Elderly family member without shower/bath access

[Drama Llama]

An elderly family who can no longer go up and down stairs, needs a place to stay for a month.  One of the options has a first floor bedroom and half bath, but the no bath or shower.  

Is there a way around this, or is it simply not an option?  We do have other options, but in other ways, this one is better.

[fairfarmhand]

Home health can come in and do sponge baths? Just for a month. Id think you could make it work for a month.

[fairfarmhand]

I mean, bathtubs and showers are fairly recent inventions in the history of mankind. I'm sure many people manage to be clean without them.

[klmama]

If the person is otherwise competent and able to wash up with a cloth and a sink, the half bath would work except for hair.  Would it be possible for someone to wash his/her hair at the kitchen sink?

[Forget-Me-Not]

Is installing a chair lift for the stairs an option? 

[Melissa in Australia]

If it is just for a month then sponge baths will work. 

When I was in aged care. I would go to elderly peoples houses and give them a shower once a week. That was their only bath or shower for the week. Lots of older people have only ever has a shower or bath once a week their whole lives

I think There is an attachment thingy you can get that sort if sprays water for sponge baths. They sometimes use them in hospitals for people who cannot be moved and are in bed for a while. I know someone who was in a bad motorbike accident and could not be moved 

[Drama Llama]

8 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Home health can come in and do sponge baths? Just for a month. Id think you could make it work for a month.

We really don't want the added covid exposure of home health. 

Someone in the family could do sponge baths, maybe.

[Drama Llama]

2 minutes ago, Forget-Me-Not said:

Is installing a chair lift for the stairs an option? 

She uses one at home, with a lot of help, but I'm thinking it would be cost prohibitive for a month?  I'll look into it.

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

We really don't want the added covid exposure of home health. 

Someone in the family could do sponge baths, maybe.

Ah! Yes, when my mom was wheelchair bound, she had a sponge bath twice a week, It's not like she was sweating much or doing anything that made her stink.

[Drama Llama]

Just now, fairfarmhand said:

Ah! Yes, when my mom was wheelchair bound, she had a sponge bath twice a week, It's not like she was sweating much or doing anything that made her stink.

She's not 100% continent, so I think that might make her uncomfortable.  

[prairiewindmomma]

8 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

She's not 100% continent, so I think that might make her uncomfortable.  

Bidet. One can learn to tilt one’s pelvis forward and wash all of the parts.

Our home hospice had special body wipes for sponge baths. Hair washing was done lying in bed with a bowl and pitcher since standing over a sink wasn’t an option.

It’s entirely doable, if not ideal.

[mlktwins]

Just want to make sure her private parts get cleaned well.  Elderly are more susceptible to urinary tract infections. 

[Katy]

A regular sponge bath will be more comfortable than hospice wipes.  I’ve bought fabric chux to put under sick kids from Amazon, which should solve the problem of worrying about what happens during the sponge bath. Here’s some washable ones, though they make disposable ones too. 
 

RMS Ultra Soft 4-Layer Washable and Reusable Incontinence Bed Pad - Waterproof Bed Pads, 18"X24" (3 Pack) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MUEVH9X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_75BBYWH03B3XTRZJ7CYH?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

[kristin0713]

I would get a bidet attachment for the toilet and a shower/sprayer attachment for the sink to help with sponge bathing.  You can get both on amazon.  

[mlktwins]

Will she be where someone can help her get up and down the stairs once or twice a week for a shower/bath?  She could sink wash the rest of the time?

[Drama Llama]

1 minute ago, mlktwins said:

Will she be where someone can help her get up and down the stairs once or twice a week for a shower/bath?  She could sink wash the rest of the time?

She's not ambulatory.  She'll be somewhere where there's an adult home with her all the time.  The question is just which relative's home.  We'd love to have her at our home, but it's kind of chaotic with 5 other people, 2 of them active tween/teenage boys, in a small house.  On the other hand, our first floor is entirely wheelchair accessible, and has a wheelchair accessible shower.  

[Drama Llama]

6 minutes ago, kristin0713 said:

I would get a bidet attachment for the toilet and a shower/sprayer attachment for the sink to help with sponge bathing.  You can get both on amazon.  

I get the bidet idea. I'm having trouble picture the shower/sprayer thing.  How would that work?  Would you just let the bathroom get soaked and then clean up?

[Pam in CT]

For a month, sponge baths (maybe augmented with one of those sink sprayer things you attach to a regular faucets) should work.

[Drama Llama]

1 minute ago, Pam in CT said:

For a month, sponge baths (maybe augmented with one of those sink sprayer things you attach to a regular faucets) should work.

I feel like I am entirely missing how this works.  When I googled images, I only was people washing their dogs inside the sink, which is obviously not what people are suggesting.

[Pam in CT]

re using the sink sprayer thing

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I get the bidet idea. I'm having trouble picture the shower/sprayer thing.  How would that work?  Would you just let the bathroom get soaked and then clean up?

I'd imagine it being useful for hair -- wheel her to a table or something at the right height for a bin, and do hair-washing that way.

[kristin0713]

Yeah I was thinking the sprayer for hair.  You can also get a shoulder tray attachment for hair washes in to the sink.  This depends on the set up of the bathroom and the ability of the person to lean back.  

[Drama Llama]

Now, I'm wondering, if we could just have her come visit a couple times a week for a shower.  Our bathroom is so perfect for this.  It's just the rest of the house that's problematic.  

We live about 30 minutes from the other house.  I'll have to ask the family members she lives with what they think.

[kristin0713]

Here is what I mean by the tray for hair -- 

This  one allows the person to sit in a regular chair, you can click through the pics to see how.

With this  one, there is a pic of them laying down.  

 

[kristin0713]

1 minute ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Now, I'm wondering, if we could just have her come visit a couple times a week for a shower.  Our bathroom is so perfect for this.  It's just the rest of the house that's problematic.  

We live about 30 minutes from the other house.  I'll have to ask the family members she lives with what they think.

That sounds ideal!  I do think I would get the bidet attachment anyway in case there is an accident to clean up. 

[Pam in CT]

26 minutes ago, kristin0713 said:

Here is what I mean by the tray for hair -- 

This  one allows the person to sit in a regular chair, you can click through the pics to see how.

With this  one, there is a pic of them laying down.  

 

The first of those is what hospice used with my father in his last weeks. I didn't know they were so easily and affordably available.

[Sherry in OH]

53 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

Now, I'm wondering, if we could just have her come visit a couple times a week for a shower.  Our bathroom is so perfect for this.  It's just the rest of the house that's problematic.  

We live about 30 minutes from the other house.  I'll have to ask the family members she lives with what they think.

This is probably the easiest and least expensive option.   

Portable blow-up bathtubs are available for less than $100, but if she isn't ambulatory she would not be able to get into and out of it herself.  You could also research portable indoor shower units, but I believe they are quite pricey to buy.  A local medical supply company might have rentals.

[Acadie]

2 hours ago, kristin0713 said:

That sounds ideal!  I do think I would get the bidet attachment anyway in case there is an accident to clean up. 

I think a visit to your house once a week for a shower plus the bidet attachment and sponge bathing where she's staying make a great combination. With incontinence regular access to the bidet will be key. 

[Drama Llama]

2 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

Sponge baths really aren’t hard to do, if the elder is willing. I would think this fine. Many older people (ime) don’t like to shower more than they have to anyway. There’s like an instinctive fear of falling. 

Interesting. 

I've given a ton of sponge baths, because in the hospital there's no choice, but my son craved the warmth of the shower.  I think it's the place he had the least pain because of the heat, so I guess maybe I assumed an elderly person would feel the same?  

She would be seated in the shower.  We have a rolling shower chair, and a roll in shower, so she'd be secure.  

[Drama Llama]

5 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

I think that sounds ideal. No danger of falling. 

I feel guilty.  At our house she'd have a good shower situation, but we are stretched kind of thin.  They've got a little more time, and a lot more peace and quiet, but no shower.  

[easypeasy]

2 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I feel guilty.  At our house she'd have a good shower situation, but we are stretched kind of thin.  They've got a little more time, and a lot more peace and quiet, but no shower.  

Do not feel guilty. Nope. We all can't help those we love in the same way in every chapter of our lives. It just is what it is. We do what we can, when we can. 

I think you've found a great medium road with the person staying in the more quiet, peaceful home. Get the bidet and sink attachment so those activities are easier. Then have her travel to you once or twice a week. 

That is a great arrangement. 

[Melissa in Australia]

3 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I feel guilty.  At our house she'd have a good shower situation, but we are stretched kind of thin.  They've got a little more time, and a lot more peace and quiet, but no shower.  

don't feel guilty   you have enough on your plate as it is.

 

 

 Frail elderly people find having a shower very exhausting. even if they are seated while having the shower, even if someone else is doing the showering of them. Often then need rest afterwards

 

[TravelingChris]

2 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

don't feel guilty   you have enough on your plate as it is.

 

 

 Frail elderly people find having a shower very exhausting. even if they are seated while having the shower, even if someone else is doing the showering of them. Often then need rest afterwards

 

I agree about  And about the bolded- so many of us with autoimmune rheumatological conditions find showers very exhausting, for me it is one of the main activities of the day if I am not on high doses of steroids- but like some one else said, the heat really helps with the pain.  Thanks for the reminder of the bath chair- everyone- I need to clean  mine well, then move to the hall bigger bathroom I normally use-and replace the chair in the shower in the master bath, with grab bar and holder for shampoos, etc

[mlktwins]

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!  Your family has been through so much and do you so much for everyone already.  You do not need to feel guilty and take this on!!!  I have some PTSD from the past 2 years of taking care of, stressing, and worrying over my elderly and then the pandemic, I cannot even fathom what you and your family are feeling.  Let others carry the weight a bit.  If you can get her over to your place to shower once or twice a week (and visit), then that is a great solution!

[Drama Llama]

4 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

I agree about  And about the bolded- so many of us with autoimmune rheumatological conditions find showers very exhausting, for me it is one of the main activities of the day if I am not on high doses of steroids- but like some one else said, the heat really helps with the pain.  Thanks for the reminder of the bath chair- everyone- I need to clean  mine well, then move to the hall bigger bathroom I normally use-and replace the chair in the shower in the master bath, with grab bar and holder for shampoos, etc

I don't think she has a specific rheumatological diagnosis.  She's in her 90's and I think she has osteoarthritis, not rheumatoid.  But I do imagine it would be exhausting to travel, and shower, and maybe stay and visit and eat dinner with us and travel back.  Maybe we need to figure out a schedule with some down time in there. 

On the flip side, the reason she needs a place, if it happens, is a very happy one, and our 90 year old, her baby brother, is so excited that she might be coming to stay.  

 

[TravelingChris]

6 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I don't think she has a specific rheumatological diagnosis.  She's in her 90's and I think she has osteoarthritis, not rheumatoid.  But I do imagine it would be exhausting to travel, and shower, and maybe stay and visit and eat dinner with us and travel back.  Maybe we need to figure out a schedule with some down time in there. 

On the flip side, the reason she needs a place, if it happens, is a very happy one, and our 90 year old, her baby brother, is so excited that she might be coming to stay.  

 

I wasn't implying that she has an autoimmune condition.   I was just explaining to all readers, not just you, that many of us much much much younger people also have bad fatigue w the whole showering bit.  On bad days like today is for me, getting dressed and putting away the clothes I need to put away from yesterday- one is a skirt that can be reworn w/ out washing and won is a blouse I took down yesterday, and figuring out what to wear will be tiring.

So I of course understand how tiring things can be even for healthy 91 yo people.. 

Many hugs to you caring for her elders, your kids. and your dh ad you struggle w your grief.  Please take good care 9f yourself. Stress kills.

Hugs again to you.

[EKS]

16 hours ago, BaseballandHockey said:

On the other hand, our first floor is entirely wheelchair accessible, and has a wheelchair accessible shower. 

I would think that this would be key for a person who uses a wheelchair.  If you are happy to have her, I'd do what it takes to make it happen.

[Carol in Cal.]

16 hours ago, Sherry in OH said:

This is probably the easiest and least expensive option.   

Portable blow-up bathtubs are available for less than $100, but if she isn't ambulatory she would not be able to get into and out of it herself.  You could also research portable indoor shower units, but I believe they are quite pricey to buy.  A local medical supply company might have rentals.

Can you please link one of these?  I didn’t realize that portable versions of either were available.  This could be a game changer for my extended family.

[Drama Llama]

56 minutes ago, EKS said:

I would think that this would be key for a person who uses a wheelchair.  If you are happy to have her, I'd do what it takes to make it happen.

It's hard to know what will be the best.  There are 3 households she could stay with, and we're all podded together, so the covid risk is the same.  Each one has pros and cons.  

[Junie]

30 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

It's hard to know what will be the best.  There are 3 households she could stay with, and we're all podded together, so the covid risk is the same.  Each one has pros and cons.  

In this case, I would spell out the choices for her (with pros and cons) and let her decide.  Some elderly people like quiet, but some also enjoy children and all the noise they make.

[City Mouse]

A quick search led me to this https://showerbay.com/?keyword=portable shower&network=g&device=t&adposition&gclid=CjwKCAiAsOmABhAwEiwAEBR0ZgXcd8BhbrjIddKNzNZLOtKRWSv00QivePDNg8bWCUthDu_9kV5mhxoCntEQAvD_BwE

I bet it is rather expensive though.

[JFSinIL]

When I was in hospital they used these cap things that fitted over the scalp and used a special shampoo that did not need rinsing to sort of clean hair. No-Rinse Shampoo Cap by Cleanlife Products (Pack of 5), Shampoo and Condition Hair with no Water or Rinsing - Microwaveable, Latex-Free and Alcohol-Free.  Cut and pasted that from Amazon.  Since usually older folks don't need to wash hair all that often, this can work fine.

[Acadie]

Listen to that wise inner voice telling you that taking on all of the responsibility would be too much! 

But since you're all podded together, could you make shower day a time when you give the other family a bit of respite, and you have a meal and visit with your senior? I'd really appreciate that if I were in the other family's shoes. And the everyday peace and quiet at their house really does sound like a better fit for an older person.

Edited February 3, 2021 by Acadie

[prairiewindmomma]

I wanted to toss in—if this family member is from your side of the family and there are difficult dynamics—you get a free pass on having to have her in your home.

[Drama Llama]

30 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I wanted to toss in—if this family member is from your side of the family and there are difficult dynamics—you get a free pass on having to have her in your home.

No, nothing like that.  She's my husband's Great Aunt, and lovely.  

I'm exhausted.  This is my first week back 100% at work, and teaching, homeschooling, and grieving is a lot.  In any other time, I'd love to have her here, although my worries about tiny space and noisy boys would still be an issue, but otherwise I'd have no hesitation.  

It is official, she's coming.  I think my GFIL (her brother) is going to burst from excitement.  She's going to stay with my older sister in law, and he'll go to keep her company during the days when my SIL and BIL are working.  

[Junie]

Oh, this makes me so happy for your GFIL! :)

[KungFuPanda]

A stock tank and a submersible pump. 

This works for a temporary fix.  You get a plastic stock tank big enough to bathe in. You need a way to get water into the tub . . . a hose from a sink works.  To get it back out, the submersible pump empties the tub for you.  This solution is inexpensive and easily removable when you no longer need it.  With long enough hoses, he can bathe in the privacy of his room.  The drawbacks are that the tub takes a while to fill from a sink and the pump is noisy.  Yes, it's weird, but it works.  I may have invented it out of desperation.  😁

[Sherry in OH]

7 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Can you please link one of these?  I didn’t realize that portable versions of either were available.  This could be a game changer for my extended family.

Portable bathtubs - there are many on Amazon.  Here is one.  Here is a different style. 

Here is  a bathtub/shower specifically designed for bedridden individuals and other persons with disabilities.  

Showers - Next Day Access is one provider of wheelchair accessible showers, Amramp is another, and Shower Bay is a third.  They are all $$$.

[Drama Llama]

3 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

A stock tank and a submersible pump. 

This works for a temporary fix.  You get a plastic stock tank big enough to bathe in. You need a way to get water into the tub . . . a hose from a sink works.  To get it back out, the submersible pump empties the tub for you.  This solution is inexpensive and easily removable when you no longer need it.  With long enough hoses, he can bathe in the privacy of his room.  The drawbacks are that the tub takes a while to fill from a sink and the pump is noisy.  Yes, it's weird, but it works.  I may have invented it out of desperation.  😁

How do you get someone one in and out? 

[KungFuPanda]

5 hours ago, Acadie said:

Listen to that wise inner voice telling you that taking on all of the responsibility would be too much! 

But since you're all podded together, could you make shower day a time when you give the other family a bit of respite, and you have a meal and visit with your senior? I'd really appreciate that if I were in the other family's shoes. And the everyday peace and quiet at their house really does sound like a better fit for an older person.

This might be the best idea.  The other family will need a break and it's nice for her to have a change of scenery and for your family to do a weekly hang out.  A meal, a bath, a visit . . . it would be nice for everyone and not too much for the short term.  Maybe a sitz bath at the other home would help with soaking the nethers in between visits to you.  If you need a shower wheelchair, amazon has several.

22 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

How do you get someone one in and out? 

When I responded, I didn't know she couldn't get in and out of a tub.  I thought she just had trouble with steps.  My son is non-ambulatory, so we already had a hoyer lift for wheelchair transfers and we purchased a shower sling to get him in and out of the tub. (The normal sling we used for transfers can't get wet, but the shower sling is made of a mesh material that dries quickly.) You could probably find a patient lift inexpensively on craigslist or maybe source one from a local loan closet.  Lifts are covered by insurance, but with your short-term need I doubt it would come through in time.  You could also try just asking friends.  You'd be surprised who has one stashed in their garage because grandma needed it 10 years ago and they never got rid of it.  We once didn't have to travel with one because my sister-in-law just had one in her home for her mother who refused to ever use it. We just chose a stock tub that would work with a lift.  You can also use a lift with a clawfoot tub.  It was an inexpensive, completely DIY solution for us while we decided what we wanted to do.  

You may be able to rent some equipment short-term.  In some areas you can rent portable wheelchair showers, hoyers, and even stair-lifts.  A stair lift is a quicker install that most people imagine.  

[Drama Llama]

26 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

This might be the best idea.  The other family will need a break and it's nice for her to have a change of scenery and for your family to do a weekly hang out.  A meal, a bath, a visit . . . it would be nice for everyone and not too much for the short term.  Maybe a sitz bath at the other home would help with soaking the nethers in between visits to you.  If you need a shower wheelchair, amazon has several.

When I responded, I didn't know she couldn't get in and out of a tub.  I thought she just had trouble with steps.  My son is non-ambulatory, so we already had a hoyer lift for wheelchair transfers and we purchased a shower sling to get him in and out of the tub. (The normal sling we used for transfers can't get wet, but the shower sling is made of a mesh material that dries quickly.) You could probably find a patient lift inexpensively on craigslist or maybe source one from a local loan closet.  Lifts are covered by insurance, but with your short-term need I doubt it would come through in time.  You could also try just asking friends.  You'd be surprised who has one stashed in their garage because grandma needed it 10 years ago and they never got rid of it.  We once didn't have to travel with one because my sister-in-law just had one in her home for her mother who refused to ever use it. We just chose a stock tub that would work with a lift.  You can also use a lift with a clawfoot tub.  It was an inexpensive, completely DIY solution for us while we decided what we wanted to do.  

You may be able to rent some equipment short-term.  In some areas you can rent portable wheelchair showers, hoyers, and even stair-lifts.  A stair lift is a quicker install that most people imagine.  

I think she can do like a pivot transfer?  I haven’t seen her in more that a year and she was walking short distances then. 

We have a shower chair, and I assume they are sending stuff.  We have a portable ramp that we’ll install at the house where she’s staying.  Our house, and the third house in our pod are ramped.  The people she usually lives with are very conscientious so I assume they will tell us what we need.

I am so so excited for this!