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Have you ever held a kid back/repeated classes in later grades (junior high/high school)? If so, what factors influenced your decision?


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My mind is a muddle, and honestly I don't trust my own instincts right now.  Please share your stories, if you can.  

Title says it all.  If you held a kid back or repeated a grade later on (junior high/high school), what were the factors that led to your decision?  

If you thought about it and didn't, what led you to decide not to?

Edited by cintinative
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On 11/30/2020 at 9:40 AM, cintinative said:

My mind is a muddle, and honestly I don't trust my own instincts right now.  Please share your stories, if you can.  

Title says it all.  If you held a kid back or repeated a grade later on (junior high/high school), what were the factors that led to your decision?  

If you thought about it and didn't, what led you to decide not to?

I don't see a point in "holding back" a homeschooled child. He is not the youngest in his class, because he is the only one in his class. He is not immature for his age, because he is just himself. He is not "behind"... anyone.

You just keep teaching him. When he's close to being finished learning at home, you evaluate him *then.* If you decide he needs more time at home, you do it. It isn't "repeating a grade." Don't we say that all the time, that we don't care what "grade" our children are "in"? He isn't "in" "ninth grade." He's 14. years old. If you think he needs a certain number of credits because....why?....you keep working on those until he accomplishes them. It isn't "holding him back."

Edited by Ellie
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Not personally, but friends of ours had their DS repeat 8th grade. I don't know how hard or easy it was on the young man to repeat a grade, but they also switched schools for the repeat year to help minimize the emotional impact of 'being held back'. I'm not sure how the young man did in high school, but I know he landed a partial sports scholarship (golf) and went on to college. The parents held him back because he struggled academically all through the K-8 years due to leukemia/chemo as a pre-schooler, and it just slowed his academic development way down -- which is a very common side effect of cancer/chemo treatment in young children. (JMO: it would have been much easier on the DS overall if they had just delayed starting him in school a year, but I think the parents were desperate to feel 'normal' again after the cancer.)

The only other times I have seen a "repeat year" that late in the schooling is if there is a cognitive development issue that had been masked up until middle school, or if there was a serious health issue in high school, requiring pulling out of high school for months or a year, before being able to return to high school.
 

Are you asking for one of your DSs? Looking at your signature, they both look on track or even slightly advanced. I can't imagine why you would hold them back. Just me: but even if there is a serious physical or mental health issue going on, I would not repeat, but rather try and reduce credits per year to the bare minimum and go at the pace the student can handle. Or, if needed, stop school for the months/year needed for recovery, and then pick up where you left off.

If you're looking at a child who is struggling with the higher maths or with the higher level writing of middle/high school, then again, that is not something to hold back for. Many MANY students just click later with those subjects. *Every year* I have 9th and 10th students, and even the occasional 11th or 12th grade students in my homeschool co-op Lit. & Comp. classes who are delayed in "clicking" with writing, or even are remedial in writing (like, sometimes writing at a 5th grade level) -- but they are on grade level with other subjects and especially with their emotional and social development. So the key is to either work gently at their pace for the longer time it takes to get them up to speed, or to remediate the behind skills or subjects -- not hold back a grade.


So, all of the above was me just doing a lot of "shooting in the dark" guesses about why you might be considering holding back, and in the end, the experiences of someone else held back a student are probably going to be irrelevant to your own situation (if you are asking for one of your children). What *really* matters is what exactly is going on that you are considering holding back? 

Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited by Lori D.
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TBH, I just don't trust myself right now. My depression is bad at the moment, so take this all with a massive grain of salt. That is why I felt more comfortable asking for stories than sharing mine. Next week, I might see it differently. 

My youngest is 13 in 8th grade and part of me thinks this is the age 13 tunnel and he will come out on the other side a different kid. He struggles with maturity, a poor work ethic, focus (ADD-inattentive; he is medicated) and studying. I can help him with studying, and do some scaffolding for the focus, but I can't do much to convince him that working hard is important or that he should want to do his best.  My hope is that he will come through this year with a different attitude, but who knows?

Edited by cintinative
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  • cintinative changed the title to Have you ever held a kid back/repeated classes in later grades (junior high/high school)? If so, what factors influenced your decision?

If it helps you, when my dd was in 7th grade, I was worried about how she'd even be able to get through high school, and I just wasn't sure she was college-bound.  But they mature SO MUCH.  Fast forward to now, her sophomore year in college.  She's in a Pre-Nursing program and has a 4.0 GPA.

It is indeed the age.  Keep on keeping on..

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3 hours ago, cintinative said:

TBH, I just don't trust myself right now. My depression is bad at the moment, so take this all with a massive grain of salt. That is why I felt more comfortable asking for stories than sharing mine. Next week, I might see it differently. 

My youngest is 13 in 8th grade and part of me thinks this is the age 13 tunnel and he will come out on the other side a different kid. He struggles with maturity, a poor work ethic, focus (ADD-inattentive; he is medicated) and studying. I can help him with studying, and do some scaffolding for the focus, but I can't do much to convince him that working hard is important or that he should want to do his best.  My hope is that he will come through this year with a different attitude, but who knows?

I'm sorry you're struggling. 

I hear you on not trusting your ability to make this decision.  I absolutely feel that way.

In our case, my thought is that we'd only hold him back if he's homeschooled next year, and what we'd probably do is to plan a year that includes  relatively easy 9th grade classes.  At the end of the year, we'd then decide whether to label that as 8th or 9th grade.  

 

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I agree with deciding after what would be the 9th grade year is complete. Go into it assuming it will be his freshman year and see how it goes. If he struggles to work at a high school level due to either skill set or overall maturity, then you could retroactively count that year as his official 8th grade year and have a do-over. You could still count any high school math or foreign language credits completed that year on his high school transcript. I would refrain from taking courses like US history or government, etc. that need to be transcripted during high school that year - unless you are ok repeating later if needed. 

My youngest is in 9th this year repeating Algebra - she did fine last year but is a perfectionist and has a low confidence level. So I’m giving her this year to build confidence and a bit more mastery before moving forward. I’m definitely not regretting it. She has also shown a lot of maturity just in the last 6 months. She’s a very different student than she was at 13. A lot can change in a year! I hope you see some improvement between now and then and things get easier. ❤️

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I have a DD who we are "holding back". She has had a rough 2 1/2 years with mental and physical health issues. She is only now starting to come out of the fog a little bit. If she makes a huge leap in the next few years, we will figure that out, but for now, I'm calling her a 9th grader even though she has been a 9th grader before. 

I don't know what you would like to know. The reasons we are holding DD back are 99% most likely not the reasons you would hold your son back. 

 

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(((((Cintinative))))) Super rough situation, with your own struggles right now, which I totally understand (having had similar struggles off and on for years) does not leave much bandwidth for helping a child with very different needs/issues (which I also had one of).

I do agree with @perky that this is a tough age, esp. when compounded with other issues, but that the person your child is at 13yo will be very different at 16yo or 17yo. That was also my experience with our DS#2 with mild LDs. Also, some things finally started clicking for him at age 17 that usually click for other students at age 13-14. It just meant a lot of gentle perseverance and patience on my part with his delayed time table.

Also agreeing with @lovelearnandlive about how to handle it. Unless you are planning on your student attending a brick & mortar school for high school, at this point, there is really no need to make a big decision, or even necessarily say anything to the studentt. If you will be continuing to homeschool through high school, just quietly keep moving forward at the pace that both you and your student can do now and into next year, and see how things are going.

It might help for right now while things are rough to streamline. Maybe also focus on executive functioning skills with DS (Smart But Scattered, or Smart But Scattered Teens. Try and make the most that you are able out of the more focused time your DS has when the meds are most effective -- math and writing. Any subjects that are not done through outsourcing, give yourselves permission to spread out and take as much time as you need. Algebra I, Biology, and Spanish can all go at a slower pace if needed and be finished partway into next year. Just move to the next level at that point.

Wishing you both all the BEST. Warmest regards, Lori D.

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4 hours ago, cintinative said:

TBH, I just don't trust myself right now. My depression is bad at the moment, so take this all with a massive grain of salt. That is why I felt more comfortable asking for stories than sharing mine. Next week, I might see it differently. 

My youngest is 13 in 8th grade and part of me thinks this is the age 13 tunnel and he will come out on the other side a different kid. He struggles with maturity, a poor work ethic, focus (ADD-inattentive; he is medicated) and studying. I can help him with studying, and do some scaffolding for the focus, but I can't do much to convince him that working hard is important or that he should want to do his best.  My hope is that he will come through this year with a different attitude, but who knows?

Those are not reasons to "hold him back." In fact, you don't "hold him back" at all. You keep helping him learn, and when he's 16 or so, you (and he) make the decision on when he can be graduated at home.

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1 minute ago, Ellie said:

Those are not reasons to "hold him back." In fact, you don't "hold him back" at all. You keep helping him learn, and when he's 16 or so, you (and he) make the decision on when he can be graduated at home.

Is this a kid you imagine staying home through graduation?

My thought is that my kid will go to brick and mortar high school.  If we hold him back it will be, in part, because we don't think school is covid-safe in the fall. So we would need to make a decision at the end of the year as to which credits to ask to transfer.  

If you're planning on homeschooling until graduation, I agree that you can kick that can far down the road, and worry about it later. 

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My older son wasn't held back exactly, but he was kind of in a holding pattern at that age. He just wasn't making the leap to more abstract thinking very well due to ASD, ADHD, and language issues. Targeted intervention helped.

He has never been interested in college, so we didn't worry about it too much. We will give him a bare bones college prep transcript. If COVID stuff pans out, he might attend the local vo-tech option part-time. In that case, he might end up going an extra year because students typically start junior year instead of senior year. Since he has an IEP, he has more flexibility.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I did this in 8th grade for my DD. She didn't have the maturity or executive function skills to keep her schoolwork caught up and turned in. She was also behind socially and it was a problem in group classes. I suspect (though we have not sought testing) that she might have high functioning ASD. She is extremely intelligent and is college bound. Since high school grades count for getting into college, I felt it would be doing her a disservice to allow her to move on to high school when she clearly wasn't ready and let it hurt her GPA and later her college choices. I do not regret this decision. She matured so much that second 8th grade year and the 9th grade year following. She has maintained straight A's since she started high school. Now this second 8th grade year didn't mean I held her back as far as the academics went. She still continued onto the next math book, the next science book etc. It was more about not counting the grades toward her high school GPA and not saying she was a high school student.  It was simply about giving her more time to figure out how to get work done on time and completing a whole book in a year. Giving her that time to learn to make a plan for the day and be successful. She needed that year to mature and make this happen. It also benefited her socially. She still doesn't "fit in" very well, but she is much more mature than before. I do not regret it for a second! 

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I wouldn't worry about it.  Decide when you're going to graduate him when he gets there (or a year or so ahead).  In the meantime, teach the kid in front of you.

That said, if you decide to put him in school, you'll need to decide on a grade level at that point. 

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My younger boy's dysgraphia was a huge problem. At the age of 12, he could physically write at a maximum speed of 8 words a minutes and his typing was no faster. He could not spell half of the top 100 words, and still couldn't figure out where to put a period or how language was structured. He couldn't get his ideas sorted enough in his head to even write with something like Dragonbox.  I was looking at a year until highschool, thinking that there was no way he could do highschool level work or even get close to approximating the speed he would need to learn.  He was just soooooo slow. His executive function skills were nonexistent and his motivation was only good when I was sitting there right next to him.  It was not looking good even though I had worked so diligently with him for his first 7 years of schooling. 

We had a long talk about the plan, and decided to abandon all handwriting except for math. We started with typing dictation for 30 minutes each day, and then did 2 hours a day focused effort on trying to organize his thoughts enough to write.  We did this for 5 years (he is 17 now). Every day we just got up and tackled what needed to be tackled and decided not to worry about his level or his pace.  

So where we are at now. 

Writing Mechanics: he can type at 40 words a minute. This was no small feat to accomplish as nothing was automated so even spelling a word like cat had to be sounded out. It took us 30 minutes a day for 3 years to go from 8 to 40wpm. This made him functional for highschool. 

Writing content: he is a beautiful writer for his style (a result of all his reading), but even now must be constantly reminded to put in an introductory sentence and to organize his thinking.

Writing Speed: he is still too slow, and next year we will put a whole year to increasing his writing speed. 

Motivation: I still must sit next to him at the table most of the time for him to do any work with any speed or drive.

Executive function: poor. We have quite a way to go with this still. But even my older boy at MIT called me every day for the first year to get help organizing his daily study plan. So my boys are just slow to master these skills.

So, I believe that we are on track for him to go to university in one year (we have a February start here in the Southern Hemisphere). We will spend next year increasing speed, working independently, and improving executive function skills. 

I never officially held him back, we never even discussed it. All I said to him was that if he didn't feel ready for college at 18, he could take another year and go at 19. I didn't care.  This reduced his stress, and allowed him to learn for the sake of learning. But the key in his progress was my full involvement for many many years.  

Ruth in NZ

 

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  • 7 months later...

This is late, but just in case the question is still up, we made the decision to hold our youngest dd back in Logic Stage.  She's young for her grade and gifted.  However, she's been diagnosed with HFA as well as ADD-Inattentive.  Her processing speed is low and the work load of 6th grade was taking her so long most days . . . !  What we decided to do was basically just stretch out 6th and 7th grade to cover 3 years, thereby allowing her time to develop socially, mentally, and intellectually in hopes that she'll be better prepared to handle Algebra I, more intensive reading, and larger writing assignments when 8th grade finally rolls around.  She's not repeating anything - just moving more slowly through her subjects. 

So far, things are going well.  It'll be odd with her extra-curricular activities, switching grades in the middle of the school year, but she only has a couple and if they don't ask, I won't make a big deal of it.  😉

HTH!

Mama Anna

(Note: signature is pretty out of date.)

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My homeschooled child has a birthday that made him the oldest in the class and an IQ that made him easily ready for the work one or two years up.  He also has ASD.  Since he is homeschooled now I just left him in the same year for any outside stuff and gave him whatever work he was ready for.  I figure an extra year at high school level will help with the ASD and keep him home another year.

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  • 7 months later...

I did not put anything on the transcript as a repeat, but I did have him do algebra 1 over. I used a different program. He did it about 3 times. Basically, he started it at home. Then, he went to a charter school and did half the year. Then he came home and did it through a private school. I also taught him the whole program again. Then he did algebra 2 twice so I gave him credit for two classes. That brought him up to the credits he needed for college admissions.

Edited by Janeway
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