How people change their minds

[Ginevra]

I just finished listening to the fascinating book Confessions of a Former Fox News Christian by Seth Andrews. All stories like this, where people change their minds drastically about significant topics, are very interesting to me. I always wonder precisely how things break through the noise of conditioning and the person says, “Wait though...” I have changed my own mind about a number of things, too, but I still can’t always point to precisely where something switched; I can only remember instances when my mind had partially or completely changed and I was discussing it with someone else. 

In some cases, someone here, on WTM, planted the seed. In some cases, I remember what someone said or something I read that made me go, “hmmm.” In other cases, I can’t remember where I started to say, “hmmm.” Sometimes it has been more like I hear something and think, “I don’t think that way anymore.” 

How about your own experiences? 

[Not_a_Number]

I'm really weird. I change my mind very easily given evidence. It's part of the mindset for me. So I always have a list corresponding to "what data supports my opinion? What data does not?" in my head, and if enough things match the "does not support" list, I'll change my mind. 

But honestly, I haven't met too many people like this. I sort of try to incorporate the scientific method into my life 😉 . It mostly pays off, in my experience, but it leads to a very strange-looking life. (For example, I had never really considered homeschooling. But then we tried kindergarten, and I looked at the evidence, and the evidence was that it wasn't working, and here we are.) 

On the other hand, I do think reading about people living certain kinds of lives before I have to go with the evidence is helpful. Like, I had known homeschoolers, and that helped.

Edited October 31, 2020 by Not_a_Number

[SereneHome]

My husband did 180 on breastfeeding after having a "few" conversations with me.

I can't think of anything that I majorly changed my mind on. I've been told I am very hard to convince of anything. I don't think that's true. I have certainly reconsidered things, I just don't know if it was a complete opposite of where I started.

Don't know if this answers your question

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, SereneHome said:

My husband did 180 on breastfeeding after having a "few" conversations with me.

I can't think of anything that I majorly changed my mind on. I've been told I am very hard to convince of anything. I don't think that's true. I have certainly reconsidered things, I just don't know if it was a complete opposite of where I started.

Don't know if this answers your question

That does actually bring up an interesting idea: the idea that some people are more likely to embrace something but later reject it, while others are resistant to changing their minds at all. I would say I am in that first category. You may be in the second. 

[Not_a_Number]

Oh! Maybe I have more evidence from the other side of this, because I've changed plenty of minds. I'm pretty intense and opinionated, and that can result in people following along. 

I find the important thing is to get people at the "open-minded" stage. It's much easier to have them join your "fan club" than it is to get them to move to your fan club when they already belong to a different one. 

But I don't tend to change minds much once opinions are formed. I HAVE had some luck planting seeds, then watching them sprout. (Talking to a friend of ours about math education, for example. That one took something like 5 years and firsthand experience of what his kiddo was and wasn't learning to become viable in his mind.) 

Edited October 31, 2020 by Not_a_Number

[SereneHome]

6 minutes ago, Quill said:

That does actually bring up an interesting idea: the idea that some people are more likely to embrace something but later reject it, while others are resistant to changing their minds at all. I would say I am in that first category. You may be in the second. 

Evidently my category has a name - "stubborn" lol

Although, of course, I don't think I am 🙂

But seriously, I don't think I fully embrace many things. I leave room for "improvement" in a way. I think very few things are black and white and so I don't pick just one side. It has created many problems for me bc I don't fit in most circles or situations and it's hard to have really good friends.

[Pawz4me]

I'm open to changing my mind about most issues, and it's happened relatively often over my life. I'm a person who sees most issues in many shades of gray, not black or white. But I'm a slow, incremental changer. It takes me lots of thinking and pondering and working through all those gray hues, and thus my mind changing moments aren't pinpoint-able to any one conversation or article. It's more a glacial pace than a lightning bolt. 😉 

[SereneHome]

1 minute ago, Pawz4me said:

I'm open to changing my mind about most issues, and it's happened relatively often over my life. I'm a person who sees most issues in many shades of gray, not black or white. But I'm a slow, incremental changer. It takes me lots of thinking and pondering and working through all those gray hues, and thus my mind changing moments aren't pinpoint-able to any one conversation or article. It's more a glacial pace than a lightning bolt. 😉 

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Pawz4me said:

I'm open to changing my mind about most issues, and it's happened relatively often over my life. I'm a person who sees most issues in many shades of gray, not black or white. But I'm a slow, incremental changer. It takes me lots of thinking and pondering and working through all those gray hues, and thus my mind changing moments aren't pinpoint-able to any one conversation or article. It's more a glacial pace than a lightning bolt. 😉 

Same. I can’t think of many instances - actually, maybe zero instances - where I immediately pivoted to the “other side”. Usually it takes a while, sometimes years. 

[Not_a_Number]

4 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I'm open to changing my mind about most issues, and it's happened relatively often over my life. I'm a person who sees most issues in many shades of gray, not black or white. But I'm a slow, incremental changer. It takes me lots of thinking and pondering and working through all those gray hues, and thus my mind changing moments aren't pinpoint-able to any one conversation or article. It's more a glacial pace than a lightning bolt. 😉 

Yeah, I think we match on this one. 

[Momto6inIN]

I've changed my mind on political party affiliation, creation/evolution, religion in general, church membership in particular, abortion, homeschooling, and ... maybe that's it. It's all I can think  of just off hand anyway LOL

Like others, it definitely has not been a one and done conversation. The change has occured over time with some conversations with other people but mostly just being alone with my thoughts and things I've read and been exposed to. A big component of being open to changing your mind is humility and being able to recognize that your thoughts and opinions are not the only valid ways of thinking and opining. And humility is ... just not really valued in our society. Like ... at all. In fact, it's often made fun of and considered wimpy and wishy washy. So not many people practice it. I struggle with humility, as most people do, but I do attempt to cultivate it. I think people here on this board are an exception to many rules, and this is one of them. We tend to be an open minded bunch on here, for the most part.

If someone changes their mind about something after one conversation, I have to wonder if they really have any original thoughts in their heads to begin with. Sorry/not sorry. I know, not very humble of me 😉 Ironic, no?

Edited October 31, 2020 by Momto6inIN

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, Momto6inIN said:

If someone changes their mind about something after one conversation, I have to wonder if they really have any original thoughts in their heads to begin with. Sorry/not sorry. I know, not very humble of me 😉 Ironic, no?

Hah. Yeah, it's good to at least have SOME courage of your convictions...

[SereneHome]

I think it has become very popular to change one's mind. I remember when my kids were much younger this woman told me in regards to my parenting that "once I'll know better, I'll do better". The only reason I didn't punch her in a face is bc I was holding something in my hands. I mean - how arrogant to think that my opinion is just so foolish and ignorant that I just need to be educated by her.

And I think this sentiment of "the only reason you are not agreeing with me is bc you don't know / understand the issue" is what makes me even less willing to change my mind at times.

 

[Not_a_Number]

12 minutes ago, SereneHome said:

And I think this sentiment of "the only reason you are not agreeing with me is bc you don't know / understand the issue" is what makes me even less willing to change my mind at times.

To be fair, the annoyingness and smugness of certain people isn't any reason not to take their actual evidence into account 😉 . 

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, SereneHome said:

I think it has become very popular to change one's mind. I remember when my kids were much younger this woman told me in regards to my parenting that "once I'll know better, I'll do better". The only reason I didn't punch her in a face is bc I was holding something in my hands. I mean - how arrogant to think that my opinion is just so foolish and ignorant that I just need to be educated by her.

And I think this sentiment of "the only reason you are not agreeing with me is bc you don't know / understand the issue" is what makes me even less willing to change my mind at times.

 

I was thinking that, due to the Internet, it is easier than ever to collect information which could change one’s mind. “Disconfirming evidence.” 

The other book I recently read, the one about Impossible Conversations, talks about your second paragraph. How that rarely or never helps someone see things differently. 

 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Quill said:

I was thinking that, due to the Internet, it is easier than ever to collect information which could change one’s mind. “Disconfirming evidence.” 

But I think the first step in changing someone's mind is "having someone who's willing to change their mind." That's why I said I'm so weird to cultivate this ability -- it's just not common. And that's why it's easier to deal with people who simply don't have a strong prior in the first place. 

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

But I think the first step in changing someone's mind is "having someone who's willing to change their mind." That's why I said I'm so weird to cultivate this ability -- it's just not common. And that's why it's easier to deal with people who simply don't have a strong prior in the first place. 

It’s definitely easier f someone doesn’t have a strong prior in the first place. I have been thinking, though, that we have a lot of “strong priors” in the country these days. Well, it feels that way to me. I don’t know too much for factual data, though I have seen those charts that show how little overlap there is now in political affiliation. 

[Pam in CT]

re slow evolution rather than single moment of epiphany

43 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I'm open to changing my mind about most issues, and it's happened relatively often over my life. I'm a person who sees most issues in many shades of gray, not black or white. But I'm a slow, incremental changer. It takes me lots of thinking and pondering and working through all those gray hues, and thus my mind changing moments aren't pinpoint-able to any one conversation or article. It's more a glacial pace than a lightning bolt. 😉 

This is me. There are a number of big things about which my thinking has changed substantially over time. And a very large "pattern" change is that there are very few areas, now, where I think the issues are simple/clearcut/all the rightness heaped on all one side.

But I'm definitely a very slow processor.

[Pam in CT]

re the unbearable heaviness of being insufferable

14 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

To be fair, the annoyingness and smugness of certain people isn't any reason not to take their actual evidence into account 😉 . 

And yet, to be evidence-based, it so often DOES have that effect, doesn't it

 

 

 

Edited October 31, 2020 by Pam in CT
decided "insufferable" > "smug"

[Sneezyone]

I’ve changed my mind on lots of things, some big, like civil unions vs. marriage and some small, like gender neutral pronouns. I tried to put myself in the other person’s shoes and ask what I’d want/accept for myself. It helped that I wasn’t deeply invested in any particular outcome.

[Not_a_Number]

5 minutes ago, Pam in CT said:

re the unbearable heaviness of being insufferable

And yet, to be evidence-based, it so often DOES have that effect, doesn't it

It does. 

As someone who chews over things interminably, I often do get into a state eventually where I can consider someone's point after the fact and the sting has gone out of the words. But that's because I'm in my own head so much. 

[Terabith]

I've been fascinated for a few years about the story of how Meghan Phelps-Roper, who was a Westboro Baptist person, changed her mind and entire life through the power of empathy on twitter.  https://www.npr.org/2019/10/10/768894901/how-twitter-helped-change-the-mind-of-a-westboro-baptist-church-member

[gardenmom5]

The two experiences that stand out most to me, because of the utter abruptness, were the first time I saw my grandmother as a hypocrite.  we were taught to think her opinion was the cat's meow.  I was 13, and so shocked, and it was so blatant!  Then later, when a therapist pointed out how I felt rejected by my grandmother because I loved my dad.  I remember denying it.  She had me go home and write a letter to her (not to be mailed.) - and I was shocked at what came out. (I was also exhausted and unable to finish writing it.)   I was always suspicious about everything she said to me after that.  (for a reason ugarte.)

[Guest]

25 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I've been fascinated for a few years about the story of how Meghan Phelps-Roper, who was a Westboro Baptist person, changed her mind and entire life through the power of empathy on twitter.  https://www.npr.org/2019/10/10/768894901/how-twitter-helped-change-the-mind-of-a-westboro-baptist-church-member

I agree, that is fascinating! 

[SanDiegoMom]

I feel like for a person to be able to change their own mind they need to be both humble enough to accept they might have been "wrong" about something, and self- confident enough to be ok with having been wrong.  Some people I know who refuse to change their mind have a facade of arrogance surrounding a fragile sense of self.  They double down on all their beliefs because admitting they have changed on something threatens their own identity.  

 

[Not_a_Number]

11 minutes ago, SanDiegoMom said:

I feel like for a person to be able to change their own mind they need to be both humble enough to accept they might have been "wrong" about something, and self- confident enough to be ok with having been wrong.  Some people I know who refuse to change their mind have a facade of arrogance surrounding a fragile sense of self.  They double down on all their beliefs because admitting they have changed on something threatens their own identity.  

Oh, that is a very good way to put it. It takes confidence in yourself to admit you're wrong. 

[Pen]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

I just finished listening to the fascinating book Confessions of a Former Fox News Christian by Seth Andrews. All stories like this, where people change their minds drastically about significant topics, are very interesting to me. I always wonder precisely how things break through the noise of conditioning and the person says, “Wait though...” I have changed my own mind about a number of things, too, but I still can’t always point to precisely where something switched; I can only remember instances when my mind had partially or completely changed and I was discussing it with someone else. 

In some cases, someone here, on WTM, planted the seed. In some cases, I remember what someone said or something I read that made me go, “hmmm.” In other cases, I can’t remember where I started to say, “hmmm.” Sometimes it has been more like I hear something and think, “I don’t think that way anymore.” 

How about your own experiences? 

 

I think I tend to be open to changing my mind. I recall a high school teacher remarking on it as unusual, but to me it seems normal. I have lived in quite a few places which perhaps adds to that. 

I think I tend to hold principles - 10 Commandments or Constitution  like ideas - fairly tenaciously, but many specifics I hold in a much more “shades of grey” way in first place, so that change is between shades of grey. 

I think certain types of evidence or argument is more helpful and certain types can actually have opposite effects.

I also think that the more there is a sense of knowing someone, whether that is irl, or perhaps due to long time communication on WTM, or even Xmas card exchange, it probably has more impact than a talking head on media does.

I like to think that I listen to figures and statistics and am rational about opinions, but I know that someone’s personal anecdote can have a lot of impact.  Certainly of course personal experience has a lot of impact. 

My own Maturity and life experience also has huge impact.

And world changes do also. An opinion can change because what seemed to make sense in one set of circumstances no longer does. 

. 

 

 

[bookbard]

I've had massive 180s. Very religious to atheist; very pro ABA for Autism and now the opposite (and if you know the field, it can be like a religion); big change on feeling re abortion.

Definitely none of them overnight. All to do with increased information leading to conclusions that I had to either accept or ignore. And then you ignore for a while - but after that, you have to accept or live as liar.

There's a lot of things I still haven't made up my mind about though, like legalising marijuana. I can see both sides there.

I absolutely remember listening to a talk regarding a therapy for kids with autism, coming away furious, how dare they, this is just quackery. I had to keep listening because I was working with parents who used this therapy, and my overarching philosophy is respecting parent choice - their child, their family. I ended up (a few years later) being trained in it.

[Not_a_Number]

Actually, an interesting thing I've seen happen is people changing their minds for what, to me, are bad reason. Like, for example, meeting passionate advocates of something and subscribing to their point of view. To me, that's not a great way to decide, because people can be passionate on many sides of an issue, so then it's very path-dependent. I prefer having my opinion involve some overarching theory of how the world should work....

[Rosie_0801]

3 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

Oh, that is a very good way to put it. It takes confidence in yourself to admit you're wrong. 

It probably also takes an understanding that correctness and incorrectness are not character virtues or flaws.

[fairfarmhand]

On this topic, have you ever come across something you, say, maybe wrote on a message board 10 years ago and you are embarrassed at how you sounded? 
 

the older I get the easier it is for me to really listen to the other side and consider their views. Sometimes my mind is changed sometimes it’s not. In the last 15 years I’ve become much more open to other points of view, some of it because of some personal stuff with one of my kids. 

[Garga]

13 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

On this topic, have you ever come across something you, say, maybe wrote on a message board 10 years ago and you are embarrassed at how you sounded? 
 

 

Oh my yes!  Same with a few of my old FB posts that come up in memories. 

I’m just ever-so-thankful that there was no social media when I was in my 20s. I was truly insufferable back then. Thought I knew it all and didn’t mind telling everyone. 

The idea that most people change their minds slowly and quietly is why I keep FB. I have a lot of FB friends who are opposite to me on a lot of issues.  So, I post articles and things that support what I believe. I do my best to make my comments on them mild, if I comment at all.  I try to stay away from inflammatory memes, no matter how much I agree with them.  Just occasional articles about the benefits of masks, for instance. I leave those interspersed with the light-hearted things I post on FB.  

Debating won’t work, but maybe planting a few unoffensive seeds might make a few people think a little differently.  I don’t do this with everything I believe, but with just a few issues that are important to me and affect me (mostly masks right now.)

Edited November 1, 2020 by Garga

[J-rap]

I'm not from an extreme-views type of family, and I think that has helped me.  My parents were always pretty common sense with regard to faith, politics, thinking about people different than us, etc.   They were also comfortable in being wrong, and admitted when they were.

I think also, I learned early on to listen to that little voice inside of me.  So when I heard a strong opinion about something and if I felt an uncomfortable feeling about it -- like something just didn't quite line up, it would start to bug me, even though I might have no idea why.  It would bug me to the point where I would eventually have to dig into it.  My dh was a big part of that too... he would constantly challenge me with "Why?" early on in our marriage.   I had so much respect for him that it would bug me when I didn't have an answer.

I think most big changes for me started with my faith.  So much of what the church taught or didn't teach seemed off to me.  (Even though I didn't grow up in a conservative church.)  A lot of it just didn't seem logical or reasonable.  I spent a number of years studying theology and many different theologians, and I finally discovered some who taught a very different form of Christianity that seemed to finally make sense to me.  In any case, that change has evolved into a lot of other changes in my life too, good ones I think.

Maybe most of all I've accepted that I don't really know very much for sure!

 

[J-rap]

29 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

On this topic, have you ever come across something you, say, maybe wrote on a message board 10 years ago and you are embarrassed at how you sounded? 
 

the older I get the easier it is for me to really listen to the other side and consider their views. Sometimes my mind is changed sometimes it’s not. In the last 15 years I’ve become much more open to other points of view, some of it because of some personal stuff with one of my kids. 

Oh definitely!  It's the main reason I've thrown away most of my journals.  😄 

[Guest]

36 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

On this topic, have you ever come across something you, say, maybe wrote on a message board 10 years ago and you are embarrassed at how you sounded? 
 

the older I get the easier it is for me to really listen to the other side and consider their views. Sometimes my mind is changed sometimes it’s not. In the last 15 years I’ve become much more open to other points of view, some of it because of some personal stuff with one of my kids. 

Oh, gosh...the first message board community I hung out at, my User Name was...can I even admit this? It’s so awful! I’m so embarrassed that of all the words I could have chosen to designate myself, I chose this obscure word: philodox_mom. Philodox! Philo- for love, -dox for beliefs or opinions. Someone in love with their own opinions! That’s what I called myself on the internet in the late 90s. 🤦🏻‍♀️ 

I can also relate to what @J-rap said about throwing away journals. I literally, today, threw away a journal because I was disgusted by what I had written in there. Just so silly. Idiotic, really. 

[Shoeless]

52 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

On this topic, have you ever come across something you, say, maybe wrote on a message board 10 years ago and you are embarrassed at how you sounded? 
 

the older I get the easier it is for me to really listen to the other side and consider their views. Sometimes my mind is changed sometimes it’s not. In the last 15 years I’ve become much more open to other points of view, some of it because of some personal stuff with one of my kids. 

10 years ago? I cringe when I see things I've written 2 or 3 years ago. 

[Not_a_Number]

27 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

10 years ago? I cringe when I see things I've written 2 or 3 years ago. 

Err, yeah. Same. 

[WendyLady]

Raising young adults has helped me become more flexible in my views. Nothing like older teens to make you swallow all of your "I would nevers". I have had several big changes in my outlook about major topics religious and political.

Just tonight I read an article about a woman who made a documentary about a rather political topic. Researching the topic and interviewing people intimately involved, changed how she felt about the topic in a way that she wasn't expecting. I think more information can take us out of the realm of rhetoric.

[Momto6inIN]

10 hours ago, J-rap said:

I think also, I learned early on to listen to that little voice inside of me.  So when I heard a strong opinion about something and if I felt an uncomfortable feeling about it -- like something just didn't quite line up, it would start to bug me, even though I might have no idea why.  It would bug me to the point where I would eventually have to dig into it.  My dh was a big part of that too... he would constantly challenge me with "Why?" early on in our marriage.   I had so much respect for him that it would bug me when I didn't have an answer.

 

I think some people are bothered more by cognitive dissonance than others. I have no idea why, but being inconsistent really really reaaaaaaally bugs me. Enough to make me examine myself and try to figure out where I'm inconsistent and change my beliefs and opinions accordingly. Whereas I know other people are able to hold two (or more) completely contradictory opinions and do not give it a second thought.

[Momto6inIN]

11 hours ago, Garga said:

I’m just ever-so-thankful that there was no social media when I was in my 20s. I was truly insufferable back then. Thought I knew it all and didn’t mind telling everyone. 

Amen, amen, and amen!!!!

[J-rap]

11 hours ago, WendyLady said:

Raising young adults has helped me become more flexible in my views. Nothing like older teens to make you swallow all of your "I would nevers". I have had several big changes in my outlook about major topics religious and political.

Just tonight I read an article about a woman who made a documentary about a rather political topic. Researching the topic and interviewing people intimately involved, changed how she felt about the topic in a way that she wasn't expecting. I think more information can take us out of the realm of rhetoric.

This, for sure!

[Xahm]

I've changed in many ways but the only time it felt to me like a big change was from creationism to accepting evolution. Arguments from the other side did little to persuade me. What caused me to change was seeing the flaws in my own side/position. Other people would make arguments that couldn't possibly be true, even though I agreed with the conclusion they were trying to reach. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Momto6inIN said:

I think some people are bothered more by cognitive dissonance than others. I have no idea why, but being inconsistent really really reaaaaaaally bugs me. Enough to make me examine myself and try to figure out where I'm inconsistent and change my beliefs and opinions accordingly. Whereas I know other people are able to hold two (or more) completely contradictory opinions and do not give it a second thought.

I agree and I think this has something to do with how committed to truth and authenticity one is. It really bothers me enormously if people believe something about me that is untrue. 

This is probably a silly example, though it’s an accurate one: in the early years of raising babies, I was a big poster on a board for people practicing Attachment Parenting. I was always on the more moderate side for certain tenets, but as time went on, I found less and less value in the main, Dr. Sears-sanctioned views on what we were “supposed” to do as AP moms. By the time my fourth kid was born, I asked myself - a lot - “Why am I on this board? I disagree with basically all of these ideas, except as they apply to newborn and early infancy.” The cognitive dissonance had become too great. I decided to leave that board and stop calling myself an “AP parent.” I was really just a somewhat more accommodating version of typical 20th century American parenting. (The huge upside is, it was then I first started coming here, though I lurked mostly for two years.) 

[Momto6inIN]

1 hour ago, Xahm said:

I've changed in many ways but the only time it felt to me like a big change was from creationism to accepting evolution. Arguments from the other side did little to persuade me. What caused me to change was seeing the flaws in my own side/position. Other people would make arguments that couldn't possibly be true, even though I agreed with the conclusion they were trying to reach. 

Same process for me, but starting and ending in the opposite place 🙂 I was an ardent evolution believer and couldn't handle the discrepancies and eventually came to believe in creationism. But the process was the same as you described it for you - seeing the flaws in my own side/position. I think lots of people just can't bring themselves to do that.

[Momto6inIN]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

It really bothers me enormously if people believe something about me that is untrue. 

Yes! I don't get into facebook arguments often, but when I do it's always because someone mischaracterized a position I hold. I let most regular arguments about politics and whatnot go without comment, but when a meme or a post mischaracterizes one of my beliefs, I  Just. Can't. Let. It. Go. 

[SquirrellyMama]

Yes, I have had major changes in belief. They have come about in different ways.

1. I decided several years ago to not say "I can't understand how someone can believe..." or "I can't understand how someone can be an alcoholic, drug abuser, child abuser, adulterer..." 

I am not saying I think those are good things to be, but I can understand how they happen. I might not agree with someone's beliefs, but I can try to understand them. It can open me up to see the error in my beliefs, or it can help me be a sympathetic person who helps change someone else. 

It helps me see the humanity in almost everyone. I have to admit that there are still times I cannot comprehend someone.

2. Someone reacted in a way I was not expecting. After some time I was able to take another look at the situation and see why they reacted that way. It sometimes meant a change in my views, other times it showed me there was more than one answer.

3. Black Lives Matter/Systemic Racism/Unconscious bias- This probably started a few years ago when Philando Castile was killed in MN. I couldn't wrap my head around it. It planted the seed. This year starting with George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Arbey I couldn't pretend that all lives mattered anymore. Something that shocked me one day while I watched House Hunters. There was a black woman buying a house and she said, "I don't want a project." How many time is that said on that show? Every episode! But, I heard " I don't want the projects" and assumed housing projects. I felt so embarrassed by that thought process.

4. Deciding that I'm not hurt by something but others are. It isn't always about me. In fact as a Christian it should never be about me. I will try to err on the side of grace more than anything. I might find all of the alternate pronoun stuff difficult to catch on to or comfortable, but if someone tells me to call them by a certain pronoun I will because it isn't about my comfort. It helps mr be more compassionate and understanding.

ETA: 5. I used to listen to talk radio all.the.time. I couldn't figure out why I was agitated all day. I was stressed, on edge... I realized it was talk radio. They were always the victim, yelled a lot, argued... It was affecting my mental health. I stopped listening to it and am much calmer. 

That's all, I think 🙂

Kelly

Edited November 1, 2020 by SquirrellyMama

[R828]

I think I’m an outlier on this one. I can’t think of anything important that I’ve changed my mind about, so this question really got me thinking.

I’m a very introspective person so it’s not for the lack of deeply pondering things. I think it’s because I have very, very few deeply held beliefs and my opinion on everything else is very loosely held. I can almost always see both sides of any issue and I have no problem holding what may seem to be conflicting opinions on topics but are not conflicting to me because of nuances that I may not be able to perfectly articulate but definitely exist in my mind. 

On the other hand, I can’t imagine changing my mind on the few things I believe to be absolutely true. To give those up would be to change the core of who I am. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, SquirrellyMama said:

Black Lives Matter/Systemic Racism/Unconscious bias- This probably started a few years ago when Philando Castile was killed in MN. I couldn't wrap my head around it. It planted the seed. This year starting with George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Arbey I couldn't pretend that all lives mattered anymore. Something that shocked me one day while I watched House Hunters. There was a black woman buying a house and she said, "I don't want a project." How many time is that said on that show? Every episode! But, I heard " I don't want the projects" and assumed housing projects. I felt so embarrassed by that thought process.

4. Deciding that I'm not hurt by something but others are. It isn't always about me. In fact as a Christian it should never be about me. I will try to err on the side of grace more than anything. I might find all of the alternate pronoun stuff difficult to catch on to or comfortable, but if someone tells me to call them by a certain pronoun I will because it isn't about my comfort. It helps mr be more compassionate and understanding.

ETA: 5. I used to listen to talk radio all.the.time. I couldn't figure out why I was agitated all day. I was stressed, on edge... I realized it was talk radio. They were always the victim, yelled a lot, argued... It was affecting my mental health. I stopped listening to it and am much calmer. 

For 3., this was very similar for me. Philando Castile was pretty much where it started for me. 

5. I believe this about talk radio. For me, it was similar, but it was Dr. Laura’s show. I used to listen to it every day, back in the late 90s. Then one day I realized why I liked that show so much - and it was ugly. I liked that show so much because it stroked my pride over all my “right” choices. I realized that listening to that show all the time fed a condescension in me that I already came by naturally and that really needed to be starved. I also read a couple of her books which pretty much could be summed up, “Like I said on my radio show, I am right, all these stupid people doing stupid things that mess up their lives are just...so stupid. If everyone would just stop making stupid choices and instead do everything perfectly, like me, all their problems would disappear.” 

[Scarlett]

43 minutes ago, Quill said:

For 3., this was very similar for me. Philando Castile was pretty much where it started for me. 

5. I believe this about talk radio. For me, it was similar, but it was Dr. Laura’s show. I used to listen to it every day, back in the late 90s. Then one day I realized why I liked that show so much - and it was ugly. I liked that show so much because it stroked my pride over all my “right” choices. I realized that listening to that show all the time fed a condescension in me that I already came by naturally and that really needed to be starved. I also read a couple of her books which pretty much could be summed up, “Like I said on my radio show, I am right, all these stupid people doing stupid things that mess up their lives are just...so stupid. If everyone would just stop making stupid choices and instead do everything perfectly, like me, all their problems would disappear.” 

I only listened to her a few times but that is so so true.  😂 

[Corraleno]

I think it's much easier to change your mind if the original opinion was based on facts and evidence, rather than being based on the opinions and beliefs of others — especially if those beliefs and opinions are widely held by a group you identify with. For example, I was the mother of a newborn living in the UK when Andrew Wakefield's MMR study was first published in the Lancet. There are spectrum disorders all over the place on both sides of my son's family tree, including a niece who clearly regressed after an MMR shot, so it was totally believable to me and it seriously scared me. I postponed DS's MMR shot in the hope of being able to access each component separately (which was available in France at the time but not the UK). I dismissed the original pushback on the assumption that of course the big pharmaceutical companies would try to discredit Wakefield, because he threatened their profits, whereas the Lancet, and the peer reviewers who had approved publication, had nothing to gain by publishing objective scientific research.  Then I started seeing valid criticisms of the actual research, and questions of Wakefield's credibility, and when the article was retracted it was obvious that the "evidence" on which my original opinion was based was false, so my opinion changed to align with the actual facts. But I was never part of any anti-vaxx group or identified as an "antivaxxer." For people who are very much invested in that whole movement, whose identity is significantly wrapped up in the mission of "saving" children from vaccine damage, I assume it would be much harder to do a 180, since it would have a significant impact on how they see themselves as a person. Ditto religious conversion/deconversion, changing political parties, renouncing conspiracy theories one has been deeply involved in, etc.