freesia Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 (((Hugs))) The depression is lying to you. You are not a failure under any definition. I have been constantly impressed by how you have navigated and problem solved one challenge after another for years (I remember way back to when your oldest was 5 and in school and struggling.) Sometimes the solution is not to do more. School sounds like a really good choice right now. If I am remembering correctly where you live, your positivity rate is around 1%right now. I have been homeschooling over15 years and, in your situation, I would make the same choice. Idk if that helps or not. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 Whether you Homeschool or not can change as your life circumstances change. Your schooling decisions do not determine if you are a Failure or not. As you say, you can Afterschool if you are so inclined or revisit your decision to send them to school when Covid is no longer a factor in decision making. Please take care of yourself now. You have a young family and it is the best thing to do right now. I hope that you overcome all the yucky post-covid symptoms. Most of all, a big "Thank you" for serving your community. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 I think it sounds like you made the right choice for now. I have a friend here with a child with autism and he is so much better off in school. Not because she wouldn’t be good at homeschooling but because having a short break during the day gives her more energy to care for him outside of school hours. Really hoping you get some good solutions and feel better soon. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 In my experience, you can't get through a prolonged period of suicidal ideation without prioritising your own needs in some way. Far from being a failure, your decision re school is a success in pragmatic self-care. You have had an extremely tough couple of years....go as easy on yourself as you can manage. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 I'm so sorry you're still struggling. I've been thinking of you. You're not a failure. In the best of all possible worlds, you would like to homeschool. But in the best of all possible worlds, you wouldn't have had COVID twice and wouldn't be severely depressed, and everything wouldn't taste like burnt meat (geez, that sounds awful!) We're not in the best of all possible worlds. In this world, you're doing the very best that you can. And I know that given how tied our identities can get to homeschooling, this must have been a REALLY hard decision. I'm impressed you made it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 9, 2021 Share Posted February 9, 2021 (edited) Not a failure! I sent my kids to cyberschool last year just because I couldn’t afford to outsource the classes I needed to outsource. It’s been a great decision for us. I adored homeschooling and am glad I did it when I did, but I’m very pleased with this new direction we’re taken. It’s perfectly normal to adapt as things change. You might feel some tugs on your heart as you close the homeschooling chapter (for now, maybe forever), but new things are ahead. It’s ok to take care of you, and by doing so, you’re doing the best for your family. I 100% believe that. I’ve never believed in the martyr mom. It’s not healthy to drive yourself into the ground “for the family.” Nope. You are doing the absolute correct thing to take care of yourself right now. Edited February 9, 2021 by Garga 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, SusanC said: You are a strong, practical woman whom i wish I knew in person. You are not a failure. This! You have had an incredibly heavy load this last year or so. Unbelievably heavy. You are a good mom and your kids will be fine. I will be praying for you daily! Edited February 10, 2021 by ScoutTN 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Absolutely not a failure. ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Not a failure at all! I know it's hard not to feel guilt when you're a mom, but try not to let this mess with your head! ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 You amaze me on a regular basis, Mrs. tiggywinkle.. It’s not a failure decision to put your kids in school; it’s a plot twist in your unique story. I have seen some people stick with homeschooling when it was no longer the right option for their family, so I absolutely believe you are doing the right thing to adapt. You need to protect your health and having the school resources help with your SN kids is wise. Sally forth, ma’am! You are an excellent mother. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Every poster in this thread has said that you're not a failure. Not even close. You're resilient and resourceful and brave. Please believe what you are reading. You evaluated your current situation and made the very best decision for your family. That is success. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 @Mrs Tiggywinkle I hope you are doing better today. I'm praying for you! Know that you are not a failure and know that you are loved. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Posted February 10, 2021 Author Share Posted February 10, 2021 (edited) Well, I put DS5 on the school bus this morning. He was so excited. Our neighbor kid he plays with is in his class and since it’s inclusion, his OT and speech therapists are embedded right in the classroom. During OT yesterday he spent some time there and couldn’t stop talking about it last night. I took a bath. Remembered my morning meds. Cuddled my daughter who’s on quarantined and read her a book we just haven’t found time or energy for. Wrote an essay for school. Told myself it’s going to be okay. As awful as it sounds, I had to drive DS5 to the school daily and then sit in the parking lot for 45-60 minutes while he was in therapy. It is really nice to not have to do that today. Edited February 10, 2021 by Mrs Tiggywinkle 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 26 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said: read her a book we just haven’t found time or energy for. This is why it was so important! It's leaving you energy to be a mom. They need you as mom more than they need you as teacher. 27 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said: As awful as it sounds, I had to drive DS5 to the school daily and then sit in the parking lot for 45-60 minutes while he was in therapy. It is really nice to not have to do that today. We expect to hear of significant decluttering and a new consulting business being started with your new massive free time, hahaha. No I get it. I've done a LOT of waiting for ds' appointments and lot of driving, mercy. Now he's mostly tele, and it makes my life SO much better. I can shower, do something around the house. Freezing in a car in a bad part of town just isn't nearly the same, lol. And invariably the appointments are too short to leave and actually get anything done. You can go, but you only have *12 minutes* in the store before you have to turn around to make it back on time. So this is really good stuff! The novelty will wear off, but the bones and foundation are good. Predictability is good. You're blessed to have a school district close that is nailing it. The school that would try to have the support level ds needs is 45 minutes away. There are some smaller upstarts closer, who knows. But just saying you're really fortunate to have within a sane distance an option you feel so good about. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 No, definitely not a failure but a true success! Back ten years ago, when I moved to where I am now, I was suggesting to dd2 that she go to a b&m high school, both because I thought she would like it and very much because of what I perceived as my failing health. She adamantly didn't want to and I didn't force. It took such a toll 9n my health both physical and mental. I think-you are doing the right thing and I think your dh 8s right about not returning to work. Many hugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Posted February 10, 2021 Author Share Posted February 10, 2021 12 minutes ago, PeterPan said: This is why it was so important! It's leaving you energy to be a mom. They need you as mom more than they need you as teacher. We expect to hear of significant decluttering and a new consulting business being started with your new massive free time, hahaha. No I get it. I've done a LOT of waiting for ds' appointments and lot of driving, mercy. Now he's mostly tele, and it makes my life SO much better. I can shower, do something around the house. Freezing in a car in a bad part of town just isn't nearly the same, lol. And invariably the appointments are too short to leave and actually get anything done. You can go, but you only have *12 minutes* in the store before you have to turn around to make it back on time. So this is really good stuff! The novelty will wear off, but the bones and foundation are good. Predictability is good. You're blessed to have a school district close that is nailing it. The school that would try to have the support level ds needs is 45 minutes away. There are some smaller upstarts closer, who knows. But just saying you're really fortunate to have within a sane distance an option you feel so good about. The school that meets DS10’s needs is 35-40 minutes away. He actually enjoys the bus ride though; he listens to his audiobooks through his headphones and chills. The local public school is small and good for DS5. There’s 9 kids in his classroom and our local positivity is less than 1% right now, so I do think it’s a good thing. I just really love homeschooling lol. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 40 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said: As awful as it sounds, I had to drive DS5 to the school daily and then sit in the parking lot for 45-60 minutes while he was in therapy. It is really nice to not have to do that today. If that sounds awful, I'm much worse. I have trouble with the drop off/pick up to school sometimes with my ds, and that doesn't even mean I'm sitting in my car when I could be doing something else. It's just the interruption to the flow of the day. I never have cared a lot for "running around" from here to there, which was why homeschooling was such a good fit for me/us. Even the "little" things like this can help ease your schedule to make it all more manageable. The special time with your daughter sounds wonderful. I pray your body and mind will heal thoroughly. It sounds like you have put so much pressure on yourself that you can't see the amazing way you have pushed through so much in the past year +. You are doing a great job. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 I get it. I just really loved homeschooling as well. It is still hard for me to accept sometimes that we had to take some different turns, due to both circumstances and children's personalities. I've had to grieve that, but the "teach the child you have" motto has been helpful. It could be expanded to include "parent the children you have in the circumstances you are in". 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said: I just really love homeschooling lol. Well it doesn't sound like this is a permanent decision for ds10. It seems like each of your kids has their own needs, and that meeting them plus yours was too much. How long do they think this long covid might last? If you finish out this school year and then do *one more* would that be enough for you to be well enough to work with him again? I think by fall would be a stretch, because you'd have to be well enough in just a couple months to start planning, which would destroy your summer. So if you plan mentally on next year there, then he's 11, into the sticky age with puberty, and you'll know what you want to do. Not like you're asking, but I wouldn't curb your own recovery with a rush to plan over the summer and get him back. Nuts, you could even pull him after Christmas going into next year if you wanted. I think it's good to go through the getting over the honeymoon phase and into the what it's really like and how they roll stage. Like with my ds, he would have some behavioral learning curve there and that would take time to work through that. It would be part of the good of being there and I wouldn't want to short circuit it, especially when you're focused on healing. When you're REALLY WELL, then you could think about *planning* again and see how you tolerate that, which would then let you consider a timeline for when. So it's not permanent, but there are good reasons not to rush. Or good reasons to rush, haha. That could happen too. But hopefully not. Hopefully he does great and you get your time to heal. You are ground breaking, a researcher here in what it takes to recover. It's very important work you're doing and it should not be rushed. Edited February 10, 2021 by PeterPan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 1 hour ago, Jaybee said: I just really loved homeschooling as well. I thought I enjoyed homeschooling, but therapy schooling is a different beast. I guess op is blessed that with her mix she did. However maybe she might find that it wasn't so much the schooling part (though maybe it was) as just *being with her kids* kwim? Maybe she'll have more ways. The easiest way to embrace a sucky new stage is to make plans. Flip it on its head and say what you're going to do now and who you're going to be for this phase. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Posted February 10, 2021 Author Share Posted February 10, 2021 37 minutes ago, PeterPan said: I thought I enjoyed homeschooling, but therapy schooling is a different beast. I guess op is blessed that with her mix she did. However maybe she might find that it wasn't so much the schooling part (though maybe it was) as just *being with her kids* kwim? Maybe she'll have more ways. The easiest way to embrace a sucky new stage is to make plans. Flip it on its head and say what you're going to do now and who you're going to be for this phase. DS10 is permanently in school. I cannot manage his academics plus behavioral needs plus rigidity plus therapies plus regular autism life. He’s doing excellent in school but he needs that routine. DS5 does not have autism, just cognitive and physical delays. He’s very easy going personality wise, but his academic needs are very intense. I would be open to homeschooling him down the road again. nobody has any idea how long the aftereffects of Covid might last. I’m so over it lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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