Dealing with aging parents is hard and sad

[lynn]

Today I was talking to my sister and we both realized the past few months our mother, who moved to America from Germany when she was 12 is forgetting English words and saying things in German.  The issue we were never taught German she only spoke with her family.  I don't think my mom realizes how often she is doing this.  I plan to take a German class.  She already gets upset at forgetting things and for her physical ailments.  This is so hard but to add in a language issue makes it harder.

Anyone else dealing with aging parents? 

 

Edited March 15, 2021 by lynn

[sassenach]

That happened with my grandmother. She had a stroke and only spoke French after it. 

We are caring for dh's 80yo dad and it's rough. (((HUGS)))

[Spryte]

It is very hard.

A German class is a great idea, though!

[klmama]

((lynn))  That sounds hard for all of you.  I wonder if a handheld/pocket translator would be helpful?

[Scarlett]

@lynn That is sad but also fascinating.  I would definitely be learning German too!  
 

Does your mother have Alzheimers!

My parents are 76 and 82. It is sad.  And frustrating.  And exhausting. Neither of my parents have dementia or Alzheimers....but I do see signs of forgetting.....and not remembering how every day things fit together... 

To me the most difficult part is walking the fine line between allowing them to keep their dignity while caring for very real needs.

[DawnM]

Yes, it is hard.   My grandmother only spoke Mandarin to the healthcare workers once she went into nursing care.   Thankfully, they had a couple of nurses who were able to communicate with her in Mandarin and that made her happy.   She would speak English if they reminded her to though.   She hadn't forgotten it entirely.

She had been a nurse herself, and kept saying, "Oh goodness, I am needed in surgery, I need to go" and would try to get out of bed.

My dad is failing.   He was always my rock.   It is so hard to see him deteriorating.

[freesia]

Yes, my mom. I feel like it happened so fast. She has some memory problems, but mainly her anxiety has gotten worse. She’s on medication and has an online therapist so is doing better. We had hoped her moving to a senior living place would help and it’s true not worrying about the house has been huge. So has the better nutrition. However, covid restrictions mean she hasn’t gotten the mental and social stimulation she would have gotten. She’s even more cautious than the rules. It is so so hard. 

[Harriet Vane]

It IS hard and sad. Walked this path first with my grandma, then my darling mother-in-law. Both had Alzheimer's, which took many years to fully shut them down. My beloved father-in-law stayed with us for six months and had a hard, steep decline into the awfulness of Lewy body dementia. It's truly a nightmare watching loved ones collapse in on themselves. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Hugs. Sincerely.

FWIW, on the practical end of things, there are a lot of good translation apps out there that can translate audio (both ways).  You might find that more practical as it takes a few years to really master a language and IME once language starts to go, you are in that same window of time.

My grandfather also had a stroke where he lost a lot of English.  Interestingly, that was his natal language....just one that he hadn't been speaking as much for the previous few years.  We thankfully all were fluent enough that communication at home wasn't a problem, but it was a challenge with outside caregivers.  The brain is an amazing thing.

[Ailaena]

Just commiserating, here.

OP, it’s so great that you want to help try to make things easier.  

[Ausmumof3]

That does sound super difficult.  I have an app on my phone called Reverso which might help?  It’s a  translation one.  Duolingo has been great for me for language learning, it was quite quick to get some basic skills going.  

[ScoutTN]

Hugs, OP. 
It is SO hard. My mom’s issues are all physical, very little mental slippage for someone who is 84, but her decline has been rapid and makes me so sad. 

[VickiMNE]

My 88-year old Mother-in-law lives with us; she routinely speaks in two languages (English and Serbian (her native language)--all in the same sentence.  However, lately, the hardest part is that we have often have to repeat a sentence 2, 3, 4 times for her to make sense of it.  When Covid is less a threat we will take her in to get her hearing checked--that might be it--but if so, her loss happened virtually overnight.....  so confusing.

[Carrie12345]

Hugs.

Not quite there yet with parents, but my grandmother died last year after many years of dementia. Even with that experience, my mother refuses to discuss her own future. And she lives hundreds of miles away.

My grandmother talked a lot as if she was in the past. For years it was mostly talking as if she had to get home to my grandfather, and then it became more about her parents and siblings.

What was hard, but I often joked about it, is that Grandma was always a little scatterbrained and would mix up names and things without realizing even when I was little, so it was like... when did it actually go from normal to serious?!? And my mom is like her in that way. And so am I.

[mom2scouts]

That's really interesting about her reverting to German. I have an elderly relative whose first language is also German, so it will be interesting to see if that ever happens to her. German lessons are probably a good idea for you.

My parents are 78 and 81 and my dad has dementia. It is really sad to watch your parents lose their personalities. My mom has always been very high maintenance and it's only getting worse with age. She calls me often and I spend hours on the phone trying to help her understand her mail, medical instructions, or banking. They still live in their own house, but they don't eat well and I'm starting to worry about Mom's driving. She's told me a few things that are concerning. They don't live close enough to easily help them out and we haven't been able to get them to move.

[Ditto]

Hugs. 

[itsheresomewhere]

FYI- sometimes the words they are saying might not translate well as they have combined a few words together.  A dear friend is dealing with this now.  Her MIL speaks German mainly now.  She has lived here since she was 18 and is in her late 80’s.  Her DH is fluent in German but they are discovering she is combining all kinds of words now and getting frustrated no one knows what she is saying.  My friend and her DH are two of my favorite people and it is hard watching him try to communicate with his mother and her getting upset with him for not understanding.