Interesting: 27-year-old embryo adopted and born to 28-year-old mom this October

[MercyA]

And she's a little cutie pie, none the worse for wear for spending 27 years in deep freeze:

https://www.cnn.com/2020/12/01/us/baby-frozen-embryo-27-years-trnd/index.html

No particular point to make at the moment. I just genuinely thought it was interesting.

DH and I had moral qualms with IVF while we were dealing with infertility and we chose not to pursue it at all. However, I see very little downside to adopting "leftover" embryos who have been released by their bio-parents (as long as those embryos were not created specifically to sell). There are anywhere from 400,000 to a million embryos in storage in the U.S. right now.

Edited December 5, 2020 by MercyA

[Liz CA]

Friends did IVF a over 17 years ago and were very disturbed by the fact that more eggs would be fertilized than she would carry to term. I don't remember what they ended up doing. I think it might bother me to know I had frozen "kids" that I could not give birth to for one reason or another - family size, age, etc. But then, I have never been in this situation myself.

 

@MercyA, do we know what percentage of frozen embryos are being released for adoption?

[MercyA]

20 minutes ago, Liz CA said:

@MercyA, do we know what percentage of frozen embryos are being released for adoption?

In 2016, the BBC estimated that about 1 in 10 frozen embryos are released for adoption.

The New York Times stated that "Of the two million transfers of embryos to a woman’s uterus recorded by the CDC from 2000 to 2016, only 16,000 were donor embryos. But over that period, the annual number of donor transfers rose sharply — from 334 in 2000 to 1,940 in 2016 — and experts say it is continuing to increase."

I've read that about 3% of parents choose to donate their embryos for scientific research.

Edited December 5, 2020 by MercyA

[Farrar]

17 minutes ago, Liz CA said:

 

@MercyA, do we know what percentage of frozen embryos are being released for adoption?

I was curious, so I tried to find numbers. One Q&A sheet I found said that there are less than 2,000 adopted embryos attempted to be implanted every year, so it's not super common yet. Things I read suggested it's becoming bigger. It's apparently much more affordable than doing IVF oneself.

I don't personally have an issue with IVF (I mean, it worries me that it's so expensive and thus something open to only wealthy families, but I mean scientifically and morally, I'm fine with it). As long as the couple gets to decide what happens to the embryos, this seems like a good thing for all involved.

[BakersDozen]

I can honestly say that not a day goes by that I don't look at our youngest and marvel at his existence. He could have been used for medical research or disposed of. But his biological parents donated their embryos following their first IVF cycle and now we have this fantastic little guy to love on. Their donation blessed our family and I thank them, whoever they are, for their choice.

"Embabies" waiting for a chance at life. So thankful for those who donate these precious potential lives.

[BakersDozen]

Just because I love to share this...here's what I posted on our little guys' "Gotcha Day" (he was born one month and one day before the little girl in the OP's post):

February 2018: We walked into the clinic at about 10am. Being the awesome guy he is and knowing that I needed to be alone with my thoughts, dh waited in the lobby while I waited for an hour in the little "room" until it was my turn. I brought a book with me to pass the time but couldn't focus on what I was reading. Over the course of that hour I had to take many deep breaths to calm myself down, and I went through many tissues as the tears came despite my best efforts. As each patient before me was called back my anxiety increased...my hands were shaking and I could hardly sit still. I didn't say anything except for quiet prayers of, "Please, God..." Finally it was my turn. The nurse who came to get me sang out, "Time to get the kids!" I started to cry. 
 

I walked with the nurse to the procedure room and waited for the doctor to come in with an update, for it is not until the moment of transfer that the embryos are checked; too much disturbance can affect the thaw process. When the doctor announced that both embryos had survived the thaw and retained their status of "Good" I cried even more. At the most fragile, miraculous stage of life, the 2 embryos were transferred and we brought our babies home.

 

There was no way of knowing what would happen. Perhaps both embryos would not make it. Perhaps I would miscarry. Perhaps the baby(ies) would have issues. It was a risk and a big step into the unknown yet one thing we both knew without a doubt - those babies would have a chance at life. And as I walked out of the clinic I was moved by how deeply and profoundly precious the moment was. How incredible to know that there was, even if just for a matter of hours or a couple of days, new life.

What took me by surprise was the love I felt for those embryo babies. The day I signed the paper making them ours they had a place in my mama heart. For the next 48 hours as I was on couch rest I sent every mama vibe in me their way, willing them to grow and survive.
 

Today marks the first Gotcha Day anniversary for our precious little boy. From the day we decided to pursue embryo adoption to the day he was born it was a journey of intense emotions. At one point test results indicated that something was wrong and that I would likely miscarry, yet our miracle baby is sleeping in his bassinet right now.
 

His biological parents did not know what was going on last year on this day and yet they were very much in my thoughts both on that day and in the year since. Today, as always, I thank them for the gift they made of the embryos, of allowing us to give him a chance at life, to bring him into our family.

We are so incredibly lucky to have Felix - our boy whose name means 'lucky/happy' and aptly so.

Edited December 5, 2020 by BakersDozen
Have to have a photo!

[Sneezyone]

48 minutes ago, Liz CA said:

Friends did IVF a over 17 years ago and were very disturbed by the fact that more eggs would be fertilized than she would carry to term. I don't remember what they ended up doing. I think it might bother me to know I had frozen "kids" that I could not give birth to for one reason or another - family size, age, etc. But then, I have never been in this situation myself.

We donated to research. We could not bear to know or wonder whether we had a child out there somewhere that may be abused or raised without the love/care/understanding/stability that we would provide. In that sense, it’s no different from infant placement/adoption. The choice to parent is separate from the choice to carry/create.

[Sneezyone]

1 minute ago, happysmileylady said:

Storage of frozen embryos is not inexpensive and many couples can’t afford the additional expense.  So the choice is often-donate for research, donate to another couple, or disposal.  

Yes to this. We stored them for over 5 years before making a final decision. We had a one and done IVF/ICSI transfer of two embryos and got a singleton pregnancy.  I don’t remember how many we had left.

[MercyA]

14 hours ago, Liz CA said:

Friends did IVF a over 17 years ago and were very disturbed by the fact that more eggs would be fertilized than she would carry to term. I don't remember what they ended up doing.

A family in our co-op was also faced with this choice. They had all their embryos transferred at once and ended up with quadruplets. 

Edited December 5, 2020 by MercyA

[Sneezyone]

1 minute ago, happysmileylady said:

And sometimes, couples never come to a final decision.  There can be very strong emotions surrounding the decision and if a couple disagrees, it can put them in a real bind.  

Yep. Not easy/simple at all.

[Sneezyone]

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

I was curious, so I tried to find numbers. One Q&A sheet I found said that there are less than 2,000 adopted embryos attempted to be implanted every year, so it's not super common yet. Things I read suggested it's becoming bigger. It's apparently much more affordable than doing IVF oneself.

I don't personally have an issue with IVF (I mean, it worries me that it's so expensive and thus something open to only wealthy families, but I mean scientifically and morally, I'm fine with it). As long as the couple gets to decide what happens to the embryos, this seems like a good thing for all involved.

What worries/worried me about it are the same things that worry me about closed adoptions in general. We’ve done both and I have ethical objections to offspring not having access to their biological parents/story (even if only on paper). Things like ancestry have made those concerns even more real to me.

Edited December 5, 2020 by Sneezyone

[MercyA]

4 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

What worries/worried me about it are the same things that worry me about closed adoptions in general. We’ve done both and I have ethical objections to offspring not having access to their biological parents/story (even if only on paper). Things like ancestry have made those concerns even more real to me.

Some embryo adoptions are open adoptions, though, and I wonder if that is increasing.

[BakersDozen]

7 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Some embryo adoptions are open adoptions, though, and I wonder if that is increasing.

I know quite a few couples who have gone through open embryo adoptions. Where I went one can designate who will receive the embryos should they not end up being transferred (they are not "implanted", fwiw) or donate to the clinic and the adoption is anonymous.

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by BakersDozen

[Sneezyone]

11 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Some embryo adoptions are open adoptions, though, and I wonder if that is increasing.

Some, not enough. I spent a lot of time in adoption circles before throwing our IVF Hail Mary and the vocal desire for secrecy is still prevalent. As open adoption becomes more common, those who want or prefer secrecy choose/seek out ‘anonymous’ embryo or gamete adoption/donation. Anonymity is, of course, impossible these days. Still, there’s no legal framework that guarantees access to that information for embryo adoptees either. A good friend of mine is an adoptive parent and also a DNA/genealogy researcher. There are TONS of people searching.

Edited December 5, 2020 by Sneezyone

[Guest]

5 hours ago, BakersDozen said:

I can honestly say that not a day goes by that I don't look at our youngest and marvel at his existence. He could have been used for medical research or disposed of. But his biological parents donated their embryos following their first IVF cycle and now we have this fantastic little guy to love on. Their donation blessed our family and I thank them, whoever they are, for their choice.

"Embabies" waiting for a chance at life. So thankful for those who donate these precious potential lives.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story! 

[ScoutTN]

6 hours ago, MercyA said:

Some embryo adoptions are open adoptions, though, and I wonder if that is increasing.

I know of two and both are open, wirh good communication between the families. 

[Sneezyone]

1 minute ago, ScoutTN said:

I know of two and both are open, wirh good communication between the families. 

I’m really glad to hear that this is increasingly common. This was a major issue for us. If you hang out in adoption circles long enough, you see the painful stories of some adult adoptees, especially transracial and baby scoop era ones. We were terrified of having a child seek us out and resent that they weren’t raised with or like their genetic sibling. This touches on our somewhat unique concerns in a fair way. https://www.rbmsociety.com/article/S2405-6618(20)30013-7/fulltext

[Farrar]

5 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

I’m really glad to hear that this is increasingly common. This was a major issue for us. If you hang out in adoption circles long enough, you see the painful stories of some adult adoptees, especially transracial and baby scoop era ones. We were terrified of having a child seek us out and resent that they weren’t raised with or like their genetic sibling. This touches on our somewhat unique concerns in a fair way. https://www.rbmsociety.com/article/S2405-6618(20)30013-7/fulltext

That's... interesting. I guess I made the erroneous assumption that one of the driving factors for many with adopting embryos would be that there are likely more white embryos and more white evangelicals engaged in this practice and many families of all races specifically want to adopt children who are of the same race (which opens a whole can of worms in terms of discussing race and adoption). It didn't occur to me that some white evangelicals might specifically want POC embryos. I mean, I'm aware that some white evangelical families who adopt (and adoptive families in other groups) specifically want POC kids, so of course that would extend to embryos, but for whatever reason that surprised me. My first thoughts are to wonder about how carrying and giving birth to the baby affects the dynamic. I mean, when you listen to Amy Comey Barrett talk about her adopted POC kids in terms of their trauma... that's not something that can apply when you gave birth to the child you "saved." 

[Sneezyone]

42 minutes ago, Farrar said:

That's... interesting. I guess I made the erroneous assumption that one of the driving factors for many with adopting embryos would be that there are likely more white embryos and more white evangelicals engaged in this practice and many families of all races specifically want to adopt children who are of the same race (which opens a whole can of worms in terms of discussing race and adoption). It didn't occur to me that some white evangelicals might specifically want POC embryos. I mean, I'm aware that some white evangelical families who adopt (and adoptive families in other groups) specifically want POC kids, so of course that would extend to embryos, but for whatever reason that surprised me. My first thoughts are to wonder about how carrying and giving birth to the baby affects the dynamic. I mean, when you listen to Amy Comey Barrett talk about her adopted POC kids in terms of their trauma... that's not something that can apply when you gave birth to the child you "saved." 

Indeed. We wrestled with a lot of feelings about it and couldn’t get comfy.