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Controversial topic! Should babies have their ears pierced?


MercyA
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Infant ear piercing  

118 members have voted

  1. 1. Should babies have their ears pierced?

    • Sure, why not? I've had at least one of my babies' ears pierced.
      6
    • Sure, why not? I didn't have it done on any of my babies, though.
      23
    • It depends.
      6
    • Oh, heck no. No body modification without consent. It was done to me and I'm not happy about it.
      4
    • Oh, heck no. No body modification without consent. It wasn't done to me.
      62
    • Obligatory other.
      17


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When DD was born we lived in an area where it was popular to pierce baby's ears.  We did not have her ears pierced for a number of reasons.  Our pediatrician had some alarming stories of infections and ripped ear lobes.  I had DD out when she was about 2 months old--dressed in the most frilly, pink item she owned (it was too frilly for my tastes--it was a gift from an aunt that I wanted to get a picture of her in to send to the aunt).  Someone made a comment about "him" and I said she was a girl--the response I got was "Oh, how was I supposed to know?  She hasn't had her ears pierced yet." 

DD is in her mid 20s and has never wanted her ears pierced

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I think if it can be done properly (I personally do not like piercing guns method) then I think it’s all just fine.

I didn’t get mine were not done until high school.

I took all3/4 my girls to a tattoo/piercing parlor to get their ears pierced. 1 couldn’t go because laws changed but I might take her when Covid is over.  

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10 hours ago, MEmama said:

I wonder how many people who are against ear piercing circumcised their boys?

eta I don’t mean to derail the thread, just musing. Personally I have no issue with ear piercing a baby but didn't have my son circumcised. 

If we had had boys we wouldn't have circumcised them because we're Christians, so there's religious mandate for us, and because we don't do unnecessary medical procedures without consent. We don't ear pierce our girls without their consent because it isn't medically necessary.

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I have no religious or cultural reason for piercing an infant's ears or circumcising an infant.  

I would consent to a child getting pierced ears when that child demonstrated that he or she no longer needed daily reminders about grooming and  personal hygiene.  

Should one of my sons choose to convert to a religion requiring circumcision, he can suffer for his faith as an adult.  

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I wouldn't do it, but it isn't a big deal to me if others do. I think of it as a body modification that is best left to the person to decide upon. DD22 got hers done about 1st grade or so. She asked for a year and did all the care herself (aside from me holding cups of salt water up to her lobes every day). DD14 doesn't want hers pierced. 

One reason, I won't do it.....the ear lobes grow and sometimes people who have them pierced as infants, end up with holes that are too low on the lobe as an adult. They either need to have them repierced later, or deal with a low hole. 

Edited by Tap
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13 hours ago, regentrude said:

these are - according to the other thread - permanent holes that may not reclose. So no, they cannot simply "remove" the hole.

I meant remove the earrings (I thought that was obvious).  The hole is quite small even if it doesn't close completely.

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15 minutes ago, Ditto said:

I meant remove the earrings (I thought that was obvious).  The hole is quite small even if it doesn't close completely.

But it's still a permanent hole that was made without consent and for no reason other than a parental whim.  Why is that ok? Would it be ok if it were in another body part? Or larger? If it were two holes? Seven? Where is the line where it becomes not ok?

Edited by regentrude
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Nope. I do not think unnecessary body modifications are okay to preform on children without consent. 
I also really dislike the gender norms that require this. I'd be just as likely to get my boys ears pierced as my girls. It would just depend on what the child wanted, and if they were old enough to understand.

I don't really understand why people prefer getting it done as a baby? Aside from ethical issues, it just seems like more work for both parents and child, for many more years, with no real benefit? I think even cultural things can change and hope this one does, but I'm also not gonna get real upset about other people doing it. I don't agree, but it's not a "big" deal.

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My gut reaction to the idea of “poking holes in my baby” was a horrified no—but I recognize that if it were a societal norm for me and a part of my culture, I would probably have been fine with doing it.  That is, after all, why my older son was circumcised.  It seemed normal, and I never really considered the idea of not having him circumcised until I watched the procedure.  It was awful.  Dh and I had a long and intense debate about whether or not to have our second son circumcised.  In the end, I decided to defer to him on how a boy would be likely to feel about being the one that did not align with that norm, but I was very torn about it.  I’m now pretty uncomfortable with circumcision for non-religious reasons.

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13 hours ago, Btervet said:

Nope. I do not think unnecessary body modifications are okay to preform on children without consent. 
I also really dislike the gender norms that require this. I'd be just as likely to get my boys ears pierced as my girls. It would just depend on what the child wanted, and if they were old enough to understand.

I don't really understand why people prefer getting it done as a baby? Aside from ethical issues, it just seems like more work for both parents and child, for many more years, with no real benefit? I think even cultural things can change and hope this one does, but I'm also not gonna get real upset about other people doing it. I don't agree, but it's not a "big" deal.

My step-niece who had her baby girls pierced said that babies leave the posts alone, so they are less likely to get injured or infected.

I was skeptical, but I guess it depends on the baby.  In my family, babies are super curious and leave absolutely nothing alone, LOL.  My brother used to pull his hair out by the handful without realizing what the pain was from.  My sister was in the grasping stage before she was released from the newborn ward.  So for me, it seemed like an accident waiting to happen.  😛

Edited by SKL
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14 hours ago, regentrude said:

But it's still a permanent hole that was made without consent and for no reason other than a parental whim.  Why is that ok? Would it be ok if it were in another body part? Or larger? If it were two holes? Seven? Where is the line where it becomes not ok?

I don't think for most parents it is done on a "whim".  As others have pointed out there are cultural aspects to it for some.  I also think it is a giant leap from piercing one hole in each ear to the claims you are making about other other body parts and 7 holes.  Obviously this is an area we disagree on.  And you know what?  That is okay.  I will make the decisions I feel are right for my children and you will make the ones that you feel are right for your children.  

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On 11/7/2020 at 7:20 AM, MEmama said:

I wonder how many people who are against ear piercing circumcised their boys?

eta I don’t mean to derail the thread, just musing. Personally I have no issue with ear piercing a baby but didn't have my son circumcised. 

Given the passionate responses to ear piercing, no way in hell am I touching circumcision with a 10 foot pole!

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As far as the comparison to circumcision ... hypothetically since I don't have a husband or sons ... I think I'd prefer to leave the boy stuff up to dad and the girl stuff up to mom.  I personally don't consider either of these cuts to be a huge deal one way or the other.

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18 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

If we had had boys we wouldn't have circumcised them because we're Christians, so there's religious mandate for us, and because we don't do unnecessary medical procedures without consent. We don't ear pierce our girls without their consent because it isn't medically necessary.

My son was born with an ear tag that we had removed when he was 6 weeks.  Would you have waited for consent before doing that?

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16 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

My son was born with an ear tag that we had removed when he was 6 weeks.  Would you have waited for consent before doing that?

what is an ear tag? Is it just a skin tag on the ear?  In that case I would only have it removed it was causing an issue.  Purely cosmetic removal I'd wait until the child wanted it.

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24 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

My son was born with an ear tag that we had removed when he was 6 weeks.  Would you have waited for consent before doing that?

 

If it's purely cosmetic and it's a. not something that is harder to remove when the child is older AND b. something that is only a fairly minor aspect of their appearance, then yeah.

Obviously there are middle cases where opinions will differ about how minor something is, but if there's no harm in waiting, why NOT wait?

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6 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

what is an ear tag? Is it just a skin tag on the ear?  In that case I would only have it removed it was causing an issue.  Purely cosmetic removal I'd wait until the child wanted it.

Yes it was cosmetic.  I am very glad we had it removed.  

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3 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

If it's purely cosmetic and it's a. not something that is harder to remove when the child is older AND b. something that is only a fairly minor aspect of their appearance, then yeah.

Obviously there are middle cases where opinions will differ about how minor something is, but if there's no harm in waiting, why NOT wait?

This.  My dd was born with a large birth mark on her stomach.  It looked strange and was raised a lot.  People asked why we weren't having it removed and pointed out that it would likely make her self conscious when she's older.  Well that large raised birth mark on my tiny baby is now a flat barely noticeable mark on my 5 year old.

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25 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

If it's purely cosmetic and it's a. not something that is harder to remove when the child is older AND b. something that is only a fairly minor aspect of their appearance, then yeah.

Obviously there are middle cases where opinions will differ about how minor something is, but if there's no harm in waiting, why NOT wait?

Because it looked terrible.  If I had a parent hold off on that minor surgery until I could ‘consent ’ I would have been very upset. 

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Yeah, I would not wait to remedy an obvious birth defect, even if it wasn't health related.  It seems waiting would increase the likelihood of scarring and possibly other complications.  Obviously I'd check with a doctor on that.  But no, I would not wait until the child was already in school for "consent," because (a) why require my kid to explain / deal with a visible birth defect in school when it isn't necessary, and (b) is there really any likelihood the kid won't decide to remove it once old enough to "consent"?

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1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

Because it looked terrible.  If I had a parent hold off on that minor surgery until I could ‘consent ’ I would have been very upset. 

 

Well, I don't know the situation. I do know that you and I often don't see eye to eye on a lot of parenting things, and I strongly suspect that in this case, with the same kid and same ear tag, I would've made a different decision simply because I wouldn't think it looked nearly so "terrible" as you did. But I also think that this is a fairly minor ethical issue compared to even the question of earrings - and honestly, I'm not going around tsking over every infant with earrings I see. I have better things to do!

Actually, we do have a similar situation here - the younger kid has a rather large port wine stain on her collarbone. Strangers used to helpfully tell me how to avoid drool rash - like, thanks, I'm not totally incompetent here? I do know what a bib is, you didn't need to inform me? And to be honest, if the doctors had explained that this could be easily removed and that it's easier to do it in infancy than adulthood, we would have strongly considered that option. But we didn't, and now that she's older (10th grade now) she's actually told us that she's happy with it the way it is and she thinks removal is "stupid". (You'll probably say that if it'd been done as an infant, she wouldn't remember it at all. You're not wrong.)

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12 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I see.  I guess I don’t get the point of waiting.  

Well with your example, I do not believe in doing unnecessary surgical procedures for cosmetic reasons. If the child was older and it was affecting their self esteem I'd consider allowing it.  

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I did not have my ears pierced as an infant and all through my school days, I really really really wanted pierced ears. But I was so terrified of the needle, that I just couldn't bear the thought. (I was an anxious kid) I wished many times that my mom had done it when I was a baby so I would have just had it done. Finally at age 21, I got them done. 

As in the case of @Scarletts scenario of a harmless, but rather unattractive skin tag, I would have had it done, particularly after having raised a couple of kids who have MAJOR medical anxiety. For some kids, they might hate the defect, but be so wound up over anxiety that they just can't handle getting it done. I can totally picture my ds12 doing something like that. He's learning to manage this stuff but it takes time. If he'd had a defect and I waited to remedy it until he was able to consent, he would have much preferred to have no memory of this stuff.

But I wouldn't stand in judgment of anyone who did. 

Just a perspective of a situation where waiting might not be very helpful. 

(moms of really anxious kids have baggage about this kind of stuff. 🙂 )

 

FTR: I don't care what other moms do with their babies with regards to things like this. For me, I struggled so much with my infants just to take care of them (I am awful with no sleep) so I didn't want to add anything else to my baby maintenance chores. My girls were allowed to go on their 6th birthday to have them done if they chose. I arbitrarily chose the age of 6. In hindsight, I actually like that age because they can decide for themselves, they are taking care of most of their hygiene, but they're still small enough that they'll permit mom to help keep things clean and all on the newly pierced ears.

Edited by fairfarmhand
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I am no okay with it at all.  However, I do understand that there are cultural practices in which ear piercing babies is a thing, and many people do not think it's that big of a deal.  In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor thing and I will not condemn others even though I am not a fan of cosmetic procedures to a child that cannot consent.

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2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

My son was born with an ear tag that we had removed when he was 6 weeks.  Would you have waited for consent before doing that?

Of course not.  Ear tags are a medical/health  issue that require treatment. They're not the normal state of things, they're an abnormality that needs to be corrected.  Did you not see my post up thread about health maintenance for children without getting consent?

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7 hours ago, Ditto said:

  I also think it is a giant leap from piercing one hole in each ear to the claims you are making about other other body parts and 7 holes. 

I was not making any claim, but was asking a genuine question where one draws the line if one is ok with one but not the other, and how that distinction is made. Obviously, some of us have philosophical objections to any permanent modification. But this was a question for those who are ok with some, like ear piercing. I am trying to understand the reasoning.

Edited by regentrude
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On 11/7/2020 at 1:49 PM, Bootsie said:

When DD was born we lived in an area where it was popular to pierce baby's ears.  We did not have her ears pierced for a number of reasons.  Our pediatrician had some alarming stories of infections and ripped ear lobes.  I had DD out when she was about 2 months old--dressed in the most frilly, pink item she owned (it was too frilly for my tastes--it was a gift from an aunt that I wanted to get a picture of her in to send to the aunt).  Someone made a comment about "him" and I said she was a girl--the response I got was "Oh, how was I supposed to know?  She hasn't had her ears pierced yet." 

DD is in her mid 20s and has never wanted her ears pierced

I was out with ds once and he was wearing Thomas the Tank Engine from head to toe with short hair and someone called him a girl.  People are just oblivious.   But, I also didn't care.  Why does it matter if some rando at the mall thought my son was a girl? 

22 hours ago, Btervet said:

Nope. I do not think unnecessary body modifications are okay to preform on children without consent. 
I also really dislike the gender norms that require this. I'd be just as likely to get my boys ears pierced as my girls. It would just depend on what the child wanted, and if they were old enough to understand.

 

When dh and I got married he had an earring (it's closed up now).  When we talked about dd getting her ears pierced, I would always bring up seeing if ds wanted to get his pierced.  😁

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It's VERY cultural. Dh assumed we would for our girls (he's Mexican) but I said no. He was surprised that I didn't want to. My MIL even offered to take the baby and get it done.

Even though I was not a fan, I can see it's not the end of the world if it's part of your culture.

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On 11/8/2020 at 1:20 AM, MEmama said:

I wonder how many people who are against ear piercing circumcised their boys?

eta I don’t mean to derail the thread, just musing. Personally I have no issue with ear piercing a baby but didn't have my son circumcise

I didn't circumcise my boys (it is uncommon here - you can apparently get it done but you are not told that) and wouldn't pierce my babies ears. Unless there is a clear safety reason I don't have the right to cut bits off my kids or make holes in them.

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15 hours ago, Scarlett said:

My son was born with an ear tag that we had removed when he was 6 weeks.  Would you have waited for consent before doing that?

No because that is a medical issue.  I didn't wait until my kid was old enough to consent to surgery to release a testicle either - it would have been too late by then.  But I didn't get him circumcised.

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On 11/7/2020 at 9:15 PM, regentrude said:

But it's still a permanent hole that was made without consent and for no reason other than a parental whim.  Why is that ok? Would it be ok if it were in another body part? Or larger? If it were two holes? Seven? Where is the line where it becomes not ok?

I think you draw the line on this just like you do on a lot of other things all the time.  Why does driving 1 mile over the speed limit feel okay, but not 20?  Or why is taking the risk of going to one grocery store masked every other week during a pandemic feel justifiable, but not 25 grocery stores?  Why does having five pairs of shoes seem okay (even though all you really need is two), but not 50?  

I suppose common sense and instinct guide most people.

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4 hours ago, J-rap said:

I think you draw the line on this just like you do on a lot of other things all the time.  Why does driving 1 mile over the speed limit feel okay, but not 20?  Or why is taking the risk of going to one grocery store masked every other week during a pandemic feel justifiable, but not 25 grocery stores?  Why does having five pairs of shoes seem okay (even though all you really need is two), but not 50?  

I suppose common sense and instinct guide most people.

Well said.  Thank you for answering.  Common sense is indeed the guidepost for most people.    There are also laws (in relation to piercings).  You just can't take a child under age ( at least not under 16) and have their belly button pierced or add gauges to their ears.  Common sense.  It works really well.

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6 hours ago, kiwik said:

No because that is a medical issue.  I didn't wait until my kid was old enough to consent to surgery to release a testicle either - it would have been too late by then.  But I didn't get him circumcised.

I am pretty sure his ear tag was not a medical issue.  It has been over 20 years though.  

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