Women on the spectrum- how do you choose the music to listen to

[TravelingChris]

My dh has decided that I must be on the spectrum because unlike something like 75 or even more of people who listen to the lyrics as a main part of a song, I cannot tolerate songs I do not like the music but can tolerate songs I do not like the lyrics. (I have other reasons to suspect he is on the spectrum and actually both of us do not qualify on any scale of autism based on DSM but do on ADHD).

He wanted me to ask this question of all of you- when listening to music-do you mainly care about the music or mainly about the lyrics?

[Emba]

I am not on the spectrum, and I am a very word-oriented person. I love reading and writing. I am totally a lyrics person. Bad lyrics, or grammatical mistakes, have ruined many an otherwise catchy song for me. I am much more lyrics-oriented than both of my siblings, and neither one of them is on the spectrum.

[alisoncooks]

Don't know that I meet the qualifications of the thread, however...I voted music because I rarely hear the lyrics. (I'm known in our family for ridiculously mishearing lyrics.)  But after thinking more, the songs I most enjoy are those where I know all the lyrics and can sing along (the Beatles, show tunes, etc). 

Edited February 12, 2021 by alisoncooks

[Kassia]

38 minutes ago, Emba said:

 I am totally a lyrics person. Bad lyrics, or grammatical mistakes, have ruined many an otherwise catchy song for me. 

This is me too.  The music matters, but the lyrics will make or break the song for me.  I am not on the spectrum so I didn't vote.

[TheReader]

I'm not, that I know of, on the spectrum although when reading about Asperger's, when we thought my oldest was, boy a lot of it rang true of me. 

That said, I am very much a lyrics person, 1000%. 

My DH, also not on the spectrum, is equally as much a music person as I am a lyrics person. This was an astounding revelation to me when I figured this out about him. 

My kids are a mixed bag. The one we thought was on the spectrum seems to have the least interest in music of the three, tends to be first drawn to a song by the music, but then I'd say ranks his favorites based on the lyrics....but only once they've passed the music-approval test. 

[Wheres Toto]

I guess both?   I definitely like some songs based on the beat but I also like singing along to the lyrics.    I like some songs with pretty wacky lyrics because the beat is good and they are fun to sing along with.  

[gardenmom5]

when I was in high school - I listened to what my friends listened too. (or my brother's heavy metal.  the entire neighborhood listened to my brother's heavy metal . . . .)  as an adult, I listen to classical.  Mostly Baroque.  Or piano.  I'm not an opera fan - though dh is.  Though I like Jonathan Antoine. . . He may be the next pavarotti.

If I listen to pop - quality of the vocalist is extremely important. (Karen Carpenter's voice . . .  )

and if the lyrics offend me - I won't listen to it again.  (or likely bother with anything else by that vocalist.)

[EKS]

Not on the spectrum.  Music unless the lyrics are truly awful or offensive.

[Lawyer&Mom]

Autistic.  Music more than lyrics, if only because I often can’t make out the words?  That said I love an acoustic singer with clear enunciation like James Taylor or Emmylou Harris, and I’m hugely verbal in general.

[Ailaena]

Not on the spectrum, rarely hear lyrics before I hear music. Honestly, can’t think of a time when I have heard lyrics first.  Even with songs with no music, at all (sea shanties, barbershop quartets), I like the tune before I know the lyrics.  Idk, I’m weird.

[Emba]

2 hours ago, Kassia said:

This is me too.  The music matters, but the lyrics will make or break the song for me.  I am not on the spectrum so I didn't vote.

I did not vote in the poll. Just wanted to put my two cents in the thread in case it helped make a big picture.

[TravelingChris]

3 hours ago, Thatboyofmine said:

I do not know if I’m on the spectrum or not.  I suspect probably, but I can’t say for sure.  I also suspect something else but won’t say what.  I do have some other factors at play.   
So, after all that 😆, the music hooks me.   But then I listen to the lyrics.  And often the lyrics piss me off because they are so ridiculous.  I drive my husband nuts with this, because I’m constantly saying “well now that couldn’t possibly be true because he just said in the chorus blah blah blah”.   Or “did he just say yada yada yada???? What an ass!  And this woman is supposed to love him back???”  It really makes me pissy when lyrics are nonsense or the writers think we’re so stupid we won’t possibly pick up on the fact that the song contradicts itself over and over.      
Sorry for rambling.  Is that what you were meaning? 

No I just find that my if the music is bad, I don't care how good the lyrics are at all.

And if the music is beautiful or good  rhythm or some good instrument, I like the song.  

Like I like Landslide by Fleetwood Mac and my dh thinks that is nuts because the lyrics are about a failing marriage but I love the music.

Or Hurt, again I like music. 

Now I like opera too but don't hear tge lyrics.  And classical too. And lots genres.

 

[HSmomof2]

3 hours ago, EKS said:

Not on the spectrum.  Music unless the lyrics are truly awful or offensive.

This.

[PeterPan]

nt

Edited February 12, 2021 by PeterPan

[PeterPan]

5 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

both of us do not qualify on any scale of autism based on DSM but do on ADHD)

Well there you go. Have you ever looked at https://www.socialthinking.com/Articles?name=social-thinking-social-communication-profile  ? You might find it helpful.

[Tanaqui]

9 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

My dh has decided that I must be on the spectrum because unlike something like 75 or even more of people who listen to the lyrics as a main part of a song, I cannot tolerate songs I do not like the music but can tolerate songs I do not like the lyrics. (I have other reasons to suspect he is on the spectrum and actually both of us do not qualify on any scale of autism based on DSM but do on ADHD).

He wanted me to ask this question of all of you- when listening to music-do you mainly care about the music or mainly about the lyrics?

 

Wait, where did he get this percentage (I'm assuming it's supposed to be 75%)? And where did he get the idea that autism is a factor here?

[Guest]

Bad lyrics totally ruin a song for me. Lyrics I can’t understand also plague my mind in an obsessive manner until I can find out what the words are. 

I hate that Taylor Swift song where she says, “...and you talk real slow cause its late and your mama don’t know...” That drives me bonkers! She means he talks on the phone quietly, not slow. The mental image of him talking slowly on the phone is just hard to bear. 

I don’t listen to new music much because I am strangely sensitive to music and songs get stuck in my head for days, especially if I don’t know the words by heart. It’s like my brain has a puzzle it is determined to solve so the song will play in my head for days and days. 

[Ditto]

Not on the spectrum but I am much more about the music than the lyrics.  If I happen to love both, great.  But it isn't a requirement for me.  I love music and always have it playing. 

[TravelingChris]

2 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

Wait, where did he get this percentage (I'm assuming it's supposed to be 75%)? And where did he get the idea that autism is a factor here?

He thought it may be.  Just wanted to find out.  See he thinks I am some sort of freak because I don't care much about most lyrics.  Now some lyrics that I can hear do go great with the music and I like what they say. 

And as to the percentage,  it was in an artlicle I read within the last 10 years but can;t find through google now- and I could go on quite a long rant about how google searches have become so much worse in the last year,

 

[TravelingChris]

26 minutes ago, Quill said:

Bad lyrics totally ruin a song for me. Lyrics I can’t understand also plague my mind in an obsessive manner until I can find out what the words are. 

I hate that Taylor Swift song where she says, “...and you talk real slow cause its late and your mama don’t know...” That drives me bonkers! She means he talks on the phone quietly, not slow. The mental image of him talking slowly on the phone is just hard to bear. 

I don’t listen to new music much because I am strangely sensitive to music and songs get stuck in my head for days, especially if I don’t know the words by heart. It’s like my brain has a puzzle it is determined to solve so the song will play in my head for days and days. 

That is my dh and he repeats lyrics, dumb youtube things, etc over and over.  I am used to it so don't really mind but also don't care a lot of times about what dumb lyric he is repeating.

[Wheres Toto]

After reading more comments, I must definitely be about the music - the tune, the beat - because offensive, illogical, ungrammatical lyrics don't bother me at all.   I love Nickelback, Imagine Dragons, Theory of a Deadman, a lot of stuff that goes by "Adult Alternative" but also James Taylor, Simon & Garfunkle, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Abba.   I might just have really eclectic tastes in music.  

I mean, I love to sing along with "The Night the Light's Went Out In Georgia" but also "I Hate My Life" and "Bad Girlfriend" (cursing and raunchy).

Dh on the other hand will mock lyrics that don't make sense.  There's a song commonly played on the radio that has the line "my heads under water but I"m feeling fine" and he always makes fun of it - how do you feel fine if you're under water?  How can you breathe?  

[Emba]

Now, I will say I like some songs with kind of illogical lyrics that make a sort of poetic sense. But if you have one good verse and then just junk to pass out the rest of the song, that’s really frustrating to me.
 

and I’ve realized recently recently that some songs with lyrics I consider overly maudlin and sentimental Can be redeemed by good music. 

[Clemsondana]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

Bad lyrics totally ruin a song for me. Lyrics I can’t understand also plague my mind in an obsessive manner until I can find out what the words are. 

I hate that Taylor Swift song where she says, “...and you talk real slow cause its late and your mama don’t know...” That drives me bonkers! She means he talks on the phone quietly, not slow. The mental image of him talking slowly on the phone is just hard to bear. 

I don’t listen to new music much because I am strangely sensitive to music and songs get stuck in my head for days, especially if I don’t know the words by heart. It’s like my brain has a puzzle it is determined to solve so the song will play in my head for days and days. 

Huh..I always assumed she was saying 'talk real low', like at a low volume. 

Back to the OP, I'm intrigued by the numbers.  I do both - there are songs that I like because I like the lyrics, or at least a particular line or 2. There are also songs that I like because they are catchy...think 'Jesse's Girl'...but not something to aspire to.  I remember working in a lab and we were all singing along to Uncle Cracker's 'Follow Me' while discussing how dreadful the lyrics are.  There are songs that don't have much in the way of lyrics but people like them because of interesting rhythms or note patterns that get stuck in your head (Another one bites the dust, Axel F), tunes that are high energy or relaxing, and songs that have inspirational lyrics that can keep you moving or help reset your mood.  I tend to prefer upbeat stuff, but that's true of everything, not just music.  

[Guest]

“Talk real low...” would make more sense, of course, even if it is bad grammar, but I have looked it up in the past and lyrics sheets say the word is slow. 
Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow

 

Sorry for weird formatting; it’s harder on my phone. 

[*****]

Not on the spectrum that I know of, but definitely music to me because I often can't make out the lyrics. 

I tend to focus more on what the different instruments are doing, all at the same time.  I saw this band in concert many years ago and I was fully mesmerized and energized:  https://www.crookedstill.com/               The mellowness of her voice, the strumming of the banjo, the bass... I get sucked in to the music, and although I am not a screaming reactor like some at concerts, it is because I am reliving the different rhythms in my head because I enjoyed it so much. It's kind of hard to explain.

[catz]

Definitely music.  But I think that is more due to years of musical training and years of sitting in on lessons, recitals and taking my kids to concerts etc.  I can hear when professionals make mistakes and I have probably too strong opinions about methods of composition and how is score is pieced together.   We discuss movie scores over here, we are that nerdy.  No autism here, but GT quirkiness abounds.  But I do think musical training or even years of thoughtful listening to music of different genres can alter how you listen.  I suspect most trained musicians are similar including vocal artists.  

[Amy in NH]

Not on the spectrum, but I listen to the music first; I like a lot of instrumental music, as well as vocals performed in languages I don't know.  I will not listen to a song if I don't like the music - melody, harmony, & rhythm.  Musicianship is also important to me, and excellent playing is something that will keep me coming back to an artist.  Lyrics can make a good song great.  My favorite artists consistently have a combination of all three: interesting composition, technical musical skill, and meaningful lyrics.

[Rosie_0801]

On 2/12/2021 at 1:11 PM, Ailaena said:

rarely hear lyrics before I hear music. Honestly, can’t think of a time when I have heard lyrics first.  Even with songs with no music, at all (sea shanties, barbershop quartets), I like the tune before I know the lyrics. 

I think it's the same for me too. 

[Ausmumof3]

Interesting question, no one in our family is diagnosed with anything although I sometimes suspect that’s just lack of checking!  
 

Dh definitely goes more off the music whereas I am more likely to get caught by a song with a good story if that makes sense.  And if I can’t make sense of the lyrics I will be the one to go look them up on a lyrics site and go and do some background research to see if the song writer gave any hints as to what they were on about.  That said I don’t listen to songs with amazing lyrics if I can’t stand the sound and I have a few songs where I strongly disapprove of the message but secretly like to listen to because of the music.  So it’s not a black and white thing.

This sometimes results in some interesting discoveries.  For example there was a song about a school shooting that we thought was kind of shocking in the way it was sung but when we looked it up the writer was close to someone directly effected by a school shooting and wrote it to raise awareness.  And another song that DH liked was about the song writers way of dealing with the negative criticism of her work that was rolling in.

Edited February 14, 2021 by Ausmumof3

[Ausmumof3]

Also I think this is kind of like books.  For example there are Christian lit books with Christian “morals” that I wouldn’t waste time with and there are other not specifically Christian genre works that teach a lot about how to live because they are actually great art with true observation.  And similarly with other areas where books get published because they fit a specific viewpoint or promote a certain message not because they’re well written.  When dealing with art of any form the quality of the art is the first consideration.

[TravelingChris]

9 hours ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Definitely music.  But I think that is more due to years of musical training and years of sitting in on lessons, recitals and taking my kids to concerts etc.  I can hear when professionals make mistakes and I have probably too strong opinions about methods of composition and how is score is pieced together.   We discuss movie scores over here, we are that nerdy.  No autism here, but GT quirkiness abounds.  But I do think musical training or even years of thoughtful listening to music of different genres can alter how you listen.  I suspect most trained musicians are similar including vocal artists.  

Yep, that is what is going on here too.

Oh and thank you for the explanation.  I started by listening to classical music as a very young child because my parents kept the classical music station on.  And when I first was hearing popular music of the 60s when I was a small kid, I didn't understand the words because my parents were told by doctors at Johns Hopkins and NIH to only expose me to one language and my mom chose to keep speaking Polish in the home figuring I could learn English at school  (I was the first kid with my particular type of cleft palate to survive and they knew that cleft palates and lips were sometimes associated with some syndrome that makes people mentally delayed- which I didn't have but they didn't know when I was a baby)>  I didn\t really do English until I was 6 to 6.5,  

And yes, I listened to lots of music all my life and had music training too as a child.  Dh's family had a tv on.

Edited February 14, 2021 by TravelingChris

[Amethyst]

I just can’t decide how to vote for this one. My first thought was mostly lyrics. Because c’mon man, is there anything better than listening to beautiful love songs that expressed it better than ever, or heartbreaking lyrics that make you FEEL someone else's life story?

But then I thought of all the songs that want to make me MOVE. Dance, clap, tap my fingers along the steering wheel. All without having the vaguest idea of what the lyrics are saying.   

But I’m not one to listen to music without lyrics...classical, baroque, jazz...not for me. So I guess I *mainly* go for the lyrics, but I enjoy both lyrics and music. Shrug. Ok, off to go listen to PaulSimon’s Obvious Child now...

PS. I’m not on the spectrum. I wasn’t clear if you only wanted women on the spectrum to answer this

[Not_a_Number]

Not on the spectrum, although not the opposite of it, either. 

I care more about the music, in the sense that I'll listen to songs with terrible lyrics if they have good music. 

However, for me to truly LOVE a song, I need to like both. 

[slackermom]

I haven't been diagnosed as being on the spectrum (so I did not vote in the poll), and neither has my teen, but we are both very neuro-atypical. We both have strong reactions to sound, and for me that usually means I avoid music altogether. I get emotionally overwhelmed by it. And I recoil from the sound of some instruments, especially piano and guitar. I do enjoy fiddle and drums. Sometimes I do enjoy playing a bit of dance music from my teens and 20's (the 80's and 90's), but in small doses. For my teen, it means wearing headphones playing music for most of the day, but usually music without lyrics or with lyrics in another language.    

[BlsdMama]

On 2/11/2021 at 5:23 PM, TravelingChris said:

My dh has decided that I must be on the spectrum because unlike something like 75 or even more of people who listen to the lyrics as a main part of a song, I cannot tolerate songs I do not like the music but can tolerate songs I do not like the lyrics. (I have other reasons to suspect he is on the spectrum and actually both of us do not qualify on any scale of autism based on DSM but do on ADHD).

He wanted me to ask this question of all of you- when listening to music-do you mainly care about the music or mainly about the lyrics?

I must like the music, regardless of the lyrics. I can say, “I like what they’re conveying,” but won’t listen to it if I don’t like the music. No one has ever suggested I’m on the spectrum, but I V admit I’ve wondered. 
 

DD (likely on the spectrum) listens almost entirely to KPop (Korean music.) She doesn’t speak Korean. She loves the music. 
 

I being quite frank, I think few people pay attention to the lyrics. We do look them up for appropriateness or curiosity, as an aside. 

[KungFuPanda]

Bad lyrics are not my favorite but bad music makes the experience unbearable.  I can tune out lyrics I don't care for MUCH easier.  I think the OPs dh has it backwards.  I can probably even hear a song several times before I completely tune into the lyrics and start to learn them enough for them to irritate me.  The more danceable a song is, the more I forgive the lyrics.  The music just matters so much more; it's universal. You can enjoy a song in any language if you like the music.  The lyrics are secondary.  I feel this way even though I am music impaired.  My ability to recall lyrics is much better than my ability to remember a tune.  

[TravelingChris]

14 hours ago, Amethyst said:

I just can’t decide how to vote for this one. My first thought was mostly lyrics. Because c’mon man, is there anything better than listening to beautiful love songs that expressed it better than ever, or heartbreaking lyrics that make you FEEL someone else's life story?

But then I thought of all the songs that want to make me MOVE. Dance, clap, tap my fingers along the steering wheel. All without having the vaguest idea of what the lyrics are saying.   

But I’m not one to listen to music without lyrics...classical, baroque, jazz...not for me. So I guess I *mainly* go for the lyrics, but I enjoy both lyrics and music. Shrug. Ok, off to go listen to PaulSimon’s Obvious Child now...

PS. I’m not on the spectrum. I wasn’t clear if you only wanted women on the spectrum to answer this

It is fine,.  I think it is interesting in our differences/

[TravelingChris]

6 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

Bad lyrics are not my favorite but bad music makes the experience unbearable.  I can tune out lyrics I don't care for MUCH easier.  I think the OPs dh has it backwards.  I can probably even hear a song several times before I completely tune into the lyrics and start to learn them enough for them to irritate me.  The more danceable a song is, the more I forgive the lyrics.  The music just matters so much more; it's universal. You can enjoy a song in any language if you like the music.  The lyrics are secondary.  I feel this way even though I am music impaired.  My ability to recall lyrics is much better than my ability to remember a tune.  

SDee I am completely different.  Yes, I recall. some lyrics.  But I recall the music so much more. the melody, rhythm, different instruments coming in, etc.

[Wheres Toto]

I memorize song lyrics very very easily.  I still recall words to songs I sang in 4th grade and haven't heard at all since.   Singing along (loudly and even if the lyrics make no sense) is a big part of enjoying music for me.