Ideas for gifts for an older relative needed

[Twolittleboys]

Okay, I just got off the phone with my godmother and I really feel bad for her. She sounded very lonely and discouraged, partly due to COVID, partly just because of getting older etc. I was thinking of maybe sending her a little surprise package to cheer her up but not sure what she would enjoy. I don't really know her that well - she always lived a bit far from us and only visited a handful of times. However, she always sent presents for birthdays/Christmas when I was growing up and had me visit for a week once as a teenager.

Anyway, here is what I do know about her:

She enjoys reading (I think she just got Michelle Obama's book but not sure what else she enjoys). She is artistic and was a very talented piano player/singer. However, she struggles with the limitations of getting older - she sold her piano a couple of years ago because she felt that she wasn't good enough anymore but really misses playing (but definitely doesn't want to anymore). She has no internet/computer access etc. She is interested in nature, history (e.g. archeology) and is generally quite educated.

I don't want to spend too much as I don't think she would feel comfortable if I did. I also don't want to be condescending (e.g. I think adult coloring books are really cool and would enjoy getting one myself but think she might feel it a bit "childish"). So it needs to be something that seems kind of intellectual, but at the same time doesn't make her conscious of her limitations (I know she has a hard time walking. She sounded fairly well-informed etc. on the phone but probably has a harder time processing information than she used to).

If anyone has any ideas that would be really great. I'd love to send her something to cheer her up a bit as she sounded quite depressed but definitely don't want to make it worse!

 

 

 

[Bambam]

These are pricey for cards, but I've sent several to older folks who are shut-ins, and they are well received. I actually started sending them because I wanted to send some flowers during January/February, but I couldn't afford $50+/person.  They can (and at least one does) leave them open on the coffee table for a little spot of cheer/beauty. 

Love Pop cards also now has some stickers that are 3-D, and I've sent the butterfly ones to some older ladies. 

https://www.lovepopcards.com/

[happi duck]

15 minutes ago, Bambam said:

These are pricey for cards, but I've sent several to older folks who are shut-ins, and they are well received. I actually started sending them because I wanted to send some flowers during January/February, but I couldn't afford $50+/person.  They can (and at least one does) leave them open on the coffee table for a little spot of cheer/beauty. 

Love Pop cards also now has some stickers that are 3-D, and I've sent the butterfly ones to some older ladies. 

https://www.lovepopcards.com/

These are so cool!   Great suggestion for the op's situation!

Op, I also think making a point of mailing a note or a couple of actual photos in between phone calls would be nice.  

[Spryte]

We gave some really nice throws this year, and they have been enjoyed by everyone.  Fought over, in our house.  Elders all use them.

Smithsonian magazine has some interesting articles.  She might enjoy that.  Also, a subscription to an archaeology journal could be good.  I enjoy those.  

Homemade treats?  Intermittent cards?  Phone calls?

Do a book club with her, and read the same book.  Make a date to discuss it.  Or use Audible and listen.

Generic gifts the elders here enjoy: slippers or fuzzy socks with grips; food treats; soft, warm cardigans and sweaters.  

[J-rap]

Would she be interested in a paint-by-number set?  I used to think these seemed kind of silly (for adults), but I've seen some really lovely things! (You can check out this site:  https://mypaintbynumbers.com/products/hummingbirds-ernst-haeckel-1904?variant=29779416612950&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_campaign=gs-2018-10-28&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gclid=CjwKCAiAuoqABhAsEiwAdSkVVCWVnljILS1o1Zy2Ll7xR4BD2cuCPDY9G8_SBea1po5dG_OrP1K6GBoCijwQAvD_BwE

Interestingly, I thought this was a new concept for adults, but we have inherited some really beautiful framed paintings -- painted by my dh's grandparents (who were born around 1895), and I was so surprised when my MIL told me they were actually paint-by-number kits!

 

[Twolittleboys]

1 hour ago, Bambam said:

These are pricey for cards, but I've sent several to older folks who are shut-ins, and they are well received. I actually started sending them because I wanted to send some flowers during January/February, but I couldn't afford $50+/person.  They can (and at least one does) leave them open on the coffee table for a little spot of cheer/beauty. 

Love Pop cards also now has some stickers that are 3-D, and I've sent the butterfly ones to some older ladies. 

https://www.lovepopcards.com/

Those are neat! I forgot to mention though that we live overseas (sorry about leaving that out) so not sure they sell those here. I guess it needs to be something more generic/sold by Amazon.

37 minutes ago, Spryte said:

We gave some really nice throws this year, and they have been enjoyed by everyone.  Fought over, in our house.  Elders all use them.

Smithsonian magazine has some interesting articles.  She might enjoy that.  Also, a subscription to an archaeology journal could be good.  I enjoy those.  

Homemade treats?  Intermittent cards?  Phone calls?

Do a book club with her, and read the same book.  Make a date to discuss it.  Or use Audible and listen.

Generic gifts the elders here enjoy: slippers or fuzzy socks with grips; food treats; soft, warm cardigans and sweaters.  

I did consider an archaeology journal or similar - I will check on that. Not sure we are close enough for a book club though and I have no clue if she has any dietary restrictions or what colors etc. she likes. It would be a lot easier if I knew her better!

21 minutes ago, J-rap said:

Would she be interested in a paint-by-number set?  I used to think these seemed kind of silly (for adults), but I've seen some really lovely things! (You can check out this site:  https://mypaintbynumbers.com/products/hummingbirds-ernst-haeckel-1904?variant=29779416612950&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_campaign=gs-2018-10-28&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gclid=CjwKCAiAuoqABhAsEiwAdSkVVCWVnljILS1o1Zy2Ll7xR4BD2cuCPDY9G8_SBea1po5dG_OrP1K6GBoCijwQAvD_BwE

Interestingly, I thought this was a new concept for adults, but we have inherited some really beautiful framed paintings -- painted by my dh's grandparents (who were born around 1895), and I was so surprised when my MIL told me they were actually paint-by-number kits!

 

See, I think these are fun but I think it would be kind of like the piano - she'd probably be sad that she can't paint as well as she used to.

Great suggestions though - keep them coming!

 

[Beth S]

My go-to gift for older people is some photo-related product.
Maybe you can dig up old photos with the 2 of you?

[Twolittleboys]

8 minutes ago, Beth S said:

My go-to gift for older people is some photo-related product.
Maybe you can dig up old photos with the 2 of you?

Hm, not sure I have any (I only met her in person a handful of times). I did think I might go through my boxes of old pictures and see if I find some of her with my mother (Hopefully it will say on the back as I am not sure I would recognize her as a child/teenager). But we are on lock-down so I can't really get the photos copied at the moment... This is a great idea though!

[Laurie]

Depending on her location/housing, maybe she'd like a hummingbird feeder?  I bought one like this from Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=aspects+hummzinger&crid=AM7X44UMWVJ9&sprefix=aspects+hum%2Caps%2C243&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-a-p_1_11

It's very easy to take apart for cleaning/refilling, and the parts are plastic in case she has dexterity issues and might drop it in the sink (like I do sometimes!).    Mine is hanging from a shepherd's hook in a planter so this might be easy to set up if she has a deck or other outdoor space,  and there would be no climbing involved to hang it.  There are also small window feeders available that attach with suction cups.

I'm lucky to be able to watch hummingbirds all year long, even if we have snowy weather!     I would miss them if they flew south for the winter!

 

 

[Laurie]

5 minutes ago, Laurie said:

 

Forgot to add...sugar and water is all that's needed to make nectar and is preferable...no commercially prepared stuff with red dye is required!

 

 

Edited January 16, 2021 by Laurie

[domestic_engineer]

some ideas that have been accumulating in my mind:  

• Notepad from Shutterfly ... with or without a personalized picture. 
• clards.com - dischcloth turned into a card 
• stained glass creations that hang in a window. 
• DIY music box kit. She might need help to crank the box (as the crank is small and it can be awkward) but she could punch the notes on the paper independently. 
• A food box from universalyums.com
   

you could also just go the weird route (“I’m thinking of you and thought these items would bring a smile to your face; who knew you could buy this stuff from Amazon?!!!?”) .... bacon themed box , all things smiley-face, etc. 

[MercyA]

Your description of your godmother made me think of the Bas Bleu catalog. Maybe worth perusing! 

ETA: Their gift guide has suggestions for Artistic Souls, History Buffs, and Nature Lovers.

Edited January 16, 2021 by MercyA

[Drama Llama]

Coffee table books about travel have been a hit with my mom.  Things with lots of beautiful pictures to come back to, as well as interesting text to read.  

[PeterPan]

I'm not sure the functioning level, but I can tell you things I've sent my people.

-paint by sticker books https://www.amazon.com/s?k=paint+by+sticker&ref=nb_sb_noss_2  These come in a variety of levels. If you don't know, I wouldn't go too tiny. My dad has significant disabilities, so for him a simple 9 or 12 square grid is perfect. My mom enjoyed this one https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1645580334/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1  which I picked because it has the shading of several pieces in one sticker piece, meaning the sticker pieces are bigger, not teeny tiny slivers. 

-Buffalo 300 large piece puzzles--https://www.amazon.com/s?k=buffalo+300+piece+puzzles&i=stripbooks&ref=nb_sb_noss_2  Not too hard, not too easy, and they come in lots of themes. I've even seen Star Trek ones occasionally! They have the really modern Vivid line, more familiar farm pictures, anything she likes.

-stationary--If they're old school, stationary can be good. 

-Reader's Digest collections of funny quotes, Uncle John's Bathroom Readers, books of hymn stories. 

Puzzles are the big winner around here. For $9 you give them something they can spread over a week or more of pleasure, and they can reuse it a few months later. If you try one and she likes it, then you can send her one a month or something till covid blows over.

[theelfqueen]

How about a bird feeder and a book about birds in her area?

[elegantlion]

What about CDs? If she enjoyed piano, perhaps she would enjoy some classical CDs. 

[PeterPan]

If she doesn't have dietary restrictions, a tub with different flavors of gourmet popcorn would be fun. Consumables are always good.

[Junie]

14 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

 

-Buffalo 300 large piece puzzles--https://www.amazon.com/s?k=buffalo+300+piece+puzzles&i=stripbooks&ref=nb_sb_noss_2  Not too hard, not too easy, and they come in lots of themes. I've even seen Star Trek ones occasionally! They have the really modern Vivid line, more familiar farm pictures, anything she likes.

 

I haven't tried any puzzles by this company yet, but 300 piece puzzles are my favorite.  Dd10 enjoys doing them and likes for me to do them with her.  Anything with more pieces, the pieces are really too tiny for my arthritis fingers to work with.

[PeterPan]

10 minutes ago, Junie said:

I haven't tried any puzzles by this company yet, but 300 piece puzzles are my favorite.  Dd10 enjoys doing them and likes for me to do them with her.  Anything with more pieces, the pieces are really too tiny for my arthritis fingers to work with.

Where my dad lives they put out 1000 piece and larger, but he can't do them. For him I've gone as low as 100 and really even that is hard and took him a full week. I agree she won't *offend* anyone with a 300 piece, because they're just that middle point, still pleasing to people without disabilities and within reach for those with disabilities. 

Yeah, I really like Buffalo. There's another line Hobby Lobby sells that sometimes you can get on amazon (to ship for free). Crazart. They will be a whole bunch in one box. https://www.amazon.com/Cupcakes-Jigsaw-Puzzle-Lafayette-Factory/dp/B01LXV56Z8/ref=sr_1_8?dchild=1&keywords=rose+art+cupcake+puzzles&qid=1610826607&s=books&sr=1-8-catcorr  I did NOT pay that much, wow. I got it at Hobby Lobby for maybe $6 after coupon. But they come in birds, animals, cupcakes, all sorts of things. The pieces are smaller and the difficulty harder, but they're still within reach. The backs are color coded, so after she sorts the pieces, then she'll have maybe 30 pieces to make one cute picture instead of 300. And they're very nice. 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=crazart+puzzles&i=stripbooks&ref=nb_sb_noss_2  ooo look, now they have fish!!!

Edited January 16, 2021 by PeterPan

[Twolittleboys]

Thanks again for all the great ideas!

The biggest problem is that I do not know her that well/haven't seen where she lives so I am trying to stay clear of edibles (not sure about restrictions or even what she likes). Unfortunately, I do not know if she has a CD player or space for a bird feeder etc. 

Talking to her on the phone it didn't seem like there are any real mental issues (though of course it was only a fairly short call). But she really struggles with not being able to do things as well as she used to. For example it sounds like she could probably still play the piano, just not as well as she used to.

Right now I am tending to get her a nice book - maybe this one: Amazon.com: Golden Atlas (9781471166822): Edward Brooke-Hitching: Books

And maybe a jigsaw puzzle? Not sure she enjoys those ( I do so I always assume most people do).

[history-fan]

Instead of stuff maybe she would just like time with you regular FaceTime or zoom or discord meet ups. You could watch a show together, go through photos together and she could tell you stories  about relatives, make a family recipe while she watches or tells you how. 

 

[theelfqueen]

Whatever you may send - a hand written note or letter is always appreciated!

[Twolittleboys]

16 minutes ago, history-fan said:

Instead of stuff maybe she would just like time with you regular FaceTime or zoom or discord meet ups. You could watch a show together, go through photos together and she could tell you stories  about relatives, make a family recipe while she watches or tells you how. 

 

You are of course right but like I said she has no computer/internet etc. I do plan to call her occasionally but like I said I don't really know her that well so don't want to be pushy. She was one of my mother's best friend and has always been nice to me but we aren't really that close.

[PeterPan]

4 minutes ago, Twolittleboys said:

You are of course right but like I said she has no computer/internet etc. I do plan to call her occasionally but like I said I don't really know her that well so don't want to be pushy. She was one of my mother's best friend and has always been nice to me but we aren't really that close.

You might just try calling her and see what happens. When covid began, there were a number of people I called less often (once a week) whom I started calling more. Honestly, right now some people *need* to be called every day. Her issue is not a lack of stuff. Receiving stuff in the mail is just something to do, some variety in her monotony. An inexpensive painting kit, a puzzle, they give her something to do. But yes literally just call her every couple days and see what happens, see if she perks up. Just feel her out and see what happens. You'll know whether it's good or not.

[happi duck]

Frequent phone calls will also clue you in for future gifts!

[PeterPan]

You could send her an orchid!! I gave my dad an orchid, and it's the super most awesome thing. You put an *ice cube* on it and that's it for watering. No magic, no genius, just an ice cube. 

And it got so many wows from the women where he lives (woo woo!) that then I followed up with a christmas cactus, which I think he also waters with ice cubes. And I got him a sword plant, which is another hardy succulent. I think someone here had the story that they found one unattended in a basement for 3 years with no light and it had survived, lol. 

Actually, plants have been epiphanal for my dad. He has that kind of isolated, depressed, not out enough thing going. And finally he says to me that he had realized the plant needed light and he did too! So he started opening his windows! Caring for something was good for him and uplifted him, making him feel still needed.

 

[cougarmom4]

An idea I’ve seen on Pinterest is to send a box of “sunshine” with a bunch of unrelated yellow items inside. Or a little card that says, “just a little something out of the blue” and it has blue things. 
I also think mailing handwritten notes to her every once in awhile would be a meaningful act of kindness. 
Actually, the more I think of this, I’m going to do this for a few people I know as well. Thanks for the inspiration!

Edited January 18, 2021 by cougarmom4

[happi duck]

Something I like to do: I buy blank note cards that come in a matching box and I send one card and the box with a promise to send the other cards.  The recipient keeps the cards that arrive in the box. (I sometimes put tea or other treats in the box.)

I keep the blank cards in a rubber band with a slip of paper with name and address so it's really fast to send out a quick note. (I don't pre-address envelopes because  people move!)

[Alicia64]

I know you're not sure how much she reads, but it can't hurt to try. All of the books mentioned below were loved by my husband's aunt who was a Yale librarian. She's retired now. I think some kinds of loneliness have to do with being bored too. At least for me, great books take me out of boredom.

The books below are heady, but still extremely absorbing. I sent the first two books to two 80 year olds (they don't know each other) and both raved:

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee.

Free Food for Millionaires also by Min Jin Lee.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil -- on audio this book is awesome!! It's set in Savannah, but it's sold in 30 languages all over the world.

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese -- one of my Top Ten favorites ever.

Also, you might get these books in LP -- large print -- to make reading easier on her.

You're wonderful to think of her!

Wendy

[Ditto]

15 hours ago, happi duck said:

Something I like to do: I buy blank note cards that come in a matching box and I send one card and the box with a promise to send the other cards.  The recipient keeps the cards that arrive in the box. (I sometimes put tea or other treats in the box.)

I keep the blank cards in a rubber band with a slip of paper with name and address so it's really fast to send out a quick note. (I don't pre-address envelopes because  people move!)

This is greatest idea!  I love it.  It is unique, special, and also gives the recipient something to look forward to.   Adding small gifts to the empty box when you first send it makes it fun too.  I don't know how you came up with this idea but it really is perfect.