sounds fine.

 

[gardenmom5]

If they don't have suits, black/navy slacks and a white dress shirt with a dark tie should be fine. 

[MEmama]

Whatever the nicest thing they already own is fine. For DS that would be a button up shirt and khakis and pink running shoes or hiking boots. I definitely wouldn’t shop right now for something they’ll just outgrow and isn’t necessary anyway. 

[Pawz4me]

I think khaki pants, dress shirt/tie and sports coats are absolutely fine. Around here just the khakis and a button up shirt or nice polo would be fine.

[Kassia]

13 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

 Around here just the khakis and a button up shirt or nice polo would be fine.

That's what our sons wore when they were teens, too.  It was just too expensive to buy expensive clothes that they would grow out of quickly.  I'm sorry for your loss.

[mlktwins]

Thank you all!  They haven't needed a lot of dress up clothes and I used to buy nice khakis, button downs, ties, sweaters for holidays and such.  

They have grown so much and we don't have anything for them to wear at all right now (not even jeans that fit) because they've been home for a year and in pj bottoms, sweats, and shorts -- LOL.  We didn't dress up this Christmas or Easter.

Both grandparents just started hospice last week and my FIL will go pretty soon.  We will have that service, whatever that will look like, and then my MIL's sometime soon too.  So...I'm thinking pants, shirt, tie, and shoes we already have.  I have a skinny boy with long legs so that will be challenging.  If they had stopped growing, I would just invest in 2 nice suits so they would have them for other occasions.

 

[happi duck]

Does khaki mean a style or a color?  The color khaki, in my area, screams school uniform or office attire.  If they'd get use out of navy or black I'd go that direction.  Khaki *style* pants usually come in dark colors too.

[mlktwins]

3 minutes ago, happi duck said:

Does khaki mean a style or a color?  The color khaki, in my area, screams school uniform or office attire.  If they'd get use out of navy or black I'd go that direction.  Khaki *style* pants usually come in dark colors too.

Yes, was thinking style re: khaki.  Would like to find gray actually, but would prefer navy over black.  I may need to have them hemmed so want them earlier than later.

[Pawz4me]

1 hour ago, happi duck said:

Does khaki mean a style or a color?  The color khaki, in my area, screams school uniform or office attire.  If they'd get use out of navy or black I'd go that direction.  Khaki *style* pants usually come in dark colors too.

Style

[LucyStoner]

We discovered at Easter that our older son had outgrown his suit.  He wore black slacks (which we got last year when he was a page at the legislature), shirt, tie and sweater.  If choir starts up again next school year, he does need a new suit so I am starting to shop for it.  I don’t think that you need a suit for the funeral but I think a shirt and tie with either a jacket or a sweater are nice.  Obviously no sweater if it’s hot.  

Edited April 18, 2021 by LucyStoner

[LucyStoner]

11 hours ago, Catwoman said:

I was just thinking — you might want to check out places like Goodwill and consignment stores for suits and sport jackets, because many guys buy them for special occasions and then never wear them again, so maybe you could get lucky and find a bargain! 

This is a great idea.  My son attended a high school where they were required to have a suit and many boys found suits they could have altered for them.  We ended up having to buy new but that was largely because my son wore a ridiculous pant size and almost no suits for sale used have enough length in the pants to be workable for him. But it’s definitely worth checking.  

[Farrar]

The last funeral we attended was dh's grandmother. My kids (12 at the time, I think) wore dark slacks and button shirts. We dressed up in dark attire. Dh wore a suit.

Mil wore casual whatever and fil and bil wore polos. The cousins wore T-shirts. Sil had on what I'll generously describe as a slightly somber sundress with a cardigan.

Me, whispered to dh: "I feel like we didn't dress right for this."
Dh: "We are dressed appropriately. They are the ones who aren't dressed right."

Still, I do think... funerals are a bit of a whatever these days. I would not stress. Just "church clothes" would be a win. Maybe avoid pastels?

[LucyStoner]

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

The last funeral we attended was dh's grandmother. My kids (12 at the time, I think) wore dark slacks and button shirts. We dressed up in dark attire. Dh wore a suit.

Mil wore casual whatever and fil and bil wore polos. The cousins wore T-shirts. Sil had on what I'll generously describe as a slightly somber sundress with a cardigan.

Me, whispered to dh: "I feel like we didn't dress right for this."
Dh: "We are dressed appropriately. They are the ones who aren't dressed right."

Still, I do think... funerals are a bit of a whatever these days. I would not stress. Just "church clothes" would be a win. Maybe avoid pastels?

Yes, that has been our experience too.  At my FILs funeral, I saw everything from denim shorts/t-shirts to suits.  

[Kassia]

11 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

Yes, that has been our experience too.  At my FILs funeral, I saw everything from denim shorts/t-shirts to suits.  

Same with us.  

[Tanaqui]

Nobody should be judging you or your kids on what you're wearing, because not everybody has formalwear suitable for funerals in the closet

[Kassia]

6 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

Nobody should be judging you or your kids on what you're wearing, because not everybody has formalwear suitable for funerals in the closet

Yes, this!  

[mlktwins]

Thanks again. We are hoping it is just our family of 7 and 2 other very close friends of FILs all distanced at the church with a live view for everyone else.  I'm not going to be in a crowded church for anyone after spending a whole year trying to keep people safe and we've just had our 1st shot and my can't get their until the end of June.

The boys will look nice :-).  I need something too as I am not the same size I was a year ago and have nothing appropriate at all now :-(.  I hate shopping for me too -- LOL.

[Kassia]

59 minutes ago, mlktwins said:

I need something too as I am not the same size I was a year ago and have nothing appropriate at all now :-(.  I hate shopping for me too -- LOL.

I hate that too.  Especially when I don't have much time to get it done.  

[katilac]

8 hours ago, happi duck said:

 The color khaki, in my area, screams school uniform or office attire.   

"Office attire" would be very acceptable at a funeral in my area. 

[Tanaqui]

I agree - office attire (or school uniform clothes) is at least reasonably formal, especially if you can pair it with black or navy pants. It's reasonable at a funeral where everybody dresses up, and it's reasonable at a funeral where there was no such expectation. The only place it doesn't fit in is a funeral where the deceased requested that all guests paying their respects wear Hawaiian t-shirts or something equally unusual!

[Reefgazer]

If they are going to be pallbearers for the funeral, then I think a suit would be appropriate (my 16 y.o. son wore a suit for his grandfather's funeral where he was a pallbearer).  Otherwise, I think a sport coat and pants are fine.  

[gardenmom5]

On 4/18/2021 at 7:05 AM, happi duck said:

Does khaki mean a style or a color?  The color khaki, in my area, screams school uniform or office attire.  If they'd get use out of navy or black I'd go that direction.  Khaki *style* pants usually come in dark colors too.

And then for color - there is Khaki, and british khaki (two different colors.)

On 4/18/2021 at 11:57 PM, Tanaqui said:

 s a funeral where the deceased requested that all guests paying their respects wear Hawaiian t-shirts or something equally unusual!

A dear sweet very elderly lady requested everyone wear her favorite color - pink.  Then go have a party with her favorite foods, etc.