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Help please! child on strike


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Well, I'd attack the problem on several fronts.

 

First is to figure out what the problem is - why is he not working? Is this a sudden problem? What would he like to do differently? Is this a real issue with school or is he testing you?

 

Second, I'd have him envision his future - if he's not going to graduate from high school, what is his plan? I'd be sure and have him figure out a living budget based on working at Wal-Mart or something similar.

 

Third, I'd probably consider refusal to do schoolwork as disobedience. Anything he considers fun would come to an immediate halt. In our house, "he who will not work, will not eat".

 

I hope some of these thoughts give you some ideas that will work for you and your family!

 

Anne

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This might not be the correct response, but I'd be tempted to find all kinds of things I'm tired of doing. His laundry, cooking for him, driving him to events...

 

If he wants to have a discussion about what is and what is not working, that's one thing. Shutting you out should not be an option.

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Well, I'd attack the problem on several fronts.

 

First is to figure out what the problem is - why is he not working? Is this a sudden problem? What would he like to do differently? Is this a real issue with school or is he testing you?

 

Second, I'd have him envision his future - if he's not going to graduate from high school, what is his plan? I'd be sure and have him figure out a living budget based on working at Wal-Mart or something similar.

 

Third, I'd probably consider refusal to do schoolwork as disobedience. Anything he considers fun would come to an immediate halt. In our house, "he who will not work, will not eat".

 

I hope some of these thoughts give you some ideas that will work for you and your family!

 

Anne

thank you for responding.

this is not a sudden problem, he does this on and off , usually for a day or so at a time, but this time it has been for a whole week. I have no idea if it is a issue with schoolwork or me, but I suspect both.

 

he doesn't do anything that could be considered fun. except basketball, which I am not going to halt, as it is the only thing that he seems to enjoy in life.

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Although my reflex might be more like what everyone above said, I know that sometimes an introvert or a teen going through something tough just has a ridiculous, blinding, absolute need not. to. be. bothered. I don't favor catering to this very much, or it can become a habit. Obviously he has gone about this in a very wrong way. But, I can't help wondering whether you should think about giving him some grace here, as he has boxed himself into a corner and can't reasonably get out.

 

My approach to doing that might be, well, do you want to focus on literature for a while? If so, that's reasonable. You have until after Christmas, at which point we will be doubling up on math for a while.

Or maybe extending our math and science work into the summer.

Or something like that.

 

Something that partially lets him off the hook but not completely, so that you're giving him a little leeway without rewarding him for this behavior.

 

I would definately couple this with instructions (a few weeks from now) for how to approach negotiating for something like this in a way that is acceptable to you in the future, and also I would expect some serious literary writing to go along with all that reading.

 

Anyway, just food for thought. As I mentioned before, my kneejerk inclination would be far more restrictive and punitive. But I like to think twice before imposing such a reaction.

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ditto all the above. especially a multi-prong approach.

 

and since as parent, his not doing schoolwork could lead to problems for ME legally, then i'd start taking personal items away from him every day he refuses to comply. Starting w/ his favorite gadget.

 

good luck-

thank you for your advice

 

playing on the computer is not allowed in this household unless schoolwork is completed.

he doesn't have any other gadget that he plays with. I am at a real loss with what to do with him, all the younger ones have heaps of things that I could take away from them, just not him.

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thank you for responding.

this is not a sudden problem, he does this on and off , usually for a day or so at a time, but this time it has been for a whole week. I have no idea if it is a issue with schoolwork or me, but I suspect both.

 

he doesn't do anything that could be considered fun. except basketball, which I am not going to halt, as it is the only thing that he seems to enjoy in life.

 

well, you don't have to halt it permanently. Maybe talk to his coach and see if he can offer any advice or an OK to skip a few practices if ds doesn't start complying?

 

or just strip his room down to a mattress and a change of clothes till he's ready to talk......

 

OR --do y'all do a year-round school schedule, or 36 weeks, or something else? if he needs a week off every month or so, a year round schedule might actually just work better.

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I was thinking about the removal of priveleges also. I think it was on the board here that I saw the child who had a mattress in his room, which did NOT have a door. WE don't get fun stuff unless we work, right? And I would also consider going on strike :D God, And I, help those who help themselves.

 

I also like the approach of discussing his future with him. Where will he go from here? For starters, people don't live in my house without pitching in. Next, what's he going to do when he's, say 20? What kind of jobs are available to high school dropouts. And then start working out the budget.

 

In addition, I would ask for more specifics. Too much school work is a rather broad answer. What, specifically is NOT working? Can you juggle a few things so his days might be a little shorter (or at least, appear to be). And if possible, I would approach this as a team, with Dad.

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Although my reflex might be more like what everyone above said, I know that sometimes an introvert or a teen going through something tough just has a ridiculous, blinding, absolute need not. to. be. bothered. I don't favor catering to this very much, or it can become a habit. Obviously he has gone about this in a very wrong way. But, I can't help wondering whether you should think about giving him some grace here, as he has boxed himself into a corner and can't reasonably get out.

 

My approach to doing that might be, well, do you want to focus on literature for a while? If so, that's reasonable. You have until after Christmas, at which point we will be doubling up on math for a while.

Or maybe extending our math and science work into the summer.

Or something like that.

 

Something that partially lets him off the hook but not completely, so that you're giving him a little leeway without rewarding him for this behavior.

 

I would definately couple this with instructions (a few weeks from now) for how to approach negotiating for something like this in a way that is acceptable to you in the future, and also I would expect some serious literary writing to go along with all that reading.

 

.

this might work. he has definitely boxed himself into a corner. He is definitely an introvert.

I am just very reluctant to seem to be giving way to him, bearing in mind that He has 4 younger siblings watching to see what happens

Thankyou.

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well, you don't have to halt it permanently. Maybe talk to his coach and see if he can offer any advice or an OK to skip a few practices if ds doesn't start complying?

 

 

 

OR --do y'all do a year-round school schedule, or 36 weeks, or something else? if he needs a week off every month or so, a year round schedule might actually just work better.

 

basket ball games won't start again until feb next year, he is just doing training now.

 

we school year round.

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I was thinking about the removal of priveleges also. I think it was on the board here that I saw the child who had a mattress in his room, which did NOT have a door. WE don't get fun stuff unless we work, right? And I would also consider going on strike :D God, And I, help those who help themselves.

 

I also like the approach of discussing his future with him. Where will he go from here? For starters, people don't live in my house without pitching in. Next, what's he going to do when he's, say 20? What kind of jobs are available to high school dropouts. And then start working out the budget.

 

In addition, I would ask for more specifics. Too much school work is a rather broad answer. What, specifically is NOT working? Can you juggle a few things so his days might be a little shorter (or at least, appear to be). And if possible, I would approach this as a team, with Dad.

 

HE still does all his family chores, he even cooked tea for the family the other night.

He is aware of what happens to high school dropouts. We even know a homeschooling family that has early 20's children doing school ( not finished high-school yet) and I talked to him about how he has only so many books to go and he will be finished.

 

Dh's answer when I asked him for help was to just leave him be, that he can just sit there . I didn't find this very helpful, and burst into tears, and my husband clarified it to say he didn't know what to do, or say to him.

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Does he have friends? is he isolated? how long has he been like this? does he have someone else he talks too? Is it just school work? Has he withdrawn from other areas of life? Does he eat properly? When was his last checkup? Is he getting enough exercise? Have you talked to him about how his schooling is going?

 

That is a tough age. My family has a history of depression. Depression is very common in teens. A visit to the family doctor and a candid discussion with him and the doctor that you are concerned might be worthwhile. I was surprised when I took my ds to the doctor one year for his physical that he told the doctor that he felt bad all the time. He ended up being treated for depression for about a year. It helped tremendously.

 

I'm not saying that is what is going on with your son. I'm just suggesting that perhaps what appears to be a discipline issue in a child isn't always.

 

Now, back to my list. If he is like my ds and his friends, they don't eat well, which makes them not able to focus well. Maybe keep an eye on his eating habits.

 

I found that the boys around here feel a lot better when they had vigorous physical exercise every day. it is something about all of that testosterone that is now starting to cloud up their thinking.

 

Is he feeling isolated from peers? Maybe he would enjoy his school work more if he were involved in some small group classes. My ds loved being able to discuss his ideas with other kids during highschool. They start discovering all of these great ideas and have nobody but us to discuss them with, and we are old and have deep set ideas already. We aren't as much fun to talk to as someone else discovering this stuff for the first time.

 

What does his ideal school day look like to him? You might be surprised. My ds wanted to study Japanese instead of Spanish. He wanted more art. He thought he needed an outside evaluator for his writing because he thought I was too easy on him. He didn't like his math.

 

Oh yeah, and girls. You know it is on his mind. Does he know some? Does he spend time with some? When the time comes for dating, does he have a peer group for this?

 

Get ready. There is a young man lurking in your home. He is going to be someone's husband and someone's father someday. He is also going to break your heart at some point before that.

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I talked to him about how he has only so many books to go and he will be finished.

 

 

Just a thought, but this might be the key. Perhaps the two of you could make a chart of what he has left to "finish" -- post the chart on his wall or somewhere highly visible. When my husband was finishing up that "last lap" of college studies, I did this with/for him, and he found it very motivating.

 

Maybe your son is ready to go more in-depth with one subject for length of time -- sort of like college, with a semester approach. He could study 1-2 subjects all the way through, until he "completes" the requirements, then check those off the chart. He could then move onto the next 1-2 subjects, and so on, until he is done with your HS requirements.

 

Maybe he is trying to figure out who he is and what his life goals ought to be? Maybe he is a deep thinker? If you believe in prayer, you and your husband might want to pray with your son. HTH.

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Does he have friends? is he isolated? how long has he been like this? does he have someone else he talks too? Is it just school work? Has he withdrawn from other areas of life? Does he eat properly? When was his last checkup? Is he getting enough exercise? Have you talked to him about how his schooling is going?

 

That is a tough age. My family has a history of depression. Depression is very common in teens. .

 

he has only one friend , who lives over 3000KM away. he sees him once a year.

Most of the homeschooler's around this area don't believe in socialising . I get together with one family every 2nd week that has children of the same age,,including a 15 year old boy. my son hates going there. the family are a little weird I will admit. we also go to a home school tennis thing once a month.

he has withdrawn from nearly everything apart from basketball, which he loves.

he eats very well.

he is definitely depressed. I am extremely reluctant to take him to the doctor. I have family that went to the doctor at this age, and the doctor put them on antidepressants, it has completely screwed their lives up.

the only exercise he gets is from basketball

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Maybe your son is ready to go more in-depth with one subject for length of time -- sort of like college, with a semester approach. He could study 1-2 subjects all the way through, until he "completes" the requirements, then check those off the chart. He could then move onto the next 1-2 subjects, and so on, until he is done with your HS requirements.

 

Maybe he is trying to figure out who he is and what his life goals ought to be? Maybe he is a deep thinker? HTH.

 

What a great idear. I will suggest this to him. thank you

definitely a deep thinker.

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Honestly, I think if you believe that your son is depressed, you really need to take some action.

 

There are vitamins that are supposed to be helpful - I'm not familiar with them, but I'm sure someone on this board is. He needs to exercise hard every day. If those two things don't provide some relief, it may be time to seek outside help.

 

Find a therapist/counselor that will work with you on the best way to treat your son. I don't want to be an alarmist, but depression in teens can be life-threatening.

 

:grouphug: to you and your family!!

 

Anne

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Also, one more thought. SWB, in her book TWTM, wrote a chapter about "The Specialist," which discusses the need to tailor the curriculum to the individual student towards the end of high school. Your son might be motivated to finish out the requirements for this year if you give him more of a selection for next year (if possible).

 

Here's a link that might apply to your situation:

 

http://susanwisebauer.com/blog/?p=48

 

Susan talks about how she tailored the program for her son, Christopher, who wants to learn to be a writer. Perhaps your son is trying to figure out what he wants to do, what his passion is? HTH.

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I would suggest more basketball. And you need to find a place that he can find some friends. I think the strike on school work is a symptom of the bigger problem. I don't believe in socialization for kids, but I am also very against isolation. It is unhealthy. Talk to him. Not about his school work, but about how he is feeling. That is probably why you cried when your dh said he didn't know what to do with him. You guys talk to him. Find a therapist or the family doctor. Keep him close to you. Talk to him. Work with him. Don't let him shut down more than he has. Since you have three boys close in age, maybe find a way to change some of your subjects so that they are more interactive and have more discussion . Try to draw them together. Maybe that way, it won't seem like the oldest is on strike, he will be more included.

 

I really have no advice except, hold him tight and love him.

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I have a teen that has younger siblings and there always seems to be more than the ones that I gave birth to in this house. SOMEONE always has my attention. When I have the most problems with him is when I have been letting everyone else in the house (or outside the house) have my attention. He has always needed to be connected to me. To just spend time with me. With my eyes on him and not distractedly rushing him to hurry up and tell me what you want to talk about. So many times I give him rushed attention because the littles needed me physically, but he needed me emotionally. Teenagehood is a very hard passage for some. My son is one of those big strong silent, dependable, cheerful guys to everyone but he saves his feelings for me. Only to me will he spill his guts. and that takes some prodding. And concentrated time. So, when I finally realized that his bad attitudes toward school were directly related to lack of real attention from me, you know, the long conversation that finally leads to what he is really thinking (usually at midnight) or maybe a cup of tea and a murder mystery with just the two of us watching it, I see an almost immediate attitude adjustment. He does his work, plays with his little siblings or extras that are running around (yesterday a friend came over with her two boys, 5 and 8 and my 2 6 and 8 year old and my son played sword fighting and zip line, 4 wheeling for almost 3 hours without me asking him to play with them). he came in and cheerfully did Alg II. We had watch a Sherlock Holmes movie the night before and I called it school because he is doing British Literature and I got him to look up a bio on Conan Doyle before we watched it. He is just more peaceful when I give him one on one. but it has to be for a longer period of time than 15 minutes. Like a couple of hours.

this may not be something that works, but any extra time with our older ones, who are leaving first, needs to be carved out. We will have time for the little ones. It is the teens who need us really. Sometimes a cookie and a bandaid isn't enough for a teenager. Take him to lunch, go for a walk, watch a movie when littles are asleep, read out loud to him for an hour out of his latest favorite book. I hope you find out what is going on in his heart.

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Since you have three boys close in age, maybe find a way to change some of your subjects so that they are more interactive and have more discussion . Try to draw them together.

 

I really have no advice except, hold him tight and love him.

 

:iagree::iagree:

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He is just more peaceful when I give him one on one. but it has to be for a longer period of time than 15 minutes. Like a couple of hours.

this may not be something that works, but any extra time with our older ones, who are leaving first, needs to be carved out. We will have time for the little ones. It is the teens who need us really. Sometimes a cookie and a bandaid isn't enough for a teenager. Take him to lunch, go for a walk, watch a movie when littles are asleep, read out loud to him for an hour out of his latest favorite book. I hope you find out what is going on in his heart.

 

Well said. Those big, strong guys still need their moms. But they can make their own cookies and bandage their own cuts. They need prodding and time to open up. They need to know that they are still important and that you are still there for them even if their needs are changing. Work hard to find a way to connect to him.

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This might not be the correct response, but I'd be tempted to find all kinds of things I'm tired of doing. His laundry, cooking for him, driving him to events...

 

If he wants to have a discussion about what is and what is not working, that's one thing. Shutting you out should not be an option.

 

This would be my first idea, too. but I would also consider having him screened for depression.

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I would focus on the "why he won't talk to you" part. Talking is very important here. My son needs to know he can talk to me, and it may just be that your son would love to talk to you, but is embarrassed. At that age, they feel all of the emotions we feel but don't often have an outlet for them -- sadness, loneliness, desperation, hopelessness, anger, and so on.

 

I am a very firm parent, but I also feel it is imperative that my boys can tell me anything.

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"he doesn't do anything that could be considered fun. except basketball, which I am not going to halt, as it is the only thing that he seems to enjoy in life."

 

Frankly, I'd be discouraged, too. I might quit doing everything else in my life, too. Even if I didn't have a tendency towards depression, I'd probably feel depressed. I think parents need to think long and hard about the social situation their kids are in. (I'm not saying you haven't done this. I see you are making an effort to get him together with other kids.) Whether an introvert or extrovert, a kid needs some friends. A kid needs something to look forward to. If you take away basketball--the only fun thing in his life--think how much more discouraged he'll be. I agree with you on this.

 

While refusing to do schoolwork is unacceptable, so is not having friends. So is only having one thing to look forward to--in this case his basketball which is a seasonal commitment.

 

I'd try and find ways he can enlarge his social group and get involved in more things he enjoys. It sounds like you live in an area where this could be a challenge. I'd try and think of everything I could to make something--anything work.

 

I'd also try and involve your husband more. Dads often relate to their sons in ways moms can't. Also, most teen boys need their dads more than ever.

 

As home schoolers we are in charge of their academics needs, but we are also in charge of making sure their social needs are being met, too.

 

I can tell you're really trying to find a solution. Hang in there.

__________________

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he has only one friend , who lives over 3000KM away. he sees him once a year.

Most of the homeschooler's around this area don't believe in socialising . I get together with one family every 2nd week that has children of the same age,,including a 15 year old boy. my son hates going there. the family are a little weird I will admit. we also go to a home school tennis thing once a month.

he has withdrawn from nearly everything apart from basketball, which he loves.

he eats very well.

he is definitely depressed. I am extremely reluctant to take him to the doctor. I have family that went to the doctor at this age, and the doctor put them on antidepressants, it has completely screwed their lives up.

the only exercise he gets is from basketball

 

 

ok, this changes my advice a LOT, lol.

 

i would absolutely increase fun family time --esp fieldtrips. hiking?

 

can your son stay home instead of going to the other family? I'm guessing your other kids don't mind going....

 

the indepth semester work sounds good too. he might find something that piques his interest and leads to outside involvement [volunteering, civic involvement, etc].

 

if you think he is fighting depression, i would absolutely seek at the LEAST some counseling. It might take a solid year to find a counselor that really 'clicks' w/ him tho. since you already know you want to avoid antidepressants, be upfront about that and hold firm. You can always get a second [or third] opinion. or stick w/ psychologists [who don't prescribe medicines] instead psychiatrists.

 

so yeah, i retract my initial advice. for now.... :D

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he is definitely depressed. I am extremely reluctant to take him to the doctor. I have family that went to the doctor at this age, and the doctor put them on antidepressants, it has completely screwed their lives up.

 

 

There are many more medications for depression nowadays, all working in different ways. I was NOT treated as a teen and it really screwed up my life. For a LONG time. Fortunately, I have ended up on the road I would have been on anyway, but the road there could have been a LOT more productive.

 

If he is depressed, he needs some sort of intervention. While I don't want to alarm you, suicide is NOT unheard of at this age. I would, at the very least, TALK to his Dr. adn get a referral to a reputable psychiatrist, preferrably one who has experience with teens, their issues and the medications that seem to work best for htem. IF the first medication does NOT work, dont' give up. Everybody's body is different, and there are a plethora of meds available. try another. We can already see how the depression is affecting his life, in a negative way. You want to counter that. As Soon As Possible. In the meantime, you might want to try some omega 3's.

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hi,

I am after advice on what to do with my nearly 15 year old. He is on strike. he won't do school work ( oh, he still reads). He won't talk to either me or my DH. the only information that I could get out of him was that he was sick of doing schoolwork.

 

He sounds overwhelmed to me. I would back off totally and try to connect with him. Grounding and taking stuff away will just push him further and further away. Give him a break for a week - tell him he has no assignments for a week and see if you can't connect with him in that week. But to me, connection with my kid is much more important than academics.

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I have a teen that has younger siblings and there always seems to be more than the ones that I gave birth to in this house. SOMEONE always has my attention. When I have the most problems with him is when I have been letting everyone else in the house (or outside the house) have my attention. He has always needed to be connected to me. To just spend time with me. With my eyes on him and not distractedly rushing him to hurry up and tell me what you want to talk about. So many times I give him rushed attention because the littles needed me physically, but he needed me emotionally. Teenagehood is a very hard passage for some. My son is one of those big strong silent, dependable, cheerful guys to everyone but he saves his feelings for me. Only to me will he spill his guts. and that takes some prodding. And concentrated time. So, when I finally realized that his bad attitudes toward school were directly related to lack of real attention from me, you know, the long conversation that finally leads to what he is really thinking (usually at midnight) or maybe a cup of tea and a murder mystery with just the two of us watching it, I see an almost immediate attitude adjustment. He does his work, plays with his little siblings or extras that are running around (yesterday a friend came over with her two boys, 5 and 8 and my 2 6 and 8 year old and my son played sword fighting and zip line, 4 wheeling for almost 3 hours without me asking him to play with them). he came in and cheerfully did Alg II. We had watch a Sherlock Holmes movie the night before and I called it school because he is doing British Literature and I got him to look up a bio on Conan Doyle before we watched it. He is just more peaceful when I give him one on one. but it has to be for a longer period of time than 15 minutes. Like a couple of hours.

this may not be something that works, but any extra time with our older ones, who are leaving first, needs to be carved out. We will have time for the little ones. It is the teens who need us really. Sometimes a cookie and a bandaid isn't enough for a teenager. Take him to lunch, go for a walk, watch a movie when littles are asleep, read out loud to him for an hour out of his latest favorite book. I hope you find out what is going on in his heart.

 

You are such a smart mama! Thanks for posting this. I needed the reminder.

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he he is definitely depressed. I am extremely reluctant to take him to the doctor. I have family that went to the doctor at this age, and the doctor put them on antidepressants, it has completely screwed their lives up.

the only exercise he gets is from basketball

 

Meds are the favored bandaid to depression but it is not the only answer. See a psychologist, rather than a physician. Therapy can do wonders, especially if paired with other things to improve mental health. Psychologist do not prescribe drugs, but will refer to someone who does if they feel there is a need. They can learn healthier thinking patterns. Parents can do things to help his mental health - supplements like Vitamin D, EFA's, more exercise, more "feel good" things to help short circuit the depression. I have a son who is in therapy right now and it is making a world of difference - we are getting to the root of the problems rather than treating the symptom.

 

Now, this is not meant to be a bash against meds, but for some people meds are NOT the answer (btdt and have some health problems as a result of them.) Also, there really has not been enough testing on children and teens to know the big picture as far as effectiveness and side effects.

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My son is nowhere near old enough for me to give you BTDT kind of advice about teen boys. I can only say that my daughter went through a similar stage between 14 and 16, and I'm finally hearing from friends and relatives that their kids have done this as well.

 

If I had it to do over again with my daughter I would restructure school to require very little academic work for those years. Art, music, some reading...things that appeal to the emotions, but don't require the same level of concentration as math and grammar.

 

Then I would fill the rest of her time with home-ec, crafts, gardening, and relationship things...helping older people, watching younger children, etc.

 

That's for a girl, obviously, and some of those things might work for a boy but probably not many of them. What I have considered, as I'm thinking ahead for my son, is having him spend a lot of his time in those years doing as much physical work as he can, and also being involved in sports.

 

Do you have, or could you arrange, any way for your son to work really hard physically? Could he plant a garden, mow lawns for older folks, build something? Would he be interested in training to run a marathon or ride in a bike race? My DH rode his bike for hours at a time when he was a teenager; he says that gave him time to think about life while working out his stress by moving. He also started doing photography at that age, and spent a lot of time immersed in that pursuit...which, in a roundabout way, led to the work he does now.

 

Could he delay some academics and come back to them at 16.5 or 17yo and perhaps not graduate till 19? At this point, that's what we have planned for DS and that's what ended up happening with DD although we did not plan it that way.

 

Please take all this with many grains of salt...I'm not there yet, and I may be singing a different tune by then.:001_smile:

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I'm late to the conversation, but my 15 year-old went through a very unmotivated patch last spring.

 

Several things helped.

 

1. A change of scene - we visited family where the kid around his age is very academically motivated.

 

2. I took him to visit a college -HUGE motivation! He got very excited about school again (for awhile, LOL)

 

3. A stern talking-to. I realized I had put too much leeway into school. That made it confusing as to when he was "done"; an ongoing issue here. I find that if I take things more seriously - showing up to do things with him, listening to lectures with him, grading his stuff PROMPTLY - then things go better.

 

But if I were you right now, I would wait until Monday morning, wake him up early, bundle him up appropriately and take that boy outside for a long hike or something else very physical. Even when I lived in California this time of year got to me; there just isn't enough sunshine.

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the fact you are in Australia & its days from the end of the school year. Basketball has ended for the summer for him & he is probably more than ready for a break. Schoolwork IS important, but at that age gaining a sense of direction is necessary before self-motivation in academics happens IMHO. We had a tough year with my 14yos this year. I've found that by simplifying his workload to one hour blocks each in Maths, English/Latin, Science, & History and handing the responsibility to him has helped a bit. Also, ds#1 was able to take 2 one-day courses at the local polytech & a day visit on a Navy ship. These experiences have given him a bit of direction & a set of requirements to meet his goals. Schoolwork is non-negotiable, but how we do it is flexible. I work with my teenagers to help set goals for the year & a few things (maths, spelling, etc.) are required. Extras (scouts, sports, music) are given as much importance as academics as they help to develope character & attitude.

 

My suggestions:

 

1. Relax. Give him a few weeks to enjoy the summer.

2. Make a list of your "must do" subjects & have a meeting with your ds mid-January & work out a plan of how he can finish his work in a timely manner.

3. Look for opportunities for your ds to get a taste of possible careers.

4. Look at signing your ds up for the Duke of Edinborgh award. This award has dc working on skills, sports, service, & an expedition at each level. My 14yos is working on his bronze & my 16yod will be finished her silver by Christmas & has begun her gold.

5. For next year set requirements that must be done daily before Basketball. My Ds#1 loves his gymnastics. He must have 3 blocks of lessons done + his paper route delivered before gymnastics training. I don't nag anymore. He has only had to miss training once.

 

JMHO,

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I agree with Deb. It's that time of year. If it were me, I'd be taking him hiking at Wilson's Prom for a weekend (I don't know where you live, but I'm in Vic) and discussing plans for next year. Perhaps he needs his education to become less workbooky and more like real life. Most extra curricular activities wind down at this time of year, but something like the SCA tends not to because it's adult focused not based on the school terms. That might be somewhere to get involved. He's old enough to do archery and rapier, if he's looking for something physical.

 

Rosie

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thanks for the suggestions. I think the strike might be breaking. he did his math and German today.

 

I live in East Gippsland. we don't follow school holidays, but we are having 3 weeks off in January because the younger ones have VicSwim. We do a lot of sailing in the summer.

 

I cannot do 'real life ' education. I don't have the knowledge in my head to pull it off. I want my children to have enough education to be able to go to university. So I follow WTM blindly. hoping to pull it off. I never finished high school, just left school at 16 and went straight to work.

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I don't have parenting advice but I remember when I was a teen, and if my parents would have taken my door off and had me only on a mattress, it would NOT have made me feel closer to them, and would have really pushed me away from them at a critical time. Even if you don't have other homeschoolers to get together with, find other boys and other families, and other activities. Make it clear to your son that you want to work with him to resolve what's going on and emphasize your love and concern for him. And perhaps it's time to have a serious conversation (not a preachy one) about your own life experience.

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I live in East Gippsland.

 

Ah, well that's not exactly party central :) We're hoping to move to Traralgon in the new year.

 

I cannot do 'real life ' education. I don't have the knowledge in my head to pull it off. I want my children to have enough education to be able to go to university. So I follow WTM blindly. hoping to pull it off. I never finished high school, just left school at 16 and went straight to work.

You probably can, you just might not be in the habit of recognising it. You may not be a science whizz, but you can't know nothing! I have a degree and a diploma and still don't think I have much filed away in my head. It's not given to all of us to be gifted in languages. Heck, I was looking through FLL and realised I don't even know grade 2 grammar.

 

:)

Rosie

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Heck, I was looking through FLL and realised I don't even know grade 2 grammar.

 

:)

Rosie

That's because it's not Grade 2 grammar in Australia/NZ. They seem to think here that if the kid knows what a noun or verb or adjective is they can tick the grammar box. C doing FLL1-2 was learning more than J had ever learnt for grammar (and he went to a very expensive and really great private school... it wasn't because the school was slack)

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contact the university you think your dc may want to attend & ask what they would want to see from homeschooled students who apply. Also, see if you can talk to other homeschool families who have had dc attend uni. I'm in that stage at the moment with my dc. I've been asking local HS/ing families who have dc a few years older than my dd how their dc are getting on. I've been pleasantly surprised at the success many have had at getting into tertiary studies without having NCEA 1, 2, & 3 (NZ's highschool qualifications). One friend's 18yod, who has no NCEA credits, had an interview at the local polytech & completed the 6 month free foundations course given at that polytech, had been accepted into their nursing program. This family has used a CM style education for many years, with a bit of ACE in the early years. This same friend's 20yos took a paper at the local Auckland University College of Education as an adult student, decided that he'd rather study teaching English as a foreign language, applied to Massey University & been successfully accepted into their degree program. All our Universities have foundation courses that are options for students who may not meet the normal requirements for admission to university. I'd rather my dc do a 6 month Foundation course at uni (if necessary) than jump through the gov't hoops for 3 years to get NCEA 1-3. I'm not sure what the Aus. gov't curriculum is like, but WTM offers a much stronger education than the NZ gov't curriculum.

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