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Long distance parent health issues. (Unloading)


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My mom has had a rough few years and 2020 has just extra sucked in many, many ways. It’s been bad.

Late last night, my sister texted me to let me know our stepfather was in the hospital. He recently had surgery for lung cancer and then had some complications. He started heavy dose chemo, which is supposedly just as a precaution.  Now he’s hospitalized for double pneumonia and renal failure. I haven’t gotten any follow up details in the past 12 hours.

They’re a 2 hour flight, 13 hour drive away, and I usually try to go and help with kids, pets, the house, etc whenever he has health issues, but that’s not an option this time. I’m not sure what my stepbrother (also in another state) will want to do since mom’s house is already a mostly no-visitors space. (My other sister and niece went for a masked, outdoor Thanksgiving.) My mom’s already been struggling with her ability to cope with everything she’s been going through, and I have no idea how she’s going to cope with more scary complications.

She doesn’t do communication when she’s in the midst of “stuff”, so directly checking in would feel like a burden to her. I got a text when my grandmother died, and that was mostly a courtesy so that other people didn’t have to tell me.  So now I just sit and wait to see if my sister sends an update.

I have no idea what I should be braced for.

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7 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

My mom has had a rough few years and 2020 has just extra sucked in many, many ways. It’s been bad.

Late last night, my sister texted me to let me know our stepfather was in the hospital. He recently had surgery for lung cancer and then had some complications. He started heavy dose chemo, which is supposedly just as a precaution.  Now he’s hospitalized for double pneumonia and renal failure. I haven’t gotten any follow up details in the past 12 hours.

They’re a 2 hour flight, 13 hour drive away, and I usually try to go and help with kids, pets, the house, etc whenever he has health issues, but that’s not an option this time. I’m not sure what my stepbrother (also in another state) will want to do since mom’s house is already a mostly no-visitors space. (My other sister and niece went for a masked, outdoor Thanksgiving.) My mom’s already been struggling with her ability to cope with everything she’s been going through, and I have no idea how she’s going to cope with more scary complications.

She doesn’t do communication when she’s in the midst of “stuff”, so directly checking in would feel like a burden to her. I got a text when my grandmother died, and that was mostly a courtesy so that other people didn’t have to tell me.  So now I just sit and wait to see if my sister sends an update.

I have no idea what I should be braced for.

If you’re trying to help from a distance, maybe you can see if she’d qualify for Meals on Wheels, and find some in home help for her?  Just things that would take something off her plate.

im sorry about your stepdad 😞

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