Covid Safe Holidays

[Ausmumof3]

A few weeks ago I shared a document with recommendations on how to enjoy Covid safe holidays.  
 

One of the creators today tweeted this

“In the 3 weeks since we first released our guide to safer #COVIDHolidays, the number of cases in the US has exploded, and it’s time for most of us to start cancelling Thanksgiving gatherings, and thinking about how to make solo or virtual dinners festive.”

https://twitter.com/epiellie/status/1327089062440742913?s=21

I don’t want to be alarmist but I’d feel bad if someone had seen the previous information and felt ok to go ahead without seeing the update.

[happi duck]

It was kind of you to post the updated information.  Everything I'm reading is saying not to gather for holidays and to celebrate within your household only.

A few weeks ago my extended family decided to cancel our usual holiday plans.  Sad but necessary!

[Matryoshka]

15 minutes ago, happi duck said:

It was kind of you to post the updated information.  Everything I'm reading is saying not to gather for holidays and to celebrate within your household only.

A few weeks ago my extended family decided to cancel our usual holiday plans.  Sad but necessary!

I sure hope the rest of America gets the memo. .. tonight in the news it said HALF of Americans were planning on travelling for the holidays.  😨 

[cjzimmer1]

We know we won't be doing an indoor Thanksgiving but we are toying with the idea of an outdoor one.  It gets cold here so we are thinking maybe we could sit around the fire in household groups.  Now our fire pit is used for burning brush.  It's 10-12 feet across and once I get it going, most people sit 4-6 feet away.  I could add particle board which really ups the heat and would force everyone to be at least 8 feet from the fire.  So we could do our family groups and we would each be 10-12 feet from the nearest family group and we'd be outside.  It will of course be totally weather dependent. One sibling said she refuses to sit out in the snow no matter how hot I make the fire. Curious if others would think that was "safe enough".  We know nothing is perfect but we still go to grocery stores and doctor appointments even though those aren't perfectly safe either.  

[sbgrace]

We decided, this past week-end, to cancel our Thanksgiving family gathering. I cried. I so wanted this. 

We had planned what seemed relatively safe--giving up a lot to try to decrease risk but still meet. Then the rates exploded in all 3 states involved. There were a couple of close call exposure events for my sister's family and for us this past week. There is no way for all families involved to isolate prior.  

We've canceled. It's just not worth possibly infecting my parents. 

We passed on a family get together this week-end (indoors) with my husband's family and relatives who flew across the country to visit. I hate that we disappointed them. 

At least it looks like there is a (vaccinated) end to all this in the relatively near future. I'm going to want to spend so much time with these people I love when this is over. 

It's been such a sad year. 

Edited November 13, 2020 by sbgrace

[Shoeless]

2 minutes ago, sbgrace said:

We decided, this past week-end, to cancel our Thanksgiving family gathering. I cried. I so wanted this. 

We had planned what seemed relatively safe. Then the rates exploded in all 3 states involved. There were a couple of close call exposure events for my sister's family and for us this past week. There is no way for all families involved to isolate prior.  

We've canceled. It's just not worth possibly infecting my parents.

At least it looks like there is a (vaccinated) end to all this in the relatively near future. I'm going to want to spend so much time with these people I love when this is over. 

It's been such a sad year. 

It's hard, but you are doing the right thing.  It's going to feel so good to see everyone you love when this nightmare is over, isn't it? ❤️ 

[Carrie12345]

I find myself getting really frustrated with people because I know changing holidays is a big deal, but I also know it’s not the end of the world.  All major circumstances aside (or even not... this year is my family’s first Thanksgiving without my grandmother, AND it’s on her birthday, so it’s a hard one), it’s hopefully just one year out of decades of tradition.

I grew up with very large holiday celebrations well into my 20s, and then circumstances changed them. It’s been me, dh, and our kids, or most of the kids, for most of the past dozen years, with 2 or 3 extra special trips to celebrate with family.  It is NOT the end of the world. But COVID can be.  And it’s okay to be sad about that, but people getting sick is even sadder.

My mom is a hard nut to crack, and she isn’t excluding my sister and niece from the holiday, but she is planning an all outdoor celebration under a canopy, with extra tables for distance and masking when not eating in order to have them there. I’m not entirely thrilled with her doing it, but at least she’s taking every precaution she can manage. I dare not ask her about her Christmas plans yet!

[Storygirl]

We previously decided not to gather for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. DH's sister is in FIL and MIL's bubble, so the three of them will eat together, which makes me feel a little better; usually the three of them eat with us. I'm sure we will do some kind of Zoom family thing, though it has not been arranged yet.

We don't see my family every year for the holidays, so it is less of a big deal to miss a gathering with them. I'm sure they will still meet with each other, because they live in the same town and see each other anyway, but I have no say over that and will just need to not worry about it (though it involves my Dad, age 86).

My bigger concern is  a family funeral (today), during which I  will be taking more precautions than the rest of my family, which may incur some ire from certain people. And my nephew's wedding in January. We planned to go to the wedding, because there is no reception and is going to be short, but we have to wonder now if we should stay away, which would be more sad for us than just skipping a holiday dinner.

I also heard that Americans are planning to gather for the holidays, despite the virus, and I'm really concerned. Our state's cases have reached 7,000 per day; about 4-6 weeks ago the 21 day average of cases here was less than 900.

[Pawz4me]

I'm pretty sure the four of us will have our own little Thanksgiving this year. DH, me and DS21 are our own bubble. DS24 will join us, but he's good about quarantining before he comes here. 

[Not_a_Number]

We’re already podding with the in laws, so we’re lucky, I guess. But everyone is working from home, my kids haven’t seen their friends in real life since March, and we don’t go into stores. We’ve chosen one thing to do, and that’s to have this pod.

[almondbutterandjelly]

We are getting together with my parents and brother who lives with them.  They are in their late 70s and have stated that they would rather get Covid than not see us.  Fair enough.  We will eat outside almost certainly, and I am going to have them at one table and us at another.  The weather will probably be in the 70s, so we're good there.  We will mask when not eating.  We will not do buffet style.  I think that's the best we can do.

[busymama7]

9 minutes ago, perky said:

We are getting together with my parents and brother who lives with them.  They are in their late 70s and have stated that they would rather get Covid than not see us.  Fair enough.  We will eat outside almost certainly, and I am going to have them at one table and us at another.  The weather will probably be in the 70s, so we're good there.  We will mask when not eating.  We will not do buffet style.  I think that's the best we can do.

So, passing dishes around the table? Having just one person dishing up for everyone, like from the kitchen?  Curious how you are going to serve the food.   

[almondbutterandjelly]

Dh will dish up the food, masked, and I will serve it, masked.  I plan to bring it to the table like a waitress.

[cjzimmer1]

12 minutes ago, Happymomof1 said:

Yeah, well it could be. It is harder than you are dismissing it. My husband was almost in tears this morning. He doesn't know how long him mom will be here with her sane mind. We have started to see small signs like her mother. My mother-in-law doesn't care and just wants us there.  I am pushing to go after Thanksgiving. The two of us are fine.  We will not have been around anyone in 2 weeks. Our daughter, it would only have been 5 days since we brought her home. Our oldest is alone in his apartment and see no one so he is fine.  But he cannot come here for Thanksgiving because our internet isn't reliable enough, so if we don't go to my MIL's house our oldest will spend Thanksgiving alone in his apartment, which breaks all of our hearts and this is the one with depression problems who is seeing (virtually) a psych and counselor regularly.  Middle one is problematic as he is in seminary and manager of a coffee shop.  So.... is he supposed to just stay there alone.  He is also seeing a counselor these days. I don't think that is wise. 
 

Could you leave DD at college until after Thanksgiving?  You DH and oldest could go see MIL on thanksgiving since it seems like you are all pretty safe.  I know it's not ideal but the reality is that nothing is ideal this year?  I do understand your quandry we are trying to figure it out too which is why we are trying to decide if we can do it outside when it might only be 20-30 degrees.

[busymama7]

24 minutes ago, Happymomof1 said:

I cannot imagine being masked at family gatherings. We will never do that.

What? Why?  You don't think the risk of spread is there?  You don't think masks help?   Masking and distancing is even MORE important in that type of situation than say passing someone briefly at the store or whatever. The chances of catching it in passing is so super slim. But the chance of catching it in a living room with a handful of others when one doesn't realize they have it? Much much higher.  

[busymama7]

5 minutes ago, Happymomof1 said:

Family culture. WE all wear it outside everywhere and many of us are not traveling anywhere outside the home, but home is home. The safe place.  Plus, we will be there for a week, so wear it 24/7?y

Yeah I get that.  That wouldn't be possible.  But I am sitting here with covid after my son picked it up at a small (7 person) family gathering and then brought it to us.   Yes he traveled but had been so careful that we didn't feel we were at risk.    My mother in law also was at the small gathering and is VERY sick.  So that is influencing my feelings at the moment.  No one even can figure out where it came from because everyone who got sick from there got sick about 5-7 days after the gathering.  

[Kassia]

I am really struggling with this.  I have my four kids coming in for Thanksgiving from four different areas (three states - two are flying) and everyone is staying in our home.  None of them are concerned and neither is DH.  I am very upset about the risk of us infecting each other, but don't feel comfortable saying no when everyone else is fine with it and it will *probably* be ok.  

Christmas will be even worse with two more people staying with us and more exposure, but I have to get through Thanksgiving first before worrying about that.  

 

[Carrie12345]

2 hours ago, Happymomof1 said:

We have always had Thanksgiving all together with my husband's family. We've never been without our kids. You may say it isn't the end of the world, but it isn't as easy as you are making it sound. It is really, really hard for us.  I'm sorry we make you mad.

Actually, if you read what I wrote, I didn’t say it was easy, nor that I was mad.  I shared reasons *I* haven’t always found it easy, and why it will be harder for me this year. 

But I also know how hard it is to have elderly relatives die alone in the age of COVID, and I’ll continue giving up whatever I can to curb that.

[Guest]

We've ordered dinner to pick up curbside for Thanksgiving. DD's birthday is the same week, so I need to order her cake. We are hoping to be able to see her BFF during the week sometime, outside and masked. 

 

I am not looking forward to Christmas. I am very prone to seasonal depression, and what usually works best is being away from home and doing other stuff. That will be impossible this year, since I don't feel comfortable even doing the local holiday stuff. We can drive around and see lights, I guess, but we won't be going to see the festival of trees or holiday displays if they are indoors. Because DD's classes end at Thanksgiving week, and I go to just online makeup lessons, it will be a long haul with little to distract. I am hoping to be able to get a second switch so that DD and I can play Animal crossing together. 

[JustEm]

We are hosting some of my family for Thanksgiving but it is the people we are already socializing with regularly.  It'll be a much smaller gathering than usual but even with just 3 families it'll be over 20 people.  

[Not_a_Number]

I’d like to say that you gotta make hard choices. As I said, I chose that my kids do NOT attend either daycare or have play dates so that we could see my in-laws.

This is a very hard season. I’d try to figure out how to get everyone’s needs met safely, and that might require being creative. Maybe that means masking. Maybe it means the riskiest people only joining outdoors at the end. Maybe it means quarantining if at all possible before the gathering (that’s what we’ve done before rejoining out pod.)

None of it is sure to keep everyone safe. None of it. But don’t just throw caution to the wind because “we’re already gathering, so why bother?” With every risk you take, you’re increasing the probability that something goes wrong. It’s not binary.

[alisoncooks]

We're hosting my parents and grandma. We've been seeing my parents throughout the pandemic, but this will be the first we've seen grandma since March. She's in good health but I'm still concerned for her. We plan on isolating prior to hosting as best we can. She's recently been widowed (last week) and wants to join us.

We usually go out of state to my MIL's but we decided to stay home because her health is fragile. This is the first time I've cooked a big Thanksgiving meal in my 20 years married. 

Edited November 13, 2020 by alisoncooks

[mom2scouts]

My friend is the wife of the county health department director and she posted this on Facebook today:

"Stay home if you can & use extra precautions when you have to go out. Our counties are being hit really hard right now with the Covid. Our area hospitals are starting to struggle. CVS is completely booked for testing in this area for the next 2 weeks, and they don't schedule beyond 2 weeks."

We invited ONLY my parents for Thanksgiving. They're both near 80 and I don't know how many Thanksgivings they have left, plus they aren't doing well with social isolation. We were going to wear masks and then seat them at the other end of our very long table while we ate and needed to take off masks. They've decided not to come. Since they aren't coming, I may invite one of my adult DSs. He just broke up with his long time girlfriend and will be alone, but he's cautious and probably won't come either. I'm most sad about the fact that it's my first grandchild's first holidays and I won't get to see her. She's five months old, lives nearby, and I've only seen her a couple of times.😟 It'll likely be another holiday with just those of us who live here. I know that's safest, but it just makes me sad.

[ktgrok]

We will be just the nuclear family - I can quarantine the rest of us but my 21 yr old works at a vet clinic and so is exposed to the public daily. He masks, and they require clients to wear them, but...that doesn't make is safe enough for us to expose my mom with COPD and post lung cancer where she had part of a lung removed. 

We are talking about seeing them outdoors at some point, with masks..but I just don't know. 

At this point I'm hoping for a huge summer bash with them and my sister and her kids - something epic! AFTER a vaccine, and hopefully rapid saliva testing available for the public at low cost. 

if we were all vaccinated, or at least my Mom was vaccinated, and could do rapid testing before going, I'd feel safer. 

[kbutton]

On 11/13/2020 at 9:22 AM, Happymomof1 said:

Yeah, well it could be. It is harder than you are dismissing it. My husband was almost in tears this morning.

We have always had Thanksgiving all together with my husband's family. We've never been without our kids. You may say it isn't the end of the world, but it isn't as easy as you are making it sound. It is really, really hard for us.  I'm sorry we make you mad.

My comments are no longer applicable.

Edited November 14, 2020 by kbutton

[Kanin]

1 hour ago, ktgrok said:

At this point I'm hoping for a huge summer bash with them and my sister and her kids - something epic! AFTER a vaccine, and hopefully rapid saliva testing available for the public at low cost. 

 

Yes - as soon as COVID is over (a bit better in the summer, even better by fall, I sincerely hope?) my social life is going to be awesome! Lol. I was a real homebody before this, but I'm ready to see people, big time. 

No Thanksgiving for us, unless we can be outside. It's Maine though, so unless it's 50+ degrees, it probably won't. We're doing a Thanksgiving BBQ with just my mom, if we can.

[Ditto]

Thank you for posting the most recent update on recommendations.    Overall we have been lucky,  our adult "child" understands why coming home for the holidays isn't safe and is in full agreement.  It will be hard but safety and health is the number one priority right now.   So the holidays will just be the family that live in our home.  However, I was speaking to a relative a few days ago and was very disappointed that she seems to not fully understand what isolating is.   Without getting into details, she lied through her teeth to me about what she and her family are doing.   I remained kind but very firm that we would not be seeing anyone until this pandemic is over.   Her lies just reinforced my belief in our choices and what we are doing to be as safe as possible. 

[Ditto]

9 hours ago, Storygirl said:

I also heard that Americans are planning to gather for the holidays, despite the virus, and I'm really concerned. Our state's cases have reached 7,000 per day; about 4-6 weeks ago the 21 day average of cases here was less than 900.

This concerns me very much too.   It really bothers me that people are flying and crossing state lines as well.   Cases are exploding and we don't have a prayer of getting under control with so many gathering for the holidays and traveling.   It makes me sick to think about.

 

[Ditto]

18 hours ago, Matryoshka said:

I sure hope the rest of America gets the memo. .. tonight in the news it said HALF of Americans were planning on travelling for the holidays.  😨 

This is just unbelievable.  🤯

[kbutton]

18 hours ago, Happymomof1 said:

Sorry you cannot be close to family. We chose that deliberately because hubby and his family are so close. I don't see how what I will do will kill him...

Ok guys. I'm asking Rosie to delete my account. Not safe here. On here I am killing people. Here at home I am being ostracized because I don't think the choir should sing and I wear a mask everywhere.  For my Republican friends I'm a socialist. For my Democratic friends I'm not nearly woke enough. I have no friends anymore. I'm tired of everyone being mad at me. 

In some ways I wish I hadn't gone to seminary. I know too much now. My husband and I were always on the same page. We are not anymore. I don't know how to deal with that.  

Bye guys. Probably won't find my happy place until heaven, but who knows when that will be. I'm just so done with everyone being mad at me. I cannot win. People on here hate me. My husband isn't happy with me because I'm pushing to stay home.  I'm just so done. I miss having people that love me.

My comments are no longer applicable. 

Edited November 14, 2020 by kbutton

[Not_a_Number]

12 minutes ago, Happymomof1 said:

For my Democratic friends I'm not nearly woke enough.

I really don't think this has anything to do with being woke 🙂 . People are just frustrated when they are taking all the possible precautions and then people have these giant Thanksgiving gatherings that are liable to turn into superspreading events. And that's especially true if they have family members who have no choice but to get exposed and therefore are vulnerable to high levels of community spread. 

I know you're already feeling alone where you are, though 😞 . And I'm sure it's hard to be as careful as you're being when no one else is doing the same. I hope you don't delete your account, because while we're probably not a safe space (too many people), we do understand where you're coming from. 

Edited November 13, 2020 by Not_a_Number

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, Kanin said:

Yes - as soon as COVID is over (a bit better in the summer, even better by fall, I sincerely hope?) my social life is going to be awesome! Lol. 

I remember people saying this in the Spring and fantasizing about summer parties. I mean, summer parties  THIS summer, not 2025. I am not holding my breath anything's going to be resolved next summer. 

[Shoeless]

11 minutes ago, Happymomof1 said:

Sorry you cannot be close to family. We chose that deliberately because hubby and his family are so close. I don't see how what I will do will kill him...

Ok guys. I'm asking Rosie to delete my account. Not safe here. On here I am killing people. Here at home I am being ostracized because I don't think the choir should sing and I wear a mask everywhere.  For my Republican friends I'm a socialist. For my Democratic friends I'm not nearly woke enough. I have no friends anymore. I'm tired of everyone being mad at me. 

In some ways I wish I hadn't gone to seminary. I know too much now. My husband and I were always on the same page. We are not anymore. I don't know how to deal with that.  

Bye guys. Probably won't find my happy place until heaven, but who knows when that will be. I'm just so done with everyone being mad at me. I cannot win. People on here hate me. My husband isn't happy with me because I'm pushing to stay home.  I'm just so done. I miss having people that are on my side.

No one hates you.  That's nonsense and emotional manipulation. 

What a lot of us do NOT like is that you use this board and us as an emotional dumping ground.  People have responded SO patiently to you, time and time again, to encourage you to step out of your panicked mindset and to look outside yourself. Your response has been to lash out at them and threaten to take your toys and leave because everyone is just sooooo meeeeeean to you.  

It's exhausting to deal with this. If literally everyone in your life is reacting negatively to your behavior, then it's time to reexamine your conduct and thinking with a therapist.  And, no, I am not saying this to be mean; I am saying it as a person that engaged in this behavior in the past, until someone I respected had the guts to tell me to knock it off and learn to deal with my anxiety in productive and non-alienating ways. 

[Not_a_Number]

18 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

No one hates you.  That's nonsense and emotional manipulation. 

What a lot of us do NOT like is that you use this board and us as an emotional dumping ground.  People have responded SO patiently to you, time and time again, to encourage you to step out of your panicked mindset and to look outside yourself. Your response has been to lash out at them and threaten to take your toys and leave because everyone is just sooooo meeeeeean to you.  

It's exhausting to deal with this. If literally everyone in your life is reacting negatively to your behavior, then it's time to reexamine your conduct and thinking with a therapist.  And, no, I am not saying this to be mean; I am saying it as a person that engaged in this behavior in the past, until someone I respected had the guts to tell me to knock it off and learn to deal with my anxiety in productive and non-alienating ways. 

She deleted her account, I think. 

And for the record, while I agree that she was perhaps taking unrelated emotions out on this board, I really don't hold with piling on people like this. She wasn't being offensive or nasty, merely unable to understand where other people were coming from, which seemed to go with her fragile mental state. I don't think we've won anything by getting her to leave 😕. That won't change her behavior, and she now feels worse. 

[regentrude]

18 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

She deleted her account, I think. 

And for the record, while I agree that she was perhaps taking unrelated emotions out on this board, I really don't hold with piling on people like this. She wasn't being offensive or nasty, merely unable to understand where other people were coming from, which seemed to go with her fragile mental state. I don't think we've won anything by getting her to leave 😕. That won't change her behavior, and she now feels worse. 

If  I am not mistaken, she has done this before. I am fairly sure to have recognized her as a former poster under another name.

Unfortunately, a forum cannot fill the role of a therapist.

Edited November 13, 2020 by regentrude

[Wheres Toto]

We are technically "traveling" for Thanksgiving.  We are going to MIL's house.   Dh is already going down every other weekend or so to help her out around the house.   She's 85 years old and lives alone since FIL died earlier this year.   She doesn't have anyone else and doesn't leave the house much, and was told she only has 6 months to a couple years earlier this year.   We won't be going out of state and only traveling about 2 1/2 hours so won't need to stop at all.  

My last day around people is the Friday before and I'm considering getting a rapid test before we head down just to be on the safe side.  

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, regentrude said:

If  I am not mistake, she has done this before. I am fairly sure to have recognized her as a former poster under another name

Hmmmm. Interesting. Still, I feel like there's no reason to pile on, simply because it doesn't do anything good except vent our frustrations. (And I get those frustrations. The local idiots might make it hard for us to go back to our local homeschooling center. I'm mad at them, too.) 

[kbutton]

15 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

She deleted her account, I think. 

And for the record, while I agree that she was perhaps taking unrelated emotions out on this board, I really don't hold with piling on people like this. She wasn't being offensive or nasty, merely unable to understand where other people were coming from, which seemed to go with her fragile mental state. I don't think we've won anything by getting her to leave 😕. That won't change her behavior, and she now feels worse. 

We have JAWM threads for a reason. 

I feel like there is a difference between unrelated emotions and knowing that what you are saying is not going to be well received, saying so, and continuing to poke. On multiple threads. 

I think people tend to do unrelated emotions on here pretty well. 

I will readily admit to responding to this type of situation not well. I've been run over IRL with people who express their emotions this way (thankfully no one does this often; unfortunately, it's still common). There isn't a way to exit without agreeing...and I don't agree. It's like being held emotionally hostage while being told their owie is worse than your owie, for *reasons*.

[mom2scouts]

I just got a call. My sister works for a hospital in another county (not one of the counties mentioned in my previous post). The hospital she works for is FULL. They are cancelling all elective procedures and revising visiting rules. She's taking so many phone calls that she's losing her voice.

We hadn't gone back to church yet, but our church just shut down all in person events again and two staff members are being tested for Covid. I want to scream. I hate this virus!

[regentrude]

1 minute ago, kbutton said:

There isn't a way to exit without agreeing...and I don't agree. It's like being held emotionally hostage while being told their owie is worse than your owie, for *reasons*.

Because when you're depressed, it feels like that. It feels absolutely and completely real that your owie is worse than anybody else's and that everything is horrible and that there is no hope. And I don't think there is anything a friend can say that makes this perception go away.

[Shoeless]

18 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

She deleted her account, I think. 

And for the record, while I agree that she was perhaps taking unrelated emotions out on this board, I really don't hold with piling on people like this. She wasn't being offensive or nasty, merely unable to understand where other people were coming from, which seemed to go with her fragile mental state. I don't think we've won anything by getting her to leave 😕. That won't change her behavior, and she now feels worse. 

No one was advocating her to leave. I am not trying to "win" something here or force her out. That was her choice and a threat she voiced several times before when conversations did not go her way.

Several people tried to persuade her to talk with a therapist about her anxiety over the course of the pandemic. Of course, if she deleted, then those threads are now gone.

[Not_a_Number]

5 minutes ago, kbutton said:

I will readily admit to responding to this type of situation not well. I've been run over IRL with people who express their emotions this way (thankfully no one does this often; unfortunately, it's still common). There isn't a way to exit without agreeing...and I don't agree. It's like being held emotionally hostage while being told their owie is worse than your owie, for *reasons*.

Oh, I do NOT deal with this well in real life. As you say, it's hard to disentangle yourself, and it's passive-aggressive into the bargain. But she did sound really overwhelmed, and I imagine being the only careful person nearby and having no sympathetic friends IRL does get to you. 

 

5 minutes ago, kbutton said:

I feel like there is a difference between unrelated emotions and knowing that what you are saying is not going to be well received, saying so, and continuing to poke. On multiple threads. 

I know we both wish people were this rational, lol, but they aren't. 

Edited November 13, 2020 by Not_a_Number

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, MissLemon said:

No one was advocating her to leave. I am not trying to "win" something here or force her out. That was her choice and a threat she voiced several times before when conversations did not go her way.

Several people tried to persuade her to talk with a therapist about her anxiety over the course of the pandemic. Of course, if she deleted, then those threads are now gone.

As someone not super interested in talking to a therapist for (possibly stupid) reasons of my own, I may empathize a little bit too much with her here 😉 . 

I dunno. I just feel like this kind of pile-on is unproductive, although I absolutely understand why everyone was frustrated with her. 

[kbutton]

6 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I am fairly sure to have recognized her as a former poster under another name.

Ah, I didn't, or I would've used my ignore feature, not that I know who it is now.

1 minute ago, regentrude said:

Because when you're depressed, it feels like that. It feels absolutely and completely real that your owie is worse than anybody else's and that everything is horrible and that there is no hope. And I don't think there is anything a friend can say that makes this perception go away.

Having been there, I kind of agree. I guess I wasn't picking up on depression. 

[kbutton]

2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

As someone not super interested in talking to a therapist for (possibly stupid) reasons of my own, I may empathize a little bit too much with her here 😉 . 

Give a therapist two sessions (unless the first is utter disaster) and then move on. Go go to someone that specializes in gifted people. It makes a difference. Try Hoagies' Gifted list--they have some psychologists that are generalists--they do testing and talk therapy.

[kbutton]

Just now, kbutton said:

Give a therapist two sessions (unless the first is utter disaster) and then move on. Go go to someone that specializes in gifted people. It makes a difference. Try Hoagies' Gifted list--they have some psychologists that are generalists--they do testing and talk therapy.

I meant that as a suggestion, not a command, lol! I think I edited out whatever softer language I started with by accident. Oops!

[Shoeless]

I think you may be misunderstanding my intention. I did not tell her to cut it out because I want to pick on her or "pile on".  I realize she is overwhelmed and likely depressed. But we can't fix that; she has to do it, and transferring all that anxiety and worry onto others is not fair.  

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, kbutton said:

Having been there, I kind of agree. I guess I wasn't picking up on depression. 

For what it's worth, I was picking up on depression as well. 

 

1 minute ago, kbutton said:

Give a therapist two sessions (unless the first is utter disaster) and then move on. Go go to someone that specializes in gifted people. It makes a difference. Try Hoagies' Gifted list--they have some psychologists that are generalists--they do testing and talk therapy.

I might at some point if I feel the need. Good point about trying that list. 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, MissLemon said:

I think you may be misunderstanding my intention. I did not tell her to cut it out because I want to pick on her or "pile on".  I realize she is overwhelmed and likely depressed. But we can't fix that; she has to do it, and transferring all that anxiety and worry onto others is not fair.  

I didn't think you meant you to pile on at all 🙂 . 

[kbutton]

Yeah, I hear passive aggressive like it's on the loudest setting. That volume definitely drowned out any signs of depression. 😞