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Scarlett
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So I am exhausted and I know my sister is more so.  She completely dissolved into wailing when she knew her daughter was alive. 
 

I am left wondering about this situation which I doubt we will ever hear the truth about.  But it seems to me this was all classic intimidation tactics on his part.  Take her car and phone until she makes him some money?  And he switched her plates out just in case someone reports it stolen?

She is so far down a path I am not sure she can come back.....well of course she can but I don’t think she wants to. 

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7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

So I am exhausted and I know my sister is more so.  She completely dissolved into wailing when she knew her daughter was alive. 
 

I am left wondering about this situation which I doubt we will ever hear the truth about.  But it seems to me this was all classic intimidation tactics on his part.  Take her car and phone until she makes him some money?  And he switched her plates out just in case someone reports it stolen?

She is so far down a path I am not sure she can come back.....well of course she can but I don’t think she wants to. 

Is substance abuse a factor in this? I’m wondering if there is a legal way to force her into rehab or if there’s mental illness involved, committed to a hospital for a time. I mean, y’all are wrecked by this. A brief stint in rehab would at least give the family a mental break. 

Maybe talk to a social worker? Dh and I went through the legal process of forcing his aunt into a hospital/long term care due to dementia. I have no idea if substance abuse is enough, but if she’s endangering herself and (it sounds like) her family...IDK maybe y’all have already been down this road. My heart is heavy for you and your family. I have an adult child who is bipolar. We’ve been to hell and back a time or two, but she’s stable on meds currently. I can remember when we could see NO light at the end of the tunnel. I will continue to pray for peace and wisdom for you and your family.

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7 hours ago, popmom said:

Is substance abuse a factor in this? I’m wondering if there is a legal way to force her into rehab or if there’s mental illness involved, committed to a hospital for a time. I mean, y’all are wrecked by this. A brief stint in rehab would at least give the family a mental break. 

Maybe talk to a social worker? Dh and I went through the legal process of forcing his aunt into a hospital/long term care due to dementia. I have no idea if substance abuse is enough, but if she’s endangering herself and (it sounds like) her family...IDK maybe y’all have already been down this road. My heart is heavy for you and your family. I have an adult child who is bipolar. We’ve been to hell and back a time or two, but she’s stable on meds currently. I can remember when we could see NO light at the end of the tunnel. I will continue to pray for peace and wisdom for you and your family.

Substance abuse is definitely enough in some states, especially if the family is willing to testify to a judge she’s been doing illegal things (drugs, prostitution, drinking & driving, etc) to support her habits.  Depending on the substances involved that might involve a few days of inpatient detox then 30-90 days of inpatient rehab (with multiple kinds of therapy daily). Given the police reports just generated they’ll have plenty of evidence right now.

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Prior to this incident, my sister has  reached out to many agencies, attorneys etc looking for a way to help her daughter.  They all tell her the same thing......nothing can be done.

During one of the many many other incidents a policeman told her dad, ‘sadly, I predict this girl will end up dead or in prison’. 

Edited by Scarlett
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9 hours ago, Seasider too said:

From what you describe, the situation seems to be vastly different from her perspective. Like, not such a big deal?

I am thankful she was found alive. I do hope that what happened convicted her of the need to make different choices. 

This. More likely is that she handed the car over as payment and forgot to grab her phone. While the people she’s entangled with are clearly NOT model citizens, it does not appear they had any interest in or intent to pimp her out. Maybe she can get into a program somewhere away from her existing supply network.

One of our family members struggles with mental illness. It took a 10 month stint behind bars to get a guardian appointed.

Edited by Sneezyone
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14 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

This. More likely is that she handed the car over as payment and forgot to grab her phone. While the people she’s entangled with are clearly NOT model citizens, it does not appear they had any interest in or intent to pimp her out. Maybe she can get into a program somewhere away from her existing supply network.

One of our family members struggles with mental illness. It took a 10 month stint behind bars to get a guardian appointed.

The police told my sister he is known to them as a pimp and he absolutely is pimping her out.  There is so much more 'out there' on her IG page and on his.  It is a really really bad situation.  Her dad was able to go get her last night so she is at his house now.  But I suspect she went home so she can get the car back. 

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4 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

A relative of mine had to hire a professional intervention team to remove a minor almost-adult from a circle of people enabling drug addiction (rehab boarding school in another state). Cost the whole retirement account and maxed out insurance benefits, the kind of resources most people don’t have. To this day the son will tell people that saved his life. Before taking this drastic measure they did the same sort of dance around what the police and social services could and could not do. Most told them it would take a jail sentence or dreadful accident to do anything, but they did their research, scrapped together the funds and fought with force for their son. 

That is great.  I wish my sister and her XH had been able to work together to help this girl before she turned 18.  The XH has always been indulgent and seemingly incapable of putting his foot down with his daughter.  She had a breakdown when she was 13 and was sent to a psych hospital.  After 7 days the dad took her out even though the doctors said she needed to stay MUCH longer.  He would not make her take her meds on his week of visitation.  And when my sister found a program that everyone thought might help her he refused to take her to it on the weeks he had her.  He was determined that she was 'fine'.  

My sister really did try but she was met with resistance at every turn that she could not find a way around.

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7 hours ago, Scarlett said:

The police told my sister he is known to them as a pimp and he absolutely is pimping her out.  There is so much more 'out there' on her IG page and on his.  It is a really really bad situation.  Her dad was able to go get her last night so she is at his house now.  But I suspect she went home so she can get the car back. 

Scarlett, if that’s the case, she agreed to perform sex acts to fund her habit and will probably offer up the car again to keep up the flow. Addiction lays people low and, were she sober, she’d probably be horrified. In fact, shame probably feeds the addiction. This ‘pimp’ could cut her off tomorrow and she’d find someone else locally to facilitate her habit. Family dynamics like this are common among addicts. I’ve, again, probably been watching too much Intervention. Agree with Seasider, I’d try to work as a family to scrabble up the resources to get her help out of state. Maybe the family can find NARCanon programs nearby too to help with the codependency?

Edited by Sneezyone
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1 minute ago, Seasider too said:

I did not mean to imply the situation isn’t bad. Just that from her unhealthy point of view, she probably doesn’t see it as such a big deal. Like, we can look from the outside and use the term “pimped out,” but she’s not grasping it the same way. It’s just a survival tactic for engaging in the group she is choosing to keep company with. 

Oh yes, I agree with you.  I was replying to @Sneezyone who is thinking she wasn't actually being pimped out. But I totally agree that my niece isn't seeing this rationally or accurately.

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4 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Scarlett, if that’s the case, she agreed to perform sex acts to fund her habit and will probably offer up the car again to keep up the flow. Addiction lays people low and, we’re she sober, she’d probably be horrified. In fact, shame probably feeds the addiction. This ‘pimp’ could cut her off tomorrow and she’d find someone else locally to facilitate her habit. Family dynamics like this are common among addicts. I’ve, again, probably been watching too much Intervention. Agree with Seasider, I’d try to work as a family to scrabble up the resources to get her help out of state.

This girl has been so completely messed up since she was a young child.  There is something just not right about her.  Although I think she is drinking and smoking weed, there is so far no indication she is on anything worse.  I don't doubt it will probably get to that point, but for now this seems to be a case of her feeling 'good' in the world she is in.  She is a gorgeous girl and she is being horribly used but she thinks she is in control.  

I feel sure my sister would spend her last dime to help her, but you can't make my niece accept help and you can't make her dad see how bad this situation is.  He seems to in the moment (of every incident) but then he just gives in and enables her.  

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Just now, Scarlett said:

This girl has been so completely messed up since she was a young child.  There is something just not right about her.  Although I think she is drinking and smoking weed, there is so far no indication she is on anything worse.  I don't doubt it will probably get to that point, but for now this seems to be a case of her feeling 'good' in the world she is in.  She is a gorgeous girl and she is being horribly used but she thinks she is in control.  

I feel sure my sister would spend her last dime to help her, but you can't make my niece accept help and you can't make her dad see how bad this situation is.  He seems to in the moment (of every incident) but then he just gives in and enables her.  

If you guys honestly believe behavior like this is ‘just weed’ and booze, I don’t even know what to say to that. I hope you all find some resources that can help.

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1 minute ago, Sneezyone said:

If you guys honestly believe behavior like this is ‘just weed’ and booze, I don’t even know what to say to that. I hope you all find some resources that can help.

I don't know.  You would just have to know this girl.  But it doesn't matter if she wont take help.

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I just talked to my sister and my niece is talking for once. He has had control of the car for months.  Once she didn't come home for 2 weeks and apparently he took her car out of state for that time.  He has control of her ss card and her bank account and he has her phone.   She is scared and she is embarrassed.  I hope this can be a wake up call for her.  One of her cousins had a good friend who barely escaped from a similar situation and they want to talk to her.  

The car is hidden for now.  Lets all pray the dad sees that he has to take this seriously.  These are some very very bad people she is involved with.

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3 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

Even if it is “just” weed and booze, today’s weed is not your mama’s weed. It is often much more potent and addictive and altering (I cannot speak to responsibly grown medical products, but this is what my relative’s care providers told them about street stuff.) 

Yes this is true.  I have been hearing that too.  

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1 minute ago, Seasider too said:

She is 19. What the bio dad thinks is of no consequence. She doesn’t have to live with him if he won’t support her getting the help she needs. 
 

Your sis needs to try to get her daughter a replacement SS number - may be possible in cases of identity theft, which this is - or at least figure out how to clean things up. Change banks and PIN numbers. Seriously, act swiftly while the girl is cooperating. 
 

Yes they have a list of stuff they are going to help her accomplish.  It is not that her dad won't support her getting help....he just won't cross her.  Like right now he is telling her the car is with the police.  

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1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Yes they have a list of stuff they are going to help her accomplish.  It is not that her dad won't support her getting help....he just won't cross her.  Like right now he is telling her the car is with the police.  

Yes, deactivate the phone, change banks, put a freeze on her credit. Does her trafficker know where her family lives? I’d be very concerned about him showing up. I’d get her out of town, out of state, FAST if at all possible. 

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9 minutes ago, Forget-Me-Not said:

Yes, deactivate the phone, change banks, put a freeze on her credit. Does her trafficker know where her family lives? I’d be very concerned about him showing up. I’d get her out of town, out of state, FAST if at all possible. 

He definitely knows where her dad lives  because he contacted the younger niece a few weeks ago and told her the address and threatened everyone.  I am afraid he will show up.  I don't think he knows where my sister lives though.  So I don't know what they are going to do.  She is scared and her parents have told her they will protect her.  They are in contact with the police in both their town and where he lives.

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16 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

He definitely knows where her dad lives  because he contacted the younger niece a few weeks ago and told her the address and threatened everyone.  I am afraid he will show up.  I don't think he knows where my sister lives though.  So I don't know what they are going to do.  She is scared and her parents have told her they will protect her.  They are in contact with the police in both their town and where he lives.

They need to file an order of protection stat. 

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Based on my attorney experiences working with teens involved with the law, I would say that it is incredibly common that children who do not have their mental health needs adequately treated end up self medicating, with one substance or another. Once they run out of funds, they generate cash how they can—often in ways in conflict with the law. The drugs are doing something for her mentally or physically or she would want to change. I am not saying that her rational brain is in charge—just that there’s a functional reason why things are what they are and no amount of external controls such as taking away the car are likely to help until you address those underlying needs.

I am sorry the dad is being a hindrance rather than a help.

 

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3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Based on my attorney experiences working with teens involved with the law, I would say that it is incredibly common that children who do not have their mental health needs adequately treated end up self medicating, with one substance or another. Once they run out of funds, they generate cash how they can—often in ways in conflict with the law. The drugs are doing something for her mentally or physically or she would want to change. I am not saying that her rational brain is in charge—just that there’s a functional reason why things are what they are and no amount of external controls such as taking away the car are likely to help until you address those underlying needs.

I am sorry the dad is being a hindrance rather than a help.

 

I agree.  But there is no way she is going to agree to  mental health help.  My sister and her oldest 2 kids 23 and 25 took her to lunch today.  My niece is in complete denial about how bad of a situation she is in.  They told her they did not care what mistakes she had made or what she had been forced to do they loved her and only wanted to help her.  And that her entire family was not letting her go down without a fight.  

The dad is not letting her have the car back for now.  He won't hold out long---he cannot say no to her......but maybe if she is stranded at home or at his shop it will give her enough time to realize how bad it is with those people.  

She admits nothing.  Denies the website she has listed on her IG.  Denies she was in a hotel when she called her sister yesterday.  Says she lost her ss card and her DL and her debit card.  Doesn't want to change her number.  

Her brother told my sister, 'she has always been this way since she was little and she is not likely to change.'  😞

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They arrested him today.  For attempting to sell another girl to an undercover officer.  My sister has been in contact all day with undercover officers and people from sex crimes and gangs.  Tomorrow an undercover is coming to interview my niece. 

Edited by Scarlett
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2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

They arrested him today.  For attempting to sell another girl to an undercover officer.  My sister has been in contact all day with undercover officers and people from sex crimes and gangs.  Tomorrow an undercover is coming to interview my niece. 

So glad he was arrested!  How dumb is he?  I hope they are able to find anyone else he has using. 

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Holy crap! I missed all of this until the update was was made. I’m not on here as much as I used to be. Wow. I’m so sorry your family and loved ones are struggling with this.  I sure hope your niece is able to get the help she needs.

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34 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Holy crap! I missed all of this until the update was was made. I’m not on here as much as I used to be. Wow. I’m so sorry your family and loved ones are struggling with this.  I sure hope your niece is able to get the help she needs.

Thank you.  The task force, undercovers etc are very encouraging. They claim they will definitely bring him down. With very colorful language.  

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This is apparently his third arrest.  One was for Drugs and weapons and one was for running from the police and now this is a sex crime.  Lets all pray it is enough to get this scum off the streets. But even more that the police can get through to my niece.

 

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Scarlet, I just saw the update after not being on the boards in a few days. I’m so glad to hear your niece is safe and I pray that she’ll be convinced to get help before it is too late. Such a long hard road for your family!

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