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Hi, I'm new around here. I'm currently homeschooling a 6 year old first grader diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, dyspraxia, dysgraphia, and possible dyslexia (for complex reasons we were unable to have full dyslexia testing done). He can be quite oppositional and I suspect he would be diagnosed with PDA if we lived overseas.

In some ways homeschooling is going well. He is learning and progressing, and we have fun a lot of the time. But he argues with me constantly - about basic facts (eg "Komodo dragons don't live in the Arctic" or "this is a triangle") as well as schoolwork and self-care activities and such. This week has been particularly difficult as he has been pushing back hard on everything. Right now I'm thinking we need to try stimulants again (he had a bad reaction to the stimulant we tried, but I think it's worth trying a different one) and maybe eventually an anxiety med. I don't know what else? My impression is that everyday things are quite difficult for him for many reasons and I wish I could make them easier while still helping him become more independent.

Those of you that have homeschooled kids like this, did you find a particular approach was helpful? I try to be flexible and collaborative and give him a fair amount of control while still covering what I feel he needs to know and what's required by my state.

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We have some of those things going on in our house, but not all in the same kid so, take my advice with a grain of salt.  🙂  I've noticed that my kids who sometimes want to get into either an argument about basic facts, or an argument about an answer in their school work (i.e. - I say, "This answer isn't 25." Then they say, "The answer key must be wrong."), will believe Google over either me or an answer key.  I tell them to ask Google, and surprise, surprise Google will agree with me or with the math answer key.  And for whatever reason this works - Google KNOWS.  😄

I have one child who has decided about a few things that he is right and the rest of the world is wrong.  For example, this child is convinced that everyone everywhere even famous mathematicians are wrong about 1 not being prime.  We just have agreed to disagree about it for now, and I have said he can take it up with his professors when he goes to college.  Honestly I do think he will change his mind before then.  But if I had a kid that would just not listen to any expert and was convinced that Komodo Dragons lived in the arctic, I would just let them know that I will agree to disagree and look forward to him growing up and traveling there to prove me wrong someday.   

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2 minutes ago, kirstenhill said:

We have some of those things going on in our house, but not all in the same kid so, take my advice with a grain of salt.  🙂  I've noticed that my kids who sometimes want to get into either an argument about basic facts, or an argument about an answer in their school work (i.e. - I say, "This answer isn't 25." Then they say, "The answer key must be wrong."), will believe Google over either me or an answer key.  I tell them to ask Google, and surprise, surprise Google will agree with me or with the math answer key.  And for whatever reason this works - Google KNOWS.  😄

I have one child who has decided about a few things that he is right and the rest of the world is wrong.  For example, this child is convinced that everyone everywhere even famous mathematicians are wrong about 1 not being prime.  We just have agreed to disagree about it for now, and I have said he can take it up with his professors when he goes to college.  Honestly I do think he will change his mind before then.  But if I had a kid that would just not listen to any expert and was convinced that Komodo Dragons lived in the arctic, I would just let them know that I will agree to disagree and look forward to him growing up and traveling there to prove me wrong someday.   

This made me laugh. Yes, we "agree to disagree" a lot in this household. I've learned there is very little to be gained from arguing with him. Unless it's a safety issue or something, I generally drop it. Sometimes we can come back to it at a different time and he will accept correct information. Sometimes not. 

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My kid (not homeschooled) argued with me about everything.  She had severe anxiety which came out in fighting and blaming me, and she has adhd.  She refused to go to school MANY days.  

She's on Vyvanse, Strattera, and Lexapro now.  And she's 21, so no more fighting.  

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3 hours ago, mitten said:

I just decided we are taking next week off. This is undoable and it wasn't this bad a few weeks ago.

Sounds like you're finding your wisdom here. February has taken a toll on you! You got through it, but yes, take a break!!

Did his vitamin D go low? Vitamin D can also stabilize mood. Throw all the younguns outside now that the weather is improving. 

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7 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Did his vitamin D go low? Vitamin D can also stabilize mood. Throw all the younguns outside now that the weather is improving. 

Probably! Yes, we will spend lots of time on hiking trails and the park. DH wants to take him fishing, too.

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  • 2 weeks later...

UPDATE  - We took a break, it was awesome; this week we are trying to ease back into school and it's not going well at all. He is resisting everything. I'm starting to wonder if a lot of what I thought was his attention problems is actually just delaying tactics on his part, like pretending he doesn't hear the question.

Should I give up on homeschooling and put him back in public school? I can't even get this child to use the restroom or wear his glasses consistently, so I'm not sure what business I have trying to educate him, really ...

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Maybe just back up and do the basics

-read about autism

-bring in professional help

-use meds where needed

You're describing the norm for autism. It's very fun. It's ok to ask for help. Homeschooling is not supposed to be alone schooling.

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We have lots of professional help. I do want to bring in some more but not while eveyrhting is virtual where I live ...

I think maybe I'm just having a bad day.

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1 hour ago, mitten said:

think maybe I'm just having a bad day.

Yup. Maybe join me in a chamber getting HBOT? No kids, no cleaning, just you an a skinny acrylic chamber, some oxygen, and your choice of netflix.

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Of course, truth be told path into HBOT for me was a concussion, maybe not your preferred plan for getting a break and time alone.

Do you ever just disappear? Have you taken a break since covid started? 

 

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I would not be able to homeschool my son consistently.  He benefits a lot from the structure of school.  
 

It is a lot of work even with public school.  
 

I also do need a break.  
 

There are kids who do better at home and there are kids who will do well either way.  It just depends on a lot of things.  
 

I have not done virtual school with my son with autism, though, I have worked with him on my own.  But he’s mostly been in in-person school in the scheme of things (aka he has been home several months but less than many places in the country).  

Edited by Lecka
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18 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Of course, truth be told path into HBOT for me was a concussion, maybe not your preferred plan for getting a break and time alone.

Do you ever just disappear? Have you taken a break since covid started? 

 

I've had a mild concussion years ago, does that count? Kidding (well, not about the concussion).

I haven't really had a break since covid started. I was feeling overwhelmed yesterday with everything. I had a good cry after I posted here.

We were able to get math done today after some negotiation.

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19 hours ago, Lecka said:

I would not be able to homeschool my son consistently.  He benefits a lot from the structure of school.  
 

It is a lot of work even with public school.  
 

I also do need a break.  
 

There are kids who do better at home and there are kids who will do well either way.  It just depends on a lot of things.  
 

I have not done virtual school with my son with autism, though, I have worked with him on my own.  But he’s mostly been in in-person school in the scheme of things (aka he has been home several months but less than many places in the country).  

I am not sure if my son benefits from the structure of school or not. He was very, very unhappy in mainstream kindergarten, even before virtual started. And then virtual was a disaster. Ultimately I want to do whatever is best for him but I'm not sure what that is.

ETA: I did ask him about going back to public school and he started to cry.

Edited by mitten
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It’s hard to know if he would do better in school with more supports or a different placement (etc) without just trying it.  It can go either way.  If you never had a chance to try things it’s hard to know.

My son has never been in full mainstream, so he has had a lot of extra support.  He had a 1:1 aide in K and spent a lot of his day in a special classroom.  And he had a lot of trouble participating in activities that I might have done if homeschooling him.

For kids who can go to a few well-chosen activities with support from a parent — I have definitely known kids who did better after leaving to homeschool.  

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2 minutes ago, Lecka said:

It’s hard to know if he would do better in school with more supports or a different placement (etc) without just trying it.  It can go either way.  If you never had a chance to try things it’s hard to know.

Yes. They pushed mainstream hard. He went from a small class of mostly autistic kids at a developmental preschool to a regular class of 20 kids with almost no supports. My son appears very high-functioning to other people. He actually is not, but because he is smart and sociable and has a large vocabulary, he appears that way. His adaptive skills are very low and his actual social understanding is low as well. I'm not sure what the placement options would be if I put him back in school, I'm worried they would just mainstream him again.

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40 minutes ago, mitten said:

I've had a mild concussion years ago, does that count?

Sure! That's why I'm doing it. Even "mild" concussions are brain injury. Go get some cranial sacral or HBOT, find an excuse to take care of yourself.

 

12 minutes ago, mitten said:

Yes. They pushed mainstream hard. He went from a small class of mostly autistic kids at a developmental preschool to a regular class of 20 kids with almost no supports. My son appears very high-functioning to other people. He actually is not, but because he is smart and sociable and has a large vocabulary, he appears that way. His adaptive skills are very low and his actual social understanding is low as well. I'm not sure what the placement options would be if I put him back in school, I'm worried they would just mainstream him again.

My ds' IEP (ASD2, high IQ) is mainstream but would be 60-70% resource room. We have ways to get full placement at an autism school but if you want peers yeah that's what happens.

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4 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

 

My ds' IEP (ASD2, high IQ) is mainstream but would be 60-70% resource room. We have ways to get full placement at an autism school but if you want peers yeah that's what happens.

Right before covid hit they cut his time in resource room completely as he was supposedly doing "so well", even though he was hurting other kids and coming home talking about blowing up the school.

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You can look into IEP advocacy. There are many books available.  It’s hard to know in advance how that will work out.  
 

As with everything — it’s like you have to try and see what works.  It is hard to predict how things will work out.  

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