General bad attitude in tween?

[Janeway]

Son has ASD, but I am thinking this could also be normal tween angst.  Basically, everything we do gets met with a negative moan like tone. And requests that he gets breaks, every few minutes. He is starting to make minimal effort. He still does all his work. It is just his attitude is negative. I don't want this to rub off on the younger children. 

Anyone have any magical solutions or ideas to tackle this? He still does his work and all, it is just, with all the work I put in to this and I do not moan and groan at him, I expect him to treat me better. I never would have dared to treat any of my teachers, parents, or anyone else like this. I think attitude matters too. So far, we just have talks about it. I wonder if he needs more work to get him to appreciate his education more, etc. I think I used to have books that addressed good character and such, but I do not have them anymore nor am I sure what they were called.

Edited March 29, 2021 by Janeway

[Not_a_Number]

So... we've had issues like that, too, although my older girl is only 8. We've actually had to go a direction that wasn't intuitive to me and set very specific and rigid rules about behavior during class time that didn't apply to other times, with some small penalties for small misbehaviors included. It turned out to be easier to nip bad behavior in the bud instead of being reactive. 

[fairfarmhand]

10 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

So... we've had issues like that, too, although my older girl is only 8. We've actually had to go a direction that wasn't intuitive to me and set very specific and rigid rules about behavior during class time that didn't apply to other times, with some small penalties for small misbehaviors included. It turned out to be easier to nip bad behavior in the bud instead of being reactive. 

Same here. I would give my kid like Three Complaint Cards for school. Anything beyond that got consequences. My kid liked to work at the table around everyone else. I'd send her to work alone in her room when she got too gripey because nobody wanted to hear that mess.

And don't take it personally. He's not doing it to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad. He's just verbalizing his feelings about school. Doesn't make it any more pleasant to be around. Things get much more complicated when parents take their normal kid behaviors personally. 

 

[fairfarmhand]

Oh we had standard break times as well. 
 

after math was a break. 10:30 was a snack time. 
 

Don’t ask in between times.

[Little Green Leaves]

My kids, especially my son (only nine and a half) can be like this too. So I guess I am mainly sending you sympathy.

When my kids complain about my totally reasonable requests I usually tease them (" ah, you're miserable. Should I have you wash the dishes too?") Sometimes they find this hilarious -- other times they just sigh and get to work.

When they are really out of line, they get warned. When they keep acting out, they get sent to another room. Honestly it doesn't come to that much these days.

I do include lots of fun together time in our school day, but I try to stay calm if they aren't enjoying something. My goal is always to have clear goals that are easy to communicate. 

 

Edited March 30, 2021 by Little Green Leaves

[Doodlebug]

A few things, which others have mentioned, too.  While there is a time for consequences, it’s also worth noting that in a homeschool setting, kids are at ease to express where they are with school and I dont think this can always be put down to a lack of respect.  It can be honest vulnerability.  It’s a fine line sometimes distinguishing between overwhelmed frustration and a kid who just wants to be difficult, but discerning the underlying cause really is at the heart of a relationship.

Consistency in food, rest, and physical activity were really important as DS entered adolescence.  His grumpy subjects were math and Latin — so after banging my head against a wall for weeks, I decided to work those subjects with him.  He needed help, but couldnt articulate that-he moaned and complained.  And, my expectations of a middle schooler were way off, based on my public school middle school experience.  
 

With those supports in place, it’s easier to utilize humor and throw ds off the grump bus.  But somedays I have to say “Do you want my help?  Im not sensing that you do.”  I am always willing to stick in there with him, but I will not be a captive audience to grumps and groans. 

Edited March 30, 2021 by Doodlebug

[ChickaDeeDeeDee]

We have a complaint department that I refer all complaints to - the closest trash bin 😀

Not sure if that would be appropriate an ASD kid.  

Hope you find something helpful soon.  

[Sarah0000]

Well, my kids are younger than yours but I usually whine and complain louder than them about the things I have to do. You know, the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle defense.