theelfqueen Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 My bestie's mom has alzheimers. A year and a half ago, she and her family sold their home and moved in with her mom to support and care for her. For the last two days her mother hasn't known who she is. Mama hasn't known her other children for a while (which seemed likely as they dont see her as often) but now seems disconnected further. My heart is breaking for them all Any suggestions on how to support her? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 Alzheimers is the most horrid disease. No advise other than just being there for your friend. I can just imagine how hard this is on them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 So intense. We are walking this road with a loved one as well. Keep encouraging even if your friend cannot respond—just hang in there together. Offers to help babysit are always appreciated as well. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 It is so so hard. I hope she has some support. My FIL just died October 1 after a long struggle with Alzheimers. What was heartbreaking is he would not know anyone and you just start to accept that and then he suddenly opens his eyes and is completely himself and knows everyone. It is like death over and over. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 Giving her a break when you can would be a blessing to her. Take her out to lunch or dinner if her dh can stay with her mom. Offer to stay with her mom so she and her family can go out for a while. Even just going by and visiting with her would be good. Of course I’m assuming these can be done safely with COVID precautions. You could also order dinner to be delivered so she doesn’t have to cook occasionally. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 I’m so sorry. We are also on this path. We moved my mother in with us after a traumatic event, which exacerbated her dementia and memory issues. She can’t possibly live alone again safely. Most days, she knows all of us, who live here with her, but not all days. Sometimes she doesn’t know the kids or DH, a few days she didn’t know me. How old are your friend’s kids? It’s harder on them than one knows, and I suggest asking after them and if they have someone to talk to. This experience has been very difficult for my 16 year old. He’s always been close with my mom, and seeing her slip away is hard. As a kid, my grandmother had Alzheimer’s all through my childhood, but she didn’t live with us, and I never really knew her before that, so it didn’t have a huge effect on me. But my kids are seeing a different side, and it’s hard. What’s hard on 9 year old is just having less of me, to spread around. The kind of care and support that might help your friend could be difficult in a pandemic. I know that I am physically exhausted by my mom’s care needs, often. So things like meals, cleaning help, babysitting, and the thing I would love most ... grandmother-sitting so I can go somewhere with my family. Pre-pandemic, we were unable to leave my mom alone, so I’d send DH and kids to do fun things or go to extended family events. I really, deeply, would like to leave this house to do something with my kids, you know? I’m sorry that your friend is going through this. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelfqueen Posted January 5, 2021 Author Share Posted January 5, 2021 Bestie's kids are 19 and 15. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 2 minutes ago, theelfqueen said: Bestie's kids are 19 and 15. How are they doing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 4 hours ago, Spryte said: I’m so sorry. We are also on this path. We moved my mother in with us after a traumatic event, which exacerbated her dementia and memory issues. She can’t possibly live alone again safely. Most days, she knows all of us, who live here with her, but not all days. Sometimes she doesn’t know the kids or DH, a few days she didn’t know me. How old are your friend’s kids? It’s harder on them than one knows, and I suggest asking after them and if they have someone to talk to. This experience has been very difficult for my 16 year old. He’s always been close with my mom, and seeing her slip away is hard. As a kid, my grandmother had Alzheimer’s all through my childhood, but she didn’t live with us, and I never really knew her before that, so it didn’t have a huge effect on me. But my kids are seeing a different side, and it’s hard. What’s hard on 9 year old is just having less of me, to spread around. The kind of care and support that might help your friend could be difficult in a pandemic. I know that I am physically exhausted by my mom’s care needs, often. So things like meals, cleaning help, babysitting, and the thing I would love most ... grandmother-sitting so I can go somewhere with my family. Pre-pandemic, we were unable to leave my mom alone, so I’d send DH and kids to do fun things or go to extended family events. I really, deeply, would like to leave this house to do something with my kids, you know? I’m sorry that your friend is going through this. Yet another way you and I seem to be living life in parallel. 😉 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 It is a very hard road. We walked it with my grandfather and a doctor recently recommended I be tested for dementia. That was hard to hear at my relatively young age, and I declined. I have paid attention to therapies, and recently saw a video about the Montessori method of dealing with dementia problems. It is yielding much better results than conventional approaches. It seems it would be easier on caregivers as well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 2 hours ago, SpecialClassical said: It is a very hard road. We walked it with my grandfather and a doctor recently recommended I be tested for dementia. That was hard to hear at my relatively young age, and I declined. I have paid attention to therapies, and recently saw a video about the Montessori method of dealing with dementia problems. It is yielding much better results than conventional approaches. It seems it would be easier on caregivers as well. That sounds interesting. Do you have a link? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 46 minutes ago, klmama said: That sounds interesting. Do you have a link? I’m no good at linking from YouTube, but if you search dementia and Montessori you will see several videos. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 58 minutes ago, klmama said: That sounds interesting. Do you have a link? One of the things that your post made me think of was name tags. Instead of worrying about people forgetting names, they just started using name tags. That would accomplish two things: the loved one remembers names longer and continues to use names after she has forgotten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 2 hours ago, SpecialClassical said: One of the things that your post made me think of was name tags. Instead of worrying about people forgetting names, they just started using name tags. That would accomplish two things: the loved one remembers names longer and continues to use names after she has forgotten. Good idea! Hmmm... I have a package of name tags left over from an event that I don't expect to use. I'll see if they want it. Thanks! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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