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I quit the library


heartlikealion
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That's wonderful news!  I'm so impressed you put your dd's comments aside.  She's so young and new things are hard for all of us.  I'm sure she is confused inside.  She will adapt and long as you can keep doing what you did and not make a big deal.

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Congrats on finally getting your place!
 

And it is great that you were able to set your kids' comments aside to process at a separate time and model healthy interactions to them. That is so huge after all the stress you have been through. 

Big hugs as you go through this transition period.

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well I didn't handle the comment so well in the first minute or so but then reflected and talked to her.

Ds doesn't want to go anywhere/says he doesn't feel well and the kids don't care about a movie night so we've just been home ALL.DAY.LONG. I was really hoping to get out of the house. I don't feel like I can leave ds behind and go anywhere with dd (legally I don't think it's against the law to leave him here, but it would be frowned upon and obviously not a good way to spend time with him if he's not, well, with me). 

My feet are hurting and dh has my indoor arch supportive shoes (I asked for them but he said he can't find them and he hasn't invited me back in the house since they changed the locks). 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Will return to court in June. 

Gosh, I hope the universe gets it right because everything is so messed up. I do believe God won’t let things stay this way. 

I tried the local laundromat but I was uncomfortable there (the conditions and some of the guys). So now I’m at this other laundromat waiting to go home. Dd has her K5 graduation in the morning. I’m exhausted and I still need to assemble my linen closet. I tried last night but the screws weren’t cooperating. I found out the hard way that hang drying towels gave me crunchy, rough towels. I don’t know if the sun would have helped. I gave up on my clothes line idea. Plus no privacy in my yard. 

I get the kids this weekend again (because last weekend I got them because of Mother’s Day. I might have already said that). 

the library unblocked my account lol I have no idea what happened to that dvd set. I thought we returned it.

I forgot to grab the extra ironing board at my dad’s. It’s a good size. I’m trying to make some curtains when I find the time. 

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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Will return to court in June. 

Gosh, I hope the universe gets it right because everything is so messed up. I do believe God won’t let things stay this way. 

I tried the local laundromat but I was uncomfortable there (the conditions and some of the guys). So now I’m at this other laundromat waiting to go home. Dd has her K5 graduation in the morning. I’m exhausted and I still need to assemble my linen closet. I tried last night but the screws weren’t cooperating. I found out the hard way that hang drying towels gave me crunchy, rough towels. I don’t know if the sun would have helped. I gave up on my clothes line idea. Plus no privacy in my yard. 

I get the kids this weekend again (because last weekend I got them because of Mother’s Day. I might have already said that). 

the library unblocked my account lol I have no idea what happened to that dvd set. I thought we returned it.

I forgot to grab the extra ironing board at my dad’s. It’s a good size. I’m trying to make some curtains when I find the time. 

I was wondering how things are going. Hang in there! And yes, towels that are hung out are very rough 

Edited by fairfarmhand
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There are so many wrongs but I won’t post them all on this thread. And poor ds didn’t get exempt from exams because of his absences. I think they were mainly from dr appointments, some of which may have actually been early checkouts for therapy. He said the school provided Covid absences that don’t count against the exam exemption but we didn’t use Covid days because we didn’t have Covid... and some other kids misused those. So it’s like he’s being punished for the dumbest thing. I want to do something fun but ds says he has to study all weekend. I’m going to make him take a break and do something local with us. 

I just keep telling myself all the wrongs happening must be for a reason. I do realize life is not fair though so prepare for everything and pray about everything. 

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6 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

There are so many wrongs but I won’t post them all on this thread. And poor ds didn’t get exempt from exams because of his absences. I think they were mainly from dr appointments, some of which may have actually been early checkouts for therapy. He said the school provided Covid absences that don’t count against the exam exemption but we didn’t use Covid days because we didn’t have Covid... and some other kids misused those. So it’s like he’s being punished for the dumbest thing. I want to do something fun but ds says he has to study all weekend. I’m going to make him take a break and do something local with us. 

I just keep telling myself all the wrongs happening must be for a reason. I do realize life is not fair though so prepare for everything and pray about everything. 

Since he's studying hard this weekend, can you and DD make some treats to share with him on a study break? Have a dance break? Or possibly make studying with him a game - maybe something like using dry erase markers to write the answer to review questions on a window or hop 3 times if the answer is right? Or just plan a small party for Sunday night after a hard weekend of studying for him - would your DD get into blowing up balloons/making a banner/streamers/GLITTER(!)? Family fun when one has to do non-fun things. 

Hugs to you! I hope things settle down soon for you. 

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He did some online quizlet thing today and then said he scored really well so doesn't feel stressed about the material anymore. I asked him about his other subjects and he said he felt pretty confident (he made A/B honor roll). So now he's not so fixated on studying. The state park is closed for renovations still and then dd said she was having fun here doing things so it didn't matter to her if we went out or not. I gave her a new board game yesterday and the three of us played it last night and then just dd and I played it today. Dd helped me assemble some stuff for the home and we are all going to play this zombie dice game she found on my bookshelf that ds never used (I bought when we used to do homeschool game days). I just printed the score cards from online. We've also read some books from the library she wanted and she watched a movie I rented from the library last night. 

Dh and I have offered multiple times to study with ds but he refuses to let us. I try to remind him that having a study buddy is good even for adults, so as to not make him think we're babying him. But he's stubborn about it. 

The Monopoly Jr I ordered just arrived at the post office today but I can't get it til Monday because our PO isn't open on weekends so we'll play that another weekend I have them. I own the regular Monopoly version. 

After a little touch up paint I did this week the knock off JoJo Siwa bookcase came out pretty good! I am not sure if I'll fix the scratched teal parts or not. 

bookcase_small.jpg

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3 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

He did some online quizlet thing today and then said he scored really well so doesn't feel stressed about the material anymore. I asked him about his other subjects and he said he felt pretty confident (he made A/B honor roll). So now he's not so fixated on studying. The state park is closed for renovations still and then dd said she was having fun here doing things so it didn't matter to her if we went out or not. I gave her a new board game yesterday and the three of us played it last night and then just dd and I played it today. Dd helped me assemble some stuff for the home and we are all going to play this zombie dice game she found on my bookshelf that ds never used (I bought when we used to do homeschool game days). I just printed the score cards from online. We've also read some books from the library she wanted and she watched a movie I rented from the library last night. 

Dh and I have offered multiple times to study with ds but he refuses to let us. I try to remind him that having a study buddy is good even for adults, so as to not make him think we're babying him. But he's stubborn about it. 

The Monopoly Jr I ordered just arrived at the post office today but I can't get it til Monday because our PO isn't open on weekends so we'll play that another weekend I have them. I own the regular Monopoly version. 

After a little touch up paint I did this week the knock off JoJo Siwa bookcase came out pretty good! I am not sure if I'll fix the scratched teal parts or not. 

bookcase_small.jpg

That's super cute! Good job, Lion. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Life is sorta a disaster. Dh still has full custody. We had second hearing. For summer I get kids Wed night-Monday night every other week. Final court date later this year. 

Kids are deemed happy and comfortable in marital home and they see no reason to change that stability. 

Dd was enrolled in daycare for summer. Initially I was mad (never heard great reviews about the one local daycare) but overall she’s fine there. Mainly just hates nap time. 

I’m choosing to keep my case open (as opposed to throwing up my hands and agreeing to this ridiculous arrangement where I barely see kids and I owe monthly child support). So I pretty much need extra income and am seeking a second job to cover my legal fees and putting as little as possible on credit card. May seek a loan. No alimony in sight. 

Ds already did FaceTime with dh and the court used photos of my home so dh has already seen it. Sharing with you guys some pics. I’m happy it’s coming along. So there’s that at least. I’m going to add blackout fabric and finish the curtains later. 

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So, your son went to school successfully and made honor roll? And your daughter is doing ok in day care? I am sorry custody hasn’t gone as you would like, but I am happy your kids are doing ok through the transition. They have had a lot of change this year.

Is life more peaceful for you now that you are in separate homes?

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10 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

So, your son went to school successfully and made honor roll? And your daughter is doing ok in day care? I am sorry custody hasn’t gone as you would like, but I am happy your kids are doing ok through the transition. They have had a lot of change this year.

Is life more peaceful for you now that you are in separate homes?

Mostly, yes. Dd only started daycare this summer. I didn’t send her this Thurs & Friday, though. I have a lot of things I want to do, but have been preoccupied with assembling furniture and whatnot lately. Things should get easier week by week. 

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I love your new place!! This may seem a weird comment to make, but... it's so neat and tidy!!! I know how challenging it was to keep the other house in order, and I'm glad that this new place is easier for you to manage. I do know that it has been super hard over all, but I want to celebrate how you are doing in setting up your new home.

I'm sorry that you don't get to see the kids very often, and I hope that gets better over time. I know it must be extremely difficult for you.

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Thanks. Yes, I’m excited to have more control over managing this place... limit what comes in and a “home” for every item. I just took more to Goodwill yesterday. I set up the sewing table in my room where it won’t matter if I leave it set up all the time. 

I was upset to lose access to the school fitness center so I bought an exercise bike. 

I have a designated laundry room — landlord needs to install dryer outlet and GE needs to check on the washer that appeared to leak last week. But soon I’ll be able to do laundry here. I used a portable washer a little but got rid of it. 

38C7F0BD-C575-4DD5-A264-3A00DE179B6A.jpeg

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I'm sorry that the court is being stupid about the parenting plan.  I'm absolutely disgusted by how I see former stay at home moms and caregivers treated in the courts of late.  I really wish the courts would stop focusing on the "marital home" and instead look at the realities of who has been the primary caregiver. For so many kids "the marital home" is a place that they have experienced really crappy things and associate with fighting.   Children deserve better.  

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The kids don’t seem to think of the marital home negatively and my home barely had anything the first few visits. Of course dd was disappointed at the lack of toys and streaming services. Dh felt entitled to most of the household items arguing I was only meant to take personal belongings. I’ve bought toys and some new games (kept most of the old games since dh never played them) but don’t feel like signing up for a streaming service just so she can watch HBO Max a few days a month. 

I’m still in group therapy with ds and a guardian ad litem is involved in our case. Who knows if opinions will change before the final court date but I’m not holding my breath. Nothing has gone as expected. I’m just glad I made my budget based on no alimony and no child support. Everyone told me I’d get those things. I’m glad I didn’t listen. 

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Your home looks great. 
 

I’m glad you will have the kids for more than weekends as I think that will help the kids become comfortable in the new home. (I hope the guardian ad listen/court gets a clue and sees the truth of your situation and does what it can to rectify the situation.)

You have come a long way. The Hive is proud of you and is here for you.

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