Inheriting Care of Special Needs Sibling...

[LucyStoner]

10 hours ago, JumpyTheFrog said:

My nightmare is that both sets of parents (plus BIL) need care at the same time, or that they all die within a year or two of each other. Each set of parents now has two houses, his dad has one workshop, and my dad has essentially three workshops plus business equipment. My dad thinks it would be hilarious for me to have to clean out so much stuff someday. (My brother probably wouldn't be very helpful.) At least I got my mom on board with organizing their financial papers, passwords, etc. to make being an executor easier. 

Hire an estate sale company.  
 

My dad knows that we will take a few family heirlooms and sentimental items but I’m calling my favorite hunk hauling place the same time I call the Catholic cemetery to set a date to open his niche.  

[annandatje]

We inherited care of my husband's intellectually disabled brother who had lived with mother until she unexpectedly developed septicemia during routine surgery and died.  It was rough first few years when we tried to involve the other five siblings to care for him part of year and frankly the constant change would not have been good for him.  We had to let go of resentment over other siblings not helping out.  Thus, he stayed with us, and eventually we found a good placement for him in agency-supervised living with a roommate.  He is an integral part of our nuclear family as he is over at our house on weekends, usually with his roommate.  However, with only one adult child still living in our city, we do worry about what will happen to him when husband and I both die.  We would not change anything about our situation with him.

[LAS in LA]

Maybe writing down some of your questions, concerns, and suggestions and giving them to DH and ILs could start the “conversation” in a less threatening way. They’ll know what you’re thinking, but won’t have the pressure of replying to new ideas on the spot.