How do you select a mattress?

[Jenny in Florida]

My husband has chronic back pain related to an injury he sustained a few decades ago. When he found himself sleeping on the couch more often than not because it was more comfortable for his back, we replaced our previous mattress. Since he found the firmer cushions on the couch more supportive, we focused on firmer mattresses. We spent a couple of hours sitting/lying down on various options at the store before purchasing. 

After sleeping on it for a couple of weeks, he decided it was too hard. We added a softer topper/pad, which initially seemed like it was making things better. However, before long, he was back to spending part of all of many nights on the couch. (He often moves in the middle of the night when he wakes up uncomfortable.)

Assuming things work out and we actually buy a house in the next couple of months, we plan to replace the mattress again when we move. However, we are now feeling wary, since we have no idea how to make a better choice this next time.

Any strategies to share?

[klmama]

If budget allows, you might consider one of those that lets you adjust the firmness differently on both sides of the bed.  The name escapes me....

 

ETA:  Sleep Number!  

 

Edited February 23, 2021 by klmama

[Arcadia]

5 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

My husband has chronic back pain related to an injury he sustained a few decades ago. When he found himself sleeping on the couch more often than not because it was more comfortable for his back, we replaced our previous mattress. Since he found the firmer cushions on the couch more supportive, we focused on firmer mattresses. We spent a couple of hours sitting/lying down on various options at the store before purchasing. 

After sleeping on it for a couple of weeks, he decided it was too hard. We added a softer topper/pad, which initially seemed like it was making things better. However, before long, he was back to spending part of all of many nights on the couch.

I sleep better on the couch because of the frame rather than because of the firmer cushions. I roll a lot and find the coach frame steadier than my queen bed frame. I actually sleep better on a firm thick mattress on the floor/platform bed.

I am also a side sleeper so while trying out mattresses at MattressFirm, the mattresses were all okay but not terribly comfortable. 
 

So there are quite a few variables to consider besides the firmness of the mattress.

2 minutes ago, klmama said:

If budget allows, you might consider one of those that lets you adjust the firmness differently on both sides of the bed.  The name escapes me....

 

SleepNumber?

[PeterPan]

I got my dh this body pillow for Christmas https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B011U1LIK8/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1  and he seems to sleep better with it. He had used a body pillow for several years to support his hips, but this thing is HEAVY. We weighed it a while back, and maybe it was 8 pounds? I was just really surprised. 

So if you thought that physical structure @Arcadia was describing was onto something, maybe a weighted blanket or heavy body pillows would be a way to get there. It's heavy enough he might be able to place it behind his back to support him. Maybe have two. 

And what size was the bed? We have a king that is all one mattress, and it's just a huge mistake. I've been wanting my side replaced for a couple years and dh loves his. When we finally do it, we'll do it with twin XLs and a bridge piece.

I also suggest strategic investigation and data gathering. You need to go stay at various beachfront hotels until you find one where your dh sleeps well. Then buy that bed. 

[melmichigan]

We just ordered a new mattress set.  We ended up going with a company with a good return/exchange plan.  The biggest thing for my DH with back pain isn't a firm bed, but the level of support.  We went with a hybrid with a two coil system in a soft plush.  As a side sleeper he wants the pressure relief, but needs the underlying support.  Our current mattress is a luxury plush, but we spent more money on a very good underlying support at that time as well.

Edited February 24, 2021 by melmichigan

[BlsdMama]

5 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

My husband has chronic back pain related to an injury he sustained a few decades ago. When he found himself sleeping on the couch more often than not because it was more comfortable for his back, we replaced our previous mattress. Since he found the firmer cushions on the couch more supportive, we focused on firmer mattresses. We spent a couple of hours sitting/lying down on various options at the store before purchasing. 

After sleeping on it for a couple of weeks, he decided it was too hard. We added a softer topper/pad, which initially seemed like it was making things better. However, before long, he was back to spending part of all of many nights on the couch. (He often moves in the middle of the night when he wakes up uncomfortable.)

Assuming things work out and we actually buy a house in the next couple of months, we plan to replace the mattress again when we move. However, we are now feeling wary, since we have no idea how to make a better choice this next time.

Any strategies to share?

We used Consumer Reports. Between reviews here and what he’s read, he knew he wanted something like a Sleep Number. I’d read good things about latex. Saatva is the only one, to my knowledge, that combines the two. It’s a new bed for them, so it’s a bit of a gamble vs. tried and true. 
 

We ordered it around early December and got it last week. We did purchase the frame from Amazon though rather than the set through Saatva. 
 

I will add, however, that his back problems is that his disks are nearly non existent and he’s had two back surgeries.  He also has a bone spur. His pain is nerve pain so little touches it or helps. I do think he’s like the zero gravity function but he hasn’t been able to get used to it. 

[Carol in Cal.]

We happened to have stayed at a time share for a week before we needed to buy.  My husband had the brilliant idea of calling them to find out what kind of mattress they used, since we were both comfortable on it.  That's what we bought.  

I think that a brief try in a mattress store is not good enough for me to know what will work for me, and he feels the same, so I'm really delighted that he had this idea, and we have been very happy with the mattress we bought.

[J-rap]

We only get a mattress that has a great return policy -- like free returns (not just for credit at their store but for cash back) or exchanges for up to 6 months. A quick test at a mattress store is not always very helpful. 

I used to have back problems for years starting when I was 12 years old.  I finally realized -- after I first got married and my dh and I slept on the floor until we could afford a mattress 😄 -- that I was pain-free after sleeping on the floor.  Since then, I've only gotten very firm mattresses, even when salespeople tell me that based on my body type I shouldn't get extra firm.  

About five years ago we got a mattress at Saatva -- just the classic, since that's all they had at the time, but I love it.  We got their extra firm, and I think at the time they had one-year free returns or exchanges.  (I believe it's 6 months now.)  For the first time, I worried that extra-firm was too firm after I slept on it for a week or so, so I called them up and they sent me a free memory foam topper -- quite thick, maybe 4 inches?  

Together, that set is perfect for me.  I have the very firm main mattress support (we also have a box spring under it) with the memory foam pad on top.  

Even though that mattress is perfect though, we've now transferred it to the guest room since we decided to get a king-size bed after our recent move.  But it taught me what I really like, so our new king mattress is a store-bought brand, definitely extra firm but with a softer top layer so I can sink in just a little bit.  There's a term for that, like pillow-top.  It seems to be the perfect combo for me.

I've also learned that an extra firm mattress can feel too firm for the first 6 months but it starts to give with wear and then it feels just right.  I think I read somewhere that if you want that "give" to happen quicker you need to jump up and down on it!

 

Edited February 24, 2021 by J-rap

[Arcadia]

9 hours ago, J-rap said:

 But it taught me what I really like, so our new king mattress is a store-bought brand, definitely extra firm but with a softer top layer so I can sink in just a little bit.  There's a term for that, like pillow-top.  It seems to be the perfect combo for me.

I've also learned that an extra firm mattress can feel too firm for the first 6 months but it starts to give with wear and then it feels just right.  I think I read somewhere that if you want that "give" to happen quicker you need to jump up and down on it!

I had to buy the thickest extra firm mattress that came with a pillow top since the mattress is sitting on a box spring. If my mattress is sitting on the floor, I can make do with a thinner mattress. 

You just need to borrow someone’s energetic toddler to treat your king size bed as a trampoline/gym mat 😂

[melmichigan]

I love all the Saatva reviews.  That's what we ordered, their hybrid. 🤞 We have Kingsdown. It took me a week of reading review and debating. 

Edited February 25, 2021 by melmichigan

[sassenach]

My mattress buying strategy is to only buy from a place that has a 100 day exchange policy. No matter how good it feels in the store, there is just no way to know how it will sleep. We had to make 3 exchanges before finding our perfect mattress (Tempurpedic). 

[Tap]

Does he sleep on his side on the couch or on his back? I used to sleep on the couch all the time, and what helped my back was that when I slept on my side, my back was supported, so my muscles and core didn't have to support my weight.  I was talking to my PT and she said this was really common in back injury people. So....if he is looking to replicate that feel, you may want to look at bolsters to put behind him , or putting the bed against the wall to give him more support. 

DH has a sleep number bed and I do not like it. At all!  I prefer a spring mattress. I do better with a little 'sink in' feeling, again, like above because I think it offers a different side sleeping sensation. 

[Laura Corin]

We looked at reviews in Which? Magazine. There were free returns on the top choice.  Is there an equivalent review service? We pay for an annual subscription, which is very worthwhile. 

[ktgrok]

Also, as someone that tends to get up and move to another spot at night, make sure there are no other issues. Different temperature in the other room, sounds in the bedroom (snoring, sounds of pets, etc), light issues, etc. Also, I finally realized, after DD was sleeping through the night but I still couldn't sleep in my own room, that when I slept with her I used a fleece blanket with no top sheet. When I slept in my own bed I was under the top sheet and regular bedspread, and it felt constricting. I tried sleeping on top of the bedspread, with that same fleece blanket type that I used when I slept by her, and fell right asleep! I'd gotten used to that, and needed it. 

But sometimes, it is just a matter of needing to move to a different space. For that reason, when you move make sure to have a nice mattress in both your master bedroom AND a guest room if you have one. There are nights I need to move to a different spot and my only options are the saggy mattress under DD's trundle or the saggy sofa bed. 

[Murikbro]

So sorry for your husband! I hope he is doing better. After hurting my back, I had a similar problem and spent about two months at the hospital in danger of getting disabled. Luckily, the treatment helped, but I'm very sensitive to the surface I sleep on now. I recommend you check this site  www.sleepunderground.com for the matres option, as it has many tips on how to distinguish the best surface for you. It helped me to find the one I had a perfect sleep at. Good luck, and keep us updated!

Edited February 14, 2023 by Murikbro

[KungFuPanda]

Have you considered getting a mattress with a really good return policy and just getting emotionally prepared to swap it out a few times?

[Scarlett]

Zombie thread

[BlsdMama]

Jenny,

 

 After significant research we went with Saatva for my DH with serious back problems.

 As an aside, has he seen a specialist lately and/or sought a second opinion?

 Shortly after DH’s second back surgery he was again in discomfort. We finally sought a second opinion. He ended up with a third surgery. In the in between time, gabapentin provided relief. No one should put up with chronic pain if it can be helped. While the initial onset may have been an injury, things change substantially over time as has science and medical procedures to fix things.

 

DH sleeps hot so that was a reason to move away from memory foam for us, among other reasons. Consumer Reports also put Saatva’s Solaire as a top pick. It is adjustable via air and is made with latex.

 

[BlsdMama]

9 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Zombie thread

Ugh. And, oh look! I replied twice. 🤦🏼‍♀️ 

[KungFuPanda]

52 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Zombie thread

Darnit 

[El...]

Now I wanna know what they bought, and how it worked out!

[teachermom2834]

I also would like an update! As far as zombie threads go this could actually be kind of useful info.

[Janeway]

I’m guessing at this point that it’s the actual moving in the middle of the night that’s making the difference and not the firmness of the mattress. In this case, switching mattresses probably won’t help. Good luck. Sorry I couldn’t help more.