Anyone else sad this NYD?

[regentrude]

I am sad today. I miss the sense of excitement and new beginnings that I normally feel at the beginning of a new year. I can't come up with resolutions or Word of the year. It's 30 degrees,  the promised snow just ice; we walked for an hour, but it's grey and will rain. Talked to my mother on the phone who sits home alone through endless days, waiting for her weekly appointment to go see dad. 

It feels like a day like all the others in this endless stretch of corona winter. And I am so tired, the stupid cat woke me three times so I could clean pee and poop and feed her. Can I sleep till May?

Edited January 1, 2021 by regentrude

[Pawz4me]

((((Regentrude))))

[marbel]

I'm sorry Regentrude. I understand and feel very much the same way. 

[happi duck]

(hugs)

I'm feeling sad too

[SKL]

I'm having a hard time feeling it too.  I'm just trying to do a little bit of whatever I want to do in 2021 - little things - and hoping not to fight with anyone ....

[PeterPan]

Honestly, I have activities booked 1 and 2 years out, and when I feel a little in the dumps I think about them and how it won't always be this way. I think looking forward to something helps. 

Is your D up?

I'm actually surprisingly peppy. Did you do something to yourself last night that left you feel yucky like too much ice cream? I woke up feeling all the sugar, haha, so I groomed the dog (which takes FOREVER) and am back on track.

Our weather is sucky too and it's trying to turn to ice. I think about other things, turn on more lights, turn up happy music, DISNEY music. Do you need some new projects? I never make resolutions (mainly because I'm too floozy and forgetful and wouldn't accomplish them!), but I do start projects. Maybe you're between things? Something new to learn or research? Are you planning a garden for spring? Have you started any new puzzles? I've been getting all my people who need support puzzles. They're very calming and they give you something to do in the winter. Maybe buy yourself a puzzle you'll enjoy? If you don't particularly like puzzles, try Liberty Puzzles, which are laser cut wood. They have unique custom cut pieces, so they're interesting to look at. I have one I got for my MIL that was Van Goh's Starry Night and I've never gotten it together. She did, but not me, hahaha. 

I'm sorry you're so down. Nurse it a bit, then turn on the lights and change it. I get mentally down too, so I have to be very stern with myself sometimes, very *intentional* about taking steps to pull back out. Is there anything to look forward to? Anything you can change? Anyone you haven't talked with you could call? I think many people would appreciate calls right now.

Edited January 1, 2021 by PeterPan

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

waiting for her weekly appointment to go see dad. 

Is he in a nursing home or hospital? That's really hard to be able to go only once a week. We've been shut out of my dad's for over a month now. He just got locked down for another week, so it's very hard on him. Every time an employee tests positive, the whole place shuts down, no leaving your room even for meals. 

We got the Claris Companion subscription for him and set it up on an android tablet. We can load pictures, skype, etc. There are other ways to do this too. I think Amazon probably has some products. If he's well enough to enjoy skyping, there might be some tech to make it happen. 

Fwiw, I used to get very depressed thinking about my dad, especially when he visited. I couldn't make it better, couldn't fix it, couldn't make him happy, and it just killed me. Finally an aunt of mine who goes to an apostolic church (not my tradition) took me aside and she's like "Does your dad love God? Does God love your dad?" And it was almost rhetorical, like he's being cared for, everything is ok, trust and let it work out. 

So when my dad's life is kind of dungeony (which it has been a lot lately sigh, no resident cases but repeated staff cases), I just think about that. Maybe that's too trite for people but it makes me feel better. 

But it's true, I spend a lot of time with my people talking about the vaccines, the timeline, when this gets better. They're tough and we're getting through this. We just have to keep our wits about us and take care of ourselves. But yeah, not being able to see your dh when he needs care and is isolated would be very hard. That would be hard to watch. 

[regentrude]

8 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Honestly, I have activities booked 1 and 2 years out, and when I feel a little in the dumps I think about them and how it won't always be this way. I think looking forward to something helps. 

Is your D up?

I'm actually surprisingly peppy. Did you do something to yourself last night that left you feel yucky like too much ice cream? I woke up feeling all the sugar, haha, so I groomed the dog (which takes FOREVER) and am back on track.

Our weather is sucky too and it's trying to turn to ice. I think about other things, turn on more lights, turn up happy music, DISNEY music. Do you need some new projects? I never make resolutions (mainly because I'm too floozy and forgetful and wouldn't accomplish them!), but I do start projects. Maybe you're between things? Something new to learn or research? Are you planning a garden for spring? Have you started any new puzzles? I've been getting all my people who need support puzzles. They're very calming and they give you something to do in the winter. Maybe buy yourself a puzzle you'll enjoy? If you don't particularly like puzzles, try Liberty Puzzles, which are laser cut wood. They have unique custom cut pieces, so they're interesting to look at. I have one I got for my MIL that was Van Goh's Starry Night and I've never gotten it together. She did, but not me, hahaha. 

I'm sorry you're so down. Nurse it a bit, then turn on the lights and change it. I get mentally down too, so I have to be very stern with myself sometimes, very *intentional* about taking steps to pull back out. Is there anything to look forward to? Anything you can change? Anyone you haven't talked with you could call? I think many people would appreciate calls right now.

Thanks. No, I didn't do anything detrimental yesterday - I ignored the entire NYE thing and went to bed at 9pm.

I do need something new - a big project, an actual challenge, a life change, but I can't come up with anything. I've wrestled with that for the past two years. I did have a lot of plans last year shattered which can't be revived. So yeah, a puzzle won't do it. I spent three days straight working on a redesign of my hiking website, which was very rewarding - but things like that don't solve the problem. They're just keeping busy.

I do look forward to my DD visiting soon. But that's a short term thing and not going to solve the problem that I am so incredibly bored with my life.

[regentrude]

9 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Is he in a nursing home or hospital? That's really hard to be able to go only once a week. We've been shut out of my dad's for over a month now. He just got locked down for another week, so it's very hard on him. Every time an employee tests positive, the whole place shuts down, no leaving your room even for meals. 

We got the Claris Companion subscription for him and set it up on an android tablet. We can load pictures, skype, etc. There are other ways to do this too. I think Amazon probably has some products. If he's well enough to enjoy skyping, there might be some tech to make it happen. 

Fwiw, I used to get very depressed thinking about my dad, especially when he visited. I couldn't make it better, couldn't fix it, couldn't make him happy, and it just killed me. Finally an aunt of mine who goes to an apostolic church (not my tradition) took me aside and she's like "Does your dad love God? Does God love your dad?" And it was almost rhetorical, like he's being cared for, everything is ok, trust and let it work out. 

So when my dad's life is kind of dungeony (which it has been a lot lately sigh, no resident cases but repeated staff cases), I just think about that. Maybe that's too trite for people but it makes me feel better. 

But it's true, I spend a lot of time with my people talking about the vaccines, the timeline, when this gets better. They're tough and we're getting through this. We just have to keep our wits about us and take care of ourselves. But yeah, not being able to see your dh when he needs care and is isolated would be very hard. That would be hard to watch. 

My dad is currently in a rehab hospital, but rehab isn't happening as all therapists are doing nursing duty because staff is so stretched thin with Covid. One visit one hour a week per patient is the policy. My mom rides the bus for an hour and 15 minutes to get there, which worries me. She hopes to bring him home, which will be difficult and require in home nursing care, and that of course is another worry with exposure - so many strangers in the house.

He cannot read or use a phone, so my mom has no contact with him  between visits. He is lying in bed with a feeding tube. And they're in Europe, so I haven't see them for a year and a half, and it will likely be another year and a half before I can safely travel. By then it may well be too late. So thinking about vaccine timeline etc is not really a comforting thought.
Neither dad nor I believe in God. If I still did, I'd be hard pressed to keep faith with all this crap going on. I have never been able to reconcile the idea of deity who is both benevolent and omnipotent, as all evidence points towards only one of the two being true at maximum.

Edited January 1, 2021 by regentrude

[PeterPan]

1 minute ago, regentrude said:

so I haven't see them for a year and a half, and it will likely be another year and a half before I can safely travel.

Oh my, I'm so sorry. Could your mother take a tablet/phone and let you skype with him during her visit? 

Well hopefully this vaccine will come on board and open things up over the next number of months! What is Europe's path to vaccines? Do they have contracts and something starting?

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Oh my, I'm so sorry. Could your mother take a tablet/phone and let you skype with him during her visit? 

Well hopefully this vaccine will come on board and open things up over the next number of months! What is Europe's path to vaccines? Do they have contracts and something starting?

He can barely talk. And her visit is so short already. 

They are starting vaccinating, but it's slow. There is no way I am getting there this summer. I am working with a time scale of years, not months.

Edited January 1, 2021 by regentrude

[PeterPan]

7 minutes ago, regentrude said:

But that's a short term thing and not going to solve the problem that I am so incredibly bored with my life.

That makes sense. Are you teaching still? 

What about volunteer work or charity work? Fostering would be really different... I can't do that now because ds needs significant attention. I've assumed when I'm done with him I'll do some combo of crafting (crochet, quilting, sewing for charity) and maybe consulting of some kind.

 

[PeterPan]

1 minute ago, regentrude said:

He can barely talk.

He still might like to hear your voice. Is he alert? You could send her a video greeting and she could play it for him.

Have you taken up an instrument? Maybe now would be the time. 

[regentrude]

Just now, PeterPan said:

That makes sense. Are you teaching still? 

What about volunteer work or charity work? Fostering would be really different... I can't do that now because ds needs significant attention. I've assumed when I'm done with him I'll do some combo of crafting (crochet, quilting, sewing for charity) and maybe consulting of some kind.

Yes, I am working full time. And have absolutely no interest in anything involving children. I had started , and successfully gotten off the ground, a literary event series for the community, but alas, Covid killed it.

[PeterPan]

Just now, regentrude said:

I had started , and successfully gotten off the ground, a literary event series for the community, but alas, Covid killed it.

Our library is doing virtual book clubs. 

[regentrude]

7 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

He still might like to hear your voice. Is he alert? You could send her a video greeting and she could play it for him.

Have you taken up an instrument? Maybe now would be the time. 

Sometimes he is alert. I am sending mom pictures to show him on her phone.

I play the guitar. Work a bit on songwriting. Have pretty much given up the piano. But all this is keeping busy, YKWIM? Not making any progress towards the life change I am so searching for and that I cannot figure out. 

Edited January 1, 2021 by regentrude

[regentrude]

1 minute ago, PeterPan said:

Our library is doing virtual book clubs. 

Yes, all possible. But honestly, after 8 months of poetry readings on Zoom, I can barely bring myself to attend another one, let alone organize yet another series. It loses the soul of the thing. Most folks I know are so over Zoom - if that's what you do all day for work, the last thing you want is another Zoom in the evening for fun. 

[lovinmyboys]

Yes I feel sad today too. I feel like my best years are behind me. I usually love the beginning of a new year.

I start a job next week, which is overall a good thing, but I am sad to leave homeschooling behind. My kids are all starting in person school. My Dh is looking for a new job and is applying to one that involves a lot of travel (even during the pandemic). We have 4 boys and they are getting older (will be 9-14) and I just feel like they need their dad more, not less. 

We are probably moving this year, which is mostly a good thing as I don’t like where we live. I just don’t know how my older kids will take it and moving is a pain. Also, I do love our house and we will likely be moving to a higher cost of living area, so a smaller/older house. 

I am turning 40 this year and that is harder for me than it should be.

Dh is retiring from the army reserves this year, so I am looking forward to that.

The last several years I have made some fun resolutions, but this year I can’t think of any. They all either involve money we don’t have or time we won’t have. 

Overall I feel like our lives are moving in the right direction. I am just sad for the things we are leaving behind. I feel like I shouldn’t complain, because most of the changes this year should be good. I’m just not ready for the change. 
 

Also, I am still recovering from Covid and there is a very small part of me that is worried I will never feel 100% . 
 

 

Edited January 1, 2021 by lovinmyboys

[elegantlion]

I am bored, somewhat discontent. We got snow, the predicted ice went south. I know once the semester begins, I'll be busy and not thinking about long term issues so much. Today I've worked on trying to find some interest in my research, yet even that is not sparking joy. 

Due to some circumstances beyond my control, long term plans are on hold until summer at least. 

Over break so far, I've rearranged my furniture, helped clear out a room at my mom's house so ds can move his workout equipment from the garage to the house due to the cold, and set tenative goals for the year. 

 

[Melissa Louise]

Yes, I felt sad, for a number of disparate reasons - forced into staying home, family stuff, childhood stuff, Covid stuff, grief stuff. 

Read a book in the afternoon to get a break from my own self - oops - don't read My Dark Vanessa for a break. 

Some days you just endure. 

I'm sorry you also had a sad NY day. I hope better days are coming. 

[cintinative]

Yes, today was just hard. Lots of tears.  Personally, as a family, and as an extended family, I don't see our challenges lessening anytime in the near future, or even in the next year or two.  It's exhausting, and today it hit me hard.

I'm so sorry @regentrude  Sending up prayers for you.  

[mommyoffive]

Regentrude, what you are saying is exactly what I am feeling too.  I don't have any good advice.  It is hard when you can't plan things to look forward to because you have no idea what life will be like in 6 months.  Plus, 6 months more of this?  It sucks.   Winter is always really  hard for me.  

[Harriet Vane]

Sad today as well. We saw some devastating changes to our life trajectory a few months before covid hit and are at a loss for what to do about it and where to go from here. We are caring for my beloved father-in-law full time--we love him dearly, but the path we walk with advanced dementia is a hard one. We feel ready for the next adventure but grounded, stuck here watching the sad downward slope of dementia and the sad downward slope of other circumstances affecting somebody we love as well.

[Dmmetler]

Yes. 

[*Jessica*]

Yes, I’m sad, too.  Life seems very bleak and joyless.

[Kassia]

I'm struggling, too.  Trying to keep things in perspective and focus on the positive.  Big hugs to all of you who are feeling down - starting with you, @regentrude.

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

WRT word of the year, the only one that keeps coming to mind is....wait. I keep pushing back on it, darn it, that was already the unexpected word for most of last year. 

I keep coming up with "futile".

[Carol in Cal.]

Hopeful.

[regentrude]

23 minutes ago, Choirfarm3 said:

I'm not, but I'm truly sorry you are. Hoping Covid clears soon and you can get back on track.

I don't even know what "on track " would look like now.

[IfIOnly]

Yes. 2021 is looking suckier than 2020 already. Didn't know that was even possible.

[hippymamato3]

I'm really sad today too, for lots of reasons. I keep crying. Happy New Year. Ugh.

[melmichigan]

I'm sad today when I read how far behind we are on vaccination efforts and how thoroughly the ball has been dropped on all the "plans" that were supposed to implement this in a timely manner.  Now May has become some time this fall, maybe...

Edited January 2, 2021 by melmichigan

[Sunshine State Sue]

How many years until retirement?

Dh retired last summer and we downsized to a 55+ community.  I am still working (from home) and may be for another 5 years when Medicare will become available to me.  We are both enjoying the 55+ community.  I go to outdoor water aerobics and another fitness class (in their theater with chairs placed 6 ft apart so you know where your space is).  Dh joined the softball league.  There are people walking, biking, playing pickleball, tennis, lawn bowling, corn hole.  There is wood shop, fiber arts, quilting, jewelry making, pottery, stained glass, model railroad club, etc.  There is a community garden. 

I think you'd like it.  Move and be my neighbor. 😃

I'm a little sad for the in-person activities of choir and tax volunteer that have been cancelled for the foreseeable future.  I'm deeply grateful for the new opportunities available to me.

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, Sunshine State Sue said:

How many years until retirement?

Dh retired last summer and we downsized to a 55+ community.  I am still working (from home) and may be for another 5 years when Medicare will become available to me.  We are both enjoying the 55+ community.  I go to outdoor water aerobics and another fitness class (in their theater with chairs placed 6 ft apart so you know where your space is).  Dh joined the softball league.  There are people walking, biking, playing pickleball, tennis, lawn bowling, corn hole.  There is wood shop, fiber arts, quilting, jewelry making, pottery, stained glass, model railroad club, etc.  There is a community garden. 

I think you'd like it.  Move and be my neighbor. 😃

I'm a little sad for the in-person activities of choir and tax volunteer that have been cancelled for the foreseeable future.  I'm deeply grateful for the new opportunities available to me.

Glad it works for you.  We have over a decade to retirement. 

My introvert DH would never ever move to a retirement community.  I am not sure I would want to; I like interacting with young people.  It's not that I can't find things to keep busy - it's that I am lacking a sense of purpose. I don't think fitness classes would solve that.

Edited January 2, 2021 by regentrude

[The Governess]

I’m sad today too. I have had on/off anxiety my whole life but have done a pretty good job living with it, with a few exceptions. But in November I had a panic attack and I’ve been having anxiety and stomach issues ever since. I’m starting the year feeling very fragile. My dh and I are also not on the same page on a lot of issues at the moment and I can’t talk to him about many of the things that I am struggling with, which is hard. I have a few friends I can talk to, thankfully. 

Oldest dd is graduating this year and younger dd is in public school now. I’m not sure if I want to keep working at my current job (part time) or try something new now that I will have more free time. I’m tired, though, and the idea of trying to figure “life” out right now seems overwhelming. I’m waiting hopefully for a time when I will feel differently, but yeah. No goals or resolutions are in the works this New Year’s Day.

Hugs to all of you that are having a hard time today.

[rainbird2]

I'm sending hugs, too.  You are not alone.  I am sad, too.

I'm living in an area where people are in full denial, even attempting to hide their positive Covid status in an effort to just carry on as usual.  I want every one of them to just. go. away.  Moving isn't an option right now, unfortunately.  It's so unbelievably hard. 

We have to hold on and have faith that things will turn around.  Better days have to come.

Hugs to everyone...

[HS Mom in NC]

Yes.  Usually we'd go to PHX to see family now, but aren't this year. We didn't go last July either. We have elderly relatives at high risk, so we can't be exposed in airports and on planes then expose them. Different elderly relatives are taking COVID different levels of seriously. This is also when youngest would see life long friends in person if we went to AZ, so she's feeling the loss more acutely every day.

Friends in the neighborhood are coming for a socially distanced bonfire at our house tonight.  The husband is an ER nurse at a hospital in Raleigh and it's getting worse. There was an error at the hospital that gave him COVID and his whole family got it. This was the wife's  FB post a couple of days ago:

"Day 29 of COVID recovery and I’m still struggling to complete daily tasks.

Dave is back to work and comes home exhausted,sore, and heart broken from multiple failed CPR attempts every night including young and healthy patients dying in the ER from acute respiratory failure due to COVID.

If you still want to deny that this is real and serious, I would encourage you to try living just one day in our shoes..."

 

Edited January 2, 2021 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[Twolittleboys]

Regentrude, I am sorry you are feeling so sad. It has been a difficult year and it is hard to see when it will improve. I actually do think late summer/fall could be a realistic time frame for visiting your family in Germany (but I tend to be a bit overly optimistic)...

As far as the life change is concerned it is of course harder to know what might work. What are you looking for? Do you want to make a difference/impact, do you long for adventure, intellectual stimulation, purpose? 

[Pam in CT]

This is all so hard. It's so MUCH, it's gone on so long already, and though I *do* think there is real evidence-based reason to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel... the tunnel is still very long. There still is a far-too-long interval of darkness before we get there. And we are, as a nation, still doing dopey stupid things that extend the time of darkness. Which at this point is beyond frustrating.

My two words of the year, between which I ricochet like a pinball, are "grim" and "determination."

 

In terms of sense of purpose... first, ((hugs)).  And then... just try to find ways to hold one another up, KWIM?  Tiny little ways are fine.  You never know in the moment what seemingly inconsequential gesture really ends up landing and mattering on the other side. But you do know, some do.

[IfIOnly]

On 1/1/2021 at 4:46 PM, IfIOnly said:

Yes. 2021 is looking suckier than 2020 already. Didn't know that was even possible.

So, I broke my tooth (will need implant, crown not even possible I'm sure- at least no pain because a root canal tooth, but it's near the front and noticeable) that day and found out I probably have another chronic illness. Not a fun day. Today is better though, probably largely in part to depression meds kicking in. Moving forward now. 

Edited January 3, 2021 by IfIOnly

[mommyoffive]

1 minute ago, IfIOnly said:

So, I broke my tooth (will need implant) that night and found out I probably have another chronic illness. Not a fun day. Today is better though, probably largely in part to depression meds kicking in. Moving forward now. 

Oh no.  I am so sorry.

 

I am sorry to everyone that is sad.  I don't want anyone to be hurting from this, but I feel so less alone knowing that I am not the only one who is sad right now. Just sending lots of hugs to everyone. 

[J-rap]

I'm sorry, and I get it, too.  2020 has been the worst year of my life, even apart from Covid!  But, I really believe 2021 will be better.  I've always been an optimist, but it's usually not completely unfounded.  🙂  

I'll throw out a couple ideas that are probably a little off-the-wall.

If you quarantine for two weeks and take a Covid test, how about visiting your mother?  You could even quarantine for a week at the other end and take the test again.  If you're doing all on-line classes right now, you could even stay there for a couple months.  (True, the time zone would be very different, but maybe workable?)

And another probably off-the-wall suggestion, based on what you said about not believing in God.  If you have interest in exploring the idea of God but can't reconcile it to what's going on in the world (I totally get that too), you might find God of the Possible by Greg Boyd an interesting read.  

[Kalmia]

Obviously it is time to start your novel!

You can invent and explore an entirely different reality in which you can immerse yourself for months. 

[Sunshine State Sue]

On 1/2/2021 at 12:51 AM, regentrude said:

Glad it works for you.  We have over a decade to retirement. 

My introvert DH would never ever move to a retirement community.  I am not sure I would want to; I like interacting with young people.  It's not that I can't find things to keep busy - it's that I am lacking a sense of purpose. I don't think fitness classes would solve that.

FWIW, dh is also an introvert.  He was not as enthusiastic as I was about moving here, but he is really enjoying being able to bike, swim, and play softball.  He is artistic and will eventually try some of the offerings.

Best wishes to you.  You are a smart cookie.  You will figure it out.

[regentrude]

5 hours ago, J-rap said:

If you quarantine for two weeks and take a Covid test, how about visiting your mother?  You could even quarantine for a week at the other end and take the test again.  If you're doing all on-line classes right now, you could even stay there for a couple months.  (True, the time zone would be very different, but maybe workable?)  

I had thought about this at the beginning of our semester break, but there was no way to make that safe. Three airplanes, four airports, 23 hour travel is a lot of exposure..  And then ten days mandatory quarantine in Germany - where would I quarantine? With all hotels closed, I would have to be quarantining at my mom's house which would not be possible. (And heaven forbid I did pick it up on the journey and ended overseas with Covid and my 80 y/o mom had to take care of me as well??? Hell no)
Now it's moot since the semester is about to start and I teach in person. 

Edited January 4, 2021 by regentrude

[Jenny in Florida]

On 1/1/2021 at 3:25 PM, regentrude said:

Sometimes he is alert. I am sending mom pictures to show him on her phone.

I play the guitar. Work a bit on songwriting. Have pretty much given up the piano. But all this is keeping busy, YKWIM? Not making any progress towards the life change I am so searching for and that I cannot figure out. 

You know from our previous conversations that I completely understand that feeling. For me, the sense of frantic sadness has receded, but I feel more resigned than I do better. So, while I don't have a cure to offer, I can at least let you know you're not alone.

[regentrude]

1 minute ago, Jenny in Florida said:

You know from our previous conversations that I completely understand that feeling. For me, the sense of frantic sadness has receded, but I feel more resigned than I do better. So, while I don't have a cure to offer, I can at least let you know you're not alone.

I am sorry you feel resigned. Sending good thoughts. I hope you can figure out what you need to do. I hope we both can.

[Jenny in Florida]

On 1/1/2021 at 6:09 PM, regentrude said:

I keep coming up with "futile".

Yeah, the best I've been able to come up with is "pointless," but "futile" at least sounds classier.

[regentrude]

9 hours ago, Twolittleboys said:

Regentrude, I am sorry you are feeling so sad. It has been a difficult year and it is hard to see when it will improve. I actually do think late summer/fall could be a realistic time frame for visiting your family in Germany (but I tend to be a bit overly optimistic)...

As far as the life change is concerned it is of course harder to know what might work. What are you looking for? Do you want to make a difference/impact, do you long for adventure, intellectual stimulation, purpose? 

Sense of purpose. Intellectual stimulation. I'd like to feel a sense of excitement about the world again. Talked about it in other threads, don't want to bore folks with it again -y'all must be getting sick of me whining.

 

[aaplank]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

Sense of purpose. Intellectual stimulation. I'd like to feel a sense of excitement about the world again. Talked about it in other threads, don't want to bore folks with it again -y'all must be getting sick of me whining.

 

Have you ever thought about talking to a spiritual director?  You don't have to be any specific religion or have any deistic belief at all. There are some spiritual directors that are trained to help guide you as you sort through your deepest thoughts, beliefs, longings, all within a neutral point of view. 

I talked with a spiritual director for a year as I was going through a sort of existential crisis and it helped me process so much of what I didn't even know was inside. Once I was able to acknowledge the spiritual aspect of my pain, I was able to move forward.