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Home for the Holidays? New rules?


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I've seen this bandied about a number of times but as it didn't apply to me, I really didn't read much into it... now my oldest will be coming home from college for holiday break.

After living independently for many months.... staying out late, setting their own schedule, being independent..... How is coming home again where "community living" with parents and siblings is very different than campus living, where we abide by different rules that independent adult ds has not had to partake in since summer?

Love to hear how it went for you and yours over the years...

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I consider my college dd an adult & treat her like other visiting adults with the expectation that she gives the rest of the household consideration when doing things.

She comes & goes as she likes, letting someone know approximately when she will be back (meals, making sure door is unlocked/light on) if she knows that info when she leaves. If she eats separately, dishes go to the sink & kitchen is marginally picked up after cooking.

Our adult guests generally don't have their own visitors, but if she has friends over, the expectation is she lets us know they are coming & pick up after them, if necessary, when they leave. We haven't had any issues.

When DD doesn't have a vehicle here, I try very hard to make sure she has access to a family vehicle when she wants one. I felt so smothered & restricted at home when I came home on breaks that I wanted to make that experience better for my kids. You'd have to ask my DD how well I've done with that goal.

The next big challenge will be figuring out how dd#2's home expectation will change if she lives at home during college.

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I definitely think there is a transition period when they come home, so expect that. It takes a while for my dd to get used to being at home again so it is a bit stressful for her to make the transition, not because of rules but because the whole routine etc is different. It was worse the first year she was at college, and she seems to adapt much quicker now.

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  • 1 month later...

DD is a first-year freshman and when she is home she now sets her rules, with 2 exceptions:  We own and are responsible for her car, so if we deem something unsafe or unwise regarding the car, our opinion rules, and 2) She must be considerate of us (as far as quietness when coming in late, tidying up her messes, etc)

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