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Kid who rises to expectations...


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I have a kiddo who is more timid.  However, every time she's presented with a challenge, she rises to the expectation.  But she doesn't self push into new things.

She spends an incredible amount of time on her phone (Korean drama, music, ballads) and we are worried about self regulation.  However, saying that, she took three college classes online last semester, worked a part time job, took an outside class in Ancient Lit and took an outside Physics class while catching up in Algebra 2 for me.  She juggled well.  It drove me a little nuts that she would wait until the last minute for EVERYTHING.  She got two As and a B in the college classes, an A in the Lit class, a B on the Physics with an A in the lab.  She worked about 16 hours a week while doing it.

We're worried about "away" college because of her timidity... But, at the same time, does great with new things.  I think she would love our further away state college where she has planned to go for years.  Alternatively, she could go one more year at CC.  It is a gamble.  Likely she will lose thousands in scholarships because transfer students are not offered as much financial aid. She is a pretty competitive student as an incoming freshman, but less so as a transfer if that makes sense.  (A B+ and a B in college classes as an incoming freshman is still managed with all As on a transcript, whereas not being a 3.8 - 4.0 as a transfer student will inhibit some of the bigger merit aid.)

She prefers the idea of attending CC because she loves all things familiar, although if we said, "Hey, accepted here, we think it's a good idea," I think she would go.    That said, she likes to lean into Mom accountability.  If accountability was 100% on her, while I have tiny, niggling doubts, I actually believe she'd thrive on a big campus and fall in love with it.  I can't fathom her living in the chaos of the dorms, but worry she wouldn't meet anyone living off campus.   Really debating how to advise her because she leans heavily on our advice.  

FWIW, our oldest went to a close state school, lived at home, did academically great but socially, because she was living at home and commuting, didn't plug in much.
Our second lived on campus and socially became very plugged in there.  He's still there living off campus with a thriving network and involved in all the things.  Our third is living out of the house and goes to the CC for nursing - very socially plugged in and has a very active and well rounded life - the friends, the fella, the roommate, the church, the gym, work, school.  This would be about 2 hours away from us and she *just* turned 17, a very young 17.  

It seems like a no brainer when I type it out EXCEPT that because home is her comfort zone, she will not stretch out unless we push.  We've thought about maybe CC but then add in some spice.  She's talked for a while about martial arts and maybe that would be a healthy way to expand her world and grow confidence while still staying at home for another year at CC? 

Thoughts? I'm just a little lost on this one.  The next two kiddos already have their plans and are executing them, but this kiddo feels a little lost at sea.  And she is one of my 11 favorites, so I'd like to advise her well. 😉 
 

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My vote is push her.  Has she considered a smaller LAC?   They often have a more nurturing environment than larger schools.  Plus with a smaller student body it is harder for more timid students to get lost in the crowd.   

Also, yes to living in a dorm for at least freshman year.  Not all dorms are chaotic, she can apply for a 'quiet' dorm.  Although she might be tempted to apply for a single, encourage her to try roommates for at least two years.   Whether or not they become lasting friends, roommates will ensure that she doesn't spend all of her non-class time in her room.   

 

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She's a junior? Or a senior this year?

Because at just-turned-17, she could be either. If she's a senior and you are nervous & she hasn't yet applied to the colleges, I'd just give her a super-senior year which gives her one more year at the CC while preserving her freshman status. This assumes she'd be ok with that. 

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Is she a Junior?  I'd change her to a Junior, with the plan for her to move to the college after she is 18.   Here, the cut-off for school is turning 5 before August 1, so she would be a Junior.  I have 1 September baby I know will start Kindy early, but I don't know if we will send her to college at almost 18 or almost 19-, and im going to wait as long as possible to decide!

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Unless there is a reason you or her want her to graduate this year, I recommend she spend another year at CC. As long as you don’t graduate her from high school until after she has finished her CC classes, she will be considered a freshman when she starts 4-year college. 
As for her ability to manage at a 4-year college, she sounds like she will do just fine. She seems to have time management worked out in a way that works for her. A roommate might help but even my most introverted DC was able to find friends and get involved in a couple of activities. 
I wish her luck in this decision making process. 

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My dd was the same way - very high achieving, but also timid, passive, and easily intimidated.  She did dual enrollment for several years and graduated with 85 college credits.  She applied to college as a freshman and had no problem receiving scholarships.  She shocked us by choosing a college 1200 miles away!  She's always been introverted w/social anxiety and a real homebody and we always assumed she would be close to home for college, but she wanted to be somewhere warm and felt this school was a good fit for her socially.  Fortunately, it all worked out - she just finished her first semester and thrived.  In her case, I think covid restrictions helped a lot since being forced to socialize and be in groups wasn't an issue for her and she was able to ease into life on campus easier. 

One of my sons was also that way.  He graduated high school with 60+ credits, was accepted as a freshman at colleges and offered scholarships. He's on the spectrum and we thought he'd attend a very small private college, but he ended up going to our huge state school.  It was a big adjustment for him, but he did well.  

Good luck!  I would definitely let your dd guide you with this decision - she sounds very bright and capable.  

 

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On 1/12/2021 at 7:20 AM, BlsdMama said:

Really debating how to advise her because she leans heavily on our advice.  

I have no idea, really, but -- she might like your advice, but would she possibly make some choices on her own if you didn't advise her?  

I think offering advice is totally worthwhile, but if there is a chance to wait her out a little, I wonder if maybe she would make some choices on her own.  

If the timing works out -- maybe it could be a mix of both, with her taking on some decisions, mixed with you advising her. 

I think as far as missing out on scholarships -- frankly I think your financial situation has a lot to do with how much this matters.  If you really need her to qualify for the maximum, I think that is something that matters.  If it is fine either way if she stays CC another year and then goes but possibly misses out on scholarships -- but this is not "make or break" -- this matters. 

I think honestly -- with no real pros or cons either way, either way could be fine.  

But if it would really be better if she had scholarships, or if you really, really think she would benefit from another year at home -- I think let that guide you.

But I think this is something where it really might work out totally fine either way.

This is what I think about redshirting Kindergarten too -- I think for many kids they would be totally fine either redshirting or not redshirting.  

But if there is a circumstance where it would make more of a difference -- consider that.

If there isn't -- I think it's fine to say -- either way would be fine.  

The thing about saying "she would miss thousands in scholarships" is -- that can matter a lot or only a little, depending on the person.  If it doesn't actually matter, I think it's fine to discount it.  If it does really matter, I think it should be counted strongly.  

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On 1/12/2021 at 9:48 AM, RootAnn said:

She's a junior? Or a senior this year?

Because at just-turned-17, she could be either. If she's a senior and you are nervous & she hasn't yet applied to the colleges, I'd just give her a super-senior year which gives her one more year at the CC while preserving her freshman status. This assumes she'd be ok with that. 

I’m not sure that’s an option. She took the PSAT and listed as a Junior and I assume they track that? We’re also enrolled in a public homeschool program and she’s listed as a senior... i think it’s impossible to dial back because of the credits she accumulated her freshman year wold then be eighth grade. They have a rule about not taking CC classes until they’re a junior and because we jumped her a grade, she took them early. Dialing that back presents a lot of issues, kwim?

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On 1/15/2021 at 12:35 PM, Lecka said:

 

I think offering advice is totally worthwhile, but if there is a chance to wait her out a little, I wonder if maybe she would make some choices on her own.  

 

I think as far as missing out on scholarships -- frankly I think your financial situation has a lot to do with how much this matters.  

The thing about saying "she would miss thousands in scholarships" is -- that can matter a lot or only a little, depending on the person.  If it doesn't actually matter, I think it's fine to discount it.  If it does really matter, I think it should be counted strongly.  

As far as her making the decision - maybe? Our oldest enjoyed where she went to college - and she was very reserved and quiet. She began as aLinguistics major and DD17 loves the idea of studying Korean so she talked to her about that last week. DD had really thrown out going to the same University her older brother and sister graduated from because she has always wanted Vet Med. However, this University has a solid Biology program, an awesome Writing program, and offers more Asian languages. 
 

As far as finances go, that’sa little hard to judge. We don’t have a good grasp on what her first choice would offer a freshman. We obviously are very aware of what #2 would offer (DS is currently there and she’s more competitive) and we know what the CC costs/offers as DD19 is there now. We know they offer far less to transfer students. Does it matter? Maybe. Financially, we can currently cover tuition with room and board. But, having ALS is a wicked expensive disease. In two years? We could be paying for in home care, etc.  Then it changes significantly. Alternatively, not to be morbid, but DH may have both my insurance policies and finances not an issue. As a slow progressor so far, it could be close to the same and only need minimal help... I recognize the “could be” scenarios exist for everyone, it’s just a little more iffy with us. At the point my husband has to pretty much single parent with seven kids at home, the only way to make up time/convenience juggling will be paying for help and I am not eligible for disability. (Lack of sufficient work credits in past five years)

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